The Modern Dating Game: Three Ways It Makes Me Crazed

CommunicationI seem to keep running into the same problems in my dating life. And so do my friends. Literally three or four different amazing, beautiful, successful single women in my life keep hitting the same wall as me…so I KNOW there must be something to it. I mean, as much as I adore Greg Behrendt (and here’s the proof), they can’t all possibly be “just not that into us”…right?!?

What am I talking about?

COMMUNICATION.

I don’t know if it’s modern-day communication or modern-day men in general that are causing us the greatest amounts of heartburn, but all three of the issues I see single ladies struggling with stem from a communication breakdown. Last year I wrote a blog post called “What (Most) Women Really Want” and all you have to do is scroll down to the comments section to see firsthand the giant Grand Canyon-sized gap between what expectations women have and what expectations men are willing to meet.

So what are the three of the top communication trends right now in dating that seem to be driving single women the most bonkers? Glad you asked.

  1. No follow-through. He shows interest. He flirts. He beelines to your side the minute he sees you out somewhere. The message is clear. He’s into you! So when he FINALLY asks for your number, you think it’s just a matter of time before he calls, you go out, you fall in love, you live happily ever after. Right? Wrong! Instead, he texts you halfheartedly a couple of times before dropping off the radar completely. So what gives, fellas? Why ask for a girl’s number and act interested if you have no intention of following through? I hear phrases tossed around a lot like “He’s shy” and “He’s intimidated” and “He’s too busy right now” . . . but in my experience, a man who sees something he wants tends to go after it.
  2. Infrequent communication. This is sort of an offshoot of No. 1, however, this applies more to men who don’t drop off completely but instead vanish for weeks at a time only to pop up randomly here and there with a phone call or a drive-by “Hey, pretty lady!” text. What does this mean?!? When you talk, things seem great. You laugh, you vibe, you have a grand old time. So why doesn’t he come around more often? This puzzles me more than John Travolta’s odd behavior at the Oscars. (And also more than most of NPH’s jokes at the Oscars. As much as I love him, that Reese “With-her-spoon” joke? Nah.)
  3. Banishing himself to the Island of Misfit Boys. You’re finally dating. You’ve worked through the early stages of dating communication weirdness and you’re on the other side. Things are moving right along. You are literally saddling up the horse to ride off into the sunset to Happily Ever After when . . . he vanishes. Poof! Gone, without a trace. Last night he sent you a sweet “Good night, beautiful” text and conveniently left off the: “Have a nice life.” You literally go from talking multiple times a day and seeing each other multiple times a week to checking the sides of milk cartons for his face. WHAT WENT WRONG? Unfortunately, in these types of situations, you rarely ever get real closure. Usually the guy just disappears into the night, never to be seen or heard from again.

Despite all of these issues, I am happy to report that a communication breakDOWN doesn’t always lead to a breakUP. A girlfriend of mine has been talking to a guy who at times, met criteria for all three of the points above . . . yet they worked through it, and just last week, he asked her to be his girlfriend! This is actually a true story and not an urban legend. So keep the faith, ladies! Keep being open, keep communicating, and keep being clear about what you want, and I truly believe that someday, somewhere, someone will come along who wants the same things as you. And all the guys who came before him will vanish from your mind faster than . . . well, the guys who came before him.

I want to hear from you! Have you experienced any of these three communication breakdowns? Are there more to add to the list? Sound off in the comments below! 

102 Responses to “ The Modern Dating Game: Three Ways It Makes Me Crazed ”

  1. Bridgette
    March 18, 2015

    Dated a man intensely for 2.5 months. Was meeting him weekly and this past Friday night, begging me for a hot date…when I said it would be difficult to get away from my squad shenanigans but that I would be there he never responded. That’s was 6 days ago….I text an explanation but got nothing in return. Not sending anymore messages. Clearly I’m easy and nothing. enough to walk away from. Hurts deep.

    • Arlene
      March 19, 2015

      Girl! You are NOT nothing!! You are beautiful and special and precious and WORTH IT!!! His behavior hurts and is childish but that does not reflect on you. Someone who can walk away from you this way, does not respect you or think about your feelings. He is the one with a problem, not you. Don’t let him make you feel small. You are all together awesome and all together FABULOUS!!! (And yes it will hurts now, but take it from me, it will get better)

  2. Annette
    March 18, 2015

    I am curious to hear what your girlfriend’s new boyfriend has to say about why he did all three listed but was interested in her to be his girlfriend! My experience has been 1) they are communicating with others and narrowed it down to someone other than myself (kind of like The Bachelor style) but are too chicken to be honest 2) Genuinely like me but not ready for full commitment, or 3) They always come back and I realize they are not what I want! Who wants someone who cannot communicate or are intimidated so easily! 🙂

    • April
      March 18, 2015

      Annette^ I think you hit the nail on the head! I have experienced all the same things and believe the points you made to be true!

    • Hal
      March 19, 2015

      I’m curious about his reasoning as well. In regard to the narrowing down process… this is common. One day I want to be the first and only choice, not just a Choice.

    • Lady
      March 19, 2015

      I’m interested in knowing why a guy would do all three things, and the woman would even want to continue seeing them?
      I’ve been in those circumstances and lose interest.. I think that men are spinning too many plates in the air (women), due to the increased use of social media/dating websites, that they have too much selection and don’t know how the heck to properly manage it all. Whereas, I think women (being natural multi-taskers and evaluators) are able to weed through who they are – and are not – interested in more quickly while multi-dating/chatting and hone in on a few amount of suitors.

    • Bonnie T
      April 26, 2015

      THAT,,,, is so on point! #nailedit

    • LM
      September 17, 2015

      or a man who runs away like a 2 year old who saw the boogie man! I want a MAN who is MAN enough to stand up say what he means and mean what he says.

  3. Megan
    March 18, 2015

    I’ve experienced all 3! The most recent was with my ex…never called on the phone, serial texter. Once in a blue moon I would get a phone call. Another one, can’t answer a message but sure can update Facebook real quick. Men. Ha!

    • Lisa
      March 19, 2015

      The last guy I dated was a serial texter too. I asked him one time do you want to talk on the phone and his reply was what do you want to talk about. Really now you can text all night but you can’t have a verbal conversation. I stopped communicating with him entirely!

    • Tabatha
      March 19, 2015

      I dated a guy for a year that frequently travelled for business for a week at a time. When he was away I was lucky to get a text asking how my day was but he always had time to update Facebook about where he was having dinner and how much fun he was having. I brought it up several times and each time he promised to work on changing this. He was away on yet another business trip and I thought everything was fine. He showed up on my doorstep when he got home and told me we were through. I was shocked, hurt and speechless. Things were not perfect but I didn’t see that coming. Turns out I am not the only woman he has done this to. Lots of people came out of the woodwork once we split up to tell me that they had a friend who had been treated the same way by him. Two years later I am still single but I have bought my first place and got a puppy! Looking back on it, I am so much happier now and know my worth.

