What (Most) Women Really Want…

What Women WantIn my humble opinion…it’s not a big mystery.

We want to be pursued. Not endlessly asked to “hang out.” (And especially not asked to “hang out” at 3:00 am.) We don’t want to be treated like “one of the guys.” We want to be your LADY. And we want to be treated like it. We want a little time invested into the plans. And I said time, not money. We don’t care if it’s dinner at Olive Garden and a Redbox rental, as long as you put a little thought and effort into it.

Please pick us up and come to the door. When you honk the horn to alert us you’re there, we feel undervalued or like we’re responding to a cattle call. And we aren’t cattle. We’re ladies.

Please open the car door, and the door to the restaurant. Bonus points if you pull out our chair. And EXTRA bonus points if you stand, old school-style, when we excuse ourselves to go to the restroom.

We want you to pay for dinner. At least the first few times. We don’t feel entitled and we won’t just assume that you’re going to. In fact, we’ll offer to pay half…but it gives our heart that extra flutter when you won’t hear of it. We love to be reminded that chivalry is still very much alive.

We want to be respected. We want to laugh. We want to be flirted with. We love “good morning” and “good night” texts. (But we don’t love when texts always take the place of calls.) We like to talk on the phone late into the night, knowing we have to be up in three hours but not caring because we love talking to you THAT much. We like when you notice that we got our hair cut or lost five pounds.  We like to be winked at. We love intelligent banter and witty sparring.

We like when you like our friends. We love when you like our family.

When you ask us how our day was, we love it when you actually LISTEN.

We want you to have goals and dreams and ambition. You don’t have to have tons of money or drive a fancy car or shower us with extravagant gifts…but we want you to be passionate and driven to achieve something. We want to know that you’re willing to challenge yourself and reach for something greater. Even if you don’t catch it. (We’ll be there even if you don’t catch it).

We really love it when you come up behind us and put your arms around us when we’re sad, or stressed, or having a bad day.

We want you to have your own space to grow and become and dream. We want you to respect our space to grow and become and dream. We don’t need to be with you every single second of every single day. We want there to be healthy spaces in our togetherness.

(For a lot of us): We want you to love God more than you love us. We want you to seek Him more than you seek us. We want you to pray with us, and worship next to us in church, and remind us of how much God loves us when we’ve forgotten.

We want you to buy us little gifts, just because. A single rose. A surprise Frappuccino from Starbucks. That scarf we’ve been eyeballing for a week in the window of the boutique down the street.

We want you to be our best friend, our safe haven, our calm in the storm, a shoulder to cry on, the killer of the spiders, the assembler of bookshelves when the only instructions that came with them are in Greek, the defender of our honor when we come under attack from the world or our boss or the mean person on the Internet.

We want you to love us even when we’re not being very lovable (because we’ll do the same for you). We want you to be willing to fight it out or talk it out or work it out instead of going to bed angry. We want you to be honest when we ask you if these pants make us look fat (okay…no we don’t).

This is what (most) women really want.

It really is as simple…and as complicated…as that.

Ladies, do you agree? And fellas…care to weigh in? :) Sound off in the comments below!

Also, if you stumbled across this blog and liked it but are not familiar with me or my message, thank you for reading and WELCOME! Please feel free to follow me on TwitterFacebookInstagram, or Pinterest

And I’d also like to invite you to check out my book The Single Woman: Life, Love, & a Dash of Sass. 

 

301 Responses to “ What (Most) Women Really Want… ”

  1. Sheri Davis
    January 13, 2014

    Love this!

    • Cynthia Varner
      January 13, 2014

      Yes, I believe this is what most women want! But settle for much less. Women need to feel that they are valued not something to have around when it is convenient for them.

    • Lenie
      January 13, 2014

      Agree, especially with the come to the door, open the door. My daughter had a bf who never did this, but she’s got a keeper now who does. She even told me, wow is this what I have been missing? It feels awesome to be so respected! As for me, my last two bf’s did this and it never went unnoticed! Mutual love and respect is paramount for a successful relationship.

    • Sara Dyck
      January 13, 2014

      I agree totally!

    • Nigel Petersen
      January 14, 2014

      As i was reading this piece i found myself agreeing with you. I find that I enjoy doing such things; sometimes for people in general. I was raised by my mum and dad, but when dad passed on to eternity it was just mum raising us. She would often tell me about how dad would always cook for the family. He’d work from 6am till 4pm, come home to cook dinner, then go to his second job as a bouncer at the local pub/bar. He never complained a lot, he never showed signs of weakness, even when he was sick he would go to work, he would always talk things through with mum, and when they would argue it was short and never in front of us kids. Some of the things you outline in your piece i believe i believe are the status quo for Men to do for their partners. I’m in a relationship with a beautiful woman. She’s visiting her family at the moment. I hope to add an extra layer to the legacy which my dad laid down (for me and my brothers) in our own relationship. I hope to be worthy of her love. In Jesus Name…

    • Babs
      January 14, 2014

      Bravo! Couldn’t have expressed it any better!

    • Angie Davis
      January 14, 2014

      Perfect♥

    • Oscar
      January 14, 2014

      You know I’m not an expert in relationships but I know how to do most of the things mentioned, however there is always room for growth and lessons learned. I definitely learned something from this article. Special thanks to the amazing woman who guided me to this site.

    • Lori Taylor
      January 14, 2014

      This is exactly what I’ve wanted an never got. Plus would love it if guys actually talked about their day an their feelings as well. It Dnt always gotta b about us. Everything else is right on the point( money).

    • jennifer
      January 14, 2014

      I would love that very much. Even tho I always take care of my own spiders. It would be romantic to have a guy want to kill them for me.

    • Mia
      January 14, 2014

      Spot on a side from the fighting, I want to express issues w/o taking it there. Passion not aggression.

    • suzyq
      January 14, 2014

      Perfect

    • Mike Frazier
      January 14, 2014

      Thanks to my mom when I was a teenage she taught me a lot of these values. The others came as got older. I agree with every one of them. Do these gentleman and you will get the caring and affection we seek!!!!! Amen ladies??

    • Sherlaine
      January 14, 2014

      This is EXACTLY what I want!!! In sharing this and saving it! :)

    • Nanette Rojas
      January 14, 2014

      I read this and Loved it!!! I’m a almost 40 year old woman, married for 16 YEARS, but been alone for 3 years. I knew after a couple of years that I was ready to date again, but I was scared. Scared, because an older woman with two children, divorced it’s hard to het out there and date. But, I did it and believe me I was really let down by what type of man was out there. But I did not let that detour me!!! I knew what I was looking for and what I wanted/expected from a man, but all men feel short. Until 6months ago I found my Man and he does most of these things, but most of all he persued me, made me feel wanted, made me feel that I was the most important person in his life… And I knew, actually felt that this man was meant for me. And I thanked God, and still thank God till this day… So don’t give up ladies, your man is out there!!! and men don’t give up

    • Laura Caldwell
      January 14, 2014

      Very true! The part about loving God first is so critical.

    • Char
      January 14, 2014

      True, especially the quality time and small surprise gifts! No matter how small or how insignificant – just the thought warms my heart.

    • KareBear
      January 14, 2014

      I agree because that describes unconditional love in and out. Both parties are supposed to be a team in a relationship(marriage) any relationship for that matter. I loved it!

    • Anita L
      January 14, 2014

      Exactly, Love it

    • erin
      January 14, 2014

      AMEN AND HALLELUJAH

    • Ana
      January 14, 2014

      I LOVE LOVE LOVE this! i smiled the whole time reading it. very true.
      “it reallyis that simple… and that complicated.” :)

    • Olga Garcia
      January 14, 2014

      Completely agree! :-)

    • Carrie
      January 14, 2014

      LOVED this but seems like such a fantasy. Perhaps why woman love chick flicks.

    • Mandy Hale
      January 14, 2014

      These are such simple wants. Do they really seem like “a fantasy”? Or are our standards just too low?

    • natalie
      January 14, 2014

      very true. very simple.

      but i will always be the spider killer.. ;)

    • Nancy
      January 14, 2014

      Exactly, Love it!

    • Cindy
      January 14, 2014

      Fantastic! Thank you!

    • Liam
      January 14, 2014

      Girls need to realise that they want to want this, but my girlfriend literally fights me when I do things like that, as she feels like she desn’t need any taking care of. Previously, I have been used while doing this, and being respectful and even more times they have left for a dickhead who uses the nickname “Bitch” for them. It’s not right, and I think that you need to stop filling lovely guys heads with this, and keeping them from being with the girl that they want to pursue, as they will actually read this. The jerks who do not read this, will do what they always do and wind up with a girl.

      The more realistic approach, isn’t to tell guys how they should act, you should be alerting the girls what to look out for and avoid.

    • Mandy Hale
      January 15, 2014

      Hey Liam! Wasn’t telling guys how to act…just sharing my heart. :) Have a great night and thanks for your feedback!

    • melissa
      January 14, 2014

      Wow ! I was thinking this just today! I just don’t think I could’ve said it better!

    • Angela
      January 14, 2014

      Loved this! Exactly the way I have been expressing what I want for many years. Will find it someday!

    • Chantal
      January 14, 2014

      Yes, I agree 100%!!!

    • TQ
      January 14, 2014

      Flawless! Loved every bit of it!

    • Jaclyn
      January 14, 2014

      SOOOO true. I agree completely. I cried a little because you nailed it perfectly and it made me remember all the times I’ve had some of those things. But to be honest I have never experienced all of those things that most women love from one man. Does such a person even exist?

    • January 15, 2014

      Ladies., as much as be desire to be treated like a lady..we will except less just to have a man…we have to stop accepting less. I LOVE THIS MESSAGE..WE HAVE TO TEACH THE YOUNGER LADIES.

    • Keisha
      January 15, 2014

      LOVE LOVE LOVE this message!! This is why I stay single and pray to God for the right man not just any man so I can change my status.

    • Judy Prestia
      January 15, 2014

      I really think that this blog is definitely what real women want and deserve. Men should read this blog and not get offended, instead it should teach you to be a better man.

    • Des Romualdez
      January 15, 2014

      This is such a beautiful article. I love it! You’re such an inspiration to many single women, Mandy! ❤️I have been single for quite awhile and experienced really hurtful relationships before I met this wonderful man who loves me dearly and does everything you mentioned above. I feel so blessed after reading this and I know I should share it with him so he would know how much I’m so happy he is a part of my life now. I sincerely hope you inspire more ladies not to settle and to keep the faith that somewhere out there a real man (prince) that is meant for us exists so there is no need to settle for all those “frogs”. After all, they’re meant to be in your backyard and not in your life. Love and prayers from Manila PH. :)

    • Samantha
      January 16, 2014

      This is absolutely beautiful! You’ve nailed everything perfectly and are a very skilled writer! I cant wait to read more from you. Thank you for saying what we are all thinking!

    • Varna
      January 16, 2014

      U Nailed it!!!
      Every single thing is right.

    • Dee J
      January 17, 2014

      First time at this site and I love what I read

    • Dami
      January 17, 2014

      Exactly what I want. Why does it seem like it so easily alludes me?

    • Shannon
      January 18, 2014

      Yes, this is so true and honest. I’m a 35 SWF. I love being single, not being tied down. I can do what I want when I want and where I want. I have had numerous relationships where some of the men did some of these and some of the men did none. I really enjoy reading your work. Thank you Mandy !

    • Yvette Williams
      January 18, 2014

      What about being physically attracted to your mate. How important is that?

