Why I’m Still Single: The Ugly Truth

AuthenticWhy do I SAY I’m still single?

A pithy, “Because I’m too fabulous to settle.”

A polite, “Because I’m waiting for God to bring me the right man.”

A peppy, “Because there are still things I’m meant to accomplish as a single woman!”

But the truth is…sometimes I think the reason I’m still single is because I’m inherently flawed. Bad. Ugly. Undeserving. Screwed up. Unlovable.

THIS is the underbelly of singleness. The dark side. Where the rubber meets the road. Where the truth comes out and it’s not the slightest bit pretty, or inspirational, or even positive.

It is, in fact, very ugly.

It’s also a truth I have kept to myself because of its ugliness. I’ve dressed it up in pretty pink girl power with a silver lining instead of gotten really, really REAL with you and with myself about my fears about being single and 36. And in doing that, my friends, I feel I have done you a disservice. I have done myself a disservice. It’s recently been called to my attention that I use positivity as a defense mechanism. Oh, I was angry when I heard that. Fearful. Indignant. Convinced the person telling me that HAD to be mistaken. I’m just a positive person! I argued. If I don’t look for the silver lining…what is the purpose to the bad things that happen?! If I choose to let in the darkness and the sadness and the REALNESS…won’t I sink in it? Won’t it drown me? Won’t it make me a…SHUDDER…negative person?!??!

The truth is…I don’t know exactly why I’m still single. I think I’m starting to come to a better understanding of why…but for the moment, it’s still just shadowed and blurry truth that I’m struggling to make sense of. But the reasons I often convince myself that I’m still single aren’t pretty.

I never meet guys. Like…literally NEVER. A few years ago I felt like I could simply walk into a room and command the attention of the men in the room. I had no trouble meeting men. I got hit on regularly. But something changed along the way and that’s not my experience anymore. I suspect it was more an internal change than an external one, as I honestly think I physically look better now than I did ten years ago. A toxic relationship in my late 20’s that left me questioning everything about myself took its toll. Life happened. Another man I loved for eight long years sat in my apartment not quite a year ago and looked me in the eyes and basically told me in no uncertain terms that I wasn’t lovable to him. That I was flawed. That he had abruptly stopped being attracted to me, after almost a decade of intense, undeniable chemistry. That my humanity and my imperfections were a turnoff to him.

That simply being ME…wasn’t enough.

I can’t blame all of my self doubts on men, though. That’s too easy. That’s a refusal to take responsibility for my own life and choices and attitudes and self image, and I won’t do that. I will hand them their share of the blame, but I’ll take my share, too. The negative self talk? Yep, I’m a pro.

“You’re too ugly.”
“You’re too fat.”
“You have a gap in your teeth.”
“You look old.”
“You’ve done too many bad things in your life and you don’t deserve to ever find love.”
“God has forgotten you.”
“It’s so easy for everyone else and so difficult for you.”
“You’re meant to wander the earth alone forever.”
“You will always be on the outside, looking in.”

And on and on and on, like a broken record.

“You just need more makeup, a thigh gap, more self love!” the secular world says superficially.

“You just need more faith,” the Christian world says judgmentally.

I have faith. Lots of faith. I love Jesus with my whole heart.

I also have makeup, lots of makeup, and I’m working on the self-love stuff every day. (But I don’t and doubt I will ever have a thigh gap. Just not in the cards for me.)

I want with every single fiber of my being to be one of those self-assured, confident, bold women of God who knows exactly who she is in Christ and walks in the freedom of knowing how loved she is, how precious she is, how validated she is.

I want to be that woman, but I’m not that woman yet. I’m on a journey to become her. And that journey starts with this blog…with this moment of honesty that will hopefully be followed by lots more moments of honesty as I stop frantically searching for the silver lining of every situation and instead just learn to embrace the ugliness, the doubt, the uncertainty, the fear…as all a part of the journey. This is it, ladies. This is the trenches of single life. And that’s not to say we should walk around like Eeyore all the time, feeling sorry for ourselves and playing the victim of our lives. Not at all. But neither should we walk around like Tigger all the time…springing when we feel like sighing. Laughing when we feel like crying. And running from our truth by lying. Part of being the heroine of your own life is accepting the bad with the good. Not dodging it or covering it up or glossing over it to make it look prettier and more pleasing so you can prop it up in the corner and not have to deal with it. I personally think it’s a lot braver to talk about our doubts and fears instead of acting like everything’s perfect. And life without both joy AND sadness is a life without balance.

The truth is…single life is hard. It’s HARD. It lends itself to loneliness and self doubt and fear. And I think it’s high time to march all of that loneliness and self doubt and fear into the light and stop hiding it away and acting like it doesn’t exist because to admit that it DOES exist is to admit vulnerability. And to give everything a more positive sheen in order to make ourselves feel better for the moment actually only harms us more in the long run.

So there it is. All of my great big ugly fears about being single. And to go a step further…all of my great big ugly fears about what being single at age 36 says about me. I’m not going to end this blog with some cheesy quote or self-help speech…and I’m not going to apologize for anything I’ve written here, either. I’m simply going to tell you that whatever your fears are about being single, you’re not alone. YOU ARE NOT ALONE. We’re in this together.

Feel free to use the comments below to voice your own fears, share your story, agree, disagree, scream, yell, cry…whatever you need to do.

Love,
Mandy

498 Responses to “ Why I’m Still Single: The Ugly Truth ”

  1. July 14, 2015

    I really needed this today.
    More than anything.

    Thank you.

    • Wendy
      July 14, 2015

      I so needed this today. You just typed my story. Exactly how I feel and where I am at in my 43 year old life. Always nice to be reminded I am not alone.

    • Tina
      July 14, 2015

      OMG! Thank You, you wrote what I am living !!!!!

    • July 14, 2015

      Wow! Thank you for your honesty and for taking off your mask. It’s not easy to alone and not natural. We were not designed by God for this. Your blogs are so well written and inspire me so much. I pray peace, love and prosperity over you my sister in Christ!

    • July 14, 2015

      Wow! Thank you for your honesty and for taking off your mask. It’s not easy to be alone and its really not natural. We were not designed by God for this. Your blogs are so well written and inspire me so much. I pray peace, love and prosperity over you my sister in Christ!

    • Jennifer
      July 14, 2015

      This was a well timed post. Thank you. I found out today my divorce was final. After 22 years of marriage. I am not sorry I am divorced. I am finding myself again. A renewed version of my pre-married self. It feels good to be happy again. I will never regret my marriage because there were good times, and the blessing of two beautiful children. They are my heart. But I am sad also, but I know God has a plan for me. In God I’ll continue to grow and become whole again, a strong, confident, vibrant woman. How fortunate am I, are we all that the Holy Spirit lives in us, that he will never forsake us, never leave us, and loves us just the way we are. ☺️

    • Louise
      July 14, 2015

      I think we put on the positive spin due to the constant inference of “being bitter”. You’re only 36. Wait til you are about turn 50 and still be in the same boat. Do they even make bridal gowns for my demographic.

    • Monique
      July 14, 2015

      Great article. I’m 47 and was involved with men I “settled” with. I deserve and will find better. If not, that’s okay, I love me more!!

    • Lindi
      July 14, 2015

      Mandy first of all Thank you for sharing. I will Be Praying for you. 🙂 I am 37 and after an unhealthy Marriage of 14 years just ended. I am also on the Journey of self love, and finding myself and growing in my Relationship with Christ. I took a year off from Dating and it’s been Healing needless to say. I needed that God knew I needed that. God knows our Hearts and as long as we stay in His Will whatever you or I or anyone is facing We are Not a lone. He Loves us Unconditionally and says He has a Plan for us not to Harm us but to Prosper. Jerimiah 29:11 Love you Sister in Christ and God Bless you!

    • Ruby
      July 14, 2015

      I really needed this today’! 3 weeks till my 36th birthday and my life is no way how I imagined it would be….single, no kids, a job but no career…sometimes it feels like I’m alone and this reminded me that I’m not.

    • Kim
      July 14, 2015

      This blog was Right On Time and has given me complete LIFE!!! I am Not Alone!! 37 & Still Single

    • Alana
      July 14, 2015

      I’ve felt so weird about being single lately. Like any guy coming into my life would be more of a burden or an inconvenience. Some of the guys I have encountered lately seem great and I’m probably crazy for not wanting to date them. But I don’t. I want to be with me, myself, and the Lord. I’ve been so caught up in relationships for years and they seem so fulfilling, until they’re gone. I don’t want that anymore. Reading your tweets and blogs makes me feel like it’s okay to ignore a potentially good thing if I’m not ready for it yet. Good doesn’t always equate to right. God wouldn’t send anything He hasn’t prepared us to receive. Thank you for your daily encouragement. Whether it be happy or sad, it’s all beautiful.

    • Tammy
      July 14, 2015

      Thank you, Mandy! But honey, you are still young. I’m in my late 40s and never been married, and every guy has cheated on me. It is horribly hard to try and stay positive and it’s almost just too much work. I’ve given up. I have faith that you, on the other hand, WILL find Mr. Perfect!

    • Laura
      July 14, 2015

      Thank you so much for this blog. I’ve been struggling with being single for the last 3 years and it has been on my mind more lately. I’ve been in 2 long-term relationships that failed and the most recent one changed me and my ways of thinking about relationships. I get sick of thinking and hearing things like “you’ll find the right person when you’re not looking” or “you have to love yourself first before someone can love you”. I’ve been telling myself for so long that I don’t even deserve to date someone unless I have my whole life in order. Well, 3 years later and it’s the same story. It’s frustrating to see so many people find the right person and get married when you’ve been waiting all this time. I never meet guys either because most guys my age are either still out drinking and partying or are already married with kids. The thing that keeps me hopeful is that I’m not the only one feeling this way and I want to thank you for your honesty and vulnerability in writing this blog. I’m very grateful that I came across this today. We are all in this together and that brings a certain peace and comfort to me.

    • Cherylann
      July 14, 2015

      Seems like we are not alone….
      But sometimes it does feel like it…….
      Thank you thank you thank you …….

    • Angela
      July 14, 2015

      32 single,childless and no relationship in site. I always feel like I’m the woman that men don’t mind dating but just not in a committed let the world know type of relationship. I convinced myself at one point that it didn’t matter but it does. I often think about how long this single and childless train will last. I often feel like I’m the only one and have thought “it must be me”… My friends always want to know if there is someone new, I hate it! I hate going to dinner with my friends and their husbands and being the 3rd,5th or 7th wheel. I hate that my 10 year old nephew asks me “don’t you want to get married”, I know he means no harm but it still hurts. I’ll keep hope alive that one day SOON I can share my life and start a family.
      . Thanks for the post. I needed to read it!

    • July 15, 2015

      Thanks for sharing what you are going through as well as your thoughts. Basically taking the words right out of my mouth and several other peoples mouths. It’s also funny how people say stop looking for it and it will come to you when you least expect it. When do you ever stop looking for that butterfly in your stomach, wearing the biggest smile ever, the kiss, the passion, when? NEVER

    • Teeks
      July 15, 2015

      Thank u Mandy for sharing your truth! Real, raw & honest. Your words means sooo much! When you said “Why do I SAY I’m still single?” Girl!!! You’re in my head! Sometimes when you see, what seems like everyone, in relationship you feel like something is wrong with you. Like you aaid we arent alone. It definitely is hard being single, but thank u for writing what we feel!

    • Liv
      July 15, 2015

      Mandy, you are absolutely incredible. You have inspired girls of all different ages. I have told SO many girls about your book who needed to read it, and it has brought light to so many. You are incredibly fabulous, and your identity only becomes more and more beautiful. Thank you so much for sharing this, because there is not one girl who read this article and couldn’t say they relate. YOU have inspired me to write “Single Swag” articles for my college newspaper, and introduce the idea that it’s OK to graduate without getting married and moving on with life without a partner. Sending you lots of love.

    • Mitzi
      July 15, 2015

      I needed to hear this..I’m struggling myself and I wonder all the time..what is wrong with me. Thanks for sharing the truth. Even if its ugly.

    • Camille
      July 15, 2015

      Thank you for knowing what’s in my head and putting it into words.

    • Michelle
      July 15, 2015

      Thank you so much for sharing this Mandy. I feel as though I’m going through the same thing, though I’m 24, but I still have those negative thoughts. I was with the same guy since my junior year in high school. We were engaged for 3 years and were renting a house together. Finally we were receiving help to get married and have a wedding to where my whole family and his could come. A month before the wedding he abruptly started acting strange, then told me he didn’t love me anymore and didn’t want to marry me. Our relationship had been an on and off one (he had done the breaking up and the crawling back and I would foolishly take him back) but this time I was done. I moved back in with my parents and I’ve been living here since (this happened last year). In truth it was a blessing in disguise but at the time I didn’t see it that way. I proceeded to not care about my self worth and dove into a series of unfortunate relationships in which more than my heart was compromised. Because of the consequences of this I don’t feel as though any Christian man would want to be with me despite the fact that I snapped out of it and went running back to Jesus (praise Him for His forgiveness and mercy). While I feel like I’ve gotten some of my dignity back, I still have those negative thoughts that prevent me from seeking out a husband or letting myself be pursued. I still feel unlovable, dirty because of my past, and unworthy. I haven’t opened up much about my feelings, not even to my own parents, although they are aware of what has happened and have stood by me. I am afraid of being rejected and that keeps me from getting close to anyone, but I’m trying to work through those fears and trust in God to heal me. I take it a day at a time and try to believe in the truths that Jesus loves me despite my flaws and failures. To know that I’m not alone in this gives me hope.

    • Lisa
      July 15, 2015

      Mandy, I loved your writing before, but I believe I love this even more. I married someone two days before turning 31 that I never should have because I was lonely. I tried to make it work for 13 years, but I finally ended it. Now, I have been single again for 4 years. It is very difficult in the dating world and trying to meet men world. I think you expressed how all we single women feel!

    • Mandy
      July 15, 2015

      Can you lose hope without losing faith? When you give up on ever finding someone to share your life are you undermining God’s plan for you? If you say “maybe being married and having children is not in the cards for me” are u insulting God and following your own negative thoughts, is it a coping mechanism?” These are questions I sometimes ask myself. I used to want to love and be loved, I have been told what a great person I am how lucky the man in my would be to be with me but no one has ever stayed, well actually I have never stayed. Upon finding out that a guy I’m dating or seeing is seeing or is with someone else, I leave, does not have time for me but does for everyone else or anything else, I leave, he has no direction and does not respect my beliefs nor do I share any of his, I leave. Then ask myself what am I giving off? “A good time girl only sign?”

      I will fight for love but I will not compete.

      I am faced with people telling me that my standards are too high, that I have high expectations and wanting a good man is a fairytale. I am well aware of the imperfections of man, myself included, I would never ask anything of someone I am not willing to put on the table so how can I be deemed unreasonable and fantastical?? I too will think good of people until they show me otherwise because I believe everyone deserves a fair chance. I am constantly working on myself, trying to gain perspective from the outside in and from the inside out, so I become a person I would like to date. I love the people who are here for me to love, my family and my friends.

      I am fortunate to have God’s favour to be able to take care of myself and those in my life, those are the blessings that I count, what keeps me going. Thank you Mandy for always being a beacon of light and sharing your heart and soul with the world to bind us and remind us we are all doing the best we can.

    • Leslie
      July 15, 2015

      Your honesty and vulnerability are so encouraging. Our lives are being changed by your story.

    • Christine
      July 15, 2015

      Thank you for this! I’ve been kinda weepy lately. It seems every weekend someone I know is getting married and it is so hard. Those reasons for being single– I’ve thought every one of them and them some. I know God has a plan for me, but I admit somedays it’s hard to give in to a little doubt. It is so helpful to know I am not alone. Thank you again.

    • Jen
      July 15, 2015

      So much of what you wrote today are word for word on pages of my journal. The worst part of singleness is the shame thrown on you by society and the inability to bring the fear, loneliness, self-doubt, insecurities, anger, and sadness to light. It is only by being honest about those feelings, talking about those feelings, sharing those feelings, and praying over those feelings do they begin to lose their power.

      Thank you for being brave enough to share on such a large platform. Those words needed to be said. Those words will empower.

    • Joanna Brown
      July 16, 2015

      I thank you for your honesty . It is very much appreciated. Certainly taking the mask off.
      You should do a blog on; “Why do people keep asking when are you gonna get married?) This includes church folks and family members. So tired of this question.

    • Tocarra
      July 16, 2015

      Enlightening and honest!! Well said!!

    • Alicia
      July 17, 2015

      Mandy, I can positively relate to your article. I’m 43 and will be 44 next week and I have questioned what is so wrong with me that I am still single. I’ve been asked so many times, “Why are you still single?” Truth is I cannot answer that. I wish I knew so I can correct it. Thank you for informing me that I am not alone..

    • Kristy
      July 17, 2015

      You nailed it! No thigh gap here either. Thank you for being so vulnerable. Being single is a beautiful, ugly, exciting, difficult journey and it’s comforting to know we are all in this together. Thank you for sharing. It truly was a blessing to read!

    • Brigit
      July 17, 2015

      Thank you for sharing your feelings. I am 41 and in the same boat.

    • Miranda
      July 17, 2015

      I definitely needed to hear this.

    • Lisa
      July 18, 2015

      So nice to know I’m not alone – I’m 46 & single. Thanks for sharing this with us Mandy, I really need it. It’s also time for me to admit to the ugly truth xx

    • Lisa
      July 18, 2015

      Thank you for this post Mandy. Yes…we are definitely not alone. I think we all have those thoughts. I know personally, I have 2 or 3 different speakers in my mind telling me things. One says…be patient. The perfect man is out there for you and will arrive when it’s meant to be and it will be better than you imagined. One says all those negative things about not being good enough, meant to be alone, defective, etc. And the other one says God has something wonderful for you planned, but you won’t have a partner. I prefer to listen to the first voice. Unfortunately life’s experiences have given me triggers that can send the negative person to start talking. I was married for 13 years, so even though I had that, it was not love. It was verbally abusive. I did have children, which is such a blessing. I was in a 5 yr relationship w/ a man who I thought God had brought to me and my dreams were coming true. That didn’t work out. That wasn’t real love either or we’d still be together I believe. I have worked on myself for so long and am so ready for a happy, healthy relationship. I hope God hasn’t forgotten that.

    • Kathleen
      July 18, 2015

      When I get off work I come home to my kid and she’s AMAZING she lights up my day…!!! ….. what if I die before I even get to meet my husband? The one who fits and stays in our lives….?…. what if I miss him by a glance because I become distracted with something or someone else..? …. I’m 22 BUT my husband… where is he? Why isn’t he here now with me…. with us…?

      I’m glad I am not alone… but this still sucks.

    • Kaitlyn
      July 19, 2015

      Thank you so much for your blatant honest Mandy. I have been in a season of struggling rather than embracing my singleness as well (might have something to do with about a dozen of my former classmates getting engaged/married this summer…) It’s hard to communicate this struggle with others, who say I’m overthinking and being too negative. Thank you for recognizing that it’s ok to not be jumping up and down, celebrating singleness all the time. God doesn’t expect us to always be happy during our we all with Him, just that we trust that He has the perfect path laid out for each of us.

    • Amanda
      July 19, 2015

      You absolutely wrote how I am feeling and things I’ve been thinking. Thank you for putting it into words. So caught up in my own loneliness and past mistakes and experiences I tend to think its only happened to me. I will definitely be checking out your blog from here on out. Thanks.

    • Tanya Johnson
      July 21, 2015

      Thank you. You open my soul and spoke my truth. Thank you. I’m not alone in this singleness.

