The Importance of Boundaries

‘No’ is a complete sentence. ~Anne Lamott

Evaluating the benefits and drawbacks of any relationship is your responsibility. You do not have to passively accept what is brought to you. You can choose. ~Deborah Day

Whatever you are willing to put up with is exactly what you will have. ~Anon

God has really been working on my heart lately in the area of boundaries.

To be perfectly honest and transparent, mine are a little jacked. Particularly in the area of relationships. And by “jacked” I mean…sometimes I just seem to lack the appropriate discernment to put the appropriate boundaries in place with the appropriate people. (Or should I say, with the “INappropriate” people). This blog isn’t easy for me to write, because it’s as much about admitting my own failings and shortcomings as it is anyone else’s. Yet it’s necessary, because I feel like women struggle particularly struggle in the area of boundaries – and single women, even more so.

Though I consider myself a smart woman with powerful intuition who can discern when someone isn’t 100% authentic, I am also a woman who trusts in people to a fault. I tend to be extremely naïve when it comes to people who knock on the door of my life. I trust that they are exactly what they say they are and who they present themselves to be. This, in the past, has caused me to fall into toxic friendships, bad business deals, and hurtful relationships…and it seems to be a test I keep failing, because God keeps bringing it across my path. Trust is important…but naivety is dangerous. I think the problem isn’t so much that I don’t sense when a boundary should be put into place, it’s that I have a hard time actually doing it, because I don’t want to be perceived as mean. Single women so often get unfairly labeled “bitter” and “angry,” I feel like sometimes I work overtime against those stigmas, even to my own detriment.

Case in point, some of my friendships. I live in Murfreesboro, which is about 30-45 minutes outside of Nashville, yet many of my close friends live in Nashville.  Because of this fact, finding time to get together with my Nashville friends amongst both of our busy schedules can be tricky. However, I have found that up until recently, I was always the one going to them. It wasn’t even discussed, it was just assumed that I would be the one to make the drive to Nashville instead of vice versa. This got me to thinking – what would happen if I stopped being the one to go to them? Would our friendship survive? Some of these friendships are years in the making, and yet not ONCE have some of them offered to make the drive to Murfreesboro. How is that fair? Are they my friends only when it’s convenient to them? For some reason, it is SO HARD for me to put the boundary in place and to tell my Nashville friends that at least every other time, I’m going to need them to come to me. But I am trying. It’s a new boundary, so I haven’t had a chance yet to see how successful it’s going to be, but it will definitely be interesting to see which friendships survive the boundary and which ones don’t. My hope would be that they will ALL survive – but the thing about boundaries is, they tend to close out the people who don’t REALLY want to be there. I like to think my company and my friendship and what I bring to the table is enough to inspire my friends to drive any distance to hang out with me, but if it’s not, I’d rather know now than after years of wearing myself out to stay in the life of someone who is only in my life as long as the situation is convenient for them.

The second area I really struggle with boundaries is in relationships. I’m definitely a LOT better about this than I used to be, as there are certain things and behaviors I won’t put up with, however, I ‘m still a work in progress. I recently met a really amazing guy (by all appearances, anyway) on Twitter who seemed to be the very pinnacle of everything I was looking for in a man. He loved God, he was funny, he was charming, attractive, witty, smart, driven, he loved to read and watch movies…I mean, it was like God dropped the very person into my life (and my Twitter feed) that I had been praying for my entire life. (The day I “met” him, as a matter of fact, I had been praying to God for someone just like him). And it made it even more special that I met him on Twitter, as so many important things in my life have come to me via social media (my book deal, for example.) Since he was long distance, we transitioned from communicating via Twitter to texting to phone calls to our first Skype date…and things couldn’t have been going better. He shared with me his heartfelt intent to “pursue me,” and made it clear that he had every intention of doing just that. After a couple of weeks, he announced he would be stopping off in Tennessee to meet me in person while on his way to a business engagement not too far away. I was obviously thrilled to meet him and couldn’t wait for his arrival – but this is where the boundaries started to get a little weird.