    • Michelle A.
      January 19, 2014

      Very well said. Wish I could pass this out when I meet someone new, lol.

    • Gina
      January 19, 2014

      Beautifully put! I need to read this like a mantra everyday.

    • January 31, 2014

      This is it- exactly how I feel-finally put into words…thank you!

    • Jennifer
      February 23, 2014

      Thank you so much for putting this in words. I sometimes feel like I’m asking too, much or being overly picky, so to hear someone else articulate how I feel is a blessing.

    • April of Omaha
      February 25, 2014

      All true! It’s nice to be validated…

  2. Jay
    January 13, 2014

    It is as simply. ESPECIALLY they must love God…Love ed this

    • karen
      January 13, 2014

      Right on the bullseye…you nailed it.

    • Heather
      January 13, 2014

      Yes!!! Exactly right! Can every man read this please!

    • Joshua
      January 14, 2014

      I agree 100% chivalry is still their! Us men have to really let ladies know, chivalry is not dead. I pray god blesses me with a woman who loves god! Would be a huge blessing

    • Vidya
      February 3, 2014

      That was perfectly put together. I totally agree.

  3. Nichole Phillips
    January 13, 2014

    Tryn to get over an ex who left me heart broken..

    • Angela
      January 13, 2014

      U will get over it, just give it time. Ur hrt needs time to heal. Give the pieces of ur broken hrt to God and He will put the pieces back together..slowly. It won’t b easy but His grace is sufficient. So those nights that u cry, He hears and He has all ur tears in a jar. He will heal ur pain. Love u and God loves u more.

    • Beano
      January 14, 2014

      You will get through the break-up! I am telling you something that I know! God saved me from a guy that I wanted so badly. He and I dated for many years, then separated only for him to marry someone else. I was hurt, but I believe that Agod knows wants best for me! And, everything or person that you want, may not be what’s good for you! Trust in The Lord with all your heaet and do not lend into your own understanding. Don’t try to stay connected to people that no longer fits your growth plan. Focus on you, your health, your wealth, family and take your life back! Don’t let anyone determine your joy!!

  4. January 13, 2014

    I want to be able to quote this entire monologue…it is genius…it is just what we want…and, everyone knows if we are happy, everyone is happy!!!!!

    • Sonya Hunter
      January 13, 2014

      You are right on point. Absolutely perfect!

  5. Patrick Hat
    January 13, 2014

    Who is we? Were you nominated to speak for all women, or just single women of a certain age? Is this beased on “personal experience”, which really translates to what the author and some of her famale friends that gathered for another purpose came up with shortly before the article was written?

    • Mandy Hale
      January 13, 2014

      This is my blog, so obviously I’m speaking from my perspective. If you want someone else’s perspective, obviously you need to read someone else’s blog. If you familiarize yourself with my blog, you will see that all of my blogs are written from “the author’s” i.e. MY experience, as most blogs are. That’s why my readers and fans enjoy it, because I share my life and journey and stumbles and experiences freely and transparently in the hopes that it will inspire someone else on their journey. And after all, I can’t write from someone else’s perspective or experience, now can I?

      Also, this is the reason I said this is what MOST women want, because obviously I can’t speak for all women.

      p.s. Why does this blog seem to offend you so much?

    • Mandy Hale
      January 13, 2014

      p.s.s. “Women of a certain age?” Really?!? LOL! Is 35 now considered “of a certain age”?

    • Sandra thompson
      January 13, 2014

      It’s me a hurt divorce married for forty years who got sick of being neglected

    • Melissa
      January 14, 2014

      Patrick! As a representative of the male species, you sound a bit bitter and skeptical. It’s ok. As a representative of the female species I want you to know it’s not taken personally, you’re still adored, and one day hopefully you’ll look back at your comment, in a female dominated site, and realize that male/female…we’re all in this together.
      I wish you the best of luck in all of your endeavors and that regardless of who put that thorn in your paw, you’ll see the wisdom in taking it out yourself so that the joy which surrounds you, even now, can permeate your being. (wink)
      Namaste’

    • Leslie
      January 14, 2014

      I really believe most women get to the point that they want this. I’m not single, or of a certain age. Culturally I can see where women’s wants could differentiate, but I think the basis is the same. In America this is seen as respect, deep respect, and what person wouldn’t want that?

    • Mandy Hale
      January 14, 2014

      Haha…I like how some men seem to think we must be “women of a certain age” to want to be treated with kindness and respect! ;)

  6. Bec Raymond
    January 13, 2014

    Totally agree!! :)

  7. rqw
    January 13, 2014

    … and, we want you to put the toilet seat down.

    Not. Kidding.

    • keepitreal
      January 13, 2014

      We want you to put it down when you’re done. Not. Kidding.

  8. Carol B
    January 13, 2014

    Yes! Nailed it perfectly.

  9. Sonya
    January 13, 2014

    So very true. Its the love for God, and the character that wins! Thank you for sharing.

  10. January 13, 2014

    Agree! ;)

  11. Dawn
    January 13, 2014

    Yep God first.

    This is a great article and what men need to listen to http://themattwalshblog.com/2014/01/13/chivalry-is-out-of-style/

  12. January 13, 2014

    This almost made me cry; it’s so true.

  13. Ashley L
    January 13, 2014

    Loved this! I am definitely positive that you stated what all of us want or should want. I definitely want my future husband to feel the way I feel about Jehovah. ♥

  14. Tonia
    January 13, 2014

    This is exactly what Women want! Love it!!

  15. Jessie Henriquez
    January 13, 2014

    I second rqw…how hard could it be to put the freaking toilet seat down??!!!

  16. Lola
    January 13, 2014

    That is exactly what I want! Thanks!

  17. Tiffany
    January 13, 2014

    Totally agree

  18. Andrew
    January 13, 2014

    Hello, I’m Andrew.
    I really like this article! Unfortunately I have not met a girl that responds favorably to this kind of treatment.. I do all these things and they simply don’t care. Perhaps it is different if you are in a relationship with them (I have never been in a relationship), but they don’t appear to care at this point in time. (I am 24). All I can figure is God is blocking all the wrong girls from me and the right one will see these things and like them? Dunno. But thank you for posting this!
    In Christ, Andrew M.

    • Mandy Hale
      January 13, 2014

      Hi Andrew! Trust me, there are those of us who care! I agree with you that God must be protecting you from the wrong girls. Don’t lose faith…there are still lots of ladies out there trusting God and waiting patiently for a chivalrous guy like you! :)

    • Samantha
      January 13, 2014

      Andrew, do NOT stop!!! There will be someone that will appreciate all the wonderful qualities you possess. Ya never know it might just be the next girl…

    • Nigel Petersen
      January 14, 2014

      Brother…you are the man. Trust me when i say, the right one is on her way. I found her not long ago. Everything described in this piece my girlfriend and i are doing/have done. I never pursued her, i never planned for her in my goal setting sessions, yet, now that she’s here i’ve never felt so strong and confident in my life. Trust in his plans. She’s waiting…

    • Mandy Hale
      January 14, 2014

      Love this! :)

    • Marcela
      January 14, 2014

      Thank You Mandy for writing this, sometimes as women feel is our fault the relationships don’t work, but it takes a true man to have the courage to be with women like us who like to achieve our goals and be able to have our dreams come true… In my last relationship I thought this was the guy for me, just because he looked to sure about us even tho we didn’t date for long time only 2 months well I totally felt for him, we even talked about getting married, he is 26 and I’m 24, but well that time where he start feeling “weird” and didn’t know what to do he wasn’t sure about us and he told me that he thinks there was better people for us than us. He broke up with me before that I tried everything to fix it, but it didn’t work, after 1 month 1/2 he told me he was talking to another girl he really liked her, they start dating and now they got married.. he broke up with me on April 2013 and married her on September same year.. I really hope this works for them he was married for 2 years and then met me and now the other girl… Mandy if you can see my email would you please send me some advice so I can get my mind set I’m fine about him married to somebody else, what I’m straguling now is what to do because I feel he took my plans of life with him and I’m just like I’m lost with no direcction to go…. I will really apresiate this THANK YOU.. I bought your single woman book I love it.. it feets me perfect… Andrew please keep been the type of guy you are that is excelent.

    • Janette Alvarez
      January 14, 2014

      Andrew,
      What a blessing for a young guy to Love Christ.. Trust me wait.. God has an awesome woman for you.. and she will lift you … and bring you close to God… We always dont see it, but he is removing people from our lives that will not serve us… God Bless.
      Jay

  19. Heather
    January 13, 2014

    This is Perfect! So true! Love it!

  20. January 13, 2014

    Absolutely on target!!! This is amazing in all areas.. Forget the “Women are from Venus”.. this spells it out to a T!! From the relationship with God to the dreamer to the chivalry… this covers it all very well!!

  21. monica
    January 13, 2014

    Love it. U said it perfectly

  22. Donna
    January 13, 2014

    LOVE this! You hit the nail on the head. Yes, God first.

  23. Felecia
    January 13, 2014

    This was a great read. These are some of the things I’ve been saying for a long time. I am glad another woman pointed it out too.

  24. Julie Johnson
    January 13, 2014

    Thanks Mandy for explaining perfectly what real women want in their man…perhaps some men feel so totally inadequate after reading this they lash out in defense of their falling short of godly character….one more addition though, I don’t want my man spending time reading blogs created for women! Just sayin…:-)

    • Zac
      January 14, 2014

      I smiled at your last word.. :) May i say i am mostly, likely have the qualities of the man that Mandy is talking bout’ but not all, but what i’m trying to say is that i still read her article not to defend our side but to sight more positive ideas in what we men should improved in loving or taking care of women. May i say if you are in relationship right now, you will maybe wish your guy would read this article too.. Just Sayin..:)

    • Mandy Hale
      January 14, 2014

      And here, ladies…is a true gentleman. See, they DO exist. ;)

  25. January 13, 2014

    Agree about the toilet seat and add the rest he would be a dream guy!!

  26. January 13, 2014

    I agree!!!!!!!! This is a classic dream for all Ladies out there

  27. Connie
    January 13, 2014

    It really isn’t that complicated.

  28. Heather
    January 13, 2014

    Very true! Thank you for expressing it so eloquently.

  29. Stephanie R.
    January 13, 2014

    Very well said!!

  30. Nancy
    January 13, 2014

    God first – and the desires of your heart will follow!

  31. Michelle
    January 13, 2014

    That is Exaxtly what I want!! And most importantly the God first part! Thank you for sharing!! I continue to pray that I meet the man/husband you described above some day! <3

  32. Vivian D.
    January 13, 2014

    I absolutely loved it! Very true indeed!!

  33. January 13, 2014

    I love it! This is what I want as well.

  34. Georgia
    January 13, 2014

    Well said, I couldn’t have said it better

  35. jeff
    January 13, 2014

    There are lots of women out there who need to read this too and then they need to actually watch for a guy who does these things.

    • Mandy Hale
      January 13, 2014

      Agreed, Jeff! :)

  36. Annie
    January 13, 2014

    I couldn’t agree more! You nailed it, Mandy! Love it!!

  37. Samantha
    January 13, 2014

    Sooo very perfectly put Mandy ♡♥♡

  38. Linda L
    January 13, 2014

    OMG I couldn’t have written this any better! It’s like you wrote my every thought–you nailed it!

  39. Monica
    January 13, 2014

    Absolutely loved this!

  40. Amber
    January 13, 2014

    Mandy , Thank you for posting this! I totally agree with what you said! This is one of my favorite posts from you (which most of them are)

  41. January 13, 2014

    The way you wrote evetything is as simple as that. I wish every man in this world read it, and all of them understand what we want is not difficult, this is LOVE.