    • Arlene
      July 22, 2015

      I’m wondering two things….If you’re not single anymore what will your ministry be? How will you make a living?
      Do you have a plan for that? because if you don’t you should as that helps the Universe to know that you’re ready and that you’re serious.
      Why in 2015 do women still need a man to validate or make them feel pretty?
      After being married for almost twenty years I enjoy my life to the fullest. I have a situation that I’m happy with at the moment and that’s all that matters to me.
      It so refreshing to have no one to report to, no one to share with to just be selfish with me in a good way.
      its time to move away from this idea of being ashamed or so because we’re single. That’s old.. The story about the white picket fence, the dog/cat, the boy and girl for kids and the perfect husband and wife is just a fairy-tale. there are no perfections in this world and life just doesn’t work out the same way for everyone. Let’s just accept that and be proud of our stages in life.
      I have discovered that what most women crave is a fantasy, some really crave sex, whilst some crave companionship but the best company that anyone can have and enjoy is there own.
      Figure out just what your cravings/ desires are and work with the reality of it not the idea in your head.
      The first step to enjoying singleness is acceptance and being ok with it.
      If you’re fearfully and wonderfully made what really is the issue!!!
      Why wait on someone to tell you that you’re beautiful, desirable etc. when you can look at yourself in the mirror and do it yourself? I actually make myself blush when I look at my reflection.
      It wasn’t always like that but it took being single to make me realize that I’m fabulous just the way I am and you ladies can do the same, you really can. Start enjoying alone time it’s amazing and it has been for almost three years now.
      A man or a relationship with one doesn’t define any of us its only we that can do that, it is said it’s not what you’re called its what you answer to that matters. I still have so much to accomplish at 44 but I’m getting there slowly, happily, faithfully and surely. I felt the way you guys do when I was married lol. God”s got you guys so please stop!
      I can’t wait to get home to make snow angels on my sleigh bed alone 😉

    • Ecuadoriana
      July 22, 2015

      I needed to hear that! Thank you. I am trying to better myself and I do each day and accept myself a little more. Of corse it helps to better yourself bc it makes acceptance a lil easier. …. Baby steps. Thank you again

    • Rosie
      July 22, 2015

      Seems exactly what I’m going through. I’m also on a journey to find my BEST self and I just need to learn to trust the process. Thank you for this. In a weird way, it’s comforting to know that I’m not the only one going through life and feeling like this.

    • July 22, 2015

      This is definitely worth sharing.
      Thank you for sharing with us

    • Renata Gathings
      July 22, 2015

      I’m feeling so lost and alone at this point. Made some very bad choices and decisions that have effected not only my life but my kids as well. They are young adults now but I can see the damage if caused them in my decision making. Single life is just what I feel I deserve my fears and insecurity is overwhelming majority of the time. Mask? Yes, it’s worn all day every day to hide my pain , shame, guilt and loneliness. Thank you Mandy for allowing others to see and fully understand your pain.

    • Mariko
      July 23, 2015

      THANK YOU for this. I just walked away from a toxic relationship & I know to expect a roller coaster of emotions. I stayed strong and walked away eventhough it felt like dying. And, yes, I am embracing the lonliness and processing …… I am scared.

    • Jennylyn Gandol
      July 31, 2015

      Hi Mandy!
      I hope and pray you could read this, honestly this day you crossed on my mind. And when I tried to type in the #SW website. Im hoping that you already have a boyfriend or the Godly Man that you deserve and then I suddenly read this article and for me you are so BRAVE and LOVED and Dependent to God. Thank you for sharing this blog . I am Jen 21 years old, 5’1 is height, Asian from PH and weighted 52.8kg. .Here:s the ugly truth about me : I wanted to loose 7kg for 45kg so that I can wear bikinis to impress my boy-friends, girl friends and other people. I wanted to have a height of at least 5’6. And when I achieve all of those mentioned above. That’s the time I will let my self to have a boyfriend a Spanish looking guy. I confessed all of these to the presence of God and you. THANK YOU FOR THIS WONDERFUL ARTICLE/BLOG. Because now I feel that it is selfish for me to think of myself and my dreams. I now realized that it is not about the right TIME but it is GOD ! who will permits when and where I can meet the right and Godly man for me. THANK YOU AND GOD BLESS
      MUCH LOVE.

    • Jen
      August 2, 2015

      Being single is not hard. Being married is hard. I have been single for the last 5 years (I am 40) and I honestly think these have been the best 5 years of my life. Is it easy? No. Is it scary? Yes sometimes. The grass isn’t always greener on the other side. It just comes with a different set of worries. I have been on both sides. Because your life has been what it is, you are a successful and powerful woman. Your voice is heard by countless amazing women and they look to you for words of wisdom. So own it and love it for as long as this is your life. And when it’s not own that and love that too with your person. But know that it is hard…much harder than the single life. No one will love you more than you should and hopefully do love yourself.

    • Kadie
      August 6, 2015

      This has really helped me bring all my fears of being single to the surface. I am currently questioning a homie lover friendship that I’ve been in for almost 2yrs off and on… and I’m starting to wonder if I’m being fair to myself and my wants and feelings of wanting a full on relationship. In the beginning I was cool with no lables and no categories, no expectations.. but now I want more, and the more time I spend with him and get to know him I want him more, but he doesn’t want the lables or the categories but he wants to continue to be with me. I know he cares about me but it’s starting to not feel like enough for me. I’m ready to start pulling back and just go back to being friends I’m not sure if it’s just from the fear of being hurt or if it’s because that’s what I really want to do. My heart hurts at the thought of walking away from him, but I want more and I won’t get it from him. I’m tired a being single I don’t understand why a man hasn’t seen in me what I see in myself. This blog really resignate with me and has struck a big emotional cord in my heart. That’s my rant for the moment. Thank you for sharing the real raw ugly emotions of being single. I am also 36♏

    • Nicole
      August 8, 2015

      Thank you so much for your honesty and for truly making me feel that I am not alone. I appreciate your bravery in sharing your feelings. I am so happy that a stumbled onto your blog. I can’t express how much I needed this

    • Cindy
      August 28, 2015

      I’m glad I found your blog and FB page. The last month I have been struggling more than usual about my loneliness and desire to have a man in my life. It has been pounded in my head over and over that my desire to have a man is so unhealthy and that God is all I need. It’s hard for me to accept those words from my married friends. I miss being hugged and loved on. I praying and asking God to give me patience in waiting for my Prince Charming.

    • Jessi
      September 6, 2015

      Thank you for this post, I needed it ❤️

    • rhonda
      September 6, 2015

      BOOM! Blatantly honest…a rare quality today. This made me stop in my tracks…go hmmm…and then shout DAMN IT! At a few years older than you, and while still raising a young son, I find myself in exactly the same situation. I don’t mind single. Over the last six years I’ve embraced it and it has allowed me to heal in ways I never thought I could. However, I often wonder if I’ll ever find someone who “gets me” or who is really worth the effort. I’ve attempted dating these past six years…with varying results from staying friends to HELL NO! At first I thought the issue was that I’ve never really dated (yup, never until 5 years ago). Then I realized that it was way more than that. You put into words what I’ve been feeling. Thank you 🙂

    • Cheryl
      October 24, 2015

      It’s always a norm that being single you are always of less in everything, sometimes no matter how I want to ignore comments of being single, it will still boil down to them being happier than the life of a single woman! Thank you for the inspiration, and I hope one day this norm will just vanish in vain

    • Emily
      November 7, 2015

      Thanks for the article. I feel very awkward about being single at 31 when so many friends are married/engaged/in relationships. I got divorced two years ago, it was a toxic relationship and he came out as transgender. I hope you find peace in your journey and know you’re not alone.

    • sarah
      November 12, 2015

      thx for the article. do feel lonely and unlucky at 35 single..feel very dowb sometimes.

    • Angele'
      November 17, 2015

      Reading this passage was like reading 10+ yrs of struggling with my self esteem, insecurity, and lack of confidence due to years of having absolutely no luck with men whatsoever… And that time when I thought I found my dream guy just to find out later that he was a deceiving S.O.B. (Found that out through Facebook), it was safe to say that I had pretty much given up hope after that. I am 29 years old now and still single… except I’m using this time to work on me as well as getting through school and hopefully a new career. Though I tried to stay positive (God knows I’ve tried!), it is very hard to cope with the fact that you the only one in your group of friends who is still single and never really been in an actual relationship (I’m not even gonna count my time spent with that SOB!). What’s worse is having your family members asking questions like “When are you going to get married? Don’t you have a boyfriend yet? If you’re over 27 and still single, then people is gonna think there’s something wrong with you” oh, and let’s not forget the classic “you’re too pretty to be single” speech. Your article basically opened my eyes to the real truth of why I struggled with my self esteem for all these years and I thank you for that. What good is being positive gonna do if one doesn’t know how to be bare their true inner feelings?

    • Anonymous
      December 3, 2015

      Thank you. Men think a woman loses her sexual appeal after 30 but that’s when we get our sexual peak and really know our bodies. I’m happy for the younger women who can find a sex partner. But, I’m looking for love. Love is painful and pleasurable. It looks beyond the physical to the soul. The one part of us that can remain whole throughout life’s imperfections. To love and be loved for who you were created to be not just a lie or concept of who or what you should be.

    • Bex
      December 5, 2015

      I am 36 and looking singledom in in the face again. I simply don’t know how to get up off the floor again. I don’t know what I did wrong. There has to be something wrong with me to make men treat me this way. I must be broken. I can’t face it again. I don’t love readily, I can’t start again. It’s too hard.

    • Tyra
      December 6, 2015

      Thank you thank you thank you! Putting up this facade & speaking positive isn’t working, actually it’s the most exhausting part. While I’m happy everyday, I’m still haunted with my reality that I’m still single & have never had a relationship. I’ve prayed, sought therapy, matured ect. b/c it bewildered me at times. After awhile my esteem was under attack.

      My good good girlfriends think helping me to fix me will work, but their unwarranted “Advice” doesn’t work. & mind you their all in relationships & have had a slew of pickings. However, now I’m okay with being honest, b/c I’m tired of faking. I deserve, I desire, need & want the love & support.

    • Erin
      December 12, 2015

      Thank you for being brave, strong and vulnerable by sharing your true feelings with all of us out there who may or may not be in the same boat as you. I’m 39, single, never been married and no kids. I come from a big family with 4 siblings just in my immediate family (2 are married with kids, 1 engaged) and I’m the only one not married. Almost all of my cousins are married and most have kids. It’s really hard to go to family functions anymore b/c I’m always alone. No one there gets where I’m at in my life and the struggles I go through daily. Besides all of that, I live in IN where if you’re not married in your 20’s, you are definitely in the “odd” bucket and an outlier. Dating websites don’t ever seem to work, and sometimes make you question what’s wrong with me when someone doesn’t get back to you. I pray all the time and have some not so pretty conversations with God as to why I’m not married and have kids and am going through this hurt and pain; why I have such a strong want/desire to be married if it isn’t in His plan for me; what is His plan for me if it isn’t marriage and kids. I want kids, but I’ve pretty much given up on having my own at this point, and would gladly accept a loving man in my life who will love me and care about me just as much as I will with him. I don’t want to be alone. I want to share the love in my heart with someone who wants to do the same with me. It feels like God doesn’t want that for me, and I don’t understand why. I’ve really been struggling with this lately and have spent the past 2 weeks crying myself to sleep at night and have been utterly emotionally exhausted. I don’t understand why I’m still alone – and it gets harder and harder when my guy friends tell me I’ve got so much going for me and i’m the cream of the crop and any guy would be crazy not to be with me, etc. If that’s true, why don’t the single guys think that? It’s hard too when I talk to my mom or one of my aunt’s and they say “maybe you need to accept that it isn’t going to happen for you” – ouch! Those words didn’t used to come out of my mom’s mouth, so now that they do, even she seems to have lost faith in marriage ever happening for me. Some days it’s just so hard to put one foot in front of the other and keep going. I don’t need a man to validate my worth; I WANT to share my life with the One person I still hope is out there for me. I feel like I deserve that when I have so much to give and offer. Why would God not want to bless someone with what I have to offer, and bless me with someone who feels the same way? I don’t know the answer, but it just feels like maybe that it isn’t His will for me. It is said God doesn’t want us to live our lives alone and be lonely; we weren’t put here on earth to live like that. And I want to believe and trust that is true, but still single and no kids or marriage at the age of 39 really has me questioning things. I will continue to pray, not only for myself, but for every woman out there who struggles with being lonely and single. Thank you.

    • Nicole M.
      January 2, 2016

      Thank you for writing this. I just turned 36 and have been single for the past 10 years. Still stuck on my high school sweetheart who has married and have kids. When your eighteen or even twenty-one you think you have your whole life ahead of you. You think you have all the time in the world to get it right for everything to fall into place. It’s not until you reach about 35 that life is passing you by. You have to LOVE yourself enough and try to live life to the fullest everyday. Let go of the past and embrace the uncertain future. Remember if you don’t Love yourself nobody will…

    • Mari
      January 4, 2016

      HI-
      My question has always been “Why would God put this deep longing and desire in me to have a husband and children if it was not in his plan for me?” I am 38 and still single, have come close to marriage (or so I thought), but nothing. That is okay. I have always said that I am picky and this is the person I am spending the rest of my life with, so you’re damn right I am going to be picky. I just never thought I would still be saying this same speech in my mid to late 30s.
      I just get sad on some days at seeing what others have and longing for the feel of what having a family feels like, even with all the fights and ugliness.
      It’s hard to admit this, but here goes- maybe I am supposed to be alone, maybe a husband and kids aren’t part of the plan, maybe if I just accept that this is how it is for now anyway, I can at least move on from sulky, feeling sorry for myself town, and at least enjoy my life the way it is. I mean, for the most part, I do. I am very much a person that enjoys some part of everyday, but it is just hard to accept that this is my life right now. I never would have thought I would still be single at 38, living in an apt because I cannot afford a house on my own just yet.
      I really like that you said being single is HARD because it REALLY IS. It is so hard to go through holidays alone and to want so much to go on a trip with a significant other, but know that it is not going to happen. I am tired of putting up a happy face front so others are comfortable around me. To me, being single SUX. But, being in an unhappy, toxic relationship is far worse. I at least have my beautiful dog, Sadie Jane.
      I am grateful that I came across this blog where I can be honest and say what I am feeling without judgment of the people who have what I long for so much.
      Thank you,

    • Shelly
      February 4, 2016

      It’s as if i had written this myself. Spot on. 43 and 11 years single.

    • damage goods
      February 15, 2016

      Ever since I was 16 boys always made me feel like they can do better than me and I ways lady to other females. Now that 24 going 25 and men still make me feel the same way. I had one real boyfriend and he treated me horrible for 3 years. I been single since the break up. I been currently seeing this guy for 4 years and he tells me I worth being with but he doesn’t show it. He makes everyone feel special but me.

    • Annie
      April 24, 2016

      This is perfect and sums up everything I’ve been thinking. I’m scared. I’ve recently come out of yet another failed relationship with that ‘same’ guy. I don’t meet guys. My friends are married with kids so I barely have anyone to go out with. I don’t really know what to do, and I’m terrified that this is going to have an effect on my otherwise generally happy and positive disposition. Since turning 35, I’ve started to feel the cracks and exactly those fears and self doubt are trying to seep in… Thank you for this blog…

    • louise
      May 1, 2016

      thanks for your words. I’m 43, single & no thigh gap. men say i’m cute, gorgeous….how come you’re single? i am messed up! ruin every opportunity i have with the opposite sex.

    • Aria
      May 8, 2016

      I have been feeling really down . I don’t talk about being alone and sad but I think about it everyday . The worst part for me is I can know look back on my life and see when God brought great guys in my life but for whatever reason I guess they weren’t for me. I have been cheated on in the past and the great love of my life said he never wanted children or marriage I finally left him alone we would break up and get back together and as much as l loved and wanted him I could not endure anther break up after seven years. But you guessed it I found out he’s married and has kids. I have sad ever day since and my other two serious relationships one left me and married the women he left me for the other was also never get married and he is also married. Even though it hurts so bad I have to believe that God has someone for me that will not cheat on me or be controlling and verbally abusive. After all I’ve been through there just has to something good for me. I also have no kids am an only child have no nieces or nephews. I feel really out of touch with others because most people have all these things thanks for letting me vent my frustrations . I’ll be praying for all of us singles to find the right person or be able to love yourselves enough to be alright either way.

    • Stacy Price
      May 10, 2016

      But I am alone. My son lives with me he’s 21 and I’m 48.
      I’m separated headed for divorce for the second time, and living somewhere where I know no one. I literally have no friends and have no idea where to even begin to make any. I don’t have money to go to therapy. I don’t even know I am writing this, it won’t change anything.

    • tina
      May 11, 2016

      I feel ….exactly what you are going through , it’s even worse for me sometimes I get things like my skin color is a issue… I gave up I had to accept no one will ever love me and just keep moving on , they say everyone will find true love and that isn’t true , not everyone finds love… I would like to talk to more women on here…if you see my comment message me on facebook Tina marie harris is my Facebook profile pic is a picture of a baby with a mom… please add would like to talk to some of you!!

    • May 11, 2016

      Wow. This seriously made me feel not so alone in my singlehood. I think we all have flaws. That’s what makes us real. And a real person with real interest in someone will look to help each other see its only what they see themselves in regards to flaws. Real people see flaws in each other and if they can deal with them, they will love each along side them.

    • Self esteem has taken a hiatus
      May 29, 2016

      I’m truly in tears right now I was married and divorced and I’ve in disaster after disaster relationships. I have three daughters and I’m starting to feel like I’m getting very comfortable being by myself. Two exes call me and I hooked back up with them hoping to be involved in a healthy relationship but instead I got a phone call from the both of them with the girls saying they will not be calling me again. I’m in tears because I didn’t ask for this single motherhood. I was faithful I Meeman wait in on the timeframe that you’re supposed Be Courtade by men. My confidence is now in Tollett I’m 39 years old and alone and alone

    • Allie
      May 31, 2016

      Thank you. I needed this today. I’ve needed it for the past couple of years to be honest.

    • lexie
      June 19, 2016

      thank you so much. my soul needed this. in this moment, it’s nice to feel less alone and that someone gets in a way that many in my life do not. thanks, mandy. wishing all the best for you in the road ahead – may all of your heart’s desires be met. thanks again.

    • Irene
      June 20, 2016

      I’ve just come across with this blog! So any update from the people commented in 2015 or from the blogger herself? I would love to know what you guys have been up to? Are any of you happier now? Enjoying life after spending time alone? Or did you managed to really stay single for almost a year? Did you really allow your time to heal and date yourself or have you dated anyone? Or now in a relationship? Or maybe hurt again? Have you moved on? How was it? Any achievements? good or bad result? I would love to hear your stories… reason why i’m asking because i’m about to embark a journey of being alone and because i haven’t been alone in such a long time, I’m scared to do it, i feel like i couldn’t do it (been thinking stupid things actually because i don’t think my life would ever be the same again without the man i love) so i would like to know what to expect and what life i can expect on the other side.

    • July 1, 2016

      Thank you ! I am so sick of People saying you dont need a man ! …..Sick of hearing you need too love you before you can love any one else ! So sick of hearing “To get love You must give love ! We all want to be loved ! We may not need a man BUT I WANT A MAN ! I LOVE my self !BUT I feel bad for my self! I have lost the love of my life ,,Been cheated on…over looked …and criticized….for trying too hard and loving too much ! I am jealous….of lovers , Brides, engagements , dates,and those that have just met …

    • Hopefull
      July 5, 2016

      My fear is never finding the right partner,never having another baby and in a way completin my family.I have one son but I always wanted him to have his own sibeing to grow up with.so yes I’m scared that I’m not lovable or that maybe I just will never be able to take care of a family,so why bother.

    • Tom
      July 6, 2016

      TY

    • Sabrina
      July 9, 2016

      No boyfriend throughout high school. Married at 19 to a guy I knew only 5 month. Divorced 9 years later at 28. At first I relished singlehood and independence. I’m now 55 and never dreamed if still be unmarried after all this time. Likelihood of marriage at my age is very slim. I do ok but the truth is I’d like a life partner i.e. a husband. Yet others act as though I’m somehow weak or unenlightened for saying I don’t want to be alone anymore. As though it’s too late and should just forget it. They tell me “you don’t need a man to complete you.” While they all have somebody to go home today. Irritating to say the least.

    • Drea
      July 12, 2016

      No words . Just thank you for bearing your soul. Amazing. Much love & blessings.

    • Barbara Fox Sparks
      July 15, 2016

      Wow. I’m a 48 year old single mom. Widowed 10 years ago and it was like you read my mind and heart. I have all those same feelings every day.

    • Cris 68
      July 22, 2016

      I was married at 18 had my 1st child 5 months later and second child in the same yr
      I then had my 3Rd 2yrs later and my last 3yrs later, in them yrs my husband had two affairs resulting in 2 children, I tried to divorce him on adultery but he wudnt be honest,so I let him divorce me on unreasonable behaviour I just wanted out, I then married again a few yrs later I knew he liked a drink but not to the extent. He had a choice our marriage or the drink he’s now my ex husband who married the woman he’d started seeing towards the end of our marriage break up. 18 months later met a guy online we were together for 5 yrs engaged etc but I cdnt commit to us living together, my fears etc i found out he’d signed up to dating sites again and was “only talking” I finished it that was 21 months ago.
      Im 48 and I have vowed to stay single till the day I take my last breath. Sorry but been thro hell over 30yrs and too much hurt,heartache and my wall is back up. and staying there
      I hope you all find what you want or don’t as the case may be.