    • Audry
      March 20, 2015

      We’ll I can’t get no love ! I really like this guy / man right we had a cool evening at home right. So a day a two ago I ask when can we see each other again ! He said not sure , then I ask Is it me !? He then said no my sch sweetie …;( I just can’t get it right . Should I let it go …..

  4. Suzie
    March 18, 2015

    This same thing just happened to me. I’ve been texting with this guy for almost 3 months-serial texter but I always felt like I was asking him to meet for a date. The three times we made plans, two got canceled. Then, after hearing from him everyday I haven’t heard a word since last Friday. The not knowing or understanding what happened is the hardest part. Very frustrating and disappointing.

    • Grace
      March 19, 2015

      I know how you feel. Texting A guy for the past 2 weeks going great….Every day he would text or I would and it would go on for hours…suggested meeting he said he was happy as we were…weird and then 2 days later suggested meeting. I said yes..nothing else was mentioned and on Sunday texted him and was leading to asking him out….its the 21st century after all and nada! Nothing since Sunday. Men eh? Disappointing idiots!!!!

  5. Penny
    March 19, 2015

    I am going through the exact same thing for point 1 and 2. It’s extremely heartbreaking. The limbo stage is hard, especially when you really like the guy.

  6. March 19, 2015

    Yes!! I have experienced all 3 of these!! What gives?! The Island of Misfit Boys has definitely been the hardest for me. No clue as to what happened and in turn no closure. I’m so glad to read that I’m not the only one to have experienced this! Thanks Mandy!

    • joeinthekitchen
      March 24, 2015

      Hi Lisa and Mandy, first I wanted to say thanks for sharing your stories. I never believed there is such a term for non-closure like when a man just disappears unexpectedly without a phone call or warning. Thank you girls, and it only strengthens my decision to fully forget him.

  7. Sherri Adelman
    March 19, 2015

    I was actually engaged. He was a truck driver so a lot of our communication was via text and phone calls because he was gone a lot. Eventually he dropped off the face of the earth… literally. He stopped talking to me for no reason. Every time we talked he told me how much he loved me. But then, he disappeared. I never got closure and it’s been 4 1/2 years since the “break-up.”

    • Erika
      March 20, 2015

      Omg! The same exact thing happened to me. But we were living together, and he traveled for work…was gone 98% of the time. Me being the supportive type, remained patient and faithful, only to be completely blindsided by his disappearance. There was never any explanation as to why, and there weren’t even any problems between us. That scarred me very deeply because he played with my life, emotions and my love. As a result, it took me TWO YEARS to finally move past that betrayal, and it still hurts when I think about it. I now have insecurities I never had before, but I’m working on getting better.

  8. Sherri Adelman
    March 19, 2015

    I was actually engaged. He was a truck driver so a lot of our communication was via text and phone calls because he was gone a lot. Eventually he dropped off the face of the earth… literally. He stopped talking to me for no reason. Every time we talked he told me how much he loved me. But then, he disappeared. I never got closure and it’s been 4 1/2 years since the “break-up.”

  9. Ash
    March 19, 2015

    Currently the story of my life and it depresses me. This has been a constant for me and a guy I really like for 3years now. All I think is, “Am I not good enough?”
    I’m in the process of letting it go though. Makes no sense to hold on to the hurt…3years is long enough I think.

  10. mirae kim
    March 19, 2015

    thanks for this…i was going thru another phase of guy #1. it just leaves me wondering why would they start sharing their life with you everyday only to go missing in action after sometime. i usually reach out one last time when they go “silent” . Maybe we just have to train ourselves to still care, share our hearts and take chances and when they couldn’t handle that and suddenly disappeaers, we should be ok with it and continue to keep on taking chances even though we’ve been hurt.

  11. lucy
    March 19, 2015

    Have the same experience for all three. It started this way I backed down then he came full blown for a rship. Divorcee guy.

    We got along well so I agreed. In d rship he will disappear for weeks and cease communication. I will be upset and wonder what went wrong. Then he will show up with intense interest. I said he is still going through the ups N down of d divorce. I held up cos he was always so apologetic. We went for a year no improvement and I was hurting a lot. Eventually I found out he was cultivating a relationship with someone else. So I really had to let go. Still hurts as hell but I decided to love myself more and move on. I suspect he was intimidated by me and not convinced to move on with me. So he sought out another female. Ladies protect your self and heart first no matter what. A man should win you not you win him….

  12. Stacy
    March 19, 2015

    Thank you so much for posting this. I am forever saying to my friends that I want a man who will call me. I “meet” these guys and all they want to do is text. Or they want a counselor. They don’t make plans and they don’t want to pursue. But then get upset when I stop responding because they aren’t making moves. I used to feel like friends and men think I have too high of standards but I completely agree- If a guy is into you, he will show it. Actions speak louder than words. A guy will go after a girl he wants. I just haven’t found that yet.

  13. Amanda
    March 19, 2015

    I dated a guy for roughly two months. He would always tell me how happy I made him, how he hasn’t been this happy in a very long time. He said so many darn things to where I had thought he was serious about me. Then once I started dealing with some very stressful situations, he disappeared and said he couldn’t handle it. You just never know anymore, you never know what is real and what isn’t. People just flee without any signs of it. If a guy really cares about you like he says, he will stick around through the difficult times. I’m beginning to lose hope with society. The dating game is just so full of crap.

    • Renata
      March 19, 2015

      I sooooo agree Amanda! I too, dated a guy for around two months. He said so many things to me. He said I was what he had been looking for, praying for, hoping for, and wishing for. I mean he really laid it on thick. And I believed every single word. Why? Because I had a few months earlier, gotten out of a verbally abusive relationship. So this new guy was the exact opposite. My love language is words of affirmation and he definitely was all compliments. When I had a surgery while we were together, I got a couple texts, not even a phone call. When I asked him why he didn’t call, he got defensive saying he had alot going on! I laugh at it now, cause I can’t believe how I believed him and fell for him so hard. He was all talk and had no actions to back it up. I should have known better, but I was in la la land. Another tough lesson learned in the dating game!!

  14. March 19, 2015

    I’m a successful mother of 3 older kids, 2 are out of the house. I’m a hard working nurse, fairly attractive, funny, witty. Finding a good man is like searching for a unicorn. Men are not aggressive these days, and it does come across as being uninterested. I would love to meet a man who wants no drama, no games, he goes after what he wants and he’s honest. This is becoming increasingly disheartening

    • Chantal
      March 19, 2015

      Cary I completely agree with you….I have a very similar situation- hard working nurse, no kids, no drama, make good $. I feel like all of these good things are maybe a threat to most men…..but where is that “unicorn”???!!