  42. Chris
    January 13, 2014

    Amen!..Simple requests~fella’s!! :D

  43. Melinda
    January 13, 2014

    I couldn’t agree more, loved every bit of it. I sure hope there are still guys out there who will do even half of this. If there are they are very well hidden. :)

  44. Rosanne
    January 13, 2014

    Your absolutely correct. This is what I want. At 47 I am still waiting and praying for.

  45. Angelica
    January 13, 2014

    Yes, well said! It’s what I want and what us Ladies deserve!

  46. Kristin
    January 13, 2014

    That’s it. Love God, love me, treat me good and I will treat you better.

  47. Amy
    January 13, 2014

    I agree with almost everything, but if I my pants make me look fat I would much rather be told nicely than look bad. :)

  48. Joe
    January 13, 2014

    Really, you just want Olive Garden and a Redbox rental? What if I use my OG gift card I got for Christmas and my coupon for a free RB rental too? Are we still good?

    • Mandy Hale
      January 13, 2014

      I’d rather have Olive Garden and Redbox from a respectful, gentlemanly, kind and thoughtful man than diamonds and a champagne from an arrogant, disrespectful man. And honestly, I can’t really tell from the tone of your comment which one of these you are :)

    • January 14, 2014

      I would say yes, absolutely yes we’re still good if you’re using a gift card. I value the time spent together, not how deeply you reached into your wallet.

    • Mandy Hale
      January 14, 2014

      Well said! :)

    • Joe
      January 14, 2014

      Mandy: “I’d rather have Olive Garden and Redbox from a respectful, gentlemanly, kind and thoughtful man than diamonds and a champagne from an arrogant, disrespectful man. And honestly, I can’t really tell from the tone of your comment which one of these you are”

      I assure you I am a perfect gentleman. :-) And I am not completely convinced the OG and Rebox would fly for a first date on a lot of women. Believe me, for someone on a tight budget, you would hope that would be the case! If you happen date a foodie, watch out!

      I asked a friend of mine, a female, about OG and Rebox forgetting that she loves the OG. Then she proceeded to tell me that she and her husband had their first date at Denny’s and he handed her the check at the end and she had to pay. Well obviously despite that, it worked cause they are married with a child but she says that she now makes him pay everyday for what he did on that first date… Like convincing him to buy her a $2000 washer and dryer set last night! :-)

    • Mandy Hale
      January 15, 2014

      Thank you for your kindness & respect. You are a rare gem. :)

    • Joe
      January 16, 2014

      Thank you, Mandy! What an honor to receive such an endorsement! You are very sweet and thoughtful.

  49. Kim
    January 13, 2014

    Amazing. Perfectly said. A guy friend asked me recently “what the heck do women want?!” I wanted to say “we DONT want a guy that’s a D.B. ” but I thought that would have been rude and unhelpful. This will be helpful!

  50. Lisa
    January 13, 2014

    This is so True….I love it…God comes FIRST…

  51. Sara
    January 13, 2014

    All of this is exactly what I have felt and what I have been looking for. I do think that every man needs to read this and it may not hurt to share it with an important man in ones life. Sometimes they need a little help!!!

  52. Blue Virgo
    January 13, 2014

    This made me cry. It’s exactly what I want.

  53. Roseanne C.
    January 13, 2014

    That’s what I have always wanted and yet I have settled for much less. I have seen the errors of my way and I refuse to settle for less than what I deserve.
    Thank you Mandy, for once again making me realize how important and special I am.

  54. remy
    January 13, 2014

    its a pity, pray over it. Theres someone special out there for u

  55. Louise
    January 13, 2014

    That sumd it up in a nutshell&I truelly dnt think its a lot

  56. January 13, 2014

    Regardless of the demographics and background, this is what every woman actually wish for…I wouldn’t want him to get up though when I wanna be to the washroom, specially is he hasn’t finished with the food!

  57. The Taken for granted One
    January 13, 2014

    Is that all…what’s in it for us men?

    • Mandy Hale
      January 14, 2014

      Thanks for giving me a start to my next post, “What Women Really Don’t Want.” :)

    • Rob
      January 14, 2014

      A good question indeed . . .

    • January 14, 2014

      Next Guest Post: What Most Men Really Want ;)

      I understand one way of looking at it is that caring for your wife is caring for yourself. So if a man does these things for his woman, especially in a marriage relationship, what he wants will also be freely given.
      For women to reciprocate, it’s the same idea. Or in a similar vein: “Find out what he doesn’t like, and don’t do it.”

      For more, Timothy Keller’s “The Meaning of Marriage” is scholarly and comprehensive. More hands on, try Gary Chapman’s “The Marriage You’ve Always Wanted”. Even if you’re not married they are solid resources for living singly and preparing for later relationships.

  58. Jeni
    January 13, 2014

    You put that in a lovely way. Very well-stated.

  59. Brooklyn Boop
    January 13, 2014

    You nailed it! This EXACTLY the type of man I’d want to end up with.

  60. Sarah
    January 14, 2014

    I’m so glad you posted this. It is exactly right.

    I also wanted to say good job for responding so positively to the negative comments. I work in social media and I know that can be rough! Keep up the good work! Can’t wait to read your next book!

  61. January 14, 2014

    “We want you to love us even when we’re not being very lovable (because we’ll do the same for you).”
    Resonates to me more than anything else. Perfect post, perfect list, want it all <3

  62. Gabe
    January 14, 2014

    Mandy I keep faith that women do truly want this. But in my experience no matter how much I try, being a southern gentleman and having nothing but respect for ladies. They always toss me away like yesterday’ s trash and go for those D.B.’s. I do agree100% that most ladies want this, all I ask is for yall to stop, take a step back, open your eyes, and see the blessing that has been put before you!

    • Mandy Hale
      January 14, 2014

      I agree! I promise there are some great girls out there who appreciate guys like you…so keep the faith! :)

    • Rob
      January 14, 2014

      . . . and recognize it before you lose it. If this truly IS what most women want, they would cherish it when they have it and not after the fact. Just speaking from experience. I have had too many women regret not appreciating me after it’s too late. Not going to work that way ladies.

  63. Tracey
    January 14, 2014

    YES!!!! Exactly what I want. Ooooh almost brought tears to my eyes. It seems so simple but many guys don’t get it. Patiently waiting.

  64. Gloria
    January 14, 2014

    Yes!!! This is what i want.

  65. Manly Man
    January 14, 2014

    Ha ha, no. If we did all that, you’d lose all respect for us and walk all over us. We’ve all done that before and got burned. Something a little more realistic, perhaps?

    • Mandy Hale
      January 14, 2014

      So being kind and respectful and loving is unrealistic? I hope that’s not true.

    • Rob
      January 14, 2014

      Respectfully, I think “most” women want to want this. My experience is that Manly Man has a point. I have always treated women this way. I have had his experience too many times. It wont change how I treat a lady, but it deters me from dating much. I do get discouraged by the women I’ve dated.

    • Ngoni
      March 23, 2014

      Perfect love casts out all fear.

    • Ngoni
      March 23, 2014

      I was going through old posts and reading through the comments I posted when I came across the comments in this post. I think what Mandy was trying to share was a compilation of the thoughts we had shared with her and our struggles with this thing called singleness. Many marrieds may not remember what that was like. It’s definitely a struggle and Mandy is experiencing that struggle as well. I am not going to judge her sincerity in Christ. In the same vein Mandy, many people (mostly the men) are getting confused because they think they have to do ALL those things instead of just one or two. They think they have to live up to a set of conditions. Love is unconditional. If a man loves you, he is loving himself as well. That’s biblical. Yet, many men don’t want to associate with Christ or have women associate with Christ. I read a post where one guy said to go for the “bad boy.” I appreciate your blog Mandy and just be careful with the wall you have up. People won’t be able to see the true treasure that is there. Don’t be discouraged. :)

  66. Eunice M
    January 14, 2014

    A Godly, chivalrous man. I couldn’t have said it better :)

  67. keri
    January 14, 2014

    Could not have said it by myself…it’s really not that hard and should not stop when you get married

  68. kj
    January 14, 2014

    Although I’m happy my fiancé is still physically attracted to me after 2 kids and 10 years, I hate being groped. He does it in place of actual affection and intimacy. If I don’t respond in his favor, I’m told I’m old (33) or a prude. Is this what men think will turn a woman on?

  69. Angie Davis
    January 14, 2014

    Perfect♥it says alot,but its actually real simple

  70. Rachel Smith
    January 14, 2014

    I wholeheartedly agree, I had a man like that, but he didn’t love the Lord. Breaks my heart, but I had to let him go, as he didn’t and so not God’s choice for me. Very sad still.

  71. January 14, 2014

    I loved this post! It rings true for me.

    I’d love to see a post like this as written by a man about what they really want from us. I would like to give as much as I get.

  72. Lori Garner
    January 14, 2014

    So very true, and so beautifully written. And how sad is it to realize, at least in my experience, that so many of us ladies look at this and erroneously think, “I am too much. I want too much”. And so we settle for far less because we fear if we hold out for this we will be alone forever. But the truth is, if we hold out for this we send a message to God and ourselves that we are valuable and worth all of these things. And we are then in a position to receive the best God has for us. Thank you for writing such a fantastic truth!

  73. Praise Khumalo
    January 14, 2014

    Count’nt agree more ;)

  74. kylee
    January 14, 2014

    I Love this because it’s so true.

  75. January 14, 2014

    You took the words right out of my head…Yes this is what I want. And yes God has been blocking the wrong guys this time, only because Ive put God first in my life, and not a man. I made the wrong choice twice had to learn those lessons more than once, to finally get to be in the right path. Thank you for your words..I see your quotes daily, and they keep givng me inspiration and strength to keep my eyes on God. And when the right time is, I will meet this man that God wants for me..Amazing keep doing what your doing..

  76. January 14, 2014

    Love. So true. My section on God is a little more simple(believe and be open to practicing belief together), but otherwise this is what I want to a T.

  77. Lisa
    January 14, 2014

    Im going to be 49 this year. I don’t go out and I have no potentials. All I do is work and sleep. My biggest problem is I have been in the same extramarital affair for a long time. I’m so tired of everything. I feel if I let go he’ll find someone else. And I will be very alone. I’m trying so hard not to let this own me which it has for so long. I keep wondering why am I with this guy? Why is he seeing me? Its been a few days since we talked and I’m trying not to text. I’m proud of myself for not texting. I haven’t heard from him in over a week. Makes me sick to my tummy. I know this has kept me from having any kind of life at all. Sad. Girl. Here

    • January 14, 2014

      Girl, you will be all right. Have you ever had a personal encounter with Jesus, the Son of God? He releases the prisoner, sets the captive free, and offers an easy burden if you will submit your life to Him. He promises to give you life where you say you have no life! No, not everything will be sunshine and roses. But Jesus promises LOVE, JOY, and PEACE as a result of being in a relationship with Him.