First of all, even though we were both very sincere and passionate Christians, he made no arrangements to stay at a hotel, which is what I thought would be the appropriate course of action. I very much wanted to respect the boundaries of the relationship and keep it completely pure, without putting either of us in a potentially compromising position. However, he seemed almost offended when I suggested he rent a hotel room. I, being the trusting and naïve person that I am, shouldered the responsibility of his reaction and assumed I had given him the wrong impression – that he thought I didn’t trust him or was a bad hostess. In hindsight, I should have spoken up right then and there and said: “I am a lady, and you are a gentleman. To that end, the first time we meet each other is not the appropriate time to place ourselves in the same living quarters for three days, which could lead to temptation, stumbles, or unnecessary awkwardness. I will be happy to recommend a nearby, reasonably priced hotel for you to stay at while you’re in town.” But I didn’t do that. I felt bad, guilty even, for putting him in an awkward position, when clearly he couldn’t have cared less about the position he was putting me in. So I arranged to stay at my parents’ house, which is a few streets over from my apartment, and invited him to stay at my apartment. Now I realize not everyone has the same convictions as me, and the idea of having a guy you’re interested in stay at a different location than you when he comes to visit might sound foreign to you. But I’m 34 and I’ve waited this long to find Mr. Right and I don’t intend to screw it up now or settle for the same kind of relationships I’ve had in the past, which failed as quickly as they began based on establishing false intimacy too soon. I wasn’t even sure if I wanted to kiss this guy the first time I met him…let alone spend the night with him! It is my intention to abstain from sex until I find the man God has for me and we are married. And I certainly didn’t want to do anything to cause the guy to stumble, either. I was looking out for and attempting to protect both of us, and he wasn’t. Bottom line. I was taking on the establishment of a boundary that he, as the pursuing man, should have taken on. And I put my own feelings of hesitation aside to keep from “hurting his feelings” or making him think I was “rude” or “mean.”

Because of this, it probably won’t surprise you to hear that after his visit to Tennessee, the guy dropped off the face of the planet. Though we had spent hours getting to know each other and praying together and the relationship had remained pure and upstanding; though he had dropped MAJOR hints about the future and called himself “my man” and told me I “owned his heart” and that we were “going to have an amazing life together;” and though he presented himself as a Christian man who wanted to cover and protect and guard my heart AND his, regardless of how the relationship progressed – in the end, he pulled the vanishing act. He didn’t do what I would have hoped he would have done, which was simply sit down with me and discuss the situation and let me know that his pursuit of me and my heart was coming to an end. I would have been fine with it. It was clear when he was here with me in person that something was OFF between us and that he was very distracted and disengaged. (He also spent an inordinate amount of time on his cell phone while we were together, which I’m proud to say I DID speak up about. I’m all for being supportive of someone’s dreams and their work and their passions…however, ignoring the story of how my grandfather died in order to tap out a text message to someone over lunch is NOT okay, and I let him know it.) The most disappointing thing about this situation is not that this guy didn’t feel we made a romantic connection, because I didn’t either…it’s that he didn’t feel like he owed me a proper explanation and owed the situation the proper closure. He felt like it was perfectly okay, as a Christian man, to behave no better than a man of the world and slither off silently into the bushes rather than man up and be honest with me about it so we could both move on with our lives in a healthy, mature way without confusion and hurt and burning an unnecessary bridge. And that makes me question whether or not my lack of proper boundaries from the get-go allowed him to feel as though he could treat me as disposable rather than with the respect and dignity I deserved. Obviously I am not going to shoulder the blame for this guy’s bad behavior…but I am going to work harder in the future to ensure I put the appropriate boundaries into place from the start of a relationship so there are no questions about how I deserve to be treated at the end of it. (For the record, I don’t think this guy is a bad guy – I honestly just think he’s young and still maturing. I strongly suspect he has a habit of “meeting” girls on Twitter, then rapidly moving on to the next pursuit once he finds someone he deems to be “better.” When he gets a little older, he’ll realize that there’s ALWAYS going to be someone or something a “little better,” even if you’re dating Charlize Theron, and you’re never going to be truly happy and learn to appreciate and value what you have as long as you’re out there endlessly searching for the “next best thing.” And if my assumptions about this guy are wrong, then he should have taken the time to tell me the truth about the situation instead of handing me nothing but silence. In the absence of clarity, one is left to simply fill in the blanks themselves.)