    • Rochelle
      August 26, 2016

      32 and still single and this article cheered me up. It’s just not my time, finding myself and what’s right for me is a long path. But the loneliness is annoying. Thank you for this, made me smile

    • August 27, 2016

      Oh my word, girl. You are exactly what I longed for forever. There are gentle, caring men out here who want to know what you need. And want to fulfill those needs, and want someone to cherish. After being taken for granted for 25 years, I almost gave up, too. But after 5 years of looking, and hopng against hope, I found her six years ago. I cannot put into words how happy we are together. God listens to your anguish, and God will deliver. (And I am no fundamentalist Bible-thumper. Those people put me off). None of it will make sense until He/She has a chance to deliver. And then it will only make sense in retrospect.

    • September 11, 2016

      Thank You for writing this blog, This Sounds Like My Life Story!Except I’m 55 years 0ld,! It has been A very hard life! And my loneliness and depression has caused a lifetime of alcohol and drug addiction! It is the only way I can make thru this ugly life of mine! Knowing I’m not alone makes me feel better! I thought I was the only one That God has forgotten about! I always think God has hated me and cursed my life because I’m so ugly and Flawed! Bad Things have always happen in my life! I will be glad when my life is over!

    • Courtney
      September 13, 2016

      Thank you for writing this and NOT pretending that everything is cheeky and wonderful. After all, isnt that kind of fakeness what keeps many out of the Church? Im 31. My husband left me and according to stae marriage laws, it takea two to marry but one to divorce you and I have no legal right to stay married. What a crock. It has devastated my, destoryed my life. I have no Biblical right to ever remarry and have no children so I know my cross is to bear these things. I pray everyday my husband will come home and for his salvation. Most “christian” women eont even pray for his return or restoration. Its so messed up. I struggle every single day and cannot tell you how horribly dreams and lives are broken through divorce. Singlehood sucks. Period.

    • Krista
      September 14, 2016

      I so needed this thank you for your comments. I turned 32 a few days ago and I’m feeling really discouraged about dating. I’ve tried the online thing only to end up in short relationships with men that were not for me. I have also started to feel very disheartened…. and I completely understand. I am so happy that I’m not alone in this. It’s scary to think that things are hopeless and dating can be so discouraging.

    • L.hyde
      September 23, 2016

      Not only am I single, but I’ve lost both of my parents and I feel like I have been forgotten by my family. It hurts, it is hard! I still manage to get up out of bed everyday somehow…and I know it sounds cliche’ but my Doggie and my cats help alot! I just know they feel my sadness sometimes and I wish they didnt! But I know deep down that there is a reward in all this struggle…just don’t know when or how it will present itself! <3 to all!! Thank you!

    • October 1, 2016

      I’m 59 and single..never been loved yet..I also put on the “happy face” as my mother used to tell us as we were being abused.. the ugliness of life is too much for me to bear..no friends..rejected by family..no matter, i am lovable even if no one ever wants me..torment..pain..loneliness..isolation..suffering beyond words only to arrive at this place..not enough food to eat…unable to work after a car ran over me..no place to go..its hard but I remind myself that God loves me even if no one else does..

    • Çağla
      October 12, 2016

      First of all, i like your writing style. And secondly thank you again because i am so miserable that you can’t ever imagine. And i just read that beautiful, heartfelt story…i am like you. But i am just younger, 23. And i never remember my being beautiful. i love him since i was a child aged 12. But he was too for me. Anyway i am sorry i have no self respect or self esteem or etc..if only i had believed in myself one day. how is it feeling when you know that future will torture you? What would you do? i have no faith and i am always ashamed of some thins. For example when i have my hair cut, i cannot look at the mirror. i cannot bear her anyway.yes,you cannot live this way. Maybe i should commit suicide..i just wonder if i will be happy just for a day.i cried a river sister, could you pray for me to your God?

    • Linda
      October 30, 2016

      37, very pretty (that’s what they say), career, great figure… no kids, never married… still single. Sucks so bad.

    • Ann Turner
      November 3, 2016

      Thank you so much for posting this. I had a relationship my senior year in high school and that was it. Am 36 now. Not many men or gay/bi women have ever seemed interested. Years of viewing myself as abnormal (not because of the dating stuff) maybe attracted some very unhealthy people around me, but they always took off pretty fast too. I am trying to love myself more, but it is difficult when no one is interested…hence, repeat vicious cycle. Not saying our problems are the same, but just needed to vent honestly.

    • Wendy
      November 10, 2016

      I feel like your writing my life story. Every word is perfect. I’m 46 and a single mom of two.I try to have faith but even that’s hard at times. My life ugh!! 🙁

    • Mary
      November 10, 2016

      I’ve been reading all of the comments with this post, and I can relate so well! I’m 33 and single. I think the worst part of singleness is that constant cloud of sadness hanging over your head. You forget about it for a little while each day, but then the fact that you are alone smacks you in the face the moment you see an engagement announcement on facebook, a happy family at the coffeeshop, or a commercial for one of those sappy Hallmark movies (way to remind me EVERY DAY in December that I’ll be spending Christmas as the awkward single with my family again this year; geez, all I wanted to do was watch “Golden Girls”!)
      So, I think it’s time for a pep talk.
      No, not one of those terrible faux pep talks full of well-intentioned, eyeroll-inducing antecdotes, such as, “You just need more faith!” (I pray constantly. I’ve tried every kind of prayer, including intercessory prayer. I’ve tried fasting. I’ve tried volunteering at church more. Just. Stop.) ” Maybe God wants something *better* for you” (listen, lady, unless God is keeping me single so that I can serve as Queen of England someday, there isn’t anything better, okay?) “You loved the guy you were dating too much. God is a jealous God” (by that logic, everyone’s boyfriend should be taken away and no one would have a husband). No, we’ve suffered enough injury, let’s stay without insult!
      No, here’s my pep talk. It has to do with a jumble of thoughts that have been rolling around in my head. If you’re like me, and you’ve tried it all, you want to take action steps to make things happen! God wants us to take action. We’ve just got to hear from him. These are things I am planning to do as part of my “Action Strategy”.
      1. Stop waiting for the right guy to just show up at church, the coffeeshop, etc. Nope, I have to make an effort to meet people. It’s like finding a job. You can pray all you want, but you also have to be actively seeking a job, asking for God’s guidance! Same goes for datinvg someone. Once you get a job, you don’t walk in on the first day saying to yourself, “I wonder when I’m going to get fired?” Okay, so no more, “I wonder when he’ll break up with me!” Faith in God isn’t just for bringing the guy in your life; it’s a HUGE part of the actual relationship!
      2. Pray and ask God why I am “dateable, but not so-called lovable”. What am I doing to hinder my relationships? Let Him lovingly discipline and correct me through conviction from the Holy Spirit.
      3. Is there something I need to do? Joyce Meyer tells of a woman whose life was at a standstill. It seemed her prayers weren’t working! However, she kept feeling this “tugging” in her spirit, and the same thought would acompany this feeling: “Forgive your sister.” She hadn’t spoken to her in three years! She stubbornly brushed it off, but finally, she realized it was the Holy Spirit speaking to her and she forgave her sister. Joyce Meyer explained that God’s plan is like baking a cake; you can’t skip steps (ingredients- think if you left out flour or water!) and expect a good outcome! I plan to stop and really listen to God about what I need to do in order to move forward.
      4. I’m going to truly try and enjoy this time as a single person. God means for us to have joy in all stages of life. Yes, joy is mixed with sadness and disappointment, but it’s a continuum. We need balance! Furthermore, I felt a tugging on my heart one day recently, and I could feel God telling me, “Enjoy this time. Once you do get married and have the responsibility of a family, you’ll want to be able to look back on this fondly, as a time of spiritual growth and happiness at your job and with your family!” I am going to ask Him to help me regain balance.

      So, there it is, my “Action Strategy”. I’m stepping out in faith. If I’m wrong, God will meet me where I am, just like always. God is good all the time, and all the time God is good.

    • Katie
      November 13, 2016

      I turn 32 in a few days, and I’m lost. All my friends have significant others…and then there’s me. The girl who can’t keep a man. I was so close to being engaged earlier this year. We picked the ring, he put a deposit on it. Then a week later, he decided he didn’t know what he wanted anymore. I was crushed. I wanted a husband a little baby – my own little family. It was ripped from me in an instant. It’s been a lonely year for me. Especially since all my friends are part of a couple. It just hurts. So badly. I’d just lim to find someone nice, someone who likes coffee, someone who can carry intelligent conversations. Sigh. I’m disillusioned

    • TP
      November 16, 2016

      What a great article!! I’m about to turn 34 and all everyone that has someone says is my time will come as I watch them get married and start a family. Why are they so lucky and when is my turn coming? No guy ever approaches me, I laugh, I smile, I am friendly and honest and nope all the compliments come from women. I mean its so hard and its been 5 years since I had someone and I’m giving up. I am a Christian and keep asking God for that speciL someone but wonder maybe if he doesn’t want me to be with anyone. Anyway, thank you for letting me vent.

    • Cindy
      November 22, 2016

      I feel you, Mandy. I’m kinda sick and tired as well, always pretending that it’s ok to be single. When in actual fact, I feel lonely, depressed and hopeless.

    • Amy Beth Goldsmith
      December 4, 2016

      Just found this one week before my 50th birthday – I’m sitting here in tears…

    • Seraphina
      December 13, 2016

      I feel like I don’t know what its like to be a beautiful woman but I am tired of never being good enough and to always be ugly I want what anyone else would want which is love and beauty and to never be ugly again. The thought that I still have not given myself to a man means I am truly ugly and a loser and a piece of dirt. God is cruel how can he love me if he made me ugly and unwanted. He wants me all to himself or he is the only one that loves me what a complete jerk he is. I hate this I hate this so much.

    • Clare
      December 18, 2016

      I feel like screaming! So after loving a man for 6 years and really thinking I’d found the one, this being after numerous failed previous relationships. My one true love dumps me. I’m 38 childless, no friends and no close family. I’m spending my days going the gym and I even volunteer but nothing takes this godforsaken pain away that I am unliveable. So what is wrong with me? I could list a thousand depressive reasons, which I won’t go into. So Christmas is a week today and I’m spending it alone whilst my mind races telling me that my newly ex boyfriend will be having the time of his life. I am a CBT therapist yet struggle to even practice what I preech. I’m totally heartbroken.

    • Danielle
      December 19, 2016

      I’m 36 and single yet again. I thought I had found someone, someone who would be a great partner in life. He has is own fears and let those fears take over the relationship. I fear that I will be alone forever. I live in a small town in a rural part of Idaho. I like where I live however, I fear that by staying here I will be lessening my chances of finding someone because its so small and the man-child capital of the state. I fear being left again, I fear being left and I fear I will continue down this road of dating misery, forever! I don’t want to settle for anything thats not right. In this not settling, am I looking for something that doesn’t exist? I creating my single life destiny, a self fulfilled prophecy?

    • Tino
      December 19, 2016

      Thanks I appreciate you

    • veronica
      December 22, 2016

      I am single 36 yr old woman. I am extremely shy and introvert. I am scared and overthink everything. I thought i was pretty but now i understand i am not. I am obese, very short, with thinning hair, pot belly, an overbite , bulbous protruding squinty eyes and a teeth gap. My father and brother r alcholics and i have lived watching them fight and abuse my mom and sis in law. I am over qualified. I have a postgraduate degree and dictorate and a high level job. I believe i dont deserve to be on top. These r a few of the reasons why i am single. I feel sad and hurt and ashamed when i see my neice and nephews getting married and having kids. My life sucks.

    • LN
      January 9, 2017

      I came across this article and said…wow! I am 47 years old, gainfully employed, if I must say attractive, friendly, warm, a damn good cook, and…yes – SINGLE, NO CHILDREN! I ask myself every day or so, why did God leave me alone? I am so angry sometimes I could scream!!! It’s like there is some flaw that I can’t rid myself of. I read somewhere that serial killer Charles Manson married while he had been incarcerated, yet there seems to be no one in the free sane world for me? Why? There is light at the bottomless pit of singleness for me. I have decided to adopt a baby :>). For those singles who want a family, take a deep breath and let it go, along with the burden of being single. Create your own story that does not end with you dying alone.

    • Areba
      January 22, 2017

      Thanks Mandy 🙂

    • Glenda
      February 2, 2017

      thank you Mandy.. this was an amazing read for days like this.

    • Katherine
      February 6, 2017

      Wow!! I’m 34 and a Christian and have said all of the above to myself…. this was definitely a blessing and I couldn’t have said it any better. Thank you!

    • Arejae
      March 1, 2017

      Thank you Thank you Thank you!!! I get so tired of the have faith phrase. I have faith.
      I’m 45 and still single with no prospects. I have even tried dating sites. lately the ugly thoughts have been plaguing me. What’s wrong with me??? Trying to figure out what have I done so bad that has cost me ever having the love of my life…even down to questioning does GOD really love me? I mean the Strongest desire I have right now is to be married. I am praying for GOD to take that desire away. I wanna be free from it if it is not his plan for my life.

    • Julie
      April 2, 2017

      The hardest part, for me, is not being single. I can actually appreciate certain moments of my singleness now. Like the weight I no longer feel waiting on some guy to call or show up or make me feel worthy. And those days of playing detective, only to uncover the ugly truths I never really wanted to face, are gone. But not a day goes by that I don’t regret walking away from the only man I have ever loved. THAT is the hardest part about being single for me. To have had love. A great love. An unconditional, honest, pure, and beautiful love. And to have been too young and stupid to have appreciated it. They say if you have chemistry you only need one other thing: Timing. But timing is a bitch. So here I am, single. Not at all how imagined my life would be at 35. I imagine I could have been happily married with a kid or two by now. Instead, I chose to walk away from the love of life. I guess I thought I could do better. I was only 19 when we met and 27 by the time I ended things. I thought I might have been missing out on other options. I wanted to know what else was out there. That was my biggest mistake and if I could go back in time and take it all back I would. In a single heartbeat. Since then, I’ve dated — a lot. Enough to know that my soulmate is the one man I left behind at 27. And now he is with someone else and I put him there. Is it really better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all? If you ask me, no way. What they failed to mentioned was that your heart will break every day, over and over again, searching for the love it once felt only to come back empty every time.

  2. July 14, 2015

    Mandy, you spoke not only your heart, but the heart of myself and pretty much every other single woman. Your fears are my fears. As much I love your positivity and encouragement, which has uplifted and kept me going many days, I adore your vulnerability in also sharing the ugly truth. Positivity can bring us together, but it is the bare common ground that binds us and reminds us we are not alone. Thank you!

    • Vivian
      July 14, 2015

      Being single is scary and when I see a happy couple i feel like crying. Am so scared that il die single. At 38 I have never experienced true love. Surprisingly after being disappointed the whole of my life, I still believe in love. What is wrong with me? Why can’t I just give?

    • Cris 68
      July 22, 2016

      I’m not pretty or slim, I don’t have a job due to ill health,I Do like being alone and on my own think it’s something that stemmed from childhood as I was always a loner from infants all way through to comp and college. I have no friends, I have FB friends that’s different they only want to know Wots happening or not as the case may be. I’m the one whose always there for others but no ones ever there for me, i help others but I never have offers of help. This DOSNT bother me I’m used to it. I’m the one who guys always bypass and go to the girls I’m out with, when I did go out. Im the one stood waiting for her friends only to find out they have left with the guy i was bypassed by. So I don’t go out anymore, rejection isn’t nice especially when your nearly 50..
      But I don’t feel sorry for myself. I love being single, no one to answer to, come and go as I please, it’s fantastic

  3. Erika
    July 14, 2015

    I can completely relate. Single still at almost 41. Left my abusive husband back in 2007 and wound up dating the same kind of jerk until 2010 when I realized I deserved better and decided to take a break. Over 5 years later and I’m still not dating. I am horrible on myself. I’m too fat, not pretty enough, too old, damaged goods, etc. On one hand I miss the companionship but on the other I have trust issues after everything I’ve been through and have no desire to put myself out there in order to be rejected over and over again. I’m doing my best to be kinder to myself but it’s a work in progress.

    Thank you for posting this Mandy….knowing that I’m not the only one feeling like this makes it a little bit better and easier.

    • Cindy
      August 28, 2015

      I’m there with you. I’m 43. I divorced my husband after 20 years of him struggling with sexual desires and then being physically abusive to our son. My sisters in Christ tell me I need to heal otherwise I’ll keep choosing the wrong man and continue to repeat the past. It’s been so hard to not latch on to a man who pays me attention only to realize Im once again with the wrong man just because I’m lonely. I’ve not dated anyone in the last 8 months and that is a long time for me. God is healing me and I’ve cried many times and had my really bad days but after each really bad rough spot……I come out of it stronger.

  4. Shannon
    July 14, 2015

    Every. Single. Word. Yes!!! You are such an inspiration in this interesting, crazy, sometimes lonely, but still forging ahead journey called the single life. Nashville is on my bucket list of places to visit and when I get there I would love to meet you!

  5. honey bee
    July 14, 2015

    Great article x

  6. Tina
    July 14, 2015

    40yo and having been single now for the last 5 years, this was a good read!

  7. July 14, 2015

    Thank you for your post. I relate a lot to what you said – pretty much everything you said. Except I’m 38 (39 next month). For myself, I would add, “You can’t have children.”

    I was writing a blog entry the other day about a funeral I attended for a family member and I was thinking about how that side of my family was dwindling pretty fast. Then I was thinking about how my own side of my family pretty much ends with me. My parents didn’t have any sons, so there is no one to carry on that part of our family. I have a sister, but I feel like that is their own part of the family that they get to carry on. I will be carrying on nothing. I feel pretty sad about it.

    Sometimes I feel like, for myself, I am faced with two options – remain single for the rest of my life or settle for someone who will marry me, but just because no one else will and so I’m doomed to suffer whatever they dish at me. (I was engaged to someone once who constantly made me feel stupid because I was not as book smart as them and wouldn’t let me just be me with my own likes, dislikes, and space.)

    I just want to be me, with my strong faith and my huge sci-fi geek side. I want to be the grad student and the one who enjoys a young adult novel. The one who uses Facebook to keep up with friends but to also play social games. To just be me as I’ve defined myself, not how society thinks I should be at almost 39 years old.

    • Shercole
      July 14, 2015

      You make me wanna cry and hug you. This is me as well. The kid thing is getting to me more and more everyday. Being 32 and single has been very hard. Harder than I expected are willing to normally admit.

    • Barton
      July 14, 2015

      As a single 32 year old man, you sound quite appealing, as everything you mentioned is exactly what I’m looking for. I see no flaws in anything you mentioned, rather perfection. 😉

    • Mandy Hale
      July 14, 2015

      I assure you, I’m far from perfect! 🙂 But thank you for your kind words.

    • Heather
      July 14, 2015

      Jenn, I don’t know your situation at all but I will tell you that being single does not mean that you have to give up on the dream of motherhood. I am almost 39 and 21 months ago I decided, after years of thought and prayer, to take matters into my own hands and had an appointment at a fertility clinic. Last weekend was my son’s 1st birthday. It may always just be the two of us, but he is the greatest loves story of my life. It’s not easy, and some days I just wish I could have a husband and a “normal” family, but when my little boy snuggles his head into my chest and murmurs “mama”, I know I made the right decision. Not being a mother was the greatest sadness for me of remaining single, and now he’s my greatest joy. Someday I may be a wife but, if not, thank god a precious little boy calls me mommy.

  8. Refilwe
    July 14, 2015

    This was God sent. This journey have many ugly heads. I’m learning to accept, love and hope for greater love. I know I wont end up alone, But being single and 35 is not a game.

  9. July 14, 2015

    I just want to hug you. Since I can’t, I will definitely link arms with you in prayer for us single ladies.

    I know how hard it probably was to write this, because that fear of judgement is REAL. I wrote a similar entry on my blog about a month ago and I was terrified to press submit. But I did, because someone needed what I wrote. Today, I needed what you wrote. I love how God works things out! 🙂

    Anyway, thank you for your honesty. I’m not going to pat you on the head with the platitudes we hear from every well-meaning older lady on Sunday mornings…I’m just sending you love.

    Believe me, we get it.

  10. Rose
    July 14, 2015

    But you know that the men are not perfect either!! Marriage is 2 imperfect people focusing on the good in each other more than the bad.

  11. christina
    July 14, 2015

    Thank you for sharing. It really resonated with me. It’s nice to know others have the same feelings and experiences.

  12. Erin
    July 14, 2015

    I am not alone.