  15. Kristi
    March 19, 2015

    I can relate to what every one of you are dealing with. Been there & back with all that! It’s heartbreaking and frustrating when a man you really care about puts your emotions in limbo. I finally that learned the man God has for me will be clear about his intentions & my place in his life. Whoever God has for you will not play games with you and keep you guessing on how he feels about you. Know that God allows everything to happen for a reason. God may allow that man to leave your life so He can send you His best. Don’t allow a man’s action to keep you in a holding pattern. I had to learn this as well. I pray God’s peace and blessings on you as you move forward, enjoy where God has you in this season and wait to receive His best!

    • Sonya
      March 19, 2015

      Preach!! You are telling the truth. God only wants us to have His very best.

    • Tracey
      April 6, 2015

      Wow didnt realise these men were an actual clan. ..Ive got a similar scenario. Think the world of someone, he cannot for the life of him ignore me if he sees me, we spent one night together then freaked out. .we shouldnt have done that we are just friends. Yeah im your friend when it suits. If his life is bad who does he call? When his brother died who did he cry to? He told my friend im special im his dream woman and he will always look after me, that same night he blocked me on his phone. ..its like his feelings scare him and he’s in total denial. Recently saw him after 8 weeks of being blocked. Asked me for two minutes of my time. He got more than he bargained for because I ripped in to him and told him exactly the user he is. He just sat there like a naughty boy. .and im still blocked. I care about him a lot but I deserve better so I have to move on.

  16. Janet
    March 19, 2015

    I’m a single mom of a 8 year old daughter. I work full time and tried the online dating thing and got so sick of all those games. I ran out of time and energy. I finally decided to back out of the realm and reflect on the warning signs and what I really want. Turns out I’m happier waiting on God’s match for me than chasing the “dating” tail:)

    • Kelley
      March 20, 2015

      I completely agree with Janet…it only took a few times on the dating site to realize this is not for me and I am content to wait on what God has in store–He’s the ultimate matchmaker! Boaz is on the way!

    • modupe
      July 23, 2015

      Our lives are kinda the same.

  17. Sandy
    March 19, 2015

    I’ve been single and in the dating world for 10 years. I’ve experienced all of these. Right now I’m dealing with 1&2 right now with a couple guys I’m talking too. My problem is I hate playing “the game”. One of the guys I’m talking too i really liked and he made plans with my twice to see me but always broke them or didn’t talk to me. I messaged him Monday and we finally met up, unfortunately I slept with him too soon and now I feel like I have ruined any chance with him now 🙁

  18. Jenn
    March 19, 2015

    I was dating this guy for just over three months, he has a 7 day rotation at work, and when he was home, we were always together. He took me away for my birthday, we went away for his… everything was going great. He left for his 7 days, came home and we didn’t see eachother at all. I would shoot him a text, and he would take hours to get back to me… if I heard from him at all. That was a month ago. Then just last Saturday I get a random text from him. I don’t know what changed, but if this is the way this dating life is gonna go, I’ll be quite happy being alone. At least that way, I can give myself the attention I deserve! haha.

    • lucia
      May 25, 2015

      I agree with you, it seems he doesnt want commitment

  19. Mandi
    March 19, 2015

    To inject another glimmer of hope, I went through the same circle with numerous guys and hated every second of it. I met my boyfriend a little over a year ago and he seemed doomed to fall into the same pattern so many others have. But something kept telling me to reach out to him and after some long conversations and nudging he finally confessed he did like me but was very shy and scared. Since then he has been an amazing boyfriend! Calls when he says he will, by my side when I need him, loving, everything I ever dreamed of!! We recently moved in together and I know a proposal is not too far off!
    I know it’s hard to put yourself out there and take action but you never know how it could pay off. You have to be careful obviously but in my case I am so glad I listened to that feeling!!

  20. Desire
    March 19, 2015

    Such confusion. Why does this happen?
    Everything is fine and then you are left wondering what happened.
    When back in touch it’s they act like everything is fine and give no explanation as to why they disappeared or aren’t in touch as much.
    Claim we drive ourselves crazy and start fights over nothing because it’s all in our heads and no one else is getting the attention we once did.
    Is that believable? Is that the way things are now? Do we trust that there is none else and it’s just the new norm?

    • lucia
      May 25, 2015

      I am tired of that too. They like to play games, to demonstrate they have control over us.

  21. ILA
    March 19, 2015

    I think the majority of the problem in relationships is with the internet, and smart phones. I am not one who needs variety in life. So many people these days have such easy access to variety, its like an addiction and they crave it. The excitement of chatting with someone new. Once that “newness” wears off they look for the next excitement. I got out of a relationship last year and he was addicted to porn, amongst talking to this one person and possibly others secretly through his phone somehow. A “Secret App” don’t get me started on that! Anyway I’m in another new relationship now and I’m starting to feel the same vibes. He seemed so into me the first month was coming on strong (more so than I had hoped, becuase I wanted to take it slow after my last relationship ordeal) and now we are in month two and things are dying down some. He still wants to see me every day but the texting during the day has died down and I fear he has some emotional tie to a girl he plays games with on his phone and she also facebook messaged him not too long ago. Which sends me in defense mode. I don’t want to talk to him about it because if something is going on he will just lie to me as the ex boyfriend did. I am so tired of having to play private investigator with guys. Why can’t people be loyal anymore? Why can’t they be respectful. I grew up with my parents not having separate friends. They had mutual coupled friends, and they were church couples, not single friends, etc. I am so frustrated right now. I”m in my LATE 30’s and I”ve never been married. I’m starting to give up and I don’t have the energy to put up with this petty bull crap in relationships anymore. I’m so disappointed with people and its like no one has a heart anymore.

    • ILA
      March 19, 2015

      I’m sorry , I’m meant to also add up above that we are actually an “exclusive” couple!! He was the one who wanted it that way. As always, I’m completely exclusive, but I’m just not so sure he completely is. Again, it could just be an emotional tie, but that is not ok in my book. I’m so tired of going through these situations.

  22. Desire
    March 19, 2015

    Such confusion. Why does this happen?
    Everything is fine and then you are left wondering what happened.
    When back in touch it’s they act like everything is fine and give no explanation as to why they disappeared or aren’t in touch as much.
    Claim we drive ourselves crazy and start fights over nothing because it’s all in our heads and no one else is getting the attention we once did.
    Is that believable? Is that the way things are now? Do we trust that there is none else and it’s just the new norm?