I say all this to say…SET BOUNDARIES, with your heart, your time, your LIFE. Not everyone who knocks on the door of your life should be allowed in. Not everyone has good intentions. This is not to say you should barricade your heart behind a brick wall and never allow anyone in…but you do owe it to yourself to protect yourself. You shouldn’t be the one doing all the bending, and the stretching, and the compromising. People who truly want to be in your life and belong in your life will ALWAYS be willing to meet you halfway. And if they’re not willing to meet you halfway, perhaps they shouldn’t be given the pleasure of meeting you at all. So cultivate discernment, take your time, get to know people, and only THEN welcome them into your life. Trust is to be earned, not just handed out freely. Boundaries will only ever offend people who aren’t really all that invested to begin with. And anyone who wants and deserves to be in your life will always respect your boundaries, period. End of sentence.

 

62 Responses to “ The Importance of Boundaries ”

  1. mildred
    September 11, 2013

    Anyone who wants and deserves to be in your life will always respect your boundaries. We need to hear that from time to time, that is great advice.

    • Sarah
      January 17, 2014

      Amen. I am so happy I found you on Facebook. You have no idea how much I relate to your walk in life and with The Lord.
      I am also saving myself for marriage and God has been showing me the inportance of boundaries over the past couple of years. Thank you so much for being so transparent and honest with your life. I recently removed myself from what became a very toxic relationship of 5 years with a man I had no doubt I could trust with all my heart. That ended up not being the case. Through that I realized I had no boundaries other than sexual boundaries , he had no boundaries, and I didn’t realize my self worth or how a Christian man should treat a woman. I have prayed that God would bring a woman into my life going through the same chapter as me and I believe He plopped you right infront of my eyes as an answer to my prayer. So thankful!

  2. Natasha
    September 15, 2013

    This article was awesome and so true. It is making me think about some present relationships. Might have to cut some lifeboats from my ship.

  3. January 16, 2014

    Its like you know me already and we wrote this together. More on time than you know!

    • priyanka
      January 18, 2014

      Iv been threw a lot in my life I don’t wish no women to go threw what have I bean threw it hurts but god is good

    • January 24, 2014

      Same here, that situation is like am looking at myself in the mirror, I can so relate to that, and I do indeed believe I need to set boundaries without appearing to be mean or bitter. If someone deserves to be in your life, they will find a way to stay there.

  4. January 16, 2014

    Wow I could have written this! Sounds like my relationship with my so-called friends and my ex-boyfriend. I experienced the same thing with him. As far as my “friends” go I moved a year ago 45 minutes from them and my kids. I do all the visiting. Not on of my friends have come to visit me in over a year so I no longer go visit them. Im tired of feeling hurt,feeling used and feeling I am not worth their time. hanks for sharing makes me feel better!

  5. January 16, 2014

    I am pretty sure we would be best friends!

  6. Barbara
    January 16, 2014

    I cannot even put into words how much I needed to read this article today. I started setting boundaries the day I got sober on October 17, 2007. The one area where I continue to struggle with setting boundaries is in relationships with the opposite sex. I needed the reminder.

  7. Sonia Thompson
    January 16, 2014

    This could be my post, very close & I live in Murfreesboro too. Except I’m older . Love your sharing

  8. Nicole
    January 16, 2014

    I really needed to read this tonight. Thank you. I’m struggling with boundaries with an ex boyfriend and this just opened my eyes.

  9. Sierra
    January 16, 2014

    Mandy, I am exactly like you. Saying no and creating tension or conflict is one of my biggest fears. I never want to be mean to anyone. But you’re absolutely right. It isn’t okay when you’re the only one looking out for someone’s feelings… especially when they aren’t taking yours into consideration. Thank you for sharing a part of your life with us. You’ve inspired me to pray over setting boundaries.

  10. Brandy Miller
    January 16, 2014

    I love this article. I am 43 years old and after divorce and several bad relationships. I now have placed this same celibate boundary on my life. It’s not easy but I truly believe that if a man comes along and respects this about me. Then he is the one God has sent to me. I dance with God and he will let the right man cut in.

  11. Sierra
    January 16, 2014

    It’s so important for us to realize that in trying so hard to not be “mean” to others, we are harshly disrespecting ourselves.

    Let’s stop being “mean” to ourselves and let everyone know we have boundaries and feelings!