    That’s the thought that came to me after reading this. Oh, sure, I know that I’m not the only single woman out there, but for the first time, I felt like I truly wasn’t alone here. Everything you wrote is everything I’ve ever thought and felt about myself and my singleness. The good. The bad. And the really freakin’ ugly.

    Thank you for reminding to embrace these moments. It’s not about being positive so much as it is about acceptance and a little hope (okay, a lot of hope and faith). You continue to be an inspiration, Mandy!

    xoxo

  13. Lindsay
    July 14, 2015

    I love this! Thank you, Mandy!

  14. Lillian
    July 14, 2015

    Thank you Mandy for sharing! I can relate to each and every word! All we can do is simply live this single life to the fullest. 🙂 God bless!

  15. Beth
    July 14, 2015

    Wow, I can totally relate to everything you said. I even add in fate, as in fate has not led me to the man of my dreams yet but he’s out there. Now, at 48 and soon to be 49, I don’t think he is on the same planet as me. Reality is hitting home and I deal. And sometimes I am overwhelmed with feelings of anger that someone less attractive or nice or good has amen and I’m still single. I’m trying to just find happiness in my life but friends and family don’t understand the whole single woman thing, like there’s something wrong with me.

  16. July 14, 2015

    This hit home. I too am mid thirties and single and can so relate. Sometimes we can even become obsessed with the single status. It’s frustrating and exhausting honestly. But I try to live this time to my fullest as a writer blogger and traveler. We aRe here for a reason.

  17. Laura
    July 14, 2015

    Very excellent and very honest blog, Mandy! I’m 39 and been divorced (or I prefer to say single-again) for 13 years. I feel the same feelings you feel about being single. Keep your head up and keep encouraging other single women in their walk with the Lord.

  18. Ashley
    July 14, 2015

    THANK YOU!!!!!

  19. Angie
    July 14, 2015

    Wow….that’s all I can say! You completely nailed this – I’m about to be 43 and I can relate to everything you’ve shared. Thank you for putting it into words.

  20. July 14, 2015

    Amen. Thank you for being so brave. Thank you for your vulnerability. Thank you for writing this post and tackling this question. This was so raw and honest — that’s why I think it will resonate with a lot of people (myself including). God bless!

  21. Tameka
    July 14, 2015

    You seem to be writing everything that I am currently feeling. I’m single and approaching 38, I’ve been feeling like being single is just my lot in life. It gets very hard at times, but I usually try to stay optimistic. But right now I’m just feeling I can’t win in this quest for companionship. My previous bad choices in men have made me question myself, and I also had a man to basically tell me something similar to what you were told. That was years ago but I realize now that it really effected me. I don’t know, it just gets hard….

  22. Kayla
    July 14, 2015

    I needed this!!! I really have a huge issue with being 26 and a single mom….. My ex telling me if I was just this or that we would work…. I was never enough and he’s miserable with his life and blames me for his heart break….. Although I’d do anything to keep him with me and out son, it’s impossible I am not enough. I don’t get it!

    • Kim
      July 16, 2015

      Kayla, you are enough for YOU and your son. What your ex is looking for is someone to fill the voids in his own life. No one can do that but him, so let him do that work himself.

      I was 27 and a single mom. I promise…..you ARE enough.

      Kim, 50 years old, divorced and I am enough.

  23. Norma Gonzalez
    July 14, 2015

    Thanks for writing this article Mandy, I try to stay positive and keep busy. But in those moments when I am alone in my bed I have those same thoughts. I am ugly, too fat, too nice and no one will ever want to be married with me. I throw myself a pity party, cry myself to sleep. Its not easy being alone or single, but I would much rather be single than in a miserable relationship.

  24. July 14, 2015

    This made me cry. Every day I think I am doomed to wander this earth by myself. Just last night I was boo hooing because my kids were gone and I was all by myself at home washing clothes. Sucks!!! Thank you for your honesty. I feel that I am a very loving, compassionate, caring woman that I feel is pretty nice looking wondering why God would make me this way and not give me someone to share my life with. You too are very beautiful, thoughtful and just wonderful. Thank you for your message.

  25. Cindy
    July 14, 2015

    You’ve put into words EVERYTHING that my heart is feeling and that my head is thinking. I say quite often… “what is wrong with me?” Living in the world today is hard being single. I’m glad to know I’m not alone in my thoughts and fears.

  26. karol kinney
    July 14, 2015

    I love this post. And LOL, I am still single at 59. Married for 23 years…miserably…and slowly getting to where I want to be. The truth is, we all have those doubts. We all want to be what we see presented in magazines and movies. And we are all flawed. As are many of the men out there. But I know now that I 1) can survive and thrive without a partner, 2) have had an emotional roller coaster of 12 years of singleness, 3) love who I am and where I am, 4) would love to have a partner but whatever, 5) and the truth is…I intimidate most men because I am strong and independent and a survivor and smart and funny and don’t want to take care of a couch potato and do his laundry and pick up after him ( and believe me, many men in this age group want just that). I want a partner…an equal…So I keep on living my amazing, wonderful life and maybe some day, in my travels, I will meet someone interesting enough, secure enough, funny enough and smart enough to make ME take a double look.

  27. roxi
    July 14, 2015

    Yes! I can completely relate and i’m glad that you posted this because it’s nice to know everybody goes through this and not just me. I love all your positivity and helps me greatly but reading this lets me know it’s not just me that thinks this way as well.

  28. melinda
    July 14, 2015

    All very true! I’m 50 and still single. I love when people tell me “when you stop looking, you’ll find someone”. Such B.S. I’ve never been the girl men are interested in, not in high school, not in my 20s, 30s or 40s. I don’t expect that’s going to change now. I hate struggling to live on one income, watching all my friends celebrate milestone anniversaries, and hearing that sad voice when they ask if I’m seeing someone. The fact is, I was born alone and that’s the way I’m going to live my life. So, carrying on and being me!

  29. Ashley
    July 14, 2015

    There’s a lot of comfort in this post Mandy. It’s great to know that my fears about singleness are not all in my head. Thank you for your honesty.

  30. Amber
    July 14, 2015

    I needed this. I feel like these were the words right out of my own head! It does feel good to know I’m not alone. You rock Mandy.
    Thank you.

  31. Debbie
    July 14, 2015

    AMEN! I’ll be 50 next month, and have never been married and can relate! I asked God on Mother’s Day, “What I am doing wrong?” His response was that I was doing everything right, but the pain is still there! I never expected to be here at this stage in life as a still-single woman!

  32. Ro
    July 14, 2015

    Wow! This is exactly how I feel. I’m 48, been married and divorced twice, have a great son. Waited 5 years after second divorce to date, to get myself together, to learn to forgive and trust. Dated and then got into another bad relationship. Another man I was going to help to love me.
    Now I feel like I’m just floating, watching my friends in relationships, getting married & here I am. I’m a great person, smart, funny; loving but can’t find a man who has similar interests and values. Thank you for your blog today, reminded me that I’m not alone.

  33. Victoria
    July 14, 2015

    I can definitely relate to this. At 32 (almost 33) I’m the oldest in my family with no boyfriend or plans really to have one. It feels weird at times and it’s often brought up that it may never happen and there are days I brush it off and days where it hits me hard, that possibility that I may not find someone to love that loves me.

  34. AK
    July 14, 2015

    Mandy – Single at 36, and can completely relate to everything in your post. I have almost like stopped dating – I think I’m just afraid or something – I dont know what it is.

    It scares me sometimes thinking about what will happen when I get old – who will take care of me and love me… I put up a brave face and try to enjoy the good sides of it, like travelling or taking up jobs far away from home. But deep inside yes I do feel the void. It’s not easy at all.

  35. Karen
    July 14, 2015

    Wow. Have you sneaked inside my brain. Your words read like everything I think
    I agree with Jenn.
    Spent most of my 20s being silly and praying my period would arrive. Now. I am 37 single with no kids with a raft of what if and if only .
    maybe it is not in the grand plan for me to not be single or have babies. But until then. I will keep reading your blog realising. None of us in this boat are alone xxx

  36. sue
    July 14, 2015

    This is so timely. I was reading my bible when I realized how I am always “wishing” for something instead of enjoying and embracing everything I already have. I am older than you and my husband left after 10 years of marriage. I may just remain single which may not be a bad thing. This article has hit the nail on the head. No more self hate talk! I’m enjoying this journey and realize I am not alone! Thank you Mandy!

    • Kelly Ann
      July 14, 2015

      I do the same thing! Always wishing for something! More money, bigger boobs, less fat, whiter teeth, more time, more laughter. Wish, wish, wish. I don’t embrace the moment very often. Always on the run, waiting for something in the future and wishing today away. Today starts a new approach. Living in the moment with my eyes on Christ! Keeping our eyes on Him lets us walk on water!!!

  37. Latoya
    July 14, 2015

    I love what you said, “And life without both joy AND sadness is a life without balance.” It is easy to cover up the ugly truth, but at the end of the day we should deal with it, set it free, and move on. Thank you for this.

  38. Candy
    July 14, 2015

    Thank you for sharing your heart and letting me know I’m not the only one feeling this way.

  39. Amanda
    July 14, 2015

    Lol you know, sometimes I bypass a lot of positive posts I come across on social networks just because I get tired of all the positivity… It’s not that I don’t like being encouraged. But rather, too much pep talk annoys me. And you just answered why.

    There are times when we just need to understand that we’re hurt, upset or scared. The bible says that we have this treasure (Christ in us), in earthen vessels (our bodies). We’re still human. The working out of our salvation takes time and along that road, we’re gonna find ourselves in situations that we find…uncomfortable (for a lack of better words).

    I personally believe that you got to have those days that you feel weary. It’s all part of your walk with God. And I often found that during these times the Lord catches me best. You see, it’s when we know that we can’t go on any longer, that’s usually when we can receive best from Him. And I also found that He actually likes it when I talk to Him about how I feel.
    It’s true that we are in this world but not of this world…buuut, this world can still affect us. And that’s okay. That’s what He’s there for.

  40. July 14, 2015

    Thank you for this

  41. Christine
    July 14, 2015

    Very well spoken. As a 35 (soon to be 36) year old woman, I totally relate to this post. One thing I’m learning is to acknowledge the bad days (today was kinda like that) and embrace the really good ones (Sunday was a really good day)! Please give yourself some grace in this area. We can be hardest on ourselves when think we aren’t living up to other people’s standards. Thanks for sharing and I hope the readers that can relate to this post encourage you to just keep on your journey being exactly who you are. Be blessed!

  42. Sonia
    July 14, 2015

    Yes. Just….yes.

    To friends around those of us going through divorce, be it currently or 5 years ago, I ask for patience. Endless patience. Not allowing us to talk about our *stuff* because it makes you uncomfortable, is selfish and not helpful at all. It takes a lot of time to work through all of the detritus of divorce. And with a kiddo in the mix? Some of the *stuff* NEVER goes away, whether you’ve worked through it or not. We have to keep working through it whenever there’s a new wrinkle.

    Thank you for peeling back some layers and showing the ugly truth. It’s there whether we talk about it or not. And yes, I agree that we do need to be open and honest about the ugly parts too. It’s how we work through it and get to the more positive thoughts.

  43. Kim
    July 14, 2015

    Thank you. I often feel like I can’t win. If I state the obvious that yes it’s hard to be single, but no I don’t want to become desperate, or settle or complain or any of that, I’m still labeled as something. “SEE you’re all alone and NO ONE wants to be that!” I’d still rather be that then in the wrong place, situation or relationship. The best I’ve been able to do so far, is be positive and in an effort to keep it real, comment on the good fortunes of the people in my life who are in good relationships, again keeping it positive. I refuse to whine, wallow or any of that about being single. Not everything about it is bad. Not by any stretch.

  44. Cassie
    July 14, 2015

    I’m crying in the ugliest manner right now. I can barely see through my tears to type this. Sometimes I feel like I’m the only one with no hope for tomorrow, but you’ve encouraged me to embrace my ugly thoughts & admit that I’m not perfect! It’s extremely hard to face things alone without a partner sometimes. It’s hard seeing all your friends happy & have them telling you the fake sob story “your day will come.” I just don’t believe it ever will. I know it never will. No man can be serious enough or even know what they want for the future. & for that reason alone is how I know that there is nobody for me.

    • Megan
      July 15, 2015

      Well done on being brave enough to face the turmoil inside, even though you may not feel strong right now. Your fear is so totally understandable. In fact, it’s why I wanted to reply; I recognize pieces of my journey in what you’re expressing. Embracing the ugly – noticing it, naming it, seeing patterns – is the first huge step to change, so even though you’re a stranger, I’m glad for your introspection and insight! Hopelessness happens. It feels overwhelming. Sometimes it *IS* overwhelming without the right help and support. A healthy relationship with the God who LOVES you, trustworthy girlfriends (some single!), and a committed therapist are essential at these times, I believe. (I myself need medication, too, and many days I still fight to be grateful and hopeful) The ONLY hopeless situation is one in which you give up. I don’t mean your singleness; you’re right that the future is no one’s to see but God. I just see from your post that you have or are considering giving up on a search for hope at all. You can see from many of the comments here that you are not alone, even when you’re lonely. Let me say that again: You. Are. NOT. Alone! But we are ultimately responsible for opening our hands and accepting the good things God has put in place for us. The help we lonely people need does require us to stand up, pick up a phone, and talk to someone. If they don’t get it, find a better friend or counselor. Maybe it’s about joining a support group or even an activity club. As someone who has been suicidal (not saying that’s where you’re at) and through my share of painful relationships, disappointments, and grief, I assure you that there IS hope for a happy life with or without a partner. Hope this isn’t too preachy, but be assured, someone did notice your pain, and I’ll be praying you find hope, peace, and purpose.

  45. Felicia
    July 14, 2015

    Single at 41…soon to be 42. Struggling with being single. Two failed marriages (wrong men) , one serious relationship that failed and almost destroyed me (I felt he was my true love), and most recently a year casually dating a guy that was not ready but I kept on with him thinking I could make him get there by being totally into him. I’ve never felt so bad about myself with this recent guy as I do right now. I was myself from the start but not a fit for him. I feel like it was outward thing about me and what I do for work , not to mention location of where I live as to why he has distanced himself from me. Have I not picked up on the hints he is dropping? He’s done with me. I have a lot to offer but guys don’t see it. I’m tired of the struggle of dating and it’s non existent for me. I’m afraid I’ll die alone. Life not going as I dreamt that it would. It’s hard to find a good guy when most guys are finding women that will sleep with them after one or two dates . They want the benefits of a relationship but not the stress of one and plenty of women to give it to them . This goes for both men and women . Single life is not rewarding.

  46. Ishraqh
    July 14, 2015

    You said every single thing that a single woman in the 30s could think inside and coild say outside
    thank you for these totally meaningful words

  47. Tabatha
    July 14, 2015

    Thank you for this post! I am 39 and still looking for the one. The one who will not only accept my imperfections but embrace them. Some days I think any ‘one’ will do but I know that he will be worth the wait.

    I constantly put on my suit of armour and tell people just how great my life is. I have a great job, my own place and an adorable dog. But inside all I want is someone to come home to at the end of the day…..and people to stop pitying me for being single at 39.

    It’s nice to know that there are other women who feel the same way I do. Good luck lady’s. …single IS the new fabulous!!

    • Jill
      July 14, 2015

      I giggled when you said some days you think anyone will do. I myself am 39 and have said that many times. Currently I’ve been talking to this guy I met online. We’ve been out several times. He’s everything I almost ever wanted on paper…except the chemistry is lacking and by lacking I mean non-existant. I keep trying to convince myself he’s a great guy but as we know when it’s not there…it’s not there. Best of luck to you!

  48. Cheryl
    July 14, 2015

    Dear Mandy
    Where do we go from here? How do we change our attitudes so that we can be open to Love again. I do believe we have created barriers for ourselves and have become stuck in a rut for fear of heartbreak. I am almost 53 and single for 14 years. This is getting boring but how do we leave our comfort zones? I think I may be in Love with someone but too afraid to tell him and besides this crush I have had for 11 years could be my way of staying single as a defense mechanism. He has shown no interest although he comes across as shy and flustered when he sees me. Strange how we can let time slip by… almost unnoticed. … living in a dream world…. all for the sake of protecting ourselves and hiding from our very own fears and
    insecurities. The ugly truth needs to be exposed so we can heal and allow ourselves to be truly cherished the way we deserve to be loved. Your story is precisely my experience … people compliment me all the time… I am the only person that does not believe I am beautiful – bless your heart Mandy – let go and let God. I will try too ♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

  49. Melissa
    July 14, 2015

    You are amazing and I’m glad that you wrote this. I’m 36 and I feel just like you. I’ve had my heart broken plenty of time and somehow I’m still standing. Lately the guys that I meet end up being immature, have too many problems or are just overall losers. My friends tell me that my expectations are too high, but I don’t think so. I’m not going to settle. You inspire me everyday to be a strong independent woman. The right guy will come along for all us. I know… It will happen! 🙂

  50. Felicia
    July 14, 2015

    I forgot to include that it would be awesome to meet you and would be awesome for all of us single ladies here to get together !

  51. Joy
    July 14, 2015

    I’m 40 years old and never been married and no kids. I often wonder why don’t I get to have a life like everyone else, but the I know I’m not like everyone else, and God has a plan for me and my plan is unique and original just like me. He tells us not to be anxious in anything to trust in Him to supply all our needs. I think aswomen we overthink everything in our lives, but when a relationship or date doesn’t work out now I simply say it wasn’t in my plan. We just need to “Let Go and Let God.” He may or may not send me anyone, but His love is sufficient. When I feel lonely, I will pray and God will give me a sign that he hears me. Maybe it’s a song on the radio or seeing a butterfly, but I know He is always there. So ladies instead over analyzing everything just surrender to God’s plan for our lives and live in peace. The more we force the issue the more we will be disappointed. And in the mean time have fun with your lives and continue to keep the faith!!

  52. Deanna
    July 14, 2015

    I’ve been keeping up with your blog for quite some time now but never felt compelled to comment…until now. This was so exquisitely written and I really wish I would’ve been able to say these things when I’ve been asked umpteen thousand times why I’m still single at almost 28 years old. It gets daunting. And discouraging. I am very critical on myself and so having people ask me why I’m still single only seems to further cement those feelings of inadequacy.
    I’ve examined and re-examined my life choices so many times trying to figure out ‘why’ but it’s really, really exhausting after a while. Maybe I focused too much on school and then on my job. Maybe I was too driven and my tunnel vision kept me from meeting Mr Right at that frat party I passed on in order to get some more study time in.
    But I keep coming back to the same conclusion…I don’t know why. All I know is that right now, where I am…this is God’s plan for me. And I think God needed me to read this because this is everything I’ve felt and wanted to say for so long but have never known how to put into words. So thank you 🙂

  53. Tricia
    July 14, 2015

    This spoke the truth like nothing else I have read. Being single does bring up all those insecurities and you are right that you have to look deep within yourself to recognise your flaws but accept them.
    Its nice to know I am not alone even if I am single lol

  54. Shana
    July 14, 2015

    Thank you for writing this! I needed this today because I was starting to feel really lonely but I learned to embrace my loneliness and deal with it. It helps to be truthful with yourself and not feel like you have to have an answer to being single.

  55. July 14, 2015

    This is a great article and I feel like it completely describes me in every way. Thank you for writing the TRUTH so that all of us that have these fears (that we may not discuss to others) know that we are not alone and that it is ok to feel like this. Thanks again!

  56. Abby
    July 14, 2015

    WOW Mandy! I so needed this right now 🙂 I’m 37 & single. I certainly had my fair share of heartache & pain. Things have been real tough the past few weeks but by the grace of God, I know He has greater things set aside for each of us. Our best days are yet to come! Stay Blessed.

  57. Kelli
    July 14, 2015

    This was exactly what I needed to read.. I have followed you for a few years now & I love your positivity & I’m living my life in a positive manner MOST of the time but there are times when I feel exact same way. Thank you for your honesty. It’s nice to know I’m not alone.

  58. Shannon K
    July 14, 2015

    I love the honesty and I have felt these emotions so many times. I hate being asked that question because I take the tone as what is wrong with you. But I have hope because I met someone a couple months ago. I would like to think he’s the one but it’s still new. And all those doubts still come to my mind when it doesn’t go as I think it should in that moment. But at 32 I almost feel like I have preconditioned myself to expect failure. I guess it amounts to getting out of our own way and letting things develop. But there isn’t an answer and it isn’t perfect. But sometimes someone stumbles in our path when we least expect it and accept us flaws and all.

    • Kay
      July 14, 2015

      congrats! We’re the same age so amen for hope! Praying it works out for you!

