Day 10: The Meaning of Your Name and How It Fits or Doesn’t Fit You
Mandy, short for Amanda, is my name. I didn’t have to Google the meaning of it because I’ve always known what it means. And I’ve always struggled with it.
Loveable. Worthy of love. She who must be loved.
Sometimes, as a single woman in your 30’s, with no romantic relationship of any kind, it’s really easy to feel unloved. Unloveable. Unworthy of love. Which are all antonyms to the true meaning of my name. And therein lies the struggle.
Getting really, really real (which is what this whole blogging exercise was designed to do)…I can tell you a few of the reasons why I often feel unworthy of love. Both of human love and God’s love.
1) I messed up.
2) I disappointed God.
3) I disappointed my family.
4) I disappointed my friends.
5) I disappointed myself.
6) I feel invisible to the opposite sex.
7) I’m not where I “should be” in my life.
8) I’m not pretty enough.
9) I’m not skinny enough.
10) I’m not perfect enough.
Some days I carry this list around on repeat in my head. Other days I don’t think if it at all. But every day, I also carry around with me a constant reminder of who I REALLY am. One that goes much deeper than the bad hair days or retaining water days or “I have a huge zit” days: my name. My constant badge of honor that I AM worthy of love, and there’s nothing anyone, including I, can do to take that away. I am worthy of human love, I am worthy of God’s love, and I am especially worthy of my own love.
And so are you.
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