    • Mandy Hale
      January 15, 2014

      Hi Deborah! Are you familiar with my ministry at all? My relationship with Jesus is at the center of everything that I do and the fruit of my life speaks to that. This blog wasn’t about being imprisoned or needing to be set free…it was just a sweet little dissertation I was inspired to write to express some of my favorite things that guys do to make ladies smile. That’s it. I already have lots of love, joy, and peace in my life and Jesus is Lord of my ministry, my platforms and this blog. Not sure why everyone is taking this blog so seriously…honestly it just made me happy to express so I did! :)

  78. CarolHM
    January 14, 2014

    Absolutely perfect ♡

  79. lisa
    January 14, 2014

    I just broke up with my bf he came back but looked at the past and i realised he did not treat me right.i need to just give it a break and believe to meet someone special one day

  80. Sara
    January 14, 2014

    Beautifully said. Glad to see that others teared-up and it wasn’t just me. This is exactly what we want and it doesn’t matter our age. I am no youthful diva but I still want and deserve these same things and I still hurt when the wrong men enter and leave my life. Keeping my focus on the One who leads us and knowing that He will lead the right gentleman my way….in His time, not mine.

  81. DS
    January 14, 2014

    I’m a little worried responding but sometimes baby steps are what is needed to begin a journey. I can not speak for all men. I can only speak for myself. Chivalry is not dead. I want to be needed and wanted. I want to open doors for you. Standing when a lady leaves the table is what a man should do. Men don’t express themselves as well as they should. I’m horrible at it. But I try. I can tell you what I do want. I want a lady that is faithful, honorable, and honest. I want a partner. A lady that loves me as much as I can love her. A lady that is trustworthy. I want a lady that can laugh and make me laugh as well. Someone that puts God and kids first. I’m ok being third. Family and faith are essential for the soul. I will fight for you. Loyalty is paramount. If have mine please don’t betray or take it lightly. I will stand up for you and let nobody bring you down. I can’t stand to see you cry. I will walk away rather then hurt you. I want to be the first thing you hear in the morning and the last thing you hear at night. I want to make you smile and keep you safe. I don’t want to smother you and be overbearing. I don’t have too because I trust you. I’m rough around the edges. I’m opinionated. I’m not PC. I call it like I see it. But my heart is pure and my intentions are too. You see I’m a man and deep down all I want is to be loved by someone as much as I can love them.

    • January 14, 2014

      Thank you for being one man in a thousand and for being honest with us. And don’t worry- if continue on this path, you’ll find your someone. Many blessings be upon you.

    • Kelli
      January 14, 2014

      Beautifully put. Love every word. Don’t give up hope and thank you for proving that I should still hope! Have a blessed day! :)

    • Tessra
      January 14, 2014

      DS I thought that was a lovely response to this post. Thoughtful and heartfelt. I hope you discover a partnership that will bring joy to your life. You and everyone who has commented here. PS: Enjoyed the post Mandy, thanks :-)

    • Rob
      January 14, 2014

      Bravo! I still would like to know where “most” women are . . .

  82. Evidence Grace
    January 14, 2014

    I totally agree with this article especially the part of loving God more than he loves me. You always can rest in the arms of such a man.

  83. GJ
    January 14, 2014

    This post was perfectly on point. Until you read it, you don’t realise that you’ve been settling for so much less. Thank you for sharing.

    DC you sound like someone most of us ladies only dream about & I admire your ability to make yourself vulnerable in a very female domain. Don’t change who you are, the woman who is ready & able to appreciate all that is right the corner.

  84. Nick
    January 14, 2014

    A very well written article indeed! I come from a family where my parents raised me to treat a woman with respect at all times. To do all the things that you stated in the beginning. I have been on dates where I open the door for them and they do not know how to react to that. As a guy reading this article, it is good to know that there are ladies still looking for that special someone in their life that are willing to sweep them off their feet. It is frustrating to me to hear women say that chivalry is dead. It isn’t dead if you find the one who wants to show you. So many times I see men treat their women like they don’t care and I’m just like really? Trust me, there are only a few of us left out there that are willing to give of ourselves to make you happy. I guess that is why I still have hope that there is someone still out there waiting for me to show them all these things that someone else couldn’t do for them before. Thank you for your time.

  85. JB
    January 14, 2014

    It’s as if you read my mind & put my thoughts on paper~

  86. GJ
    January 14, 2014

    I’m so sorry. I meant DS not DC!!!

  87. January 14, 2014

    Yes, yes, a thousand times yes! And as to the spiritual, I think many Christian women would agree with my post: http://nljourney.blogspot.ro/2013/04/prince-charming-real-or-pretender.html
    Have a great day, ladies, and don’t give up on waiting for your prince! I’m not.

  88. T
    January 14, 2014

    I’ll preface this by saying I’m 28 and I sincerely believe that this applies to (most) women of a certain age. That age converges on late 20s. I know my experience does

  89. Andrea
    January 14, 2014

    Why are some people complaining so much but won’t just stop reading this blog. For instance, I don’t see what would be the problem on Mandy Hale writing about her Christianity. So she is a Christian, I am not. And I still feel identified with the rest of what she writes. And when I don’t anymore, I’ll just stop following, instead of complaining as if I had the right to complain about somebody else’s beliefs or thoughts or opinions in (key word) THEIR blog, not even in mine. Keep the great work, Mandy, because at least you’re saving me in a lot of situations I’d be desperate without having your blog to read!

    • Mandy Hale
      January 14, 2014

      Thank you, Andrea, for your respectful approach. You are the heart of why I do what I do! :)

    • Ngoni
      March 23, 2014

      I hope Andrea that you will come to experience Christ and accept Him as your Lord and Savior. The journey will NOT be easy, but neither was His.What I’ve learned in my walk with Jesus is that I will make mistakes, but His blood covers my sins. That is His gift to me. And I freely accept it. I know of no one else in this world who would do for me what He’s done. His love is truly unconditional.

  90. Kelli
    January 14, 2014

    I absolutely love this and agree whole heartedly! I’m 42 and twice divorced. I never even dated a man like this in my life, but I won’t dream of settling for less than this now! ;) I am worth it! And so is he…whomever he is.

  91. AD
    January 14, 2014

    Mandy,
    Thank you for publishing this. I truly enjoying reading your articles. It’s taken me awhile but now I am truly a happy and secure single lady. I don’t focus on finding a man to complete me only God completes me. This article was dead on!
    DS, you sound like a man that any single woman would love to meet, don’t settle and let God help you find her

  92. nzuki
    January 14, 2014

    well put and said Mandy..how i wish guys would read this too.. thank u

    • Erica
      January 14, 2014

      Mandy, you speak for all of us – what woman wouldn’t want to be loved and respected in this way? A lot of men have been getting everything easy from women lately, perhaps this is why some protest the standard. Then there are those who just don’t know better; some of them just needed to be taught this. If I ever meet a guy a who says, “what you see is what you get, I don’t do those things for x reason” I will show them the door. I once dated a man who did do these wonderful things but we didn’t have chemistry, so sometimes that is a factor. But I’m so glad to read about more guys out there who do get it! My cousin is one of those guys and he is marrying a very lucky girl in a few months! Ladies, they ARE out there. Don’t let anyone convince you to settle for less than what guys can do if they truly like you! You are worth it. Thank you, Mandy! Once again, you’ve written another splendid article.

  93. Lynn
    January 14, 2014

    Good job, Mandy. As we can see from the comments, there are SO many of us (men and women) hurting, hoping, praying for the Lord’s best to come about through all of this. And please, can we drop the silly cliches about needing to put the toilet seat down and other such extremely trivial issues? If the Lord blessed me with a Godly man who actually cherished me, I hope I would overlook such minor details, and he would do the same for me. I was married for 30 years to an emotionally, verbally, mentally, spiritually abusive man who put me in last place in his life. Now single for 4 years, I’ve finally come to the point of actually asking God to let me experience a truly loving marriage before I leave this earth….and by truly loving, I mean that my loving, serving, and giving to him is just as important as his to me.

  94. Ali
    January 14, 2014

    I love this!! It’s so true, and we all need this reminder not to sell ourselves short. Thank you!

  95. Ken
    January 14, 2014

    This is exactly the women I’m searching for. I walked away after a first date last summer, because she didn’t want me to open her car door anymore. We all must love ourselves enough, to stand for what we must have, and not settle for second best. Ladues , if he doesn’t love himself ( not hung on himself ). he can not give you what you need

  96. Kyle
    January 14, 2014

    …and what about what the man wants? So many modern women are so focused on their wants that they forget there are two people in the relationship. And pieces like the literature above fully illustrate this. Ladies, we like to pursue you, but you so often make it in to such a “game” so that you can have the control. I’m a fully chivalrous, educated, God-fearing man with hopes, dreams, and aspirations and all the above qualities who has fallen flat on his face in countless relationships because the girl wants all the things above but gives little self-sacrifice in return. And the advent of social media and things like the above piece have given me many of the answers as to why modern women are the way they are–they want an old-fashioned man but don’t want to sacrifice to become an old-fashioned woman. A generic statement yes, but fitting for a generic piece like the one above. I know there are exceptions but this is simply social commentary.

    • Mandy Hale
      January 14, 2014

      I’m a woman, so I obviously can’t write about what a man wants. (Being as that I’m not a man and my blog is written from my perspective.) But nothing’s stopping you from writing it! :)

  97. Alex
    January 14, 2014

    AMEN! Thank you for this! :)

  98. Jay
    January 14, 2014

    Ohhh, and ladies, a simple “thank you” goes a long way. It’s simple affirmation that you acknowledge and appreciate an act of kindness. When you don’t, it’s easy to think you either don’t appreciate it, or it doesn’t mean anything to you. So if you truly appreciate it, learn to say “thank you.”

    • Mandy Hale
      January 14, 2014

      I absolutely agree!

  99. Chris
    January 14, 2014

    This is a great article. As a guy I know I fall short plenty of time and I don’t do alot of these. But in all honesty we can’t always do what you want of these things if we haven’t ever done these things. Just because we read them and its how it use to be doesn’t mean that we don’t do them it’s plan and simple we aren’t use to doing them. Dot always expect us to always do this but do hope that when we do show us that you appreciate having this done. I hope one day that I’m man enough that a woman will see my faults and be hopeful thy over time we will know that makes you happy. And if we never do I’m sorry he wasn’t good enough to figure it out doesn’t mean he didn’t try maybe it just wasn’t part of his wants too. But this should be a great guideline for guys and girls to hope that everyone will see passion,love,respect and so many other attributes can make a relationship your happiest forever.

  100. Diana
    January 14, 2014

    We want you to honor what we want in the bedroom ~ or in any other room ~ we want to be desirable, sexy, and sometimes raw, just like you do…we want you to want as much for our pleasure as we want for yours.