  59. Erica
    July 14, 2015

    You are so right, you/we are not alone! I swear, I felt like I wrote that (except, you’re definitely a better writer) but it is almost exactly my thoughts and feelings as I struggle with being 38 and single.

    My married friends are always telling me to not get married; it’s so hard! Well guess what, being single is hard too. Dating is definitely NOT what it used to be. My response to them is, “stay married and remember why you married them in the first place!”

    Thank you so much for your blogs and your encouragement!

  60. V
    July 14, 2015

    I’m 49 and single and feel the same way. I don’t know what to think or feel anymore. Each time I get to place of peace and comfort of acceptance of my “single” life, I meet someone and my hopes become ignited. Then, like that…a text message asking that we “…take a break…” shows up. Really? I’m still in the trenches? So, I pick myself up again and each time I wonder if this it… The last time I will go through that familiar pain. I don’t know. Thanks Mandy I appreciate your honesty.

  61. Kelli
    July 14, 2015

    This was exactly what I needed to read.. I have followed you for a few years now & I love your positivity & I’m living my life in a positive manner MOST of the time but there are times when I feel exact same way. Thank you for your honesty. It’s nice to know I’m not alone.

  62. Amanda
    July 14, 2015

    Yes! Thank you for sharing this. As a never married 38 year old, I’ve had all of those feelings. What’s wrong with me? How is it that other people(who seem to have the personality of Nellie Olsen) have someone and I don’t? The past few years I’ve really had a desire for a partner. It doesn’t make it any easier when people your age are on their 2nd or 3rd marriage and I can’t even find a decent date.(notice I used the word decent) And somehow it seems we as Christan women are made to feel bad for not always being positive-as it’s a reflection of our faith in God. But the bottom line is we are human. We have wants, needs, and desires. So what am I learning? I’m trying to focus more on God’s word. When I’m sad/mad I’m bringing it to God. I’m reaching out to people and praying for others. And along my journey I’m trying to learn more about God’s faithfulness-no matter what may happen. So thank you-for sharing your thoughts. It’s good to know I’m not alone!

  63. Leigh Ann
    July 14, 2015

    Thanks for the honesty. Overcoming our self-doubt can be harder sometimes than dealing with rejection or criticism from others. One thing that has helped me is to try to talk to myself as if I were talking to a friend. I would never tell a friend she was worthless or no one would ever want to be with her, but I tell myself that — even though I am a wonderful being and know that God made me who I am on purpose, with a purpose. It can be a daily struggle. It’s nice to be able to admit not every day is all roses, but we also have to not dwell in the land of a perpetual Eeyore either. 🙂

  64. Fatisha
    July 14, 2015

    Wow, this is exactly what I am going through. I have said all these things to myself. Still do sometimes. I have been praying and doing a lot of meditating. But still hard some days. I needed to read this right now. Thank you.

  65. Tammie
    July 14, 2015

    Mandy,
    The fact that I’ve been struggling lately with this question & to see your post was rather fortuitous. Weeping not sure of the reason and feeling tired of being lonely behind closed doors so that I do not allow anyone to see my struggle , I get tired of hiding the fact this process is difficult. Thank you, for reminding me that I’m not alone. That its’ ok to be real & raw with what I’m feeling & that this process is “normal”
    Tammie

  66. V
    July 14, 2015

    Mandy, I appreciate this…you describe exactly how I feel. Word for word. I’m 49 and single. No divorces and no kids. I’ve recently been involved with a man who thought sending me a text message was the best way to end our relationship. Mind you, he pursued me. I was very happy with him and “poof” he needed a break. I’m still in the trenches and it seems so much of what you wrote is how I truly have felt most of the time. It’s a gamble and each time I feel each time it chips away at my soul to the point where I think be single may be my destiny. So, I accept it. Then I take the risk…it’s a scary world but I still hold onto the belief that waiting for the right man IS better. We are in this together.

  67. Sonya
    July 14, 2015

    Amen!! Needed this

  68. Karena Tolford
    July 14, 2015

    So true. I am 32. My son is 12. Although I spent a good portion of my life giving my heart to my son’s dad who never wanted me, I have been alone for all of that time, we never had a relationship. I’ve never experienced that. I don’t even know how to let someone in. And barely how to talk to guys. I have been trying to step out of my comfort zone, but I feel so drowned by fear. Guys that I’m not interested in I give them my number and talk to them for a little while, but to talk to someone I’m interested in. I can’t figure out how to make the step. I was rejected for everything I was. And all these same things go through my head too, I’m not as pretty as that girl, strong enough, skinny enough. I’m wierd akwardly social. Ect. Ect. I feel your pain. Getting past these fears are a serious struggle. ;-/

  69. Shannon S
    July 14, 2015

    I really love what you wrote. I found your book in 2011 when I went through the worst heartbreak I’ve ever experienced and it genuinely helped lift my spirits when very little helped. I am 38 (39 in September) a single mom, once engaged but never married. I’ve been in a total of 4 long term relationships including my current one that I feel is coming to an end. When I see several of my friends enjoying
    their married lives I can’t help but feel the inevitable “why not me”
    feelings. Reading blogs like this help to remind me that I’m not alone. I too try to stay positive but its difficult. I appreciate all of the ladies here who expressed their feelings and you Mandy for having this blog available for us. My wish is that we all find the true, honest, loving relationships we long for. Love and blessings to all of you.

  70. Mazura Illani Manshoor
    July 14, 2015

    Thanks Mandy..
    Love
    Zee

  71. Gina
    July 14, 2015

    Thank you for sharing these very real thoughts and emotions. It’s not easy being outside of the “regular” timeline that most of society follows- even though there are advantages to it. I have a thought though- have you considered that by calling yourself “The Single Woman” and writing under that moniker, etc., that you are enforcing that status? I am not sure how much you believe in The Law of Attraction, and maybe it’s anti-Christian to do so (I am not devout, so personally I don’t see a contradiction), but LoA “principles” would definitely have you cease identifying yourself as The Single Woman and maybe change it to something more in line with your dreams, such as The Adored Woman or Marriage Bound Mama. Just a thought.

  72. Elle
    July 14, 2015

    I’m sick of this issue taking over my life.

    I’m sick of the fact that I’m following God and am still not where I want to be.

    I’m sick of every guy that I ever meet instantly putting me in the friend-zone.

    I’m sick of never having been asked on a date at the age of 24.

    I’m sick of being bitter.

    I’m sick of not being able to trust in God the way that I need to.

    I’m sick of all of it.

    • Mandy Hale
      July 14, 2015

      Thank you for your honesty. I think a lot of us are right there with you! xo, Mandy

    • Sheree
      July 15, 2015

      Elle,
      I pray that you don’t reach the age of 46 as I have with the same thoughts. My heart literally hurts and I struggle to find happiness. Just yesterday I had a coming apart with God. I prayed that if it wasn’t in his plan for me to have a husband, that he take the desire away. I’m tired of the pain. I so desperately needed this post today.

  73. Linda R
    July 14, 2015

    Single at 58. Looking amazing, wonderful (size 8, thank you Pilates!)…. the best I have ever looked — and never have I been so lonely. I also love Jesus. I have fabulous friends. I attend an incredible church. I own my own company. I love so many things, all of which I enjoy. I am involved in just about every way I can be…. yet, loneliness is pounding me down, every. single. day. Prayer, tears, and fighting the good fight each day, to claim my life as God intends and accept His will. He never promised happiness. He didn’t. His plan is bigger than my pain. I get it. But it doesn’t make it easier. I am weary of it and yet each day, I rise and thank Him again. Thank you, Mandy. You are not alone.

  74. Lori P
    July 14, 2015

    Yes! Thank you! I often write from an honest perspective, and it’s not always popular. But as I am approaching 42 in yet another “started out dating moved into friendship and now into some undefined limbo” relationship, I am afraid and depressed and angry that I’m still single. I want so desperately to be a partner in a marriage. I have strong faith and know God has a plan in it all. But that doesn’t minimize the daily…sometimes hourly…struggle. Thank you for sharing your honesty! It does help to know we are not alone in this.

  75. Jamie
    July 14, 2015

    Thank you for this blog! I am 38 and never thought I’d be single at this age. Sometimes I absolutely love it! I can do what I please, when I want or how I want without checking in with a significant other. Other times I really don’t understand. I go through the “What’s wrong with me?” phase pretty often. “Am I too picky, too independent in some ways, or too needy in others, am I giving off mixed signals, trying to blend in etc…” What is it that I am doing wrong? I’ve attracted several guys to me in the last couple of years. These were guys that I was interested in and they approached me or were flirting with me or so I thought. Maybe they were “almost dates” but something was off. I have spent many days and nights analyzing what went wrong. I have yet to come up with definite answers. I wish I would though. I’ve had finding a good man for me on my prayer list for a very long time. I sometimes wonder if I want it too much and that maybe I should just let it go. I’ve decided to take time for myself and do the things that I want to do with my life: travel, make music, be creative, volunteer, buy a house, go back to school and so on. I only have one life and I can’t wait for people who are unsure if they want to make time for me or spend time for me.

  76. Mary
    July 14, 2015

    Wow! I felt like you was speaking my story. I too was in a toxic relationship for years.. He was my first love and is the father of my kids. Haven’t been in a relationship since my divorce 7 yrs ago. This is the year I turn 40! Never in my life did I imagine I would be single by the time I reached the big 4-0. This really brings home all of my doubts and fears. Am I pretty enough? Will he accept me as I am? Struggling with self image because I don’t fit societies mold of beauty. Ugh.. It is hard being single! I’m learning to get out of my head.

  77. Mary R.
    July 14, 2015

    Wow! I felt like you was speaking my story. I too was in a toxic relationship for years.. He was my first love and is the father of my kids. Haven’t been in a relationship since my divorce 7 yrs ago. This is the year I turn 40! Never in my life did I imagine I would be single by the time I reached the big 4-0. This really brings home all of my doubts and fears. Am I pretty enough? Will he accept me as I am? Struggling with self image because I don’t fit societies mold of beauty. Ugh.. It is hard being single! I’m learning to get out of my head.

  78. July 14, 2015

    Friend! Have you ever read this book? http://www.amazon.com/Its-Not-You-Reasons-Single/dp/0399162879

    I read it last year and recommend it to my clients a lot. It’s compassionate and wonderful…and Sara Eckel is a WONDERFUL writer.

    While I won’t pretend to understand where you’re coming from, I greatly appreciate your honesty. It helps so many women…please keep it up!

    Your Twitter friend,

    Akirah

    • Kristy
      July 16, 2015

      U are Not ALONE trust me ur ugly truth is my truth too, Thank you for being you and In very and truly grateful that God is using you to speak to women on theses topics because they are much appreciated. I’ve felt recently that same way that no guys even hit on me but I feel not alone to know that you have experienced the same as well Just know Mandy to continue on with this journey wherever it may lead you I’m proud to be a single woman at age 30 because of you thanks and much love to You!!

  79. Kelly Ann
    July 14, 2015

    Ugh! That ugly truth is my truth. Scared, angry, unworthy, unlovable. My exhusband (of over 15 years) told me that I would never be happy. I’m beginning to think he was right. About 2 years after my divorce, I met Paul. Paul was a breath-taking, tall, romantic, and handsome man. He used to write me love letters, leave cards on my windshield while I was at work, stare and smile at me for no good reason. Now, 13 years later…we are still not married. About a month ago, I asked him why;that being married was very important to me and he knew it was. He replied, “Every time I think about it, our relationship isn’t where I want it to be. We used to have fun. Now we live a confined life.” When I replied with the question, “Do you honestly think your life would be far more exciting without me in it?”…..he replied, “Yes, I do.” Well, that was the end of that. Of course after 13 years, there was a lot more to it than just that conversation, but that conversation is what ended it all. I think I remained in a loveless relationship for 10 years out of fear of being alone for the rest of my life. I do feel unlovable, not good enough, ugly, and fat. I feel diseased and unwell. and what makes him think he’s such a great catch anyway???!!
    So, now I’m almost 41, I have two almost grown kids and I”m starting over…..AGAIN!
    Thank you for sharing your truths. Among all the things I feel right now, alone, is no longer one of them! 🙂

  80. Jill
    July 14, 2015

    You’re Loved No Matter What: Freeing your heart from the need to be perfect by Holley Gerth. Recently read this is a book group, read it’s great for the women’s soul!

    I’m 38…single, never married and have no children. I’very been set up on dates, blind dates, online dating, trying to look cute at starbucks, grocery shopping even when I’m tight on money…all just in hopes that I may bump into him. I’m at a age now where men assume there must be something wrong with me since I’ve reached this age without being engaged or not having children. I want to scream it’s not a red flag, I just haven’t met the one. It’s frustrating. Sad. Lonely. I have so much to give and pray that He sends me a man I will actually have chemistry with. I’m tired of all the wrong men wanting me and all the men I’m interested in not wanting me. Although I love my independence and free to do as I please, I long for the day when the search is over. When I meet that smile and when I close my eyes at night I see the eyes of my best friend looking back at me. I long for that love, peace and security of having a partner again. Thank you for your humor and all your writings which have been a source of comfort.

  81. Sherrie
    July 14, 2015

    I turned 45 yrs old this past Sunday. Although through the years I have had a few long-term relationships, I sit here at the middle of life…single. I loved the excuses you gave at first, I think I’ve used them all at one time or another. I have certainly told myself all of the negative comments, and then some. Recently it has become ” I’m just not meant to be in a lasting relationship”. My most recent “disaster” ended with me being told that I’m too angry Nd bitter for anyone to love me. Wait, I’m angry and bitter because I let you verbally and physically abuse me way too long. Thank you for writing this blog. It’s always reassuring to know I’m not alone. I’m not the only one wading thru this thing called life, looking around wondering what I did or where I went so wrong. I look forward to more from you.

  82. Angie
    July 14, 2015

    What a wonderful post, I just adore you! … There is so much pressure on us ladies to be perfect all the time (relationship status included), that we end up questioning everything about ourselves. We are beautiful and lovable, and we deserve the very best!

  83. Wendy
    July 14, 2015

    Mandy,

    Thank you so much for your honesty and vulnerability. It was such a relief to read this and realize that I’m not the only one who feels this way.

    I try to stay positive, too, but I’m trying to balance the positivity with my own truth. I don’t always want to put on a brave fave for the world.

    I’m so grateful for your post!

    Wendy

  84. Patty
    July 14, 2015

    Your words speak volumes of truth. I am single and age 60. I am adjusting to the fact that unless I wreck into someone out on my commute, there is minimal chance I will meet someone. The last man I met for coffee observed “well at least my stomach sticks out further than yours.” I walked away unscathed.

  85. Meg
    July 14, 2015

    Initially, I was upset bec I have been ‘depending’ on daily wisdom to help me get thru my single life after the breakup and all. I thought…ok, so everything’s a lie & i should have not looked that way. But as I read further on this blog, I realized, this is me & this is a mirror of what I am going thru. I pray that you will be guided so you may inspire us more every single word & experience you share.

    • Nikki
      July 15, 2015

      Thank you for your blog! I’m soon to be 38 and feel the same way. I agree with you on the men not noticing me at all comment. A few years back a lady at my church gave me a makeover and many men who never spoke to me before or noticed me before started noticing me. Seems shallow to me. I don’t think I’m unattractive, but feel that way a lot. I have many walls up and I need to let them down, but don’t know how. I know that I’m in the world, but not of the world, but can’t help but feel like a loser. I am judged harshly for my age, not being married, having no kids, not drinking, etc. People assume that because I don’t do what they do that I’m missing out. I can’t wait to see how God helps you in your journey and others on this post.

  86. Melissa Blake
    July 14, 2015

    Thank you so much for this! I am 45, single and every day seem to question my “singleness”. If i hear one more time “Why are you single, your too pretty to be single….etc” I will probably snap. Being single is HARD, but so are relationships. Its nice to know that Im not the only one out there that questions themselves……

  87. Erica
    July 14, 2015

    This is how I have felt at times, but recently I decided to go to a large church and it was there that I began to have several guys approach me – just after I thought that season was over. My problem is that I don’t quite feel attracted to them – even though they’re what I prefer. I’m trying to get over someone else, too. And by God’s grace I will. You and I are the same age, born in the Fall like you, too. You changed my life. I thought I was the only one! And then you came along and all the single women cowering in the shadows of public opinion started stepping out unashamedly into the light. You’re teaching us to believe in the beauty of our dreams, our lives, ourselves… even though I think you’re so hard on yourself. You are a Godsend, Mandy, to thousands of women and people around the world! I believe God sent you to light the way… and to dry our tears. And sometimes to cry from laughter, or at how vulnerable we feel after you touch something in our souls that only Mandy Hale ever could. You are beautifully, perfectly imperfect. The bright diamond on our social media. You have often been the sunshine after our rainy days. I hope one day we’ll be that for you. Someone as brave and as inspiring as you, deserves everything wonderful. I pray you see more of that soon… Xoxo ♡

  88. Yadira
    July 14, 2015

    Thank you for opening up and allowing yourself to be vulnerable in front of so many. I share the same negative thoughts in addition to “I’ll never have kids” and “I’ll die forever alone”. I’m not only sick of people asking why I’m single but also of bullshit explanations to serve as some sort of comfort. For example, everything happens for a reason, it’ll happen when you’re ready (uh I HATE this one the most, I know plenty of people who did not have their whole life and issues figured out and still found someone to love them), you need to believe and practice the law of attraction and the list goes on.
    The truth is it happens when it happens and no one really knows why it just does. People in relationships are not perfect nor were they when they found their significant other so I refute this idea of we have to be at a certain “level” to attract our soulmate. I rather believe that someday unbeknownst to me I will be guided to the man that is meant for me. Meanwhile there is no reason to why I am single I just am. Plain and simple.

  89. Andrea Williams
    July 14, 2015

    Hi Mandy,
    This was so well written and articulated, which really struck a chord wit me. I’ll be 50 this year and I’ve been single for over a decade. I have some underlining issues and am currently in therapy to resolve. However, I have those same excuses. Thank you for this enlightening message. Knowing I’m not alone doesn’t help resolve the issue but it certainty makes me feel better about it!

  90. Charlotte
    July 14, 2015

    Everything you write speaks to my heart, and even more so with this raw realness. I am 26, but not only am I single, I am “forever single.” I’ve never had a boyfriend, a date, a kiss, a secret admirer, or anything resembling anything other than single. I’m really good at telling people that none of that matters because I’m waiting for the perfect one, but in reality, I often feel unwanted and unloveable. Thank you for sharing your heart!

  91. Amanda Burris
    July 14, 2015

    We all have our own reasons for being single and mine is simply that I don’t understand the dating world nor the guys. I was married for 10 years and he was all I knew. So now I’m in this different world where I don’t know the rules of the game. I haven’t ever dated. So when I do meet guys it is awkward, but if the guy would take the time to get to know me I’m a really cool gal. …. I just have to get to know a person. I’m not trying to get over a guy nor do I have a broken heart, I just don’t know how to play the “dating game.”

  92. Cat
    July 14, 2015

    I’m 36 and single, again and EVERY SINGLE WORD of your blog is true for my situation and feelings. I have had the same problem of not meeting men as well. I REALLY don’t want to meet my future (or so I hope) husband online, but times have changed, ugh. In my 20’s it was so easy to meet a guy-everyone was available. Now it seems like I walk into a room and I go un-noticed, as well as everyone is paired up already. Sometimes it makes me feel so terrible about myself as of course it’s my fault. At times it’s hard, depressing, and lonely. Sometimes I feel like I’m on an island because unfortunately not many people at this age are single. Thank you so much for writing this blog. It helps me realize I’m not alone!