  23. March 19, 2015

    I’d like to hear your friends guy explanation as well. My opinion is that if a guy really cares about you and your feelings, he’s not going to keep you in “limbo”. If we can’t meet face to face after a few calls or text I’m saying goodbye. It doesn’t take months to determine that you want meet or be with someone. I’ve been through all 3 types and realize now that I would’ve been unhappy with either of them if it really became serious. I’m waiting on God to guide me to meeting the right guy for me and its very liberating to not be in anxiety about some limbo situation.

  24. Jennifer Jones
    March 19, 2015

    I think this behavior comes from men that are intimated and want a weak woman, or he is a player stringing many women along. Good riddance!

  25. Alicia
    March 19, 2015

    These men nowadays are so emotional. They get hurt feelings about nothing. My thing has always been communications. They say they want to get to know you but rarely call,then expect you to act like your in a relationship. Dont think so. Spending time together is once a week.how do you get close like that?i use to just accept whatever they might say and do with exception. Not cheating or abuse but disrespectful language or attitude. Now i dont entertain any kind of foolishness cant count how many relationships i have dropped right away. Dont take b.s anymore.

  26. Danielle
    March 19, 2015

    Was with a guy for almost a year. Meet his family. He met mine. He works out of town for 3 weeks at a time and home for 1. Constant daily conversations as much as we could humanly perform on both sides of the relationship. I feel in live and he did too until, Almost at the 1 year mark, went to a birthday party at his sister’s together. Some other guy I have never met hit on me and all the other girls there so hard it was embarrassing! At 1 point he smacked my as and I just smiled and laughed it off. Wasn’t going to make a big scene in front of family and the guy’s pregnant wife so I smiled at him and laughed it off. My boyfriend dumped me the next day thinking I had purposely gone to hang out with this guy and all the men (3 of them) who were actually family and family friends. I was not. Now he won’t talk to me….I apologized and asked to talk to him on the phone or in person and get either no answer for days then cryptic message via text or get the occasional “I’m so upset” texts. He refuses to talk to me in person or on the phone. I’m devastated. We had talked marriage and growing old together.

  27. Marsha
    March 19, 2015

    Wow! So nice to know its just not me going through this. I sometimes think with all the technology it’s far too easy for guys to to meet other women and feel like they have more options, therefore not wanting to give it all up for one lady! Most seem to be all about themselves. But I’m sure there some decent ones out there. It’s so frustrating and the game gets old. Although I still hold out hope!

  28. Jennifer
    March 19, 2015

    This came right when I needes it. Met a guy little over a month ago. Communication is sporadic but we have seen each other once a week now since meeting. When we are together we click. We really have a great time. He plans and executes great dates. But then only communicates between for the next date. I don’t need more time during the week. We are both busy professionals. But I would like a phone call or maybe a little more communication. Thinking this will end soon. It hasn’t inconvenienced me at all and I am in no rush but I don’t want to become his Sunday Funday only. I will give him a chance….after reading this.

  29. cara
    March 19, 2015

    people do exactly what they want to do.

  30. March 19, 2015

    Amen, Mandy. Amen. This has been my dating life the last few years. Currently at point 2 with a guy who I’ve known for almost two years. We’ve done this roundabout before with me ending it. Hoped(hoping) things would work out this time around, but thus far I’m not holding my breathe.

  31. Michelle
    March 19, 2015

    Met all of these 3 types of men. They show a lot of interest in the beginning and then disappear. It was greatly damaging my self esteem and had me thinking that maybe I was not good enough. My friends and family always have the same question thrown at me “what is wrong with you, why are you still single?” ive met and gone out on dates with men of different race, social status and religion. And one thing i know for sure, if a guy is truly interested in a girl, believe me he will move mountains just to be with her. It’s unfortunate however that men just don’t have the balls to call it quits or at the very least be honest..

  32. Margie
    March 19, 2015

    My old friend group wanted me to date this guy. Lets call him Joe. Joe was introverted like me. Joe loved to text, but Joe couldn’t carry a conversation when he called (if called.) Everyone said we looked good together. Joe wants to drink at bars all the time. Joe doesn’t want to do anything else beside drink at the bar. I rarely drink Joe would ask me for a ride to a party. Joe never asked me as his date. However, people presumed we would date, because he was always around me. I told him I dont see us together.

    So, I guess another type of guy is the 40 year old guy still living the 20 something life and refuses to grow up?

  33. Norma
    March 19, 2015

    Wow great points!! I have had this happen to me, the reasons I got was that he didn’t want to ruin our friendship and the other one was he wasn’t ready for a relationship so he took a step back. In the mean time I get the crazies that are constantly looking for me but I am not interested. Patiently waiting!

  34. Stacey
    March 19, 2015

    SIX YEARS! Yes, I’ve been going through all 3 of the above for six years with the same person. I think we as women have allowed this behavior and that’s why they continue to do it. It’s disrespectful. It’s degrading. I do not deserve to be ignored, like I mean less than nothing, until he’s not too busy. If something is important to someone, they will find the time. Consistently.

  35. Kara
    March 19, 2015

    Recently, I was in a long distance relationship. The man of my absolute dreams and so happened to be the guy I had the biggest crush on in high school finally pops in my life, and he was back in our hometown on leave while I attend the local Univeristy. Cliche, but we met up for a movie, he kissed me and I felt weak in the knees, we continued to spend time together with his time left he had while he was home, everything felt so surrel. He left, we decided to start dating. He went back to where he is stationed and everything was so effortless and blissful, yes I had a missing piece in another state, but I felt like I never went through anything alone. He made me so happy being 1,000 miles away. Recently I bought a plane ticket with the money I had saved to go see him for two weeks. My flight got cancelled due to snow so I flew out a day early in order to see him. It was wonderful, a wonderful two weeks, telling me about how he cared for me, loved me, he wanted this to be his last relationship, and knew how he would propose to me, as every girl knows being married is like every woman’s dream, he made me think that he cared so much. Up until we had an misunderstanding about a “co-worker” calling him late at night and of course as a woman we all tend to get jealous. He told her “Once you are back in town we should go grab a beer or something.” I know all men have women how are their friends, In that it just left me with an uneasy feeling in my stomach and heart. He didn’t understand where I was coming from of having that uneasy worry feeling in my heart. It wasnt about him, it was just about “her” I trust him, if I didnt I would not put my heart on the line to be 1,000 miles away from him. Well it’s time for me to leave, he drops me off at the airport, kisses me goodbye, and simply starts being short. I get home after having a delayed flight for two hours, and I hear nothing from him until the next morning. A text, a heart breaking one. first off what “MAN” breaks someone’s heart in a text… “Up until we had that misunderstanding about with my co worker calling me, I simply can’t deal with the guilt in that fact that I don’t feel the way you do.” How do I take this? Is it me? I unconditionally loved him, and felt those butterflies everytime I just sat next to him. I did “everything” a caring a selfless woman would do to make him happy. But I guess the ones who care and do everything they can are the ones who get hurt the most. I need some advice ladies!!