  101. Guy_1
    January 14, 2014

    Hello ladies,

    I’m not sure why I feel obligated to reply to this, However, maybe it’s because I hear this kind of thing constantly, “we the women” want this and that from a man. And it it really erks me that women all over the internet and women magazines before the internet even existed are yelling and gabbing on about how they just want the simple act of chivalry from a man. This bothers me because I’m wondering when men are actually going to get it! The fact that women have been complaining about this for eons is really a reflection on how men just don’t get it. it’s pretty simple. Ok, little background on me. 38 year old male, live in south Florida, In a wonderful relationship with an amazing women. going on two years now, will be married in July, second time for both of us. Ok….I was also raised by three very strong independent women, my father wasn’t around much, so mom and my two sisters where tasked with raising a respectable man. They did a wonderful job I think. So….Chivalry…..I laugh when people call it that. I laugh because I think it should come naturally, it’s not being “chivalrous” it’s being a man. it should be a part of required learning for all men…Hold a door, bring her a single rose, Just the other day my Fiance’ was getting her toes done, we were to meet up after her pedicure for lunch, she went to the salon, and I waited a half hour and went to the store bought a singe rose and brought it to the salon, walked in and handed it to her and asked her out to lunch, at which point one of the other ladies in the salon smacked her boyfriend int he shoulder and said “SEE!” “how come you don’t do that!” every one n the salon laughed….and my Fiance’ was filled with giddy happiness, I love her, and I love to do little things like that for her, we had already planned the lunch, but women like to be courted and pursued as you said in the article, so even though we have been together two years, I still bring her flowers and ask her out on lunch dates….I get a kick out of how much she loves it. But again….this stuff should just be natural for a man. So at the same token, I never see anything on the internet about what a man wants an expects in a women…So I’m going to tell you. Pretty much the same thing!! ok ok, we don’t want roses, or you to hold the door for us, or you to stand up at dinner when we excuse ourselves to go to the restroom. But…..and no matter how much of a tough guy your guy is, we all want to know that we are wanted, we need to be needed….So I buy her a rose for no reason except to let her know that I’m thinking about her, and at some point during the week I get a little card on my desk at home from her that says “You’re the love of my life” and it makes me feel good, we need stuff like that. We need HONESTY!!! for the love of all that good and holy DON’T LIE TO US, We hate that!! It makes us feel we can’t trust you, Don’t hide things from us, be open and honest….That sort of thing destroys relationships….Also remember, we are men…we’re not to bright….we are wired differently than you….some coaching sometimes will help. We want a women who takes pride in her appearance, a women who is driven in life to succeed at something, Listen to me here, We want a women that is PLAYFUL! Men are active creatures, we like to do things, you’re not always going to talk your way into a mans heart, rather we are attracted to the experiences that we create together. Men a driven wild by playful women. Dont make US the center of your world, we like independent women. Be passionate….Men aren’t scared of commitment we are scared of committing to a relationship that has no passion no spark no intimacy…..we love to be wanted just like you guys do….sexually…..if the relationship is at that point, there is noting in the world like hearing your girl whisper in your ear “I want you so bad right now” Any ladies in a relationship now….say that to your guy tonight and see what happens. Anyway……I could go on and on I didn’t touch on the god portion of this because I have different views about that…..but this is just my 2 cents….Thanks for listening

    • Suzanne
      January 14, 2014

      Thanks for sharing a male perspective! Your fiancé’ is a lucky woman!

    • January 14, 2014

      Hahaha I’m going to practice being playful with my bros :) Nice comment.

    • Anonymous anxious
      January 21, 2014

      So funny because you’re right, i would say most men know what we want or “would like” but they still refuse to do it!! Is this an ego thing?! We drop our egos all the time to do stuff for our men… But because we did a rebellion on being independent women years ago, our generation now isnt allowed to want this!! Guys who ask “what’s in it for us? ” have never been on the receiving end of a good women. A good woman gives her everything, not car doors or standing up, but her heart n soul.
      Loved what you did with your fiancee, such a lovely story!!

  102. JWatson
    January 14, 2014

    I would add that if a man rolls his eyes at these things he is more boy than man. John Eldridge wrote Wild at Heart that delves into the heart of a man. He and his wife wrote Captivating, which speaks to the heart of a woman. Every man should read both.

    • Mandy Hale
      January 14, 2014

      :)

  103. Patricia
    January 14, 2014

    That’s every woman’s prince. Here’s hoping we all find him or he finds us.

  104. t
    January 14, 2014

    Mandy!.. U done knocked urself out this time.. A GREAT!! Article.. soooo relished in this.. toot toot!!WTG Gal!!.. txs for the public reminders to us and to our men out there…. have a swell day!!!LOVE IT!!♥ Kudos

  105. Kyle
    January 14, 2014

    Ha! I see you deleted my previous comment. Let’s see if you have the character to print this one. Ladies – what I had said before it was deleted was that there are plenty of chivalrous men out there – you just ignore them! You go for the “bad boys”. If you want a chivalrous, old-fashioned man, you need to be a respectable, old-fashioned woman! The death of chivalry is just as much the fault of women as it is men. Go on and on about what you want, but if you are a typical modern woman who takes advantage of men’s chivalry and turns it in to games, don’t be surprised if all you see are DB’s, users, and men who are the opposite of this article.

    • Mandy Hale
      January 14, 2014

      If I didn’t approve your last comment, it’s because it was rude or disrespectful, and I don’t allow that on my blog. Consider educating yourself about a person, their blog, their heart, their message, and their faith before making snide comments like “Let’s see if you have the character to post this one.” Might I suggest you exercise a little more character when it comes to the way you speak to women you don’t know, and about women in general? Not sure why you or any other man would be so offended by this post, but it says more about you that you are than it does about me. Be kinder. Be a little more respectful. Don’t go on blogs and hide behind your computer and post troll-like comments and call it “character.” That’s not character. That’s cowardice.

    • Scott Carlson
      January 14, 2014

      I always like to hear when women appreciate a man’s overtures in the form of service and kindness. Chivalry was born from that place, it’s original intend did not have an expectation of appreciation or reciprocation of any sort, it was an act of valor and courtesy. I, for the life me, do not understand it when men gets defensive around a woman expressing her desire to be appreciated through acts of service such as opening doors and standing when appropriate. If it’s not their nature, it’s important to recognize that and then those men can look at the woman they attract when they expect a certain reaction to their chivalrous acts. I see you getting somewhat attacked her Mandy, ignore it, that is a minority voice! From my experience as a man, women do appreciate chivalry and it does a man’s character when he demonstrates it through these simple acts, but I will also say, that if it’s being done with the intention or expectation of getting something for it, women see through that very thin veil and it will backfire.

    • Mandy Hale
      January 15, 2014

      Love this, Scott! I love how the true men are revealing themselves on here vs. the boys. :) Thank you for your kindness and encouragement!

  106. Tim
    January 14, 2014

    Found the blog yesterday! great read

  107. Rob
    January 14, 2014

    This all sounds good on paper but I’m skeptical. I’ve been single for 10 years and am a traditional, old-school man but I have yet to find one woman who exemplifies this which you claim “most” women want. I have found the women I have dated carry an attitude of “what more can you do for me” and all the while finding little or no reciprocation. There seems to be a false sense of entitlement among so many women nowadays where they refuse to treat a man like a man for fear it will belittle them as strong, independent women. I value a strong woman, for the Holy Bible is strewn with strong women, but “strong” seems to have been misinterpreted nowadays as emasculating. I will continue treating a lady like a lady and will never change my ways because I am who I am and that’s it. Maybe one of “most” women will cross my path. From my mouth to God’s ears. Great concept and well written, though. I’ll keep the faith.

    • Mandy Hale
      January 14, 2014

      Believe me, us women wonder the same thing about the fellas…but the comments on this blog are proof that there ARE still some amazing women and men left out there. So here’s hoping we can all refrain from settling and hold out for the best that God has for us. :)

  108. Lyn
    January 14, 2014

    This is so very true, BUT, I have to question……is there REALLY a guy that lives up to ALL of these things? I am not asking that rudely, I am very much wondering so! I think that is why some women “settle”, because there is no way to get “all of this in one” or is there? If there are really guys like this……am I to keep looking?! :(

    • Mandy Hale
      January 14, 2014

      I’m honestly having a difficult time understanding why people are acting like these things are so unattainable and unrealistic! They’re all very simple! If we can’t treat one another with love and respect and selflessness and common courtesy in the most basic of ways, that really concerns me about where our culture is heading. The way people are responding to this, you’d think I said ladies expect men to lasso the moon for us! LOL! Yes, I think there IS a guy who would live up to these things…in fact, I hope there are LOTS of guy who would live up to these things, and do live up to these things every day in their lives, whether it’s in love or otherwise. Just like I know there are a lot of amazing women left out there, I refuse to believe that there aren’t also some amazing men left out there. Call me naive, call me idealistic…but I DO believe there are lots of gentlemen and lots of ladies left in the world.

    • January 15, 2014

      Lyn. Yes there are. Be honest with yourself like you want them to be honest with you. Mandy says it best in a reply below “the unfortunate and monumental breakdown in communication between women and men”. I call it honesty. First with ourselves. Then with others. Honesty brings the ability to trust. When you really trust……miracles happen.

  109. January 14, 2014

    Where are these ‘most’ women? I’ve found and been engaged to 5 of the wrong ones! I do every single chivalrous action in this article —- 50 and single in CT

    • Erica
      January 14, 2014

      David, sometimes women don’t know how to respond to a great man like you, and other times she isn’t interested. I’ve met a few guys who pursued me wholeheartedly, but I wasn’t completely into them; however, I ALWAYS recognized and appreciated their efforts. My cousin used to complain to me about how women didn’t appreciate him because he used to go out of his way to make sure they felt special, then suddenly this girl showed up and I’m not exaggerating when I say this – she is INCREDIBLE. Very attractive, driven, successful, SHE noticed him and she’s marrying him this year! David, you deserve a woman who notices your actions and can say, “Thank you” and will want you as much as you want her.
      Mandy: These men showing up on here raising their hands saying, “I’m what y’all are looking for!” and you might need to start an online dating service!

    • Alexis
      January 14, 2014

      Oh David! I’m so sorry to read that! It’s such a misfortune!! Some women don’t know a good man when they’ve found one and wouldn’t know what to do with one if they had one. It’s rare to find a true gentleman.. Which by far is an important quality one may (should) seek in a male companion… However, it took me over 10 years of searching and going through the unimaginable and 2 1/2 years of celibacy to find the man of my dreams and he ended up being a guy I went to highschool with and never even thought about dating!!!

  110. Kay
    January 14, 2014

    I agree with most of what you have to say. However lets also recognize that things don’t happen in a vaccum. Granted a man has a huge role to play. But let the ladies top play their part.Relationships are two way streets and if a man sits down to pen what he really needs it’s termed as selfish. why? its only being seen from one perspective. So In as much as we all want happy healthy relationships lets remember they take time effort and commitment from BOTH parties for it to work.

    • Mandy Hale
      January 14, 2014

      Obviously what you say is true…but this blog was simply written as an essay from one single woman regarding what I perceive most of the women around me want from love. It’s not an attack on men, quite the contrary actually! It just so happens to be from the female perspective, since I am female (and obviously can’t really speak for the fellas.) I actually invite and encourage men to speak up and blog about what they want from the ladies…I’d love to hear it! :) I just think some people are getting offended and taking this blog WAY more seriously than it was intended. I never said I spoke for all women, that we should etch this blog in stone, or that men shouldn’t also have wants and needs of women. Obviously they should. But this isn’t meant to be some grand stand where I’m bashing the men and telling them all the things they’re doing wrong or making demands…this was honestly just me sharing from the heart. It’s interesting to see how many people seem to take offense to such a simple, plain-stated blog. I had no hidden intentions or ulterior motives or hidden message here. If you read through the rest of my blog, you’ll see that’s not how I roll. I was just inspired to write what I find attractive and appealing in a man, and I’ve always found that what one woman wants, a lot of women want.Since I’ve really worked to give a voice to single women and speak of the positive, hopeful, beautiful parts of single life over the past four years, this blog is just another chapter in that effort. That’s all. :)

  111. Erica
    January 14, 2014

    Awww! My smiley face didn’t show up at the end of my comment, I will try again! :D

  112. Amaka Nelly
    January 14, 2014

    I love this article. Thanks Mandy…..You really inspire me

  113. Zulma
    January 14, 2014

    Great article!!!

  114. InsaneJane
    January 14, 2014

    Yeah, we really do want a lot.

    • Mandy Hale
      January 14, 2014

      This is a lot? Really?