  93. Tara
    July 14, 2015

    Thank you Mandy….I am 43, single, never married, and refusing to settle. I always envisioned myself as married with about 4 children, but God has a different plan for me. Patience is hard, so hard but I’m trying and I rather be alone than with the wrong man…

  94. Mary Brooks
    July 14, 2015

    Oh my goodness. MANDY!!!!!! Brene Brown would be so proud of you right now!!!!! Your vulnerability just made me a reader again. I’m not going to lie, I started following you around a year ago and I do really enjoy your writing, and all the positivity you give to us, but I strayed because I’m in that place of exactly what you have written today. I have done it all, I have been back and forth a bit with my faith, sometimes I let go and believe and feel hope, other times when that does not work and I still don’t meet that man then I get down on myself and feel hopeless. I didn’t feel like I was relating anymore to the blog or your FB posts so I had somewhat stopped following, wasn’t reading much anymore. Today you caught my eye and of course I had to read and now you have truly won me over again. I’m 45, almost 46. It is like a hole inside of me every day that I have not been granted the one thing I wanted, to have a baby and a family with someone. It literally physically nags at me and hurts no matter how much I try to smile and Im’ happy for others, it’s always inside of me throbbing and aching as I fight away the sadness and try to be in a place of acceptance. I also have the same thing you mentioned, I used to just get approached and meet men all the time, easily, WITHOUT having to engage in online dating. Not anymore. I feel totally invisible. It’s scary. It hurts. And I am the queen of negative self talk. I have to work on it everyday. In the midst of all of this, I was diagnosed with MS a couple of years ago and I face difficult health challenges that adds to the negative self talk of “who will want me like this”. Whew, there, what a relief, I just spit it out and said it to a whole slew of your readers instead of just my close circle of friends! Done. Not locking it inside. And now that it is released, may we all be able to speak the positive back in and take comfort in the good things about being single. At least we are not in a terrible and unhappy relationship or marriage, right? Reading this today and reading others comments really, really does help. I can’t thank you enough for sharing !!! May we all find comfort here and the ability to keep the faith and let go.

    • Deborah-Naomi
      July 15, 2015

      Mandy you have spoken to my heart deeply tonight. Your blog came to me via my 26 year old girlfriend, who thought I would find this interesting. Yes, Brene Brown would be proud of you and so would Donald Miller of Storyline. He just married a little over a year ago at the age of 42! Check out his broadcast with Focus on the Family 6/30 and 7/1 as well as his book Scary Close. Apparently the men struggle too. As for me, I am approaching 4 years with a man who loves me flaws and all, and I am struggling with the barrier of loving my own self unconditionally such that I have a hard time receiving his love. The negative self talk, anxiety, and performance driven mentality is a barrier to intimacy, vulnerability and openness, not to mention empathy, compassion and unlimited joy. I am in therapy because life has happened and I am woman enough to own my own stuff. Im standing for a breakthrough. Ladies, do yourselves a big favor and look up Sarah Young “Jesus Calling” and Beth Moore “So long insecurity”. Keep up the openness of your journey Mandy, I hope to one day blog and share my journey with you. Hugs : )

    • Mandy Hale
      July 16, 2015

      I LOVE Brene Brown, Donald Miller, and Scary Close 🙂

  95. Dede Slaughter
    July 14, 2015

    Thank you. Just turned 47. My blessings are too numerous to count. But I’ve been left all alone after a long relationship that i thought, and still think, was God given. And that was after a LONG drought where i had finally come to terms with being alone. And this man still proclaims to love me and need me and not want to lose me even though he’s gotten another woman pregnant and married her. I truly am hopeless and devastated and wonder how things have gone so wrong. I wake up every morning and put one foot in front of the other.But i fear I’ll always be alone because of the total emptiness caused by this last relationship. Thank you for your honesty.

  96. Sara
    July 14, 2015

    Thank you for this post. I am a 31 year old single woman who has never been in a serious or long term relationship…or really any romantic relationship for that matter. Sure, I’ve went on some dates, but not nearly as many as is the “norm” or like most people my age. I’ve never felt a mutual interest to continue with those I did go on a date with. (Or didn’t give them a chance at the time). And just the same, the one or few that I’ve expressed interest in over time has never had those feelings for me in return. I honestly do like my independence and being able to just do my thing, there are perks there and in just having my “me” time…but marriage and love has also always been a desire of mine. Lately I’ve questioned if it’s something that’s meant for me anymore. I almost feel afraid of it at this point. Your post really hits home bc I’ve been feeling a lot of those exact worded thoughts and just wondering what’s wrong with me. I do think part of it is just me being afraid and having shied away from guys at times. Yet, I find myself wondering why it seems like the type of guy I would desire, just doesn’t seem to exist? Or why if it’s out there, it’s for everyone else but me. I feel weird and like I will be a major turn off to others bc of my lack of dating/relationship experience. I feel like sometimes I just don’t know what I’m doing. With anything. I think of all my flaws and sometimes I wonder if I really have anything to offer in a relationship. Ive just been wondering what I’ve been doing wrong lately and pretty much feel like it’s just not in the cards for me. Or what’s wrong with me and my thinking, but then I tell myself not to settle. Yet I don’t want to be so overly picky I give no one a chance. Ah the frustration! I could probably go on and I do feel like I just sound negative but you know what? Thank you for allowing yourself to be so real with us. And thank you for providing a place for us to just vent like I feel like I’m doing right now. Lol! Don’t get me wrong, even despite the imperfections of life I do feel blessed. But that is my relationship frustrations for the day. Feels good to vent it out. 🙂

  97. Susan
    July 14, 2015

    Thank you for this! I’m 48 now, divorced 7 years after 20 years of a really bad marriage. My kids are grown and on their own and sometimes I feel like I have nothing left. I haven’t had even one date and I can relate to all of the “I’m too X, or I’m not enough X” statements. Then I blame myself for not having enough confidence and allowing myself to believe what I think is wrong with me! (It doesn’t help that I’ve had friends and family say the same thing to me) At 48 one of my worst fears is that I’m getting too old to find anyone because all the men will either be married or looking for someone much younger. Thank you for writing this and allowing me to vent 🙂 There can be a lot of pressure as a Christian to always have an attitude of joy and say “All in God’s timing” without wanting to run and hide to cry.

  98. Rebecca
    July 14, 2015

    Mandy my dear. Your heart is ravishing with hope, as mine. In 45, and experienced identical journeys. I’m still single and your reasoning has alerted me that I’m not alone (status, beautiful, a giver, and flawed). Bless us and all ladies. Married women do feel more alone than us. Grass isn’t greener. God is watching over our path. We are also more alert to the “deal breakers” and those men are not who we will invest lengthy amounts f time in in the future. God Bless.

  99. Kimberly
    July 14, 2015

    I can’t even begin to tell you just how much I love this entry. For so many reasons. Thank you.

  100. Kay
    July 14, 2015

    Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! I can’t begin to tell you how much I appreciate your honesty. This is where I am in my journey! Wondering if I’ve made too many mistakes to hope for love. Watching others get the chance to love and wondering what’s wrong with me and why can’t I do it too! Truly, some days are great and being single is awesome! And there are the other days…Thanks for being real! I’m praying for all of us at this point in the journey!

  101. Laura
    July 14, 2015

    We have to be positive! None of us are approachable with a rain cloud hovering over our head! Seriously though, you said it! Truth is sometimes difficult to accept.

  102. Evelyn
    July 14, 2015

    Thank you thank you thank you!!! I am miserable being 37 and still single. Never married. I have a very hard time meeting men. I’m not one of those girls who goes from bf to bf. I went 7 years without a man in my life after my last relationship ended. No one I met ever wanted to date me. Finally met a man who was so wonderful to me and I thought “this is it!!” only for him to tell me after a few months that he’s decided to move across country and wanted nothing more with me. I am devastated and am filled with self-doubt. I feel unlovable. I feel like I’m not good enough. That no one will ever love me and I’ll be alone for the rest of my life. My friends keep telling me to be positive, that “it’ll happen for you one day” and it makes me angry. Why am I not allowed to be miserable about being single? Being single sucks! That’s the truth.. that’s MY truth!

  103. Mindy
    July 14, 2015

    Thank you, thank you for putting into words what us single girls are thinking. It is ok to feel sad and mad and glad. I am so glad I am not the only 36 year old who wonders what is wrong with me. Truth is, there’s not anything wrong. I am just in a different stage than others. Hopefully that will change for all of us one day!

  104. Shine
    July 14, 2015

    God’s timing is perfect and I thank you for your boldness and honesty because it encouraged me and I needed it today. I’ve been in a dating relationship for the past 9 months that I thought was going well and just found myself in the “I need a break” conversation. It is a relief to know I’m not alone in trying not to navigate this messy world of relationships and my own honest fears. It is hard.

  105. Laura
    July 14, 2015

    LOVE this! This is so true and exactly how I’m feeling at almost 43. My story isn’t the same as I am divorced, but still feel like I will be single for the rest of my life at times. Thanks for being honest! Love you!

  106. Hannah
    July 14, 2015

    Thank you for sharing your heart. I am right there with you in the fight! I’m 44 and have a roommate who is getting married this weekend. She is 10 years younger than me and has waited a long time for this gift. I seek God, regularly, in how I can both rejoice with her in this season, yet grieve authentically the “not yet” for myself.

    I have been to showers where well-meaning friends have given encouragements that this is God’s blessing to her for “being faithful”. I have had lucid visions, where I round-house kicked each of those people in the face for being idiots. How has “being faithful” brought me my husband, or protected other women from being abandoned, beaten and neglected by men, who at one time, made a covenant to love them as Christ loves The Church?

    I am still waiting for God’s gift of timing. I sometimes feel like I did when I was reading a “dating and relationship” book in college…you know, the ones that have a “sex chapter” in anticipation for what there is to look forward to? (And it was ALWAYS located at the back of the book…second to last chapter!)

    Often, the temptation to “skip to the back” was so great, that when I finished the “sex chapter”, I was so let down that I didn’t have a husband, that I wouldn’t read the rest of the book. And, since I completely missed the information between the first chapter and the “sex chapter”, I reduced the full impact and true purpose of the “sex chapter”.

    It’s in understanding that “timing is everything” and the Creator of time knows my heart; the exact moment when I and my husband-to-be are in the best position to make a covenant that will last for the rest of our days on this earth. That makes the waiting bearable. My “faithfulness” enhances the experience, but does not manipulate The Giver into giving it to me when I’ve jumped through the right combination of hoops.

    It stinks changing my own light bulbs; killing my own cockroaches, spiders and mice; eating left-overs for days (or freezer burned with a thick crust of ice over the top); and walking to church through a rainy parking lot (while women with husbands get dropped off at the front door.) It absolutely stinks…and I long for the day to have an earthly companion to share those experiences.

    But as I long for that day, I say, “I Do”, to Jesus every day.

    • Shannon
      July 15, 2015

      I think there was a glitch in posting, so reposting:
      Hannah! Thank you — so much — for saying this! You have really hit the nail on the head. So often I, too, would like to do the same thing (roundhouse kick those folks with their platitudes). It is sometimes so annoying, though well-meaning I am sure, and loaded with so much privilege. Likely these are women who’ve already found their “good thing” and it can be so easy to forget the realities of the single woman struggle when you’re secure in a loving and committed relationship. Sigh. It’s like they don’t realize faithfulness isn’t a bargaining chip between us and God, no matter how much we try, that’s not what it is. Ugh! Anyway, thanks so much for your thoughts, they are resonating with me this morning.

  107. Crystal
    July 14, 2015

    Try it @ 56. I waited three years to date. Not many out there. I can so relate to your words.

  108. Rowena
    July 14, 2015

    I’ve got you all beat! I’ll be 49 next month and I have had exactly one boyfriend in my whole life. I spent a lot of time lamenting my singleness. And while I was pretending that I wasn’t looking (because I always heard that “it” happens when you’re not looking), I was busy developing a career in a traditionally male dominated environment & living in a big city on the west coast and then in a tiny community on the Alaska border. I volunteered as a Big Sister, at a petting zoo, as a fire fighter, emergency medical responder, with search and rescue and as a jail guard. I rescue dogs and advocate for animal rights. I learned that I love history, genealogy and everything gold rush. I am an artist and a leader and that to define yourself by just one or two things is so very limiting.I own my own house (well, me & the bank) and have my own money (not lots of money but enough). My original career is now over and despite the uncertainty of the next 6 months I am both frightened and exhilarated. I am 13 months from my 1/2 century and I am not looking at all. It is hard being single mostly because you have to do all the work myself but I only do what I need done (I have a high tolerance for dirt-having 4 dogs and 1 cat). I recently received the best compliment from the 27 year old daughter of my neighbor: “Row’s cool. I want to be like Row. She does whatever she wants.” Yes. Yes I do.

  109. sujey perez
    July 14, 2015

    Thanks!

  110. Robin
    July 14, 2015

    Thank you for sharing. I’m 53 and I have been single for 19 years! Every word is what I feel everyday! I pray every day for the man God has for me. i also pray for the courage and strength to stand alone if that is what he has for my life.

  111. July 14, 2015

    Thanks for being honest, Mandy. I can really feel that I am not alone. I pray that we’ll find the answers to our questions and I hope that we will fully live and enjoy life with or without that special someone. More positive thoughts for all of us! God has a plan.

  112. Kenyetta
    July 14, 2015

    Just what I needed. I can never put into words how I feel. You did an excellent job of summing it up. Thanks! !

  113. Karen
    July 14, 2015

    Thank you! I really appreciate you!
    We broke up and I don’t know how to start again..I really love him but this guy doesn’t love me anymore. I asked myself what’s wrong with me? From being engaged to single! Why this thing happened to me? I got depress crying all night! I always pray to heal my broken heart. That God fill my heart with love…

    • Alice
      July 14, 2015

      This also happened to me. My wedding was scheduled for July 24

  114. Janette
    July 14, 2015

    You are not alone. I have felt the same way lately. Literally falling apart at the seams because I am just distraught and exhausted as to why I’m still single. Why nothing has not worked out for me. Why and just feeling down instead of up. Crying and letting it all out. It sure did feel good though.

  115. Lynn
    July 14, 2015

    I’m glad you finally realized it’s okay to be real about this and not have to be bright pink and positive all the time. It’s okay to allow ourselves to be sad/bummed about being single. We have all kinds of emotions for a reason and we don’t have to be Happy all the time. (Disney’s new movie Inside Out does a good job sharing this!)

  116. Katherine
    July 14, 2015

    I feel the same way. Some day I’m great, “I don’t want a husband now. I have school and my career.” Then some nights my bed feels so alone and cold. However I keep the faith that at God’s perfect timing I will meet the man He has for me. Until then I pray Jesus prepares me and my future husband to be the people He purposed us to be.

    • Elizabeth
      July 14, 2015

      Amen Katherine! Pretty much summarizes my life too!

  117. July 14, 2015

    Thank you for this! I’m trying to become that woman in Christ also. I feel how you feel, though many of us don’t want to admit it. But we have to keep trusting God. I’ll be praying for you 🙂 <3

  118. Amber
    July 14, 2015

    Thank you so much for this. It’s so real and so raw! Totally can relate. 32 single no kids.

  119. Dena
    July 14, 2015

    Mandy- I have tears in my eyes as I am reading this because this is exactly where I am at…I am 43 and being single is HARD and lonely and so many other things you captured here…I too love Jesus with all my heart and want to be that confident, secure Christian women that knows beyond a shadow of a doubt how desperately God loves me, but fear and doubt always have a way of showing up…thank you for speaking the truth and being a voice for so many of us who have all the same feelings, just not the platform to share…God bless you..

  120. Alice
    July 14, 2015

    Try being 50 and single…

  121. Eve
    July 14, 2015

    Were are all on the same page. Just turned 49 and still alone after getting divorced in 2008. I can validate much of what you were saying as we sometimes tend to become our own worst enemy/critic. Still hoping to meet the right man, but if it doesn’t happen so be it. I just don’t ever want to settle just to avoid staying alone, and I never will. Thank you so much for your post!

  122. Kaia
    July 14, 2015

    Thanks for writing, I always enjoy reading your posts (and books). I am single at age 37 and sometimes I find myself utterly confused as to why. I used to have lower self esteem (self love), but for some reason over the past few years I have built up a ton of self love. I just think I’m pretty awesome, not necessarily because of anything special, just because I exist and am alive and breathing on this earth. In other words, because (in the words of meditative gurus): I am. This is partly due to the more spiritual approach I’ve started taking to life. I also try to meditate daily and be in touch with the intuition and gut feelings that are what guide me in life to my essential self, true desires and intended path. In other words, if something feels “right,” I go with it.

    To sum up, I am truly happy in my life about 90% of the time. Although I don’t walk around with a beaming smile on my face and sunbeams shining down on me through parted clouds, I have found a contentment in life that is primarily internal. I guess you could call it a “quiet confidence.” I still challenge myself and strive to become closer to who I truly am (discover myself), but I also am very happy with the process of life. I’ve also started thinking a lot more about the brevity of life, and how I don’t want to spend my fairly short life waiting to be happy or waiting for something (whatever it is) to happen. I want to be happy in the now, not in some ideal future. I am also trying to regularly pause and take some time to reflect on the special moments in life (I learned this from a preschool teacher I student taught with this spring : ). I probably don’t do this often enough! However, I completely agree that sadness and anxiety and other distressing emotions need to also be felt (not denied) in order to be released. I wish I could offer more insight on how my life has changed for me, but all I can say is I’m very grateful it has.

    One more thing that is a priority for me is maintaining a healthy body with activity and nutrition. I also started taking some vitamins and supplements that really seem to affect my mood (or perhaps I perceive it to be that way)–mainly vitamin D and DHA. Both are meant to provide mood support and are a natural way to provide the body with some essential nutrients. Anyway, just want to share my story and my more recent development into a more loving and happy person. Like you, I want to find love and get married and (possibly, if I still can) have children. I believe in my heart that I will, but I also believe that timing is key. I just feel that when the time is right, things will come together. I wish you the best and thank you for being a voice that represents so many women in this world who remain single well in to their adulthood. God bless us 🙂

  123. Amber
    July 14, 2015

    Mandy, this blog was perfection…100% these are thoughts I’ve had countless times. I may only be 26, but I’ve never had a serious relationship and I sometimes wonder why not me. All my friends around me are getting married/engaged/starting families and I can’t even get a guy to date me. For the most part I’ve always been okay with my single hood and not dating but after being in “relationship limbo” with a guy for several months now, I’ve realized that a relationship is really something I ultimately want and I wonder why it hasn’t happened for me. But I know that it will happen when it’s meant to happen though and I refuse to let these negative thoughts take over. Regardless of what’s in the cards for me relationship-wise I have a pretty fabulous life to be thankful for!

  124. Tiffany
    July 14, 2015

    Needed to read this today and God made sure I did. You wrote my exact feelings. Thank you for your courage. Xoxo

  125. Lillie
    July 14, 2015

    Mandy,
    Thank you so much for such an honest display of your heart! Although i’m only 25 this is exactly where I am in this season of my life! It seems as if everyone around me has someone. Yes I have faith that one day I will have the companionship that I desire, but in the mean time let’s be honest. … the in between time of purpose and destiny is one of the hardest most times loneliest places! Such a blessing woman of God!

  126. Rebecca
    July 14, 2015

    Love it!! I feel the same way and it is funny how I get told all the time that I’m attractive, that I’d be a great wife, great personality etc etc but I don’t know why I’m single. I just guess God doesn’t want me with someone yet and I have to have faith in that.
    Together girls!!

  127. Sue
    July 14, 2015

    Thank you for your honesty! Thank you for sharing your story and being vulnerable! Thank you for all of your messages over the years! I’m 46, engaged but never married… I struggle with all the same things you mentioned above… And more! But your encouraging tweets and insightful books have kept me hopeful… And mostly positive…. And NOT settling! Thank you for sharing yourself with us!

  128. Elizabeth
    July 14, 2015

    Dear Mandy,
    Thank you so much for your vulnerability and courage to write this blog post! I’ve chosen to be single as well until I know God has chosen a specific person for me- learning vicariously through other individuals. The truth of the matter is, I completely agree- being single is HARD. A lot of my friends both from high school and college have found someone special, gotten married and are having children- and these individuals are the same age and younger than I am. I also use positivity as a defense mechanism and it almost blew up in my face during ropes week this summer (for college missions). I try to stay positive to support my friends, family and myself in a negative, crazy, and sin entrenched world. It’s hard also for me to discuss what I’m going through as a single woman in college who feels like I’m being hidden (I know it’s for a purpose). I don’t connect easily with students my age. It’s odd. BUT what I do want to share is that The Single Woman book was the first positive light about being single with purpose and dignity that I’ve read. It’s completely normal to be single and there is absolutely no shame in it. You are beautiful and you are enough. I think through this time especially hitting college- I’ve felt that I’m not accustomed to other college girls. I’m different and that’s perfectly acceptable. I’m called to fulfill my role- not compare it with someone else’s. I learned that the hard way recently. We love you and support you!
    P.S. DO NOT let those stupid guys words penetrate into your soul because they are NOT truth. 🙂 We love you.

  129. July 14, 2015

    Thank you for this post. Thank you for being you; real and honest. I look forward to your posts/blogs everyday to remind myself I’m not alone and with God the right man for us will come some day.. & we are enough. We are in this together.