  36. Dee
    March 19, 2015

    Ladies….when guys “disappear” they are texting/talking/dating someone else. This info has come from some of ‘those’ guys. So the next time you meet a guy and you’re having a great conversation and nothing really happens past that….he is probably having that great conversation with someone else as well. The best thing is to not keep texting him if you are getting no response….it will make you look needy and clingy…..let it go and move on to someone who WILL give you his time and attention.

    • Sonya
      March 19, 2015

      I agree. They are definitely talking to someone else.

  37. Gina
    March 19, 2015

    I am so glad to hear I’m not the only one having these experiences with dating. It really confuses me when they act so interested and say all the right things, then just drop off the face of the earth. I thought I was doing something wrong, however after reading these, I realized they’re wrong!!! And their loss….

  38. Alice
    March 19, 2015

    Wow! I thought there was something wrong with me! I’m recently divorced and hadn’t dated anyone in about 12 years. I meet men, but 1 and 2 happen all the time. Now I know this seems to be the norm.

  39. debbie
    March 19, 2015

    Seriously dating is causing me almost as much heartbreak as my divorce did. I’m learning to cut them off earlier and permanently.
    Sex might be wonderful but I find it is toxic to my mind and soul when the men “disappear “. Tired of feeling rejected and disappointed.
    Mandy books have been a life raft straight to my heart! Reminding me I am worth his effort! I am awesome!
    Another book I love is “don’t text that man” by Rhoda finding

  40. jenni
    March 19, 2015

    Yep!Heartbroken with 1 2 and 3. He let me talk to his child after telling me he liked me a lot. He was divorced since 2011.i tht everything would flow bc we spent hours every night on phone. He promised to text me good morning finally but otherwise was distant. I Tht He WAS JUST Shy AND Scared Because He Said He WAS A Bit JADED FROM HIS EX Wife Who Left HIM .IN THE 2 Months We ONLY Met twice. Once was dinner . The next was a series of realistic excuses…one evening when he had me meet at his house only after he wanted me to meet at mine. …which would probably have been another stand up. He would so k8ndly tell me about his kids and life on phone but last time he stood up with long text friday stating he would text Sunday with s funeral all weekend bogus excuse ….and he vanished. I confronted the excuses as just that . I said I would not be able to handle many more. Then he was gone. Devastating but probably for the best.

  41. E D
    March 19, 2015

    I dated a guy for 4 years!!! We talked on the phone several times each day. Spent most of our free time together…went on weekend excursions out of town frequently. He’s a handy man so he fixed things around my house including dividing my game room in two (the space is now a separate bedroom and a sitting room). We had soooo much fun together. We made each other better. Then one day I realized we hadn’t spent any time together in almost a week. I mentioned it and he said, “Things got really busy around here, but we’re cool.” Thennn I noticed that we weren’t talking on the phone as much. Again: “busy.” Well it’s been another 4 years and he insists we are still “best friends” He calls from time to time to get my opinion about something, to vent about job frustrations, etc. but has never offered an explanation for the disappearing act despite several inquiries. I’m not interested in rekindling our relationship but would definitely like some closure.

  42. Brittany
    March 19, 2015

    Dating is a game without set rules, where logic doesn’t exist, and where men and women play very differently. So.. I play like a man. I date many different people at once, I’m not always readily available, and I don’t expect much more than straight-up getting to know someone for the first few months. Occasionally I meet someone and we have amazing chemistry, which leads to a great few weeks or months, but we’re usually too busy “playing” to ever find the friendship and eventually it fizzles. Also, I don’t sleep with anyone until there is at least some kind of deeper connection, which doesn’t necessarily need to be commitment or exclusivity; but it has to be more than the “interview process.” Sex is the reward, not the buy-in.

  43. A
    March 19, 2015

    I just experienced #3 on Monday. We had been dating a couple of months. Last weekend he introduced me to his family. We spend every night last week together and then poof, I get a text Monday while teaching a class of 30 students. Sorry my heart is not feeling it, best of luck. I have been having anxiety attackes ever since. Completely blindsided. No closure, no communication. So unbelievably hurtful.

    • Kara
      March 20, 2015

      I feel you girl. I know exactly your pain. The worst thing men do is give women no closure. But honestly it’s a way of God saying… “You deserve so much more, and are worth so much.” I’ve been trusting his plan, and know that everything happens for a reason and in the end someone will love me unconditionally, and he will wish he hadn’t messed up

  44. sarah
    March 19, 2015

    So I have had two dating experience s like this, soooo annoying. The recent one said he wanted to ask me out for months then we date three months. I was slow at first but decided he was deep and strong , caring, good dad.he use to come to work just to see me then started backing off slowly!!disappear for weeks, comes back like he ain’t been mia! Then finally tells me he don’t want anything serious.!! Even though I clearly said I’m not a casual girl. I’m a single mom with no time to waste. But somewhere along the line I want him more and his behavior is confusing. Haven’t spoke in two months, I text why I was no longer hanging around. Bothe men chased me at first. the other common thread? Both men were Scorpios!! Zodiac sign personality traits, their famous for disappearing. But some men just don’t know they want. Men have steak right in front of them and they go after SPAM. Lol I learned to ask their birth month. No November’s for me!

  45. wendy
    March 19, 2015

    Absolutely I read this and felt as if it were directed towards me. I’m glad I am not alone but on second thought I left so confused. I know many of single amazing friends and I include myself who are just left dumbfounded I don’t get it ?!!!! It’s extremely frustrating . I am very patient person but somehow my patience runs short for multiple attempts at almost mind reading guys. Not fair! !!!!

  46. KC
    March 19, 2015

    The best thing about this post is to know I’m not alone. I’ve read all the books to know when someone isn’t into me. I also know that we should extend grace and forgiveness. I also know I want to be pursued. I don’t believe the same dating rules apply to every situation. We are all broken, but we must guard our hearts. I recently reconnected with my ex from 20 years ago. We are both 40 and single but live in different states. We talked for a couple of months and then I invited him to visit me in Florida. I was very clear there would be no sex. We had 3 wonderful days together. There was never an awkward moment. Talked and laughed until the wee hours of the morning. Then he returned home and I never heard from him again. Until recently… He asked for forgiveness and had tried to explain himself. He said he wants me in his life but we just have to figure out how to make it work long distance. I’m listening but actions speak louder than words. I told him the next time he wants to go silent to give me a courtesy call first!