  12. Jill
    January 16, 2014

    Unfortunately these “disappearing” men are far too common in my life, but I will not give up! He is out there : )

  13. January 16, 2014

    This first time..I’m reading the Boundaries..and I’m so interested..I always waiting your news against..thankyou boundaries..you really help me..becouse..me lesbian..indonesian.
    .

  14. Debbie
    January 16, 2014

    Oh my! I really needed to read this. I just got out of a relationship that had a ton of boundary issues. He pursued me for months, and painted a lovely picture. But then when he finally got me, he would walk away, come back, walk away, and come back. He must have done this a hundred times in the course of 10 months, not kidding.
    I never set the boundaries. Every time I took him back, I was teaching him that it was ok to do this to me…that I would be here waiting.
    Well no more!
    Thank you!!

  15. Sarah
    January 16, 2014

    This really touched me. I felt like I was reading a story about my life. This is exactly what Im going through right now. I definitely struggle with “Boundaries”. I think a lot of people take my kindness for weakness. This was a very inspiring message!

  16. Heidi
    January 16, 2014

    Just had similar experience. Great thoughts…yes I will set boundaries next time!

  17. Sierra
    January 16, 2014

    Thank you for also reminding us of how important it is to protect our virtue.
    He should have known better than to ask to stay at your apartment.
    But luckily…
    Your future husband exude everything that that man didn’t and more.

  18. Lourdes
    January 16, 2014

    You are such an amazing women to me. An inspiration to many women. I look forward to your blogs . I relate I live this life and you write it for me. Funny on how many of us wome go through so much and have so much in common all across the world. Thank you god bless

  19. Cassie Garbe
    January 16, 2014

    You and I are pretty much the same person, I think. I also spent a little over a year down the rabbit hole of online dating, and my advice is: don’t do it. I had an absolutely disastrous experience with a guy I met online–and he was one of many I got messages from who were bums, losers, etc. (One asked if he could move in with me cuz he needed a roommate and thought that more might develop! And no matter what I said on my profile page, I always got requests for booty calls.) I have found that it is not possible for me to make a true, real, genuine connection with someone you first met online. If you meet in person first, then you connect, and the Internet can help keep you connected. But it’s just way too easy to lie online. Even if people don’t intentionally lie, they will always try to present their “best” self. I’ve had several friends who met their spouses online, some were married for as long as ten years. But it always ended, and they ALL said the same thing: they’re not who I thought they were. The truth eventually leaked out, even if it stayed hidden for years. What a mess. Online dating is more of a joke than anything, in my opinion.

  20. Melissa
    January 16, 2014

    Great writing and truth shared comes across so genuinely. I thank you for being brave enough to share your truths because that kind of honesty gives other people heart and also allows them to share their truth back, which is how we grow. One of the things I’ve learned about boundaries is they weed out the majority of takers/abusers more quickly ,saving me a lot of heartache and pain. They are a lot like Gods protection.

  21. Winona
    January 16, 2014

    Wow I had goose bumps upon reading this article. I’ve encountered a somewhat similar experience with a guy I met on Facebook. I couldn’t sleep for days because I couldn’t believe that someone would just shut me out like that. It took me some time to pick up the pieces but God has taught me so much about it. I’ve learned to just let go, and let God. If he’s not meant for me, then I should accept it. Life must go on single or married.=) Thanks for this article, I feel so comforted.=)

  22. Jennie
    January 16, 2014

    Wow! I wish could have read this about 4 months ago. I just ended a relationship with what seemed, initially, to be a wonderful man. I compromised some of my boundaries for him, which I should never have done. After trying to make me compromise one boundary too many (by lying for him) I showed him the door, then locked it behind him! I WILL be reading this book cover to cover!! Thank you for the encouragement!!

  23. January 16, 2014

    This was very meaningful… peace of mind i would say… reading this made me cry made me think of what I’m feeling mentally & emotionally… i’m done with trying to please family friends & relationships I’m learning to let life make me better not bitter I’m tired of being & feeling angry & sad all the time… even if I’ll be single for the rest of my life atleast I know I didn’t let anyone else ever take advantage of me & i am worthy of being someones 1st priority & of being loved… xoxoxo ; )

  24. Dusty
    January 16, 2014

    Good Stuff…thanks for sharing.