  130. janine
    July 14, 2015

    Divorced after 10 years marriage…have 29 year old daughter….am soon to be 59……and still struggling..waiting….but have learned a few things that mighr help
    1. Don’t worry about being liked…be yourself..find things you love and pursue them
    2.Don’t let your married friends off the hook…you need them and they need you to remind them to appreciate each other
    3.ask for help more often
    4.Pamper yourself
    5.Be confident in who you are
    6.Let people know you need hugs
    7.Don’t text ..talk
    8.Sometimes you just need to let it out and cry…make sure who you are talking to understands they don’t need to fix you but be supportive and will pray for you
    9.Invite youself over don’t isolate
    10. When you are in a downward spiral remind yourself thst God is good…..its only by looking backwards you can see why things happened….surround yourself with people who can remind you of that

  131. Jill
    July 14, 2015

    Mandy…you must put together a singles girls weekend. I wrote an entry earlier today and returned this evening to read more post. How uplifting and yet sad to see so many of us doubting ourselves and wondering what is wrong with us. I’m not on facebook (because it became too hard watching everyone and their happy lives, vacations with boyfriends/husbands and their children) so please email us WHEN we can all get together for an amazing single gals weekend.

    PS… plan this soon because I’m praying singledom doesn’t go on much longer! xoxo

    • Megan
      July 15, 2015

      Fantastic idea! So … maybe YOU should plan it! Invite Mandy to speak and help publicize it, organize a few awesome events for fun and social connection, and let us know how we can help and/or attend! Just a (hopeful) thought. 😉

    • Jill
      July 16, 2015

      I wish I had the resources and connections to pull something like that off. I’m the planner of get togethers in my circle of friends but wouldn’t know where to begin planning a retreat on a bigger scale.

  132. Trina
    July 14, 2015

    Thanks for this! I feel like you and I are kindred twins! I’m 36 & single and this pretty much is my list of why. Although, mine includes too short and not famous enough. I was just running down my list today asking God what is wrong with me and what do I keep doing wrong. Just thanks! This is the second confirmation that He has given me that I am not alone. As much as I say I trust Him, there is that underlying fear and doubt.

  133. Boitumelo
    July 15, 2015

    Thanks for sharing your vulnerability. I have been feeling lonely lately which is something I had seldom felt after a break up 8 months ago. I am working on focusing on my studies, going to gym and spending time with friends, going to movies etc. looking into my future I am terrified that I may not meet the ONE who will be my companion not my critic or competition, I want someone who will treat me whole heartedly with respect as a human being, not for being a woman therefore I’m lesser of (in their minds). I am terrified of having children over the age of 35. I don’t want to face any challenges that may come with conceiving. Right now I feel like I went through all the heartache and disappointments of previous relationships that whoever my future one/husbands is should not cause all that drama. I know it’s unrealistic but I am owning that feeling. I may have a different view in the future

  134. July 15, 2015

    As much as I love your positivity and your hopeful blog posts (because Lord knows they always come at the right time), it’s when you get open and vulnerable with us about the hard parts of being single and show us how you experience these things too, is when I think we all connect so much more deeply to your words and they touch the core of us. Being single is a roller coaster ride: some days you love it, some nights you cry yourself to sleep over it, and I think it’s important to be honest about both of these aspects. It IS hard a lot of the time and it’s okay to just allow ourselves to say that, to feel that, and acknowledge that we’re only human and will feel a range of emotions because of it.

    Maybe there is no real “answer” to the question of why you or any of us are still single, but in this time, you’ve inspired thousands of women, helped us carry on through the dark times, given us hope and helped renew our faith in God’s plan for us. And that’s a beautiful side effect to this very real pain you are experiencing. I hope when you’re down in the trenches and beating yourself up about why you’re single, that a part of you can stop and think of all the women you’ve helped who are in your shoes too. Thank you Mandy! You are doing a very blessed thing by taking your pain and turning it into a blessing for others! All the best!

  135. Megan
    July 15, 2015

    You must know “up here” that you aren’t alone, but yes, I sooooo get it!. I love my Savior. I want to trust Him, and generally do. But for whatever reason, I’m terrified of letting go and being truly alone, completely independent. Oh, I would have told you that I have been strong. I’ve survived single stints. After a divorce, a boyfriend who dumped me so hard I landed in the hospital, and being used – with my blessing – by several others, yeah, I’ve racked up quite the list of insecurities. Negative self-talk, depression, and anxiety almost killed me. Now I’m having a helluva time letting go of another man who I currently ADORE but feel I must give up. I’m finally ready to admit that I’ve clung to that fear for 20+ years as if I NEED a man to tell me what I’m worth. Your positivity has often given me strength, but I feel no less respect for you today than last year. Quite the contrary. Your courage to be honest about how hard it can be is just as (or more) beautiful, and it will pay off in the trust of what you say in your journey. I will be listening even closer to you, sister, not because you have any responsibility to guide us or be The Ideal Example of the Happy Godly Single Woman, but because you and I? We’re not alone. (Clearly!) I’ll pray for your peace and joy. Maybe that’ll help get me out of my blasted head and fears. Much love, Mandy, and God Bless.

  136. Trina G.
    July 15, 2015

    Thanks for this!! You’re like my kindred twin. I too am 36, single, & I love God with all of my existence! I was just running down my list of why I’m not good enough, except mine included, I haven’t done anything major with my life & im too short and maybe if I was blonde, 5’11, could play a guitar and if my mom named me Taylor Swift, he would notice me, someone would notice me. I was just asking God today, what is wrong with me, what do I keep doing wrong? What have I not learned yet to be ready? I’ve put it in His hands, but I fail often to trust Him. I still desire to have children and the world keeps reminding me I’m running out of time. I don’t have an answer, other than I will keep walking towards Him, praying He will soothe over this lonley anxious heart. Everyday is a new day to hope. One day I will go to sleep, seeing all that my faith kept me hoping for. Tonight, though I go to sleep, knowing that I am not alone in this struggle and that He hears and sees my tears. Love you single sisters of mine.

  137. Eunice
    July 15, 2015

    You, my friend, are such a God send! I literally thank God all the time for you and your honesty! I have thought this way for a very long time. I don’t have anything to say except you’re not alone and I guess, in the end(whenever the end is), it will all make sense? Love you!

  138. Matt K
    July 15, 2015

    It’s difficult being the man loving this kind of woman…we’ve been friends along time…more than friends…but someone and it apparently can’t be me needs to tell her I’m I’m not going anywhere…and she us very easy to love…but all that self doubt and personal negativity keeps us apart…one of these days I promise I’ll help her see the beautiful strong brilliant woman I see in her…and hopefully by then we’ll make it official!

  139. Jackie
    July 15, 2015

    Love this. I have felt that there is something incredibility wrong with me too.

  140. Ahoska23
    July 15, 2015

    Thank you for this. I have been single for 4 years and counting and I keep asking myself: what is wrong with me? I feel so lonely and I miss having a lover.

  141. Sheshana
    July 15, 2015

    The “dopest” blog you’ve written thus far!!!
    I feel exactly the same way at 42. I will pray for you, please pray for me 🙂

  142. July 15, 2015

    Thank you Mandy !! For reminding me that I am not alone .I have been single for almost 7 years but only God knows ! Thanks

  143. Melanie
    July 15, 2015

    Mandy,
    holy cow, girlfriend! If it were not for the fact that it’s 4:45 a.m. and I was only looking for something to read to lull me back to sleep, I would wax eloquent on the oh, so many ways this post is my story. The same questions of God must not love me as much as that one, or at 43, having friends at church that seem to be endlessly posting on Facebook about date nights with their husbands, pregnancy announcements, or wedding photos, not to mention the ubiquitous parade of cutesy kid quotes and photos of “my child just said that”, while I post pictures of my cats in an attempt to keep up. I refuse to be called the crazy, cat lady.

    I LOVE my church, my pastor, my career. I’m intelligent, have a master’s degree, love children with all of my heart, and have friends that I can make plans with on a Saturday night, if they can find a sitter, of course.

    I’m constant being told how beautiful I am, both inside and out and as the Lord has continuously been healing me from my own 8 year toxic relationship that also ended with him looking me in the eye and telling me I am physically unattractive, flawed because no self-respecting man will want me because I’m obese, I’ve come to acknowledge both sides of that equation. And I’m working on it. And most days, I’m alright. Other days, I lay in the bed and cry because of the physical hurt and ache of being denied the one thing I’ve always wanted a godly, Christian husband and my own children.

    My truth? I’m still working on that. But I will tell you that if I hear one more person tell me marriage isn’t all it’s cracked to be or once you stop wanting it, it will happen (this coming from the well-meaning sister in Christ who thinks she may have finally gotten it right with marriage #3, while I still await my FIRST walk down the aisle, I might punch someone. I want to scream at people sometimes, “you got married at 20, have 4 kids, and even though you’ve admitted marriage is hard and you have to work at it, no matter how much you might want to, you cannot possibly understand or even relate to me and where I am with your full house and 20 year marriage. I love you for trying, but just shut up for God’s sake, quit trying to fix it and me, and just listen and hold me while I cry for a bit.

    Mandy, your beautifully raw post has me so ready to speak truth to others. Thank you for being our example in this whole living authentically thing.

    Melanie

    • Brooke McCann
      July 15, 2015

      Melanie you are not alone, as Mandy’s story sounds like mine yours does as well!!! I am told by so many people that I will not find a guy until I lose weight, even my well meaning mother tells me that! I’m trying but it’s hard with RA and sleep apnea to lose weight which they don’t understand and I have prayed to be healed from those so that I could just lose weight to find the one! But then others tell me what a great person I am and how beautiful I am even my mother too! Thank you for posting!! as Red Green says we’re in this together lol
      Brooke

  144. Sandra
    July 15, 2015

    Mandy, thank you for sharing in honesty. Like so many woman here have said, your story resonates with mine and makes me feel less alone. the truth is….I HAVE to have FAITH and HOPE that God has a man for me because if this is how the rest of my life is going to be….so lonely and empty and meaningless…then I would rather just quit now!! That is how badly and sad singleness makes me feel.

  145. Yasmin
    July 15, 2015

    Oh my goodness, I’m so glad you did this. This is the first time I feel like someone actually understands. Someone gave me your first book right after my recent break up 7.5 weeks ago to the man I am still in love with and was going to marry, and I have to be honest, it made me more depressed. It made me feel like what I was actually feeling was not Ok and that something was wrong with me for not looking at singleness and not being with him anymore, the way that you did. None of my close girlfriends are single, so I feel all alone all the time and the girls that I do know that are single make more money than I do and they always shop and travel and take trips and have experiences that I can’t working at a non-profit, or they have nieces and nephews or are godparents that they have some kind of family to spend time with and I have one brother on another coast and parents that always think something is wrong with me and I can never be honest with. I constantly think, is this my life? After all I have survived and as much as I have had to depend on God, this is what I was fighting for?

  146. Wondering
    July 15, 2015

    I have to say, what also does not help in our society (even in the Church!) is how singlehood is downplayed, underplayed, often ignored, misinterpreted, and definitely not nearly enough UP-lifted and shown how it is valuable in God’s Word. Just last night as I was listening to “Focus on the Family” (a good show; don’t get me wrong…just happened to be on the kitchen radio), I realized yet again how almost every other status EXCEPT singlehood is addressed constantly on Christian radio (I even wrote to several local Christian stations, and they didn’t really know what to say). Even just that is enough to feed into any existing feeling of ugliness, doubt, fear, etc. It unintentionally sends a message (although satan can use it intentionally) that we are not as “worthy” of attention or needing of advice or have our own stories and successes. It made me last night want to write once again to these stations, asking them to somehow incorporate this into their regular programming. I know there are single folks out there (Christian) who do do this, but I don’t think enough. I realize that JESUS is the One who should get the FULLEST attention…but since we have programs that “focus on the family” and on marriage and on raising children and on…shouldn’t we also have something that addresses the ups and downs of being a single (and for us, a single Christian woman)? Just a thought. But Mandy, boy do I understand what you are saying. Try not to listen to those lies that satan knows he can attach to our status and make them seem very, very believable. In God’s Love, Terri

  147. Lakisha
    July 15, 2015

    Mandy,
    I simply want to thank you for revealing your truth that also dwells within me and so many sisters who’ve commented on your blog. What you and others have said resonated so strongly within me that I’m choking back tears…I’m at work, so I can’t let ’em flow like I want to. 😉 As a 38 year old woman, who has never truly had a boyfriend aside from what I call a meaningless “situation” that I now in retrospect know was done out of pure self desperation, I find myself engaging in negative self talk comparing myself to wait for it…OTHER SINGLE WOMEN!! Saying things like…well, at least she had a boyfriend or was in a relationship. Ain’t that a blip? Further, it’s always been easier and more convenient for me to bask in the relationship/marital/family/ joys of others (I mean I’m REALLY good at it too…) than believing and embracing it for myself while at the same time desiring those very blessings fiercely with all of my heart. The enemy really knows how to do it, right? But God! How awesome would if all of us could meet virtually or at some type of retreat for restoration within our singleness? I could do on and on…just know that we’re in this together and I’m sending out some love to all of you this day! Love, peace, and a ton of healing….

  148. Neeka
    July 15, 2015

    Mandy, I hope you see you are not alone. I have always been told that I am beautiful but a little voice in my head ALWAYS tells me the person is lying whenever I hear it. I am not sure why.
    And today I am reminded that I am not alone. Love your bluntness and your willingness to share. I thank God for you! You are touching so many lives including mine.
    Love you!

  149. Meagan
    July 15, 2015

    Thank you Mandy for your honest, heartfelt post. It really helped me to see that I’m not alone in this journey of being single. Everything you wrote about, I could relate to. It was like you were in my head!

  150. Ms. Independent
    July 15, 2015

    This blog came just in time for me. I am 38 years old and still single. I haven’t had a guy show interest in me or even hit on me for 3 years. It makes me start to question what is wrong with me. Is it my hair? My clothes? My personality? I am the only person out of my family and friends who is still single. I feel like no one understands. It’s so easy for them to tell me I need to date and meet new people. Well that my friend is easier said than done. I recently had an encounter on tweeter with a guy and I really thought he was interested but when it came down to setting up a time for a date he never responded back. I got really upset with myself and God. I just couldn’t figure out why He won’t send me someone. I know I am suppose to be learning some type of lesson during by singleness but geez enough already! I allowed myself to feel sad and cry for two days. I don’t even think I was crying over some guy I didn’t even know. I am just tired of being lonely. Some days I love being single and other days(like the lonely weekends) I don’t. Now after reading your blog I don’t feel like I am alone in my feelings. Thanks for speaking the truth.

  151. Angeline
    July 15, 2015

    Thank you for being so real in this article. I too feel like I’m always so positive about being single, and putting glitter on what is actually the biggest sadness in my life!! Around friends and family I am upbeat and proud of being a strong and independent woman, but in the quiet of my life…I’m so sad about it. Yes, I have done great things as an independent woman, but bottom line…I long to share my life and love with someone. I am 44 and have been in quite a few serious relationships that have all had strikingly similar features, which all have me in common! Ha!! I know I have issues in choosing the right one. I simply pray that the Lord leads me to the right one someday. I always dreamed of children, but I fear that will probably not be the case. So once again I thank you for your article today…it was needed, so I don’t feel so alone in my struggle!

  152. Brooke McCann
    July 15, 2015

    Thank you so much for posting this! I have been really questioning and hounding (ok yelling more like it) God about this very topic and I believe that this post is his answer for me! I’m single and 35 and have such a desire in my heart to get married and have kids but I feel like it is happening to everyone else but me. So why would God give me those desires and not fill them? Thank you so much for voicing what has been going through my mind! You are such an inspiration and answer to prayer!

  153. dora
    July 15, 2015

    Thank you for posting this..I honestly find myself now at the age of 38yrs old trying to recover from a short yet painful and violent relationship and question my choices on men. My own insecurities have brought me to this point and like you pointed out, we shouldn’t blame it ALL on them, i do see it now after all the stress that i went through and how much it affected me (physically, mentally and emotionally) i am paying the price of my own bitterness toward life. But thanks to our inner strength and seriously to finding your blog as well, i am finally learning that i should take care of myself and that i come first.. i used to a people pleaser and never really knew that i was worth it and that i mattered. now, after all the pain i see a little of hope in my life because as lonely as i am at least i am in peace..in peace with myself and with life. I may not have a boyfriend or children to love, i may not have friends as i so foolishly pushed away (granted they did not push back as i did many times with them) and as scared of not finding love and end up forever alone walking this earth, i am grateful of not being afraid of being physically assaulted or verbally abused..for that oh for that alone i am so grateful..i can say now that i wake up alone but i am so grateful that i do wake up alive so thank you for sharing your journey with all of us and mandy god will bless you for all your help

  154. Sharie
    July 15, 2015

    Thank you for putting a voice to my thoughts. I am a 64 year old recently retired teacher; I’ve never been married — never been close!
    It’s so hard to express to my friends — almost all of whom are, or at least have been married — how I feel without sounding like I’m having a pity party. It’s also hard to find a place to fit in. The only children I have are the approximately 7,000 I’ve taught in 39 years, and they always went home to someone else at night.
    I’m not a happy single. I’ve never understood why my loving God decided this was my path to follow. Loneliness is not a good friend, and God doesn’t have skin. I hear over & over that there is a man for me — God has someone for me; I pray with all my heart that it’s true, but it’s hard to keep the faith in that after all these years.

    • Vallo Numping
      April 2, 2016

      I truly understand how you feel. I am 52yrs old , never been married and childless. I am a pediatric nurse for 22 yrs. I take care of all these kids and then go home to be alone.Sometimes I wonder how long I can keep doing this. I have completely given up on dating. I was in a 13 year relationship that ended because I could not have children. My ex told me he could no longer be with me or even marry me because I could not give him a child. He has gone on to marry and have children with his new wife. So do not worry .You are not alone
      This happened 5yrs ago. I’m

  155. Carly
    July 15, 2015

    Mandy, you are amazing! I have followed your blog and Twitter for some time now. At 26 years old when majority of your friends are in relationships or married and constantly talking about their partners or husbands, life feels tough when you can’t join in those conversations. Sometimes I feel as though they expect me to be bitter or desperate or a combination of the two! However I do always try to be positive but those thoughts about how tough single life can be, I always keep to myself. When reading your posts, I feel like you’re the big sister I never had, so inspiring 🙂 It’s hard out there as a single woman. The longest relationship I’ve had is a few months and that was a long time ago! Ever since then I’ve only dated here and there. There was one man who I felt could have been the one for me but he decided he didn’t want anything serious after many dates. Majority of the others I hadn’t felt a connection with. I have a great life, career, family and friends but it’s comforting to know that I’m not alone after reading this post and comments from other fellow single women. Mandy, thank you for this post as well as all of the others. Love Carly.

  156. July 15, 2015

    Why Im Still single? the fact, I am waiting for a right man and because of my young age. I’m yet waiting in God’s perfect time that He will send me a man who will perfectly loved me as I loved Him. . thank you. God bless us singlenians.. 🙂

  157. Akere
    July 15, 2015

    Thank you Mandy…you ve said it like no one ever did. looks like you narrated my story. May God remember and bless all the single ladies in the house.

  158. Carmen
    July 15, 2015

    THANK YOU for your honest post! The words you wrote seemed like they were flowing out of my own mouth! I am 29 yrs old and single and every thought you have listed I have thought that and I am still thinking those thoughts. Being single is hard and it is so frustrating. I never thought I would still be single at 29. It’s like I’m sitting in a waiting room watching all my friends get called to the back and here I sit all alone waiting. I’m so glad I am not in this alone and that God hear’s my cries. Thank you again Mandy for having the courage to speak the truth’s so many of us women are afraid to speak.

  159. July 15, 2015

    It is very nice to know you’re not alone I am 34 single no kids. I live in the south where people are always telling me I’m getting to old and I will never find love or have kids. I get picked on about being single all the time and it hurts. Being told if I do have kids I will be the oldest mom at school things like that, people think it’s so funny but it hurts it really does. Sometimes I think though they hate their lives trapped in unhappy marriages and kids who are a disappointment and so they take it out on me because they wish they would have taken their time and gotten it right. Barefoot and pregnant right out of high school was never my dream more like a nightmare
    I needed to read this and know I’m not alone and glad I got to vent a little
    THANKS,
    KRYSTAL

  160. LeighAnn
    July 15, 2015

    Mandy, I cannot thank you enough. I’m 47, never married, and just discovered my BF of five years is cheating on me. I was literally drowning in despair when I found this blog post. The sense of relief that I’m not alone is overwhelming because up to now, I was sure I was completely alone!
    Reading everyone’s stories…I am all of you! We all seriously need a way to exchange contact info.