  47. March 19, 2015

    I have been seeing this guy for the past 3 years, and he has displayed all three of these behaviors more than once. Last year I left him entirely alone and had a one year relationship with another man. After, I ended that relationship with the other guy, the other one came back and we reconnected. He was alright for five months but then he started the old behavior again. I’m pretty much done because this is way to much and not to mention it constantly have me in my feelings and crying all of the time wondering, when will he call, text or talk to me. I’m a very intelligent woman and I have standards set in place but he has made me throw all of that out the window and question my worth. I know what I have to do because this is not healthy, I must admit that I love him, but I love myself more.

  48. Jamie
    March 19, 2015

    As I read all of these stories I say to myself “thank god im not alone”…and girls, I’m 50 years old and kept thinking to myself I’m too old for this highschool “crap”. Whether we are in our 20’s, 30’s 40’s and yea 50’s, it’s happening and it shouldn’t. I experienced tremendous heartache this year and I had forgotten what that felt like…I would not want heartache on my worst enemy….but I am now currently experiencing this communication gap with a man who is 51, he would call everyday, I would see him a few days/nights a week and then BOOM nothing for days and then when Sunday night rolled around…ring ring ring of my cell phone…I finally told him “sorry not going to be your during the week girl etc, call me when you want a REAL relationship etc” … haven’t heard from him in a month….. so you see, this happens at every age and I sad a lot…nobody wants to be alone but I will not settle either……

  49. Julie
    March 19, 2015

    I experienced 1 and 2. I have found that men will go after what they want. Period. No ifs ands or buts. As women we need to set the expectation on how we want to be treated and stick to it. That’s what I did and it is so true that a man will only do what you allow him to.

  50. Kelly
    March 19, 2015

    Hi!
    I’m 31 and I’ve been dealing with this it seems since I’ve been dating since 19. I feel it is lack of confidence, guys cannot multitask, hookah up is too easy. Guys do not grow up because they simply have or do above. So when it comes to finding a great girl they do not know how to handle it and become lazy and uninterested for their own reasons. I have seen enough and have grown so tired of it all

  51. Tina
    March 19, 2015

    Been there done that until I realized I really did not need to put up with that BS. I would finally walk away and they would always come back. This time however I kept walking and walked right into the arms of an amazing guy who does none of the above. We are worth it girls, don’t ever ever settle. There are guys out there who are real men, they are harder to find, but so worth the wait. Don’t give up! ❤️

  52. Shall
    March 19, 2015

    This was something to wake up to! The funny thing is I’m currently going through something exactly this! I feel that men are just too scared to go after what they truly want so they just settle for what is easiest to have. But what I still can’t seem to comprehend is that how could a matter of days change a way a person feels about you! In the first few days I hadn’t shown much interest and all I got were the most adorable msgs, Candle lit dinners with beautiful views. The minuet I started to feel something, he decides to RUN? I also used excuses like ‘he’s too busy right now’ ‘he’s scared of getting hurt’ but that Just what it is EXCUSES. If a women is willing to open her heart once again to the possibility of being happy again despite having her heart broken previously men should also be able to do that. But then again we all know we are so much stronger and anything less than perfect is not worth settling for!

    • im a guy how did I end up here
      March 19, 2015

      So all three happened to me with one woman. Fell in love with her after a year together on and off for three more. She would always go hot and cold without warning. Texts all day together to weeks of no replies without warning really.
      Oddly reading all of your responses has helped me not feel so alone because I figured it wasn’t very masculine for it to bother me.

      Ladies I wish I had the answer here. Truthfully something is seriously broken when it comes to how we treat each other. Our differences should be something we celebrate yet we spend so much time ripping gender apart to find out who is responsible for the pain we feel inside.

      The only thing I can come up with to possibly draw up some middle ground here is that individually we are broken. Whether it be by societal pressure or otherwise- there is tremendous pressure to conform to a certain standard so we set expectations for other people and when they ultimately fail to meet those expectations we just affirm the doubts we had in the first place. No one will win in that story.

      I hope that every one of you has the courage to stay true to yourselves even if it means that you are flying solo just like me. But my wish is that you make that choice without internalizing the pain you felt that brought you there in the first place.

    • Mandy Hale
      March 19, 2015

      Love hearing the male perspective! Thank you for this 🙂 ~M

  53. Juliette
    March 19, 2015

    So I met this guy a few months ago, we had crazy chemistry and got on really well and we still do… At first I thought I was absolutely in love with him, then I decided I wasn’t, only to decide I hated him then only to redecide I think maybe I do love him, he drives me crazy, nothing serious has happened between us and I know he doesn’t seem in a place to commit and I’ve already set my standard at I want a relationship, he flirts with me recklessly as do I with him and its always like a Mexican standoff of who’s gonna txt first etc he always asks about other guys and if I’m moving forward with anyone but never asks me out himself, why does he bother with me or keep asking this, if he’s not going to ask me out? Is he waiting for me to have a vulnerable moment slip up and just sleep with him?

  54. Kaz
    March 20, 2015

    I met a guy like this recently – we saw each other for a month and after a couple great dates and him spending the night , he disappeared on me. So I called him out on it – he came back and told me he had been busy but definitely wanted to see me again. Nearly two weeks has gone by and I heard nothing from him – no plans to get together and no communication. So I called him out on it again yesterday – this time he has told me he isn’t ready for a relationship. Why not be honest from the outset? Certainly was acting like he wanted a relationship – even going so far as to ask me whether we could see other more often – I felt it was too soon and said lets wait and see what happens – which I think was the right choice in hindsight. Am hurt and upset – my intuition was right in that I was being strung along – I don’t like to think this would have continued had I not said anything. I constantly find myself dating men like this – I agree that in this day and age technology makes it easier for men to have multiple women on the go and always looking for a better option. I am fast losing hope I will find a good, decent guy to share my life with – I am in my early thirties and after having a couple of pretty horrendous relationships in the last few years where I was lied to and treated very badly, I have made a huge effort to get my life to where I want – I have a good job, study, a lovely apartment, a loving family – I try and remain positive to surround myself with what I love, trying to give back by being a kind-hearted person to those I meet – and yet I am still alone, struggling to meet that one person to share my life with who can be open, honest, wanting to build a life with me, not just a few weeks of excitement and fun. Its very hard and I struggle with having hope and faith.

  55. Kimberly
    March 20, 2015

    All sounds too familiar to me 🙁 I never remember dating being this hard or confusing. It use to be someone was either interested in you, or not. My pet peeve these days has become “the revolving door” behavior. Here. Disapear. Randomly showing back up when I thought they were long gone. So, I feel that if a man is truely interested in me(getting to know me), he will put his best effort forward until he has accomplished that, or I see him as just another player in the world of games. And I don’t have the time or energy for that anymore. I refuse to ask, or “go looking”, for someone who makes them self scarse. I like to look at it as God removing people from my life, that are not part of his divine plan. Otherwise, it makes me too sad.