  25. Melanie
    January 16, 2014

    Thank you for your transparency. This post couldn’t be more timely for me. I’ve been divorced for almost 4 years and I’m starting to consider dating and know I need work in the boundaries department. God puts things in front of us at just the right time!

  26. January 16, 2014

    So on point! Thank you for sharing your heart and struggle. It ministered to me…and just at the right time. God bless.

  27. Lynn
    January 16, 2014

    Two things, one, I don’t think you wanted to use the word “pentacle” in the sentence “who seemed to be the very pentacle of everything I was looking for” I think you wanted pinnacle :-). Second, I struggle with the same boundary issues! I too would have somehow taken his “hurt” feelings on as my own. I once met a guy from Oklahoma online and I went so far as to pick him up in Chicago, (I live 180 miles one way outside of there) and bring him to my parents house (where I was living). I could have left him at the airport before he ever saw me – but too because of my lack of boundaries – I brought him home. I regret it in many ways to this day. Tho nothing happened between us and I ended up putting him on a bus bound for Chicago – it was a MESS! Something I NEVER want to repeat! Thank you for writing this – it will help bolster my confidence to do the right thing – because I know what the right thing to do is!

  28. Nicky
    January 16, 2014

    You nailed it, period.

  29. Pam
    January 16, 2014

    Thank you for writing this !….. This was my problem last yr when I let a toxic relationship into my life because I didn’t hold the wall on my boundaries…. And when I tried to put them back in place things got unglued and the true person and who he was surfaced …. I finally broke the unhealthy soul ties and have been free and single again now for I year pursuing the only one that matters ….Jesus!!! Thank you for your reminder that boundaries are put in place for us…. We are God daughters dearly loved and cherished and if we only felt about ourselves as God does about us then we would put up our boundaries as a shield against anyone that hasn’t got Gods heart!!!

  30. Michelle
    January 16, 2014

    Exactly what I’ve been going through! I just want someone who will be honest. What’s so difficult about that. Thanks for sharing!

  31. Susan Grundner
    January 16, 2014

    It’s a long story, but I never knew I could actually HAVE boundaries. Thanks for writing this – and I have been saying “NO” a lot more lately. I kinda like it. =)

  32. Elizabeth Jackson
    January 16, 2014

    I found this article on Facebook. I love God immensely I live my life on purpose for Him. I have been deeply hurt by friends and lovers. My boundaries is total isolation. All I do is work and go to church. I study God’s Word very deeply to find relief. I dislike living in seclusion and my hope is to one day be free of fear. Thanks for bloging I am thinking about doing it myself as in outlet.

  33. Kathy
    January 16, 2014

    Wow. Didn’t know anyone felt the same things about friends and guys that I do. I am quite a bit older than you but I am a Christian going through the same things…I know God does not want his daughters to settle for less like we have been known to do…and boundaries! Yes, yes, yes! I too have friends who don’t put up much effort to get together, at my age I assumed everyone was too tired or busy and left it up to me…you are not alone in what you have dealt with. But let’s keep our convictions and keep on loving and praising God!

  34. Geizha Gomez
    January 17, 2014

    This is really very interesting and helpful with women who thought its the end of the world when they lost lovers or friends.Women are genuinely sensitive that they suffer tremendous deppression during break up period….this article could be your guiding principle to be able to surpass the stage…Like me,my previous relationships taught me how to be cautious and alert with people who wanted to get through my life…Its true discernment is important. But naivity is dangerous…

  35. hellen
    January 17, 2014

    Thank u for this article.
    have been struggling wth setting boundaries in my relationships wth opposite sex n my family too.
    But now its time I act.

  36. Rachael wawira
    January 17, 2014

    I must say that this has really moved me, Initially I used to allow people in my life without considering the fact that they could be there to just us me, Am learning how to st boundaries and to just not let anybody in my but those who deserve it. Your experience has really taught me a lot and many gals are going through the same,. allow the wrong people in their lives and being walked all over.

  37. Phylicia
    January 17, 2014

    God bless you for being transparent enough to open up and share your insights and experiences. I want to let you know I think you are amazing and you’ve helped me in ways you will never know with your story and your message. I really needed to read this, so thank you, thank you, thank you. I hope I have the pleasure of meeting you one day! 🙂

  38. Aimee
    January 17, 2014

    I loved this article and so many people in life want to be people pleasers while sacrificing their own life and happiness to please everyone else. There are many of my friends that would benefit from reading this.