    • Alexis
      January 15, 2014

      InsaneJane you really believe that this is a lot?! Wow.. A lot to me is requesting that a man has to have a solid gold Lamborghini with diamonds encrusted in the rims and a fish tank in the trunk, a villa in five countries and a steamboat named after him.. Lol that’s a lot.. Honestly, I believe that what Ms. Hale blogged should be a given.. But hey that’s just ME and MY opinion…

  115. Kim Mettler
    January 14, 2014

    I am most women. This is what I want.

  116. Suzanne
    January 14, 2014

    Mandy I love this blog post!!! I hope lots and lots of guys read it!!!! ;)

  117. Kyle
    January 14, 2014

    Mandy Hale
    January 14, 2014
    “If I didn’t approve your last comment, it’s because it was rude or disrespectful, and I don’t allow that on my blog. Consider educating yourself about a person, their blog, their heart, their message, and their faith before making snide comments like “Let’s see if you have the character to post this one.” Might I suggest you exercise a little more character when it comes to the way you speak to women you don’t know, and about women in general? Not sure why you or any other man would be so offended by this post, but it says more about you that you are than it does about me. Be kinder. Be a little more respectful. Don’t go on blogs and hide behind your computer and post troll-like comments and call it “character.” That’s not character. That’s cowardice.”

    I wasn’t calling my post “character”; I was pointing to the lack of character shown when one deletes a post that isn’t rude or disrespectful but is simply truthful. Calling me a coward and a troll behind your computer is also disrespectful. Your blog post is fine, but unfortunately things like this get all over Facebook with women saying, “See guys, this is what we deserve!” I believe in traditional roles of men and women because they exercise their strengths in this way. But as one comment said, most of today’s modern women feel entitled to this sort of treatment without any sort of reciprocation. The “princess” attitude seems stronger than ever. So modern women need to change their behavior as much as modern men do. If women want a guy to act chivalrous they ought to earn his love and support just as a man should earn his woman’s love and support by being a gentlemen.

  118. Mahgrit
    January 14, 2014

    YES as a woman i dream of such. But again a relationship is a two-way thing, right?
    Ladies do the same for your men. Be KEEPERS!

    • Mandy Hale
      January 14, 2014

      Of course, but that’s not what this particular blog was about. I was inspired to write on THIS topic. Please feel free to write on the topic of what you feel ladies should offer a man. I’d love to read it! :)

  119. Mary A
    January 14, 2014

    Mandy, I have been following your blog for some time and this blog post surely came from your heart. You have been such an inspiration with your posts of positive messages. I have been dating a man for six months and he does all the things you listed and much. much more. We do little things for each other all the time but sometimes it just takes a “thank you” from either one of us to set sparks flying. One of the most important agreements we made with each other at the beginning of our dating relationship was to be totally honest with each other. Sometimes it’s just as simple as that. Ladies, there are gentlemen out there…Men, there are ladies out there…being single isn’t a bad thing.

  120. January 14, 2014

    Perfectly said Mandy! Sometimes it may seem that women want the world however what we truly want are the smaller things and actions in life which in fact come across as much bigger things to us. We don’t necessarily want to be treated like princess’ but we need to certainly feel like a princess.

  121. Kyle
    January 14, 2014

    Ah, I see why we are talking past each other. A simple internet search on you reveals that you’re from Nashville. You see, I once lived in the South too. Women are still women down there and men are still men. Up north here most men are jerks and most women are entitled princesses. Thus my frustration, and your lack of being able to see past my brutal honesty. Y’all have a great thing going down there with your traditional Christian family values. I wish we still had those up here too. Seriously, the difference really is that sharp. So it’s hard for you to understand my bitterness and it’s hard for me to see past what originally appeared to be another woman writing an article on what she was entitled to. But you’re not; things really are that rosy down there–generally speaking women down there are still ladies and really do deserve the things you mention here! My bad Mandy, keep up the good work and your championing of Christian family values. This may sound sarcastic but it’s 100% genuine. It all makes sense now! :)

    • January 14, 2014

      Oh Kyle! There are as many jerks down here as there are anywhere and I’ve dated about half of them! ;)

    • Lynne
      January 14, 2014

      Not all of us who live outside of the South are entitled princesses, Kyle. :)

  122. Hyacinth
    January 14, 2014

    Thanks Ms. Mandy. Waiting for the “one” you’ve been praying for is not easy but your words enlightened me to have faith in Him. I pray that you too will meet this man soon! The whole world will surely rejoice with you!

  123. miss T
    January 14, 2014

    As a 44 year old never been married woman I sadly am still looking for a man like this. It seems you find a little then the rest doesn’t match up! People may think I’m a little picky/choosy but I have yet to find true happiness. I thought I had found the ‘one’ but after 17 years he up and left…leaving me destroyed. Having spent nearly 7 years alone I have reached the point where I no longer trust the process of meeting anyone and being bothered to find all this stuff out…and wouldn’t know how/where to find anyway! I guess for some this is handed to them and for whatever reason the rest of us never seem to be that lucky! I still have a little dwindling hope that one day (before my prime runs out) my soulmate will find me but til then I continue to work hard, be there for my children and try to keep the faith that the best is yet to come! :-)

  124. Shalynn
    January 14, 2014

    I’m a 23 year old that is looking for all these qualities. And I continue to pray that God continues to prepare me for the man that is willing to so these things and give me the security that this man will bring to me. Great article ! Love it!!

  125. Susan
    January 14, 2014

    I love how you can convey what we women want. I don’t think I could’ve said it any better. For most women the small things really are what matters if men would just pay attention to them. :-) I enjoy so much reading your blogs. Thank you for your uplifting encouragement.

  126. January 14, 2014

    Very much on target! And that is why I choose not to date right now. For the three years since my divorce, all it’s been is a few drinks, “hang out” and oh they especially love to text at 3 am “whats up?” It’s my fault for allowing it at first but no more. I’m not your booty call or your consolation prize. If you can’t be bothered to put in the effort it takes to be with me, then you deserve exactly what you’ll get!

  127. Alexis
    January 14, 2014

    I love this blog! I’d just like to say that you wrote a mouthful or shall I say, more than a handful of truth right here! I’ve dated some pretty awful characters and the one thing that would totally ruin it for me is the lack of manners. I can’t stand it when a guy doesn’t open the door for me, or ask me how my day has been, compliment me on just the minor things, talk to me and really LISTEN to what I have to say. Before I started dating the guy I’m with now, I dated total losers.. LOSERS!! Would only do enough to catch my attention and then completely do a whole 180! It got so frustrating for me because at the point I felt like I was settling for just anything. Finally, I decided to take the time to love myself and love who Alexis is! I stayed single and celibate for over 2 1/2 years and boom it happened.. I met the guy of my dreams who actually treats me better than a queen! Our relationship is blossoming and beams with abundant radiance each and every single day! Reading this post actually brought back memories of when I was the type of woman that settled for less than what I deserved, wanted and needed!! I hope this blog opens the eyes of those women out there that haven’t yet had “THE EPIPHANY” You deserve much better than what you’re settling for.. Remember and Believe that!!

  128. Barry
    January 14, 2014

    You sure expect a lot of things. But, what do YOU offer to the relationship?

    • Mandy Hale
      January 15, 2014

      The entire collection of Barry Manilow’s albums on vinyl.

    • January 15, 2014

      That’s expecting a lot of things? smh

  129. January 14, 2014

    This is spot on! I especially love the part about God. Putting Christ at the center of our relationship is the #1 thing that makes it work for my husband and I. When you focus on pleasing God, you can’t HELP but to please one another.

  130. Lynne
    January 14, 2014

    Absolutely! Right now I kill the spiders myself, but I wouldn’t mind some help with that. Today would have been a great day to have my honor defended, too…or just to have been given a hug after my feelings were hurt by a coworker. :)

  131. Felicity
    January 14, 2014

    Omg! This was wonderfully written! Taken right out of my mouth, straight from my heart! Love it!

  132. Rachel
    January 14, 2014

    Very good read! I used to be one of those girls that were hung up on being in a relationship. I’ve only had a few BF’s and I treated them well, but they didn’t treat me as well. Nobody likes being lied to, cheated on, and etc. After those few bad apples, I started to question my self, maybe there was something wrong with me? Later I found that it’s not me. We were just not meant to be…it wasn’t in Gods plan for me. It hasn’t ruined me on dating, I am just more cautious, I still have walls up but they are starting to slowly crumble. Now, when I meet someone new, I pray that God will help me, show me, if this is the right person for me. I’d rather find out sooner than later if they are not the right one. I know my worth. I’m far more precious than rubies.. God just hasn’t saw fit to send me the man of my dreams yet. When he does, I’ll know it.

  133. The Joker
    January 14, 2014

    Lol! What a joke! Doing all of these things is great way to get some heartache. All doing these things will make a woman call you “A nice guy” the 3 worst words a guy can hear. Those three words actually mean “your a pathetic wimp, and I have no respect for you” life really is about playground rules guys, that’s why the “jerk” is always with the girl and the “nice guy” better known as “weak guy” ends up with nothing. Great read though I fell out of my car laughing. Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha!!

    • Mandy Hale
      January 15, 2014

      I’m so happy I was able to bless you with a few giggles! Have a blessed night! :)

    • Alexis
      January 15, 2014

      The Joker, if I were to make a judgement of you based purely from your post, I would believe that in the past you’ve probably shown some female a sweet side of yourself and were rejected.. Now this is just speculation.. But all women are different.. Just like all men are different.. Some men just can’t be gentlemen, either they can’t or they won’t either way.. For a man to treat a woman with overall respect (which could be telling her she’s beautiful daily, or simply by LISTENING to her rant about an awful day at work) does not make him weak.. My man goes above and beyond for me and I look to him with admiration and the utmost respect. Yes, he’s a very nice guy and he isn’t nice becaue he HAS to be.. He’s nice because he WANTS to be and because of this he’s rewarded by being treated like a King…

  134. Kate Yolanda
    January 14, 2014

    Very well- said!!! Indeed these wud remind men how to be a good gentleman!!!…its not always d material things that make us happy…wat matters most is making us feel like a lady and a queen!!!…

  135. January 14, 2014

    Very well-said!!! Indeed these wud remind men how to be a gentleman!!! It’s not always material things that make us happy…but treating us like a lady or a queen matters most!!!

  136. Charlene G
    January 14, 2014

    I totally agree with everything you said. It’s like you read my mind!!

  137. Alexis
    January 15, 2014

    Wow.. I am just surprised!! I’ve been reading some of these negative comments some of you men have posted and I’m just shocked that you would read this and have something negative to say about it. We are all different and we all want whatever we want… Some women could care less for a guy to be romantic or behave like a gentleman while others like to be “courted” “swooned” and pursued. I think that some of you are taking this blog negativity because you’re being way too personal and making it about yourself. You don’t like to pay the bill while out to dinner, get a woman that wants to handle all that. You don’t want a woman to consider you her best friend, get a woman who runs her mouth to EVERYONE! You don’t want a woman who has self respect and loves herself, get you a woman who runs the streets and has a lot of male “cousins”

    • James
      January 15, 2014

      Alexis–no, we are just being realistic. Without knowing Mandy, I’m going to give her the benefit of the doubt and say that she is a pure sweetheart who deserves all these things, and any guy will naturally want to give them to a woman such as that. In which case, this is an excellent article. But experience tells us guys that most women aren’t genuine sweethearts like that. Most (not all) are users, “entitled princesses”, as Kyle says. And we see those user-types posting this sort of article on social media saying, “This is what I deserve!” or something like that. And it sickens us. It’s not the fault of the one who wrote the article; it’s the fault of these princesses.