  56. Dee
    March 20, 2015

    I thought I would just put this out there after reading a lot of these comments. First, if you are a Christian and a true follower of Jesus, you would NOT be having sex outside of marriage. Prudish and old fashioned I know, but so important. If a man knows you will ‘put out’ as we used to say, after only knowing each other for a short time or worse yet only being on a couple of dates, they have little to no respect for you and you are no more than a “booty call’ for them (this is coming from the horse’s mouth). Second, if your guy is a true Christian and a follower of Jesus, he would NOT treat you or any other woman like that….period! Ladies, if you want the right guy…..you should take your request to the one person who can help with that and that is Jesus. You may have to pray and wait, but it will be worth it. Only God knows who is ‘right’ for you and He knows the ‘right’ time to give it to you. Usually our time is not God’s time, but if you don’t want to wait then chances are you will continue to attract the same type of guy with the same results. Prayer and waiting…..that WILL work!

    • debbie
      March 20, 2015

      Not true Dee
      I absolutely love Jesus Christ! I’m always kind and try to do the right things. The Lord knows my heart intimately.
      We all sin. Every single person. We have to be careful not to rate our own sin as less sinful than sexual sin.
      I have a huge compassion for hurting women. The last thing we need to heap on top of our broken hearts is unhealthy guilt and shame.
      Yes with God’s help we can become stronger and better Christians but all sin is forgiven…

  57. Nnoni
    March 20, 2015

    I know how all 3 feel. I’m experiencing all 3 from one guy. And Lord knows it hurts. I’m 23 years old and this guy is my first love. I met him last year and he had me at hello. He’s the only guy who’s ever managed to tear down the walls I built. We stopped talking for a few months and I thought about him every time I breathed. When he came back there was a bit of residual resentment but we soon grew closer than ever, and a few days ago, he just went MIA on me. I’m tired of being understanding, I think sometimes its good to bow out gracefully

  58. Kylee
    March 20, 2015

    I’ve come across all three of these men at some point in my dating life. But what I’ve noticed is that there is something going on beyond the surface. It could be related to things going on in his personal life that he’s not ready to let go of to make way for a relationship. In some cases, I’ve even seen girls being too pushy and letting that “mystery” disappear before the relationship has actually started.
    The biggest example that is still fresh in my mind and heart is a guy that I recently dated. I just moved to a new town, met this incredibly sweet guy who lived across the street, and with a careful guard on my heart, started developing feelings for him. We were talking non-stop for about 2 months, went on dates, and I even met some of his family. I was so excited. My good friends and family were even telling me that he may be “the one”. After it started to turn into almost something more, he starts to fade away. After about a week of him not saying much to me and not making any plans to see me, he opened up and said that he just got out of a long relationship and didn’t want to “lead me on” because he was hurt so badly. At that point, I basically let him take over so that he could either continue or end our whatever we had. Unfortunately, I no longer hear from him. I get an occasional “like” on facebook, which still makes my stomach turn with butterflies to this day. Looking back at it, he may have chosen me as a “rebound”, but my pre-existing feelings for him still remain.
    I really truly think the reason for communication ending with boys is something that they’re not willing to open up about, or that they have too many insecurities. Maybe they’re just scared of actual commitment and prefer having superficial relationships. Or in some cases, intimidated by your independence to be a strong single woman. A lot of the time, it’s just a flat out case of bad timing. Whatever the case may be, girls must remember that it is no one’s “fault”. The right guy will find you and will do anything to be with you. He won’t be flakey, he won’t be half in, half out. God’s man for you will be exactly what you want, and will be in your life exactly when you’re ready.

  59. Tiffanie
    March 20, 2015

    My biggest turn off is when I guy approaches me asking for my number so that we can text, not talk. I’m young but I’m also old fashioned when it comes to communicating. Don’t text me on a holiday or my birthday, call me. My ex would text me once a day but go days without calling and never understood how it wasn’t the same thing since he was reaching out to me. However, the last guy I dated believed texting was impersonal and always preferred calling or talking face to face. It may be a rare quality but it does exist.

  60. Jessica
    March 21, 2015

    I just recently went through the last communication issue. The guy seemed into me, we were talking every day, spending several days a week together…even Thanksgiving and then he just stopped talking. Only to find out he started dating someone and then claimed he never saw me as anything but a friend. When we were hanging out he would say he was not ready for a relationship but he could see a future with me and if we did date I would be it for him. I just do not understand men and what they think or want.

  61. AllThings
    March 22, 2015

    Boys hide behind a text, Men pick up the phone. The manner in which we start a relationship will be the manner in which it, the relationship, is carried out. If it is “ok” to text obsessively in the beginning then we are saying “its ok” to converse via text all the time. I’ve come to realize that most people feel validated when they look at their phone and see a message or hear that “ding”. Setting parameters in the beginning, in my opinion, is crucial albeit difficult. The newness of a relationship tends to take over our God given common sense and we do things in the beginning that often times we regret in the end.

    A new relationship should be like a Marathon, start slow and finish strong.

  62. ElsatheRD
    March 23, 2015

    Thank goodness I am not the only one experiencing this issue! Each time it has happened I was starting to feel a little worse about myself and wonder what mistake I was making over and over. You guys have reminded me that there is NOTHING wrong with me, and I deserve someone who will treat me wonderful! However it would be refreshing for a man to call (not text) or even tell me in person that he isn’t interested in me in that way. I do agree that they like to keep several women in their pocket so that if one doesn’t work out they always have a go to girl….and being the go to girl does not interest me in the least…I believe I am going to delete my online dating profiles because that is all I’m getting from those venues. I agree with one of the posters above, if I wanted to be on The Bachelor, I would audition for the show.

  63. Angela
    March 24, 2015

    I’ve been through all situations. I’m becoming cynical about dating and relationships. Sounds like guys just like to be douche bags! I’m willing to love someone only if he puts forth the effort as well. I don’t know anymore, man. Seems like loyalty isn’t valued these days anymore. They only want what they want and leave.

  64. Nisha Agarwal
    March 24, 2015

    I happened to date this guy i have always had a crush on. The sad thing is that he knew it. And after denying me of getting into any kind of relationships, he actually happened to take me out on a date. We clicked! and he went on to propose me as well, to which i had a deep feeling that he was not ready and so i just made it obvious and no exclamation.
    Now this guy, is into this 3 dimensional communication. No phone calls(his phone calls were always a ‘once in a blue moon thing’). Texts only after weeks and chats as if we’ve been together.
    It hurts. and it hurts badly.
    Not that i wanted him to ask me out or propose to me. I was happy in my own likings. But him proposing me widened the expectations and hopes.
    What’s wrong is to express love and not fulfill it.