  39. Thelma
    January 17, 2014

    Wow so inspired.l can relate to everything you said.Boundaries are jus So important.

  40. khatija
    January 17, 2014

    Absolutely spot on… True as ever. Great writing style. Deeply touched. I couldn’t have said it better myself. Very inspiring and relatable. All your posts arE great mandy. Thank you for making me feel like I am getting advice from a friend. Awsome blog!

  41. Deb
    January 17, 2014

    Great insight! I was widowed at 50 & one boundary I set up was no kissing til when/if I remarried. Wow – people thought I was crazy & “Why would you do this? No one in their right mind will agree to that?’ but I didn’t want to open a door that would be too hard to close (one of my primary love languages is physical touch). A Godly man of integrity stepped into my life; my first in-laws were visiting & my m-i-l suggested he stay in my spare bedroom for a visit! They would be there & it would give them an opportunity to get acquainted. He reluctantly agreed (he would have chosen a motel). They liked him & gave their approval. It ended up being a 3 1/2 year courtship which did indeed end in marriage. He’d stay at my house when he visited & I’d stay with a neighbor. Can’t say enough about letting God lead, guarding your heart, & learning that He is the perfect lover/husband. When God is all you need, it’s easier to not ‘need’ someone to fill your heart which takes the pressure off. It was such a gift to enter into marriage with ‘no’ regrets over our behaviors. Lean into God’s arms ladies – it truly is a place of love, grace, & peace.

  42. Sara Harper
    January 17, 2014

    I’m Speechless!!! This was well needed. You hit every single angle of my life. Setting Boundaries and sticking to them. This is Great!!!

  43. Patricia
    January 17, 2014

    Great article. Spot on for all relationships. You have to value yourself before others will.

  44. January 17, 2014

    I commend you for your bravery in writing such a post. I have put myself in too many situations (some I would not even dare to name) because of my lack of strong boundaries. Thank you for putting one of my own downfalls into perspective. This is my first time coming across your blog; I will definitely be reading more.

  45. Lorraine
    January 17, 2014

    Wow I loved this & really needed to hear this today! I’ve always struggled with setting boundaries in friendships & relationships…I’m learning but lots of room for improvement. Thank you.

  46. January 17, 2014

    This comes exactly at the time where I was examining and questioning a lot of relationships in ma life. I have suffered a lot only becos I didn’t know how to firmly say no, and accepting people to treat me how they see it fit ,toxic relationships even thou I know ma worth as a woman but becos I m too considerate of other people’s feelings. This year is the year I say NO! Louder and stronger. I am setting boundaries ,setting the bar higher!

  47. Gina
    January 17, 2014

    I seen this on FB so I found your blog… the 3 quotes at the beginning jumped out at me and those are the exact things I am battling and have battled all my life in a relationship with all the men that has came into my life. I’ve prayed and believed so much for so many years and even tho being married before for a short time to an abusive man, I still seem to follow in some of the same patterns and have learned with each terrible relationship. The real key is to set those boundaries in the beginning of my relationships. I do with others but need to do it with a potential boyfriend. I’ve “put up” with to much and always get my heart crushed and even tho I though God sent him that doesn’t mean he did. Thanks!

  48. FLAJAE- FOR LADIES ACHIEVING JOURNEYS AFTER EXPLOITATIONS
    January 17, 2014

    This is TRUTH serem for the SOUL….U WANT TO STOP FEELING LIKE I NEED THE LOVE & COMFORT FRIM MALES WHO DON’T DESERVE IT! I NEED TO LEARN HOW TO SET BOUNDARIES. AS SOON AS SOMEBODY I’M ATTRACTEDTI SHOWS ME INTEREST, I THROW CAUTION. & BOUNDARIES TO THE WIND! PLEASE PRAY FOR ME.