      Men are also to blame for this divide. Many men are users too. Much ink has been spilled on that topic.

      The key is for both men and women to earn each other’s trust and love. I would give anything to give a sweetheart of a woman all of the above. But I think I speak for most men when I say I’m skeptical that true sweethearts still exist. Thus the vitriolic responses on this article from men.

      And Kyle is right–move to the South, men! Yes, good women do exist up north but they are so rare that you have to be Justin Timberlake to land one of them.

    • Mandy Hale
      January 15, 2014

      This blog was never about announcing to the world “what I deserve.” It was written from my heart to express in a very simple way some of the things I love that guys do to make the ladies smile. I guess I’m a little perplexed about why some men seem to be so offended by it. None of these things listed here are outlandish or demanding or sophisticated or complicated. I would think if I were a man I would love to read from a woman’s heart what makes her smile. I honestly think the defensiveness coming from some men and feeling like what was and is a very heartfelt, sincere message is something demanding and entitled and unreasonable speaks to the unfortunate and monumental breakdown in communication between women and men.

    • January 15, 2014

      You’re surprised? I’m not. It’s quite representative of the quality of the majority (not all) of men out there today. Women have gotten them used to getting our “benefits” (term taken from Steve Harvey’s book, “How to Act Like a Lady and Think Like a Man” (very good read and good movie also) without putting in much effort. They are spoiled. And along comes a strong, independent woman with quite a following and they are feeling threatened that she is ruining their ride!

  138. Andrew
    January 15, 2014

    What (good) men really want…

    In my humble opinion, it’s not that hard.

    We want a woman worth pursuing, who encourages us to do so in those uniquely and mysteriously feminine ways that don’t take over the lead, but catch our interest. We want a lady, whose grace and loveliness is so different from our own ways, and yet complements us wonderfully. We want a woman who knows that when we say that she is beautiful that we are talking about more than her appearance, and that’s why we can say it without deceit whether she is is an evening gown, in jeans, or in sweatpants.

    We want someone who expects and appreciates our chivalry. In a world that decries holding the door as chauvinistic and paying the bill as outdated, a woman that desires and values that traditionalism lets us be men. We want a woman that we can take to the opera and to a bonfire. We want a woman that captivates our interest, intellectually and personally, who makes us better for knowing her, challenges and encourages us to grow in all ways, supports our ambition, and looks to us for support in her own things. We want a woman who finds comfort in our embrace, finds safety laying her head on our chest, and who asks us to do little things because we love to do things for you – and you understand that sometimes we need a little help.

    The best of us love God, and we know that the best of you do, too. We also know that He wired you to love Him in a way that we don’t understand, and we want you to share that with us, as we share ours with you. We want you to look to us for spiritual leadership, to honor and respect us (the true meaning of “submit” in Ephesians 5), but to know that we also want and need your input and wisdom – leadership doesn’t mean that we do it alone, it just means that you can’t have a majority vote in a group of two, and we bear the final responsibility. We want a woman who calls us to love her as Christ did the church (our part of Ephesians 5), giving Himself up for her, and not only expects it of us, but helps us to do it and honors us when we succeed.

    We want a woman who fights well, who can talk through an issue without emotional entrapment, who lets us know when she just needs to be listened to or held, and who has patience with us when we want to fix it for her. We want to fix things for her, whether it be the bookshelf, the many-legged tiny beast, the stuck jar, or the stranger who insulted her.

    We want to be her knight, our armor well-used from the quests that she has seen us through and the battles we have fought for her, for God, for ourselves. We want her to be the lady of our castle, to be her hero, a champion that she trusts and looks to for victory when it calls for it. And we want a woman who knows that the victory is hers as well, that having a different role is not a lesser one, that without a lady, we cannot be a knight, and that we need her to win the day. We want a woman who understand this, so that when the world comes to tear us down as oppressive and patriarchal, when we doubt that we are loving her well, when those attacks weigh us down, she will call us out as men according to her desires, and all those other voices will pass away.

    It really is as simple…and as complicated…as that.

    This is my first visit to this blog, and I really enjoyed your post. It was encouraging to know that there still are women out there who are looking for those kinds of traits in men. Thank you for sharing.

    • January 15, 2014

      Andrew, that is FABULOUS! Thank you for sharing and giving me hope that there are still some good men out there (even if they aren’t in Birmingham! LOL)

  139. Felicia
    January 15, 2014

    Yes! It really isn’t all that difficult. Love this article!

  140. Jon Gagnon
    January 15, 2014

    Every man who says he’s a man should read this article! This is the exact way my mother raised me…. Being a man is not about being a “tough guy”, it’s about knowing how to love a woman without having to SAY ” I love you”… Actions speek louder than words!!

    Jon Gagnon

    • Mandy Hale
      January 15, 2014

      I love this. I also love how this blog is most definitely separating the boys from the men. :) Thank you, Jon!

    • Alexis
      January 16, 2014

      JON!!! Yes!!! Yes!! Yesssss!!! *stands and applauds* exactly!!! I totally love this!!! ♥♥♥♥♥♥ your post Jon! You’ve said so much!! I hope other men read your post and actually adhere to it! Now that would be something wonderful!

  141. Songbird
    January 15, 2014

    I just found your blog today, and I’m very impressed with your thought processes and the lovely way you express them!
    In one of the comments, ‘Miss T’ wrote, “As a 44 year old never been married woman I sadly am still looking for a man like this… I thought I had found the ‘one’ but after 17 years he up and left…leaving me destroyed. Having spent nearly 7 years alone I have reached the point where I no longer trust the process of meeting anyone…”
    For some reason, this post caught my attention. Simple math tells me that this woman was about 20 years old when she began her relationship with the man. I am only assuming that the children she speaks of are his. Her life is vastly different now than it was 24 years ago, yet it seems as though her views of “the process” of meeting someone have not changed!
    Miss T (and to any other of her sad sisters), please listen to a bit of advice from someone a little older than you. If you want to meet someone, make yourself available to be met. Join a church (and its singles group, if it has one); join Parents Without Partners, where there are activities for you and your kids. If your kids are still young, join the PTA or a neighborhood play group. Have a hobby? Join – even a knitting class! Those ladies (and sometimes men) have relatives and friends, you know! Finding new friends will help alleviate that sadness, and being happy with yourself will go a long way toward making yourself open to new relationships. If God puts someone in your path – fine. Perhaps that certain someone will present himself. If not – also fine. You are loved, you are important. Believe it – and act like you believe it!

  142. Paul
    January 15, 2014

    Ladies, we are happy to give all this to you if you don’t in turn walk all over us! Fool us once, shame on you, fool us 2,3,4,5,6 times, shame on us. Most of us are gentlemen at heart who have learned to be jerks because you leave gentlemen for jerks or cheat on gentlemen with jerks!

    • January 15, 2014

      That is true, Paul to an extent. I have made that mistake. I’m still trying to figure out why. I think there is something hardwired in a lot of women to want to “fix” a broken man. It takes some of us a long time to learn that only Christ can fix ANYBODY. But most of us don’t make the same mistake twice so hang in there!

  143. January 15, 2014

    Madam:
    Neat story. I found this article on my FB page from a female friend. I really like her. I shall call her Beth. We met on a cruise on the Baltic Sea. She was with her family (5) I was with mine (22). One night I asked her father if I could ask her out (Germany). Next day I bought a SINGLE FLOWER at a market in Estonia. That night I delivered the flower to her at dinner in front of her whole family and asked her out (had to…..with 3000+ on board it was the only place I knew I could find her). Next night we went out (Russia). Two days later I bought her a SCARF (marimekko in Helsinki) to say thank you. We had another drink on the last night going from Stockholm back to Copenhagen. Where did this lead? FB friends. Why? God wants it that way so we can learn from experience. Chivalry requires honesty. I do believe feminine nature tries to protect this .Chivalry does not need that protection (we respect your desire to be caring…..in relationships……just not in dating). Please be abjectly honest with nice guys. Say in very clear specific terms “no this is not going to go anywhere”. You know what I mean. Level the field. Men of chivalrous nature can handle it. Save the warm caring soft “lets be friends” let down for the unchivalrous DB”S who lie from the start and have to live that lie through the relationship. Nice guys……grow some guts and do the same. Don’t waste time…..say EXACTLY what you want. May seem rude/unromantic to be so honest/explicit……my experience says girls LOVE guts and honesty. My God explains to me the desire to be pursued or have attention shown on me is self-seeking. Self seeking is one of the easiest ways for me to not put God first. I find that when God is taken out of charge……emotions are hurt. God is in charge of my being single. So much better that way. The only pain I can feel is when I manipulate a gift from God in a way he did not intend. COME ON PEOPLE…….HONESTY IS ROMANTIC. I am single because of breast cancer. Lori died at 40. Her baseline was at 35 (actually 34 because we were preparing to start a family and she could have been pregnant at 35 when her doctor thinks they should be done). She had no genetic predisposition. I believe God gave us many extra years together because someone told Lori to get her baseline prior to age 40. Mammograms are not expensive. Just get one.

  144. Chad harper
    January 15, 2014

    Ladies if you really want this then have the heart to tell all the men in your life this! If a man REALLY wants you he has NO problem doing any of this. MOST woman will settle
    for WAAAAAY less and this is the problem! If the man honks the horn call his phone and say in a VERY sweet and loving way that he must come to the door to get you. Once you set the tone he will act right UNLESS he really doesn’t want you and then LADIES have to have the will power to let him GO!!!! Or you will just suffer!!! Again when you let a man know what you want, please NOOOOOOO ATTITUDE!!!!!! Say it softly and very lovingly and you will get that you want. Attitude will only turn him off and he will not give you the respect you want long term. He may do it right then because you’re acting nasty and he just wants you to SHUT UP but trust he will pay you back for that nasty attitude. I heard of a book called “Men marry bitches” no we marry STRONG/LOVING women. ONLY men who are PUNKS marry bitches. So to close, LADIES YOU DESERVE ALL THIS AND SOOO MUCH MORE!!! So ask for it with HONEY NOT HOT SAUCE!!!

  145. GG
    January 15, 2014

    It would seem the joker thinks one way….and can not see anything differently! Its not about money, where you live or the damn car you drive! Its s connection! You would be surprised what a girl would give and give up when a guy steps up to the plate and makes her important…the only…trusts her and believes in her for the good of two!! Its always a two way street….and its where queens n kings are born!! At least you didnt fall hard! Wish I could say the same!!

  146. Tim Nelson
    January 15, 2014

    I received this message from a friend in Chicago, she thought I should read it and express my thoughts. I view having a relationship from the standpoint of equality, reciprocation, seeing one another as equals. I must speak to this from the perspective of being a Christian and an Omega MAN. First lets get to the center of all human activities, it’s the Heart. If one”s heart is right, their behavior performs as you have written. The real dissenting problem exist between emotional expectation or desire without the guidance of the Spirit of GOD and the constant conflict over needs, wants, and internal satisfaction. Our expectations and desires can be sinful, if our intentions and motives for dating or seeking to be with someone without the right spirit, then we deceive ourselves. Remember, we can’t expect someone to treat us right unless they’ve been taught how too. If a person doesn’t feel guilty about mistreating someone, or justify wrong doing and refuse to take responsibility, then its a good chance, they won’t treat you as a lady. A king can’t exist on a throne without a queen, and a queen should have good character, a loving spirit, a forgiving attitude, and an understandable heart, with a king who fears and loves GOD. If he respects his walk with GOD, he will respect you.