  65. Dominique
    March 26, 2015

    I had a really good friend and I knew I could count on him and that he was here for me as a friend but then something happened and he just “ignored” me without any explanation

    Then I dates a guy and we wrote a lot and met few times and he said he miss me and want to see me again and few days latee he told me as a “sidenote” that he is at his girlfriends family for christmas dinner

    I met a guy while travelling and there was a connection we wrote often but probably becuse of the circumstances he didn’t answered anymore on my messages

    I just don’t get it but I’m glad I’m not alone

  66. Dominique
    March 26, 2015

    I had a really good friend and I knew I could count on him and that he was here for me as a friend but then something happened and he just “ignored” me without any explanation

    Then I dates a guy and we wrote a lot and met few times and he said he miss me and want to see me again and few days latee he told me as a “sidenote” that he is at his girlfriends family for christmas dinner

    I met a guy while travelling and there was a connection we wrote often but probably becuse of the circumstances he didn’t answered anymore on my messages

    I just don’t get it but I’m glad I’m not alone

  67. Winnie
    March 27, 2015

    Mans are like fox,they do everythng on their side to get a lady.after getting what they want they disappear

    we dont have to worry its life, every hello ends with goodbye.just date as many man as you can.u wont stres of them.

  68. sherry
    March 28, 2015

    Just wondering if playing a little hard to get might be an option in some cases. Maybe get his number instead of giving yours. I’m thinking if he’s really interested, he’ll give you his and you can take it from there. Just a thought . . .

  69. Anna
    March 29, 2015

    The disappearing man act has happened to me more than once over the past years. I am long divorced, own my own home, I take care of myself, work out 3 to 4 times a week and dress nicely. The last disappearing man came and went out of my live in the span of 3 month. Last Saturday morning he left my house, said he would call later and that was the last I heard from him. He came on like fire, texting several times a day, saying all the right things. What kind of man does this? I see him on match.com seeking his next woman to play. A coward leaves with no explanation. It hurts and I’m angry with myself. I am angry for letting him in. I’m angry for falling for it. There is no closure. I don’t get it. I never will.

  70. […] the modern dating game: three ways it makes me crazed by the single woman […]

  71. laymarie
    April 1, 2015

    ” You’re finally dating. You’ve worked through the early stages of dating communication weirdness and you’re on the other side. Things are moving right along. You are literally saddling up the horse to ride off into the sunset to Happily Ever After when . . . he vanishes. Poof! Gone, without a trace.”

    Wooo, suddenly remembered my experience on this. HAHHA… funny!
    I found out that after our date, he had already a girlfriend. (same day after our date). Thou it was 2 years ago when i “guy” whom im dating was gone without any trace. why it is still bothering me?
    the question keeps me hanging ” what went wrong?”

    Do you have any thoughts about it mandy? 😀

  72. April 2, 2015

    Definitely the number 1. My friends and I were actually talking about this a couple of days ago and we just thought it was a cultural difference. We grew up in a culture that men pursued women. Moving to Canada, we noticed guys don’t pursue. In fact, to “pursue = stalking” apparently. We just concluded this no follow-through thing is a North American thing. It’s so hard to tell if it’s a matter of culture, age, or “new age”.

  73. Bobby5000
    April 24, 2015

    I know someone who fits the male profile of this. A basic problem is he is an “A” grade guy, very good looking, dresses well, comfortable around women, very confident, nice job, and as such, he had women constantly gravitating to him. The basic way to avoid this is to pick a more regular guy. Imagine a guy who sees this striking blonde, she is pleasant and friendly, and he is later surprised when she seems to have plans when she was so friendly when they met. If you are one of 15 women looking at the same guy, you will be disappointed, and perhaps consider some other things when choosing a man.

  74. Melissa
    June 7, 2015

    “Last night he sent you a sweet “Good night, beautiful” text and conveniently left off the: “Have a nice life.”” …seriously made me lol. So happy I came across your blog…this is just what I needed!! Be blessed. 🙂

  75. S.Lewis
    June 12, 2015

    It was the strangest thing. We spent one night together AND I was the one who got weird the next morning. A couple of days of reflection helped me realize I was just scared. I hadn’t dated in a WHILE and I was really into him, like almost immediately . It freaked me out but I WOmaned up and called him to explain myself. He explained that he was really offended by my behavior. I apologized profusely and asked if I could see him again. We made plans for the weekend and then I didn’t hear from him. That was fine considering my part in it. Well color me surprised when 2 months later he text me saying he wanted to see me. We met up and talked, really talked. I felt like we could just start from scratch with no expectations beyond getting to know each other. Over the next week we talked and text daily. We hung out and it was cool as hell. He even cooked for me. A couple days later I text that I wanted to see him again and he said he wanted to see me too. Awesome. We made plans and then he disappeared. I know every guy is not the guy. I KNOW THIS. After he went incognito the first time I really never expected to hear from him again. Ever. So why did he call again after 2 months? I was SO good. He wasn’t even a blip on my radar after 2 months… Who can say? We just have to wish these guys well and move on……

  76. Lenny26
    January 20, 2016

    I know I am 6 months late but I just wanna bring something to light. there are lots of good women and men out there who sadly will never meet. I am the former Mr. nice guy. before I go in I want you to know that that type of behavior you mentioned is equally shared by both males and females. Blame everything on the Hook up culture. Evidently men love no-string attached sex but this doesn’t mean that men cant fall in love with a girl and be together forever. 50 years men didn’t move from woman to woman and they were happy. Since they was no Tinder and Bumble yo had to choose a nice, attractive girl and marry her and sex was only an icing on the cake. that tradition encouraged loving and lasting relationship. when sexual liberation came men took advantage of it, with this came all the moral decay. Now here is to your question why the guys you ladies meet flake because:
    1. you are meeting guys who are in the pick up community. to these guys. It’s a numbers game. The more women you meet the more sex opportunities.
    2. You want a relationship. if anything these guys are doing you a favor by not pretending to want a relationship only to disappear after having sex. not that this makes your situation any better, but these dudes are in for SEX. believe me.
    3.The modern woman is going for guys who are better than them both in Financial Status and looks. you set yourself for failure when you go for the 6’3 Ryan Goslings. Also guys don’t build attractive personalities, Financial stability and pickup skills just to settle with one gal. The Greek Goddess Athena herself would not convert these Frats
    4. lastly, believe it or not these guys actually might get nervous or scared if you are attractive and they like you. Play the game for so long and when you finally meet somebody you like you don’t know how to act and you get stuck in over-analyzing.

    Now for advice ladies you need to be more forward in these matters after all that’s what you asked for in the beginning. The old wives tale that men enjoy the chase is only a myth. Go for that guy you like and ask him out don’t wait for the aggressive women to snatch him. there’s a reason the good ones don’t stay on the market for long.

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