  49. Rosa Trujillo
    January 17, 2014

    Wow I am in a relatiinship similar. Pursued me iver a year and now that we got intimate he still replys to my texts and calls but not immediatrly like before. He wont introduce me as his gf to anyone at church because he says his parents (pastors) wont understand and will remove him from being choir director because were luving in sin…

  50. Kat amick
    January 17, 2014

    Love your post. It speaks to me. I am dating after divorce of 20year marriage. Trying to establish boundrys after being raised to be polite and not hurt anyones feelings is dificult.

    Thanks for the insight.
    Also been to murfreesboro. Nice place my sis lives in shelbyville.

  51. Nidhi Aswal
    January 18, 2014

    Now that is so me and I am Speechless!! You are such a dignified lady, pious soul and a bliss to womanhood. God bless!

  52. Shannon P.
    January 18, 2014

    I am so glad I read this because I feel like I do the exact same thing. I actually wrote a verse in my kitchen to remind me to guard my heart. Your last paragraph spoke volumes to me….”You shouldn’t be the one doing all the bending, and the stretching, and the compromising. People who truly want to be in your life and belong in your life will ALWAYS be willing to meet you halfway. And if they’re not willing to meet you halfway, perhaps they shouldn’t be given the pleasure of meeting you at all.”

    Thank you for writing your blog.

  53. Jillian
    January 18, 2014

    Ok 1) I about cried reading this bc 2) I just read pretty much my own journal entry, my own thoughts, my own heart felt emotions, my own life! 3) I wish I could memorize this whole thing and carry it around with me…in fact I may print it out and carry it in my wallet and 4) I felt like my best friend was speaking to me in that paragraph! Awesome awesome!

  54. Tiffany
    January 19, 2014

    This was right on target!!…my resolution this year has been not apologizing for my needs, wants, and desires…

    You needed a man who could act like he was speaking he was “saved”…this type of man would never have tempted his relationship with god in the first place…

    You have no reason to apologize and next time I wouldn’t even spend the little time with him considering he clearly doesn’t value his Christianity or desire to respect you

  55. Joanna Gipson
    January 20, 2014

    Thank you

  56. Nancy
    January 26, 2014

    The lesson is repeated,until the lesson is learned.

  57. Miss Me
    February 13, 2014

    One of the frustrations of being a single girl, to add to your other blog, is that everyone one around you wants you to settle for a good enough guy, and everyone who is single around you is eyeing him just in case you two don’t work out. The “best part” is when that happens, the blame automatically goes to the girl because we are not supposed to be “picky” after age of 30. No matter how Godly, accomplished, or independent we are. To the rest of the world, us, the single girls that pass our “peak time”- our intellect, life experience, faith, and characters are not validated until someone loves us. Quite interesting isn’t it. 🙂

    This message is really a gift from God to me. I had an recent encounter with a very nice guy that loves God from a dating site. I naively invited him in my life but he never invite me to his, even after he says and do all the right things. And he also disengaged and disappeared from time to time for no reason. Something disconnects. Even this sounds silly, at least to all my friends who adores him, I think he is struggling with his sexuality. Despite how “lucky” I think I am, this isn’t important anymore after reading your message. I have boundary issue and I need to learn from a smart Godly woman like you. Thanks! 🙂

  58. Melly
    May 6, 2014

    I definitely needed to read this….and all of the responses. I struggle constantly with boundaries and the opposite sex. Not as much with friends – some but not like with men, I KNOW this. I KNOW I need to do something and set those boundaries. I’ve read lots on it. I just have no idea how to go about doing it. How do you change yourself? How do you change not wanting to seem mean or thoughtless when it’s the very essence of who you are? That is my problem now. I recognize I need boundaries…just not sure how to do it. I keep trying but am unsuccessful every time. And that adds to my sense of failure.

  59. Linda
    May 23, 2014

    Never been to Vegas. Boundaries. Timing is simply everything. I just lived your article. And, found out he was living with and sleeping with a female for three years after cheating with his wife with an adulteress. I also thought he was a gift from God … seriously, the things we had in common were truly a blessing. I thought he was the one. Still shocked with the deception of it all and my lack of better discernment. Funny, he kept hinting about meeting up in Vegas and stating how he had drawn a line in the sand re his current living situation. The wording of your story … he must have read it before I did. Thank you for your article. This is my first one. I look forward to others. You helped me stop my “failure” feelings. This is just a bump on the road …. not a catastrophe. Thank you. He did touch my soul. Nice to know, at least, that someone could.

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