  147. January 15, 2014

    When we have expectations and they are not met, we get disappointed.

    That is why it is very important to tell a man what is expected. And if you can’t say it in words, then do it through your actions.

    A good man will appreciate this and respect you for it.

  148. Brittany
    January 15, 2014

    Can’t believe this blog has turned into Mandy defending herself. What she says is NOTHING new, just reiterating what (most) (quality) women want and what (most) (quality) men already offer (although its hard to find these men among the OVER BEARING weeds). The hysterics berating her can’t possibly be serious, so many other men and woman have written articles such as this one over the years, stating (mostly) the same thing. People just want to love and be loved. Love is an action/verb, not a feeling/noun – especially for (Godly) women.

  149. January 15, 2014

    You know you’re addicted to facebook when you find yourself on a blog and trying to “like” several comments on it! LOL Great discussion!

  150. January 15, 2014

    Mandy – the comment about Jesus being our Rescuer was intended for the commenter and reader above me. I clicked Reply to her response, so I’m surprised at the confusion. On another note, I support your message and appreciate your thoughts on the blog. Keep up the great work :)

    • mat
      January 15, 2014

      yeah..exactly my thoughts. I think mandy got it mixed up

  151. Rose
    January 15, 2014

    I agree and not all women have the patience to wait for THE ONE and just settle for whatever works. I settled for such a relationship once and it was one of the most valuable lessons I’ve ever learned. It’s very important for us women to appreciate and know our worth.Self love is the greatest love there is and men will want to be with us more when they see that we are strong to stand on our own two feet and feminine enough to love the little things our men do for us.And ladies, patience does pay off. :)

  152. Shawn
    January 15, 2014

    Good blog, Mandy. I do understand where a lot of these posters are coming from, and I’ve certainly seen ideas such as these pushed to an unreasonable point. I don’t think that’s where you were trying to go. And while what you’re trying to convey may be fairly simple, I don’t think that always translates into being easy. Holding a door open for a girl? Easy. Loving her when she’s at her worst? That takes guts, because it’s going to hurt. Sometimes, it takes supernatural support. But then, so does quite a bit of worthwhile life.

    Like many men here, I strive to be a gentleman, and I am woefully unpopular with women. No one I’ve asked knows why. I suspect I would do all of these requirements relatively well, if given a chance. I only bring this up because it is so common, and to suggest another blog post for you. This post is good once a man is dating someone, but what makes a woman willing to try dating a man in the first place? How do we get that foot in the door of your heart? I hear a lot less about this on Christian blogs, and it’s sad, because I feel more men would benefit from it. I’d love to hear that question answered.

    But that’s just an idea. It’s your blog – what about whatever you choose!

  153. January 15, 2014

    Absolutely true! Love this! already quoted some of it on my Facebook stat. :)

  154. mat
    January 15, 2014

    hello mandy..just to say I love your post and you encourage me a lot. just a lil thing though. I think Deborah was not referring to you when she talked about bring in prison and being free. she was referring to a previous comment made by one lisa who said she was in an extramarital affair and struggling to get away from. Lisa needed to be encouraged and dts what Deborah did. although lisa’s comment is not in line with what you wrote, maybe she needed someone to encourage her so she used this platform. God bless

  155. Heather B
    January 15, 2014

    While I do love this and fall into the category of “most” women, I found myself asking the question, “what is chivalry from women to men?” So many times I hear friends brag at how poorly they treat the man in their life and wonder why they aren’t treated like they deserve. I can say that if my boyfriend made fun of me in front of his friends, pointed out all of my flaws publicly, or called me stupid, I’d be very unwilling to turn on the charm. Couldn’t that be what men feel like? When I hear a friend say, I don’t owe him anything, I wonder why? Isn’t a relationship with 2 people, give and take? This blog is so thought provoking and by all the posts we can see how different we are. We each read it, but all had different thoughts and opinions from it. For me, seeing I am not alone in what I want, that it’s pretty common, makes me feel rather normal. And it is attainable! I’ve seen it. I dated a guy who sat inside nice and warm while I was cleaning 4 inches of snow off my car. My mother was appalled and said, “oh dear, he is dead in the water.” A year later, on a date and it snowed about a 1/4 inch. Guy #2 got his snow brush and I said, “oh thanks but I have one and can do that.” This time he was appalled…”like I am going to let you clean your car off when I’m right here.” Swoon! It’s not much, but honestly it was an “aha” moment for me. Aha, there are still guys that are gentlemen! And also, Aha!! What can I do that would give him the same feeling? After all, the golden rule says to treat others the way you want to be treated.

  156. Tricia
    January 15, 2014

    I LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE this thank you for saying it so beautifully and with such humor and lightheartedness. I really loved the line ” killer of spiders”!

  157. Jaime
    January 16, 2014

    Mandy – You are so right on. I think you seriously just put it out there plain and simple. Thank You for being you and allowing God to use you in so many ways! You are a very blessed women! :)

  158. January 16, 2014

    Great post! Many times we, as women, are criticized for wanting the simple things that you’ve listed. We’re told that we are being “too picky” and that no man is perfect. I do believe that no one is perfect, but I also believe that the items you’ve posted are not something that is totally taboo. I want the old fashion guy! :-)

  159. Yeloheaven
    January 16, 2014

    I love, love, love this! Thank you!

  160. Danny
    January 17, 2014

    This is literally not an exageration at all..I am that kind of guy, I do everything that I just read except get up when the woman goes to the restroom and I am the kind of guy that every girl supposedly wants and it gets me walked all over and treated bad…but if I do the exact opposite and treat a girl like I really dont care and blow her off shr cant seem to get enough of me….lol..just an opinion from an average guy with old fashioned morals

  161. January 18, 2014

    Truer words have never been written about a relationship. Every female from one to one hundred and one can relate. It is my wish that every male would read and take the advice that is so well stated.

  162. Melanie
    January 18, 2014

    Amen! This is exactly what I have been wanting and praying for my whole life!! I couldn’t have said it any better myself.

  163. anonymous
    January 19, 2014

    This brought tears to my eyes because I feel as if I wrote it myself. It’s nice to know that I’m not all alone in this single life waiting and praying for God to bring the right one along.

  164. Carvis Dennard
    January 21, 2014

    Ive have been a chivalrous man for years. My dating experience has been mostly heart broken. Am a man the understands the meaning of karma. I have hurt those who loved me the most. I actually went back to them and asked them for forgiveness. I found out that when i started to become a gentleman, a man, and a chivalrous individual, i started meet women that felt being this type of man is considered weak. Some women like to be pursed in a dangerous way. I have met a couple of them. In my heart, i wasnt raised to become a bad boy. I treated it and it doesnt define who i am as a person. There has been times i didnt understand women. Im a chivalrous guy. I perform all of these things and i got cheated on, dump, or used for their advantage. Then i realized that it is not me that has the problem it is some of the non chivalrous women i have encountered in my lifetime. From man to man, there are women who are loving for this type of love and there are some women who are look for the bad boy. Sometimes it take a bad boy to reach the chivalrous man. Its the way of life. We have to realize what we want in person. Keep our standards neutral. Keep God first. It took lot of praying to keep me on the path towards a chivalrous man. I was on the edge of become a no good man. I felt it was no point in keep the image of a chivalrous man. Threw God, i found a woman that was looking for the same thing. We have our ups and down but we still together. We love each other alot. We been together for 3 years and 6 months. We have been friends for 3 years before we started dating. Im tell you Women, know what you want out of man. Keep your standards neutral and know what your worth. A man will only treat you to what you give him.

  165. Moe
    January 25, 2014

    Yes! This is so true! :)

  166. Dan
    January 25, 2014

    For all the guys out there worried that a woman would walk over you for being this type of man, or if you have experienced, like many of us men have, a woman actually get mad/indignant at you for holding the door open for her, I’d like to share my favorite reminder of “why” you do these things…

    A man once held a door open for a woman. She angrily accused the man of chauvinistically opening the door for her just because she was a woman. He replied “I didn’t open the door for you because you are a woman, I opened the door for you because I am a man!” :-)

  167. AmyB
    January 27, 2014

    If a man loves God for real and more than anything else -all this list should fall in line.

  168. Jim
    January 31, 2014

    Great article! I am a man and I have done all of these things in each relationship I have been in. I’m all in and then the woman does some things selfishly repeatedly after numerous conversations about it until I am forced to break my heart by breaking up with her, which of course, breaks her heart as well :-( Then I spend what seems like an eternity stuck in love despite that I made a decision to leave. Love can be the most wonderful thing…and also the most horrible thing. I think each time I love and lose, I lose a piece of myself.

  169. Shirley
    February 2, 2014

    Mandy, I agree with you that men should do the pursuing. I’m wondering however, how would that work on an online dating site? If I saw a man that I thought was an ideal match, should I wink or refrain from winking/smiling/ initiating any kind of contact and simply pray and hope that if he is the man for me, God will make it happen? Would love to hear your thoughts on this.

  170. Jessica
    February 10, 2014

    YES, YES, YES. This is perfectly said!!!

  171. La Donna
    February 10, 2014

    Wow Mandy this was perfect and spot-on. This is EVERYTHING I want in a man and could not have said it better. Thank you! And continue to pray for me as I am patiently waiting and praying for this.

  172. […] What (Most) Women Really Want […]

  173. Shannon
    February 23, 2014

    Mandy, you made a home run with this blog! I have read you book and I love your style. I am 41 and I totally agree with absolutely everything you said about what we women want…at least for me, it hit home. My dad carries all of these qualities and I was able to see first hand, growing up how he implemented them with my mom. They have been married nearly 52 years and are still going strong. I have hope….

  174. Alexis
    January 15, 2014

    The Joker, no I don’t think most of them are making up these things.. I believe that they’re speaking from some type of past experience. I do agree with you to a certain extent but to blatantly say that when a man demonstrates these certain characteristics make him appear weak is just devastating. All women shouldn’t be judged based on how some women have treated you. And the same goes for men as well. Yes there are some women who don’t respond well by being treated like a “queen” and that’s true.. Some of us (women) don’t appreciate a good man when we’ve found one.. But that is HER struggle.. HER burden.. Don’t make it yours. With that being said, the biggest problem when it comes to finding a mate for women is that a lot of us (women) look for materialistic things and that is the downfall. Now, I’m speaking about some women not all so ladies don’t get to ranting and raving at me! We have to look past being materialistic and look more for the internal characteristics other than what we see and what we hear. Now, speaking for myself, when I think of a queen, I think of a woman who is humble, appreciative, honest, loyal, reliable, trustworthy, respectful, dignified, etc.. I don’t think of a woman lavishly clad in gems and rubies. When I say that my man treats me like a queen I mean he pays attention to me, he’s affectionate, loving, kind, compassionate, captivated, enthralled, consumed, genuine, trusting and all those niceties to and in me. I don’t want to be showered with gifts all of the time, I’m fine if he doesn’t buy me anything! All I ask is that he treats me like I’m worth everything to him and he doesn’t have to buy me anything to prove his love for me. A random gift could be anything, it could be a text message, a nice phone call, A foot massage here and there, nice back rub, run me a steaming hot bubble bath, tend to me emotionally, be there when I need him…that’s all I ask.. And in return I’ll show him the same courtesy.. If not better. Ever heard the saying, “treat me good and I’ll treat you even better”? It’s true..when it applies to me. So as you see The Joker.. Not all women are out here looking for a treasure trove.. Some of us just want love and affection…

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