  161. Jen
    July 15, 2015

    Truly inspirational. I AM NOT ALONE 🙂 Thank you for expressing this. I believe that every woman out there who wants to meet the love of their life will. I believe it for you too. That self doubt always creeps in my head, but I realized I need to dismiss those thoughts and instead visualize being with the man who is destined for me. I look forward to the day you say you’re engaged and your fans get to see pictures of you on your wedding day! Until then keep the inspirational words coming!

  162. Nikki
    July 15, 2015

    38 and still single. Haven’t had a serious relationship in my 30’s. 8 years of being ridiculously lonely. Want kids more than anything. I’m at a point I’m just trying to push away the bitterness. I’m the last of my friends to find love. Or get married. I feel pitied and that drives me crazy. No matter how great my life is, this is the failure that people hold on to. And so do I. At this point I’m trying not to just give up. But Its almost impossible. Nice to know I’m not alone.

  163. MATTIE
    July 15, 2015

    Mandy,the song by Kelly Clarkson comes to mind ‘WILL YOU LOVE ME WITH MY DARK SIDE ? we all have a “dark” side ,we are ALL in this together, YOU are NOT alone sister.We ALL struggle with “self” its the devils job to make it so.YOU/WE don’t have to be or act perfect ,we know we are NOT ,and anyone that spends some time with us can and will know that.We aspire to be more like Christ everyday, but we ALL fall short ,the Bible tells us so. we are,dare I say it “HUMANS”oh ,no the truth is out ,lol . Its ok .it is .it has taken me most of my life to come to terms with being “ME” and I am fine with that ,and you need to be too. G-d created you ,with your flaws and (no gap) legs .(I just thought that was perfect) who needs it ,who wants it ??( no offense to any woman out there that does ,good for you 🙂 if men or anyone else cant except you for who you are,then they don’t belong in your life , they just don’t. I recently met a guy ,he seems really nice and loves the L-rd and he told me how sweet I was ,I thanked him and said ,but I am human and I can be a “Pistol” too .nothing bad , just “imperfect”, guess he didn’t want to hear that part ,haven’t heard back from him .and you know (that’s ok) if someone can’t take the good and the bad ,then let them gooooo. REALLY .You want someone in your life that excepts you for YOU .flaws and all. Really ,they don’t have any ???? come on ,they need to get real and get a clue .life is life .THE GOOD ,THE BAD AND THE UGLY ,well ,it just is .STOP being so hard on YOU ,we love you just for YOU .so does Jesus and really his the ONLY one who matters in the end.Love YOU ,love G-d and all else will fall into place.have a blessed day girl.* p.s and “friends ” and “family” will tell you like it is ,like it or not. The people in your life that love you ,really love you .will tell you the truth about yo self .lol. gotta love um 🙂

  164. Crystal
    July 15, 2015

    Same here. All the same fears. Same faith. Same gloss over. Same age.
    Thank you for your honesty. In helping yourself you are helping others. Thank you.
    And to all of us single women, it is ok to want to be with someone and His timing is not ours, hang tough, We Are Worth It!!!

  165. Tina
    July 15, 2015

    Thank you Mandy for your courage to be so open and vulnerable! It’s good to know that we are not going at this alone, and the enemy knows how to come in with the self doubt and image. The last few weeks the same thoughts have been tormenting me…….you are truly an inspiration and impacting more women than you know. Blessings!

  166. Penny
    July 15, 2015

    I’m mid 30s and single. People say I’m too old to find anyone anymore. Dated a few men when I was younger, had my heart broken, and am now alone. Its hard. I can’t picture finding someone to love me again.
    I’m bottom-of-my-soul lonely.

  167. Tina Bae
    July 15, 2015

    Thank you Mandy…. Every word is So honest. So raw. So true. Like everyone here, I can relate to almost every point you’ve made and want you to know I’m here for you and everyone here too. I’m 31 and have been single for about 5 years now. Your blog has just reminded me despite trying to be positive and trying to see the silver lining – sometimes it’s not possible to do that all the time and that being single Sucks and that its ok to have these moments of sadness!
    I am constantly surrounded by all of my coupled up friends, family and work colleagues who have settled; have babies and have met their one or those that cannot shut up about planning their big day… I get it they’re excited. I’d be excited too. But being around this constantly and being single is hard and I think we make a conscious choice to be positive because that’s what people like us do.
    We have it drummed into our heads that one likes a moaner but I bet if people knew the real deep rooted feelings of being single and the reminders we face everyday – perhaps they would understand and (also not rub it into our faces so much!!!) just recognise that it’s tough. Whilst I love my family and friends deeply – sometimes seeing them all loved up is a daily reminder of all the things I haven’t got yet. And it’s a constant reminder that I sometimes cannot escape from as it’s everywhere in my social life, home life and work life.

    I’m single, it’s hard and it sucks. But hey – You are not alone Mandy.

    Ps: you all should listen to Jess Glynne- Don’t be so hard on yourself. It’s getting me through the tough days. xXx

  168. Mashonda
    July 15, 2015

    Thank you so much for putting this out there! I will be 39 in August and if I had a penny for every time someone asked me why I’m still single I would have tons of money. It’s great to know that I’m not the only one that has some of those negative thoughts/talk to myself when I start to think about being single still. I love your books and have read them all. Keep up the great work and thank you so much.

  169. Kim
    July 15, 2015

    I ask myself “why?” too. I walk into rooms and look at all them men. In some rooms, 100% of them are wearing wedding rings. I hardly meet any single men. I think that the quality men that I would be interested in are still married because they are the kind of guys who understand love and commitment. I feel that my choices of a compatible partner is down to less than 1%. So I ask myself “why has this happened to me that I must spend the rest of my life alone?” I trust God and love God so I know that he is with me, but I also understand that life is not fair. I just drew the “alone” card. My task now is to accept this card and do with it what I can – lemonade so to speak.

  170. Nicole
    July 15, 2015

    Thank you thank you thank you!!

    It is like you are reading my mind. I really needed to read this and not feel so alone in having these thoughts and feelings.

  171. Jasmine
    July 15, 2015

    Thanks Mandy… You spoke every word in my heart

  172. Amber A.
    July 15, 2015

    Thank you for sharing your heart. I’m in the same boat 🙂

  173. July 15, 2015

    This helped me! I am a fellow writer, woman in ministry, and silver-lining seeker. I have been single for most of my life and feeling pretty content in that lately! But yesterday was hard. Memories of an ex, hurt feelings, and loss rushed over me like a fierce wave! “What’s wrong with me? I thought I moved on? Is something wrong with my faith?” I wondered!
    The truth: no matter how positive & driven I am, my heart is not ‘above’ being attacked. I’m not “too good” to be brought down or “too upbeat” to feel pain! It’s normal, and it’s good to know I’m not alone. Thank you!

  174. Lydia M
    July 15, 2015

    Dear Mandy:

    First of all, I love your blog because you are honest and raw. At my age, 47 and still single, I have come to terms and if it is meant to be it is meant to be. In my 20s and 30s I wanted to be married – why? Because according to the world, that is what was considered “normal”. Yes, I had relationships that did not work out the way I had planned. I wanted to be married all for the wrong reasons. Now that I am in my 40s, as much as I love the “idea” of a married life, a happily ever after, I have come to terms that happily ever after does not exit. Life has its ups and downs. Don’t get me wrong, having a partner would be awesome and wonderful; but even being single is awesome and wonderful. In my days I was desperate to be loved, who doesnt’ want to be loved or be in love. I admire your honesty, but I fear that what we are teaching women – society, is that you need a man to be happy and that is not the case. Be happy, move on and live life to the best possible. Volunteer, meet new friends, learn and new skill. We should embrace the way we are — flawed and imperfect, single or married.

  175. Brooke
    July 15, 2015

    Miss Mandy –
    thank you for this post. It was perfect timing. Being single is NOT easy. I am really tired being strong all the time and holding it together. I am a positive person – because if you are negative – who is going to wan to be around that all the time? I have been sitting in my own grief and sadness thinking everyday “God has forgotten about me”.
    My faith and patience has been tested and my doubts creep in my head. So you are not alone in feeling like this. But I am learning it is the journey that really counts. Going through our own journey’s and learning from it every step, every mistake, every lesson – good and bad – helps you get to the next step and then one day we will all arrive to out new destination. Please remember this – YOU and your book are the one that told me not to settle and you saved me from choosing a guy from past out of being alone or loneliness. Your first E-book gave me the courage to leave him. I was in a painful place in my life and thought that nothing was going to get better ever and that I no one would come in into my life and love me again. But truly I am grateful for all of your articles, posts and tweets. I can look back on my own journey and grateful to see things for what they really were – so I it made me realize what I truly wanted and what I deserved – in love, life, career, family, friends – everything. Thank you for being so brave admitting your fears, your sadness and doubts. you wouldn’t be human if you weren’t. You changed my life – and SO many other’s. That is HUGE. So, keep going – keep inspiring – keep praying – keep having faith that it WILL work out the way it should. Remember what you always say – always on God’s perfect timing. It was wonderful meeting you in LA last year. Sending you much love. xoxo

  176. Nikki
    July 15, 2015

    Great article! At 26 years old and single I feel the pressure and the defeat. Yes, I know I’m still young with plenty of time. But, I have never even had a boyfriend. No relationship. Just last year I FINALLY had a second date! That ended after the 4th. All this time I have thought there was something wrong with me. I wasn’t good enough. That constant question if I’m seeing anyone. Our the question if I even like guys. It’s hard when all your close friends you hang out with are married. Now I’ve told myself that God has protected me from others in my past, maybe there’s something He still needs to fix before I get a man, or now it’s I probably won’t get married because Jesus will come before that. Most days I love the freedom of being single, other days I just want someone to come home to to share about my day, to be a support system, to be able to talk about what we are learning in our faith, and to just be held sometimes.
    Who knows if it will ever happen. I don’t understand it even though I’m still young compared to a lot that commented. I am just going to trust that God has a plan for me, whether that’s singleness or married.

    • MARIAH
      August 3, 2015

      I’m 27 and feel the exact same way! I’ve even started ignoring my friends who are married or who are in a relationship because I can’t stand to be thr single one. It’s horrible. The truth is ugly.

  177. Charlote
    July 15, 2015

    Wow! You’ve just open my eyes to the truth im hiding for my self for a long time. Maybe this is the time for me to embrace the truth and face the fear i have from being single. Thank you Mandy!

  178. Elle
    July 15, 2015

    Your post made me cry. I feel exactly the same way. I m 36 and still single. My greatest desire in this moment is to have a family. I went to see my OBGYN yesterday and she started talking about freezing my eggs. That conversation broke my heart. I have faith and believe God has a plan for me. I do trust Him but as a human, I can’t ignore or forget the fact that I m not 25 anymore. It is so hard being single. I recently dated a guy I have strongly liked for 3 years, after 3 months he found a number of “reasons” to break up with me. He’s been hurt many times by other women and has trust issues. I do believe that he left because of fear and obviously he didn’t care enough about me to take a chance. I can’t talk to people about my fears and pain because I always get the same answer “God will bring the right man in your life when the time is right.” I do believe that but I m just getting tired of being alone, of waiting. Thanks for reminding me that I m not alone, Mandy. Sometimes I am convinced something must be seriously wrong with me.

    • Sophie
      December 6, 2015

      Elle, everything you say (and pretty much all the other comments here) resonate with what I’m feeling.
      I too am tired of being alone, of “being strong” and just hoping that God will cause me to cross paths with the right man. While I know so many of us are in the same boat, at the same time, it’s discouraging that so many wonderful women are still single beyond how long they wanted to be single. I am almost 40 next year mid year and with each day, I lose more and more hope that there will be a compatible, wonderful man for me and if he is, where the heck is he??

      sigh…still, let’s not give up hope and let’s keep praying and also, let’s be PROACTIVE. I didn’t want to but I joined Match.com as well as OK Cupid. I am reluctant about initiating messages so I have waited to see what sort of men will/have emailed me. I’m disappointed to say that I had no interest in any of them whatsoever. Sounds superficial but I have to be somewhat attracted to what I see and then I look at their profile. Not only that but most of them were at least 9 or more years older and I really want someone my age or very very close to it. But sadly, almost no men my age have expressed any interest in me.
      I did email one man on my own search who is local and only two years older and sounds like someone I’d be interested in meeting and somewhat pleased with what he looks like but I never heard back from him and I know he had been active on his profile. Oh well. It’s true that the older us women get, the more difficult it is to find quality men. And then of those quality men, there is a lot of process or elimination since you may have 9 things out of 10 but lack the one thing which can be a dealbreaker.

      Elle, will you say a short prayer for me every now and then and I will pray for you (and all these other wonderful ladies here)? Our consolation is that we know we are not alone in this struggle so let’s encourage one another.

  179. July 15, 2015

    I have never commented on a blog before but I think this being the first is fitting. I’m a Christian blogger, and I’ve never really wrote about my struggles with singleness because I could never muster up the courage to pretend like I was ok with this state of my life right now. I have seen Jesus work, I have tasted the sweetness of His goodness and I still struggle with my understanding of what this purpose is of my life is. You, Mandy, are a beacon, a light, the sweetest sister a girl has never met and I have been extremely blessed by your blog since the beginning. You put into perfect words the wrestlings of my heart. Thank you for being transparent with your struggle-you make it easier to be bold with mine.

  180. Kathy
    July 15, 2015

    Thank you, thank you, thank you for posting this!! FINALLY someone who knows how I feel and what’s going on in my heart……and the beautiful part is the response of so many of us…..that none of us is alone! Oh, Mandy, you are so precious! I have two of your books (but haven’t read them yet, eek!) and am ready for Beautiful Uncertainy. Honestly, without even reading your books, through your blogs and tweets, you have encouraged and lifted me up so much. I don’t use Twitter much other than to mostly follow you and hear what our loving Lord has to whisper to me that day. There are days that I truly see my singleness as a gift. And there are some days the longing and loneliness cuts so deep. This is the one part of my life that constantly keeps me on my knees at the feet of Jesus. I know in my heart that He is sufficient and, looking back, He has carried me all my 35 years without a husband. Thinking and fearing of being single for life is too much for any of us to bear. That’s why He tells us to just worry about today….it has enough troubles of its own and He’ll carry us through that day. With that in mind, one day at a time, I can do all things through Him…including a lifetime of singleness if that’s His plan for me. But I hope not! The days that the longing and loneliness are too much are the days He speaks so sweetly through you to me. Your ministry is SO important!! God bless you and I will be praying for you and all of my single sisters! God is good. His reason, whatever it is (which we may never know this side of heaven), for our singleness is in the hands of our great God. He often reminds me to offer my longing for marriage as a sacrifice, which so often helps. I highly encourage you ladies, if you haven’t read any of Elisabeth Elliot’s books, read them….starting with Passion and Purity. She reminds her reader that, though we have a longing to be married, there is so much more to life….to reach higher….to find your hope in heaven. Her wise husband, Jim Elliot, said, “Let not our longing slay the appetite of our living.” May we not waste our lives waiting to be married. We are given one life and regardless of what God chooses to do with that life, may He be praised!

  181. Alexis B.
    July 15, 2015

    Mandy, first off let me say that I love your book “The Single Woman!!!” Secondly, thank you thank you thank you for your transparency and gift of humor in tough situations. You have a lighthearted essence that is so needed in this tough season of singleness for all of us. Before your books and so forth, I felt so hopeless at this stage. I’m still struggling with it at 32,which brings me to my next comment. Thirdly, this post was right on time. I was riding in my car feeling like tears would explode at any moment at the thought of, “wow, I’m really single…i have no ‘backups’ no nothing… My phone no longer rings from any potential male text or otherwise….” *Then, I Park and think and I believe God led me to look at your Ig account and now I’m here so thankfully so!!! Lastly, I am so thankful that I have other sisters who let me know that I’m not alone tonight. We all have different stories, come from different backgrounds, yet tonight and moving forth we can stand together and embrace our truths. God bless you all and thank you so much Mandy again.

    Alexis B.

    • Sophie
      December 6, 2015

      Don’t feel too bad Alexis. I wish I could be any age than I am now but I’m almost 40 and still single.

  182. Pam
    July 15, 2015

    I’m thrilled to know I’m not the only one to feel this way. 37, never married, no kids….I sometimes stop and look around and wonder whose life this is because it sure isn’t the one I had in mind 10 years ago. It gets pretty lonely being the single lady in a social circle full of marriages and babies. Thank you for bringing the truth and reminding me I’m not alone.

  183. Aurelia
    July 15, 2015

    44 and single, and everything you wrote is true for me as well. Thank you for having the courage to write these words.

  184. andrea
    July 15, 2015

    Thank you! I needed this so bad. I’ve been battling my fears alot lately, but try to stay positive and feel defeated when I’m not. I have alot of wonderful people in my life but they don’t understand because they haven’t been here. People can be mean with their comments and you battle beating yourself up even more. So thank you for being so honest and helping us know we aren’t by ourselves in our thoughts.

  185. Darlene
    July 15, 2015

    Seems as though you were writing my story.
    I’m 44, divorced for five years now. I’m still single and part of me doesn’t understand why, I’m starting to figure it out. Self doubt and fear of being hurt again or not being loved keeps me single. I am really hard on myself, say things like “you’re too fat, not interesting”. I’ve been told recently by a guy I dated for two months that I was too independent. Well, I will admit that’s a first.
    I’m just so glad you shared this with us, it’s sad to know someone else is feeling this way too. But it’s also a comfort to know that it’s not just me.

  186. Romiy
    July 16, 2015

    I am 33, never married, have been in/out of one disaster of a relationship to another since my late teens. I moved to a city where I know nobody for my job. I have never been this alone in almost every aspect of my life. Ever. Since I left my kids father almost two years ago, I’ve carried the cavalier attitude that I am free on my own…that though I have no friends or social life here my friends and family are only a few hours away. That this lone wolf life suited me just fine. It did until today. Today I told a long time friend that I hate how alone I am and how I’m not sure how to meet / connect with new people anymore and I’m frightened about my future. I never verbalized how I felt to anyone not even myself, until tonight. A few hours later, here I am reading your article. Crying my eyes out. Thank you for writing this. Though the pain I’m going through empathizing with you is causing me to sob quietly … I needed to read this , tonight. Thank you and God Bless You <3

  187. Tracey
    July 16, 2015

    Thanks Mandy, you took the words right out of my mouth!
    Married at 18, 3 kids and 15 yrs. of violence, and terror, I escaped from my abusive marriage. Now 26 yrs. later, I’ve never even been asked on a date. I’ve prayed for 26 yrs. if it was His will to marry again, still waiting for an answer? I’ve learned over the yrs. to trust and love Jesus as my heavenly Husband, and I’ve found great peace, joy, and contentment in that. But I wouldn’t be honest if I didn’t admit to being lonely as well. As one woman posted earlier, Jesus is not human. My friends (even Christian) and family say I’m not getting myself out “there”, not “looking” in the right places?? I too have thoughts of: I’m too fat, not attractive enough and too old.
    I’m turning 59 soon, and it looks like I’ll be single till my last breath on this earth. I could trust God to bring me the best man He has for me, I refuse to settle for second best. But is it His will for my life?? Why after so many yrs. won’t God give me a yes or no?? Then at least then I can deal with the answer??
    With all the lies with the verbal abuse from my ex, I now know I am worthy, I am not stupid, I am a good mother, I could make a husband happy and he’d be blessed to have me as his wife, and I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me!
    People say, “yeah but you’ve been married, had kids, isn’t that enough? Some women have never married or had kids, you should be glad and blessed!” Yes I am glad and blessed, but I can’t deny the fact that I’m still lonely. You’d think after 26 yrs., someone would ask me out on a date?? But then would I accept, or run the other way?
    Since the divorce, have had many yrs. of counselling. My self esteem and self worth has greatly improved but maybe there is still healing to be done?
    And what about the sexual desires of single women?? That’s a no no topic in the body of Christ!!
    I’ve been told several times over the yrs. that if I had any sexual desires, then I was ungodly, perverse and needed to repent?? I know now that God created that in me, and it is NOT sinful to have those desires, but still, the Word says it’s better to marry than to burn with lust?? That’s not a good enough reason to get married!
    Sure I could sleep around or have one night stands, but that’s not me. I couldn’t do that and betray Him as my Husband.
    I choose to remain celibate even though my family says I’m wasting my life away and should be having “fun”??
    So I think sometimes, it’s best to be single than to be in a sad, lousy relationship again, but that doesn’t help with the many tears cried into my pillow many nights, and cried myself to sleep, crying out to God to heal my broken, lonely heartache!
    Thank you for all your postings, I thought I was alone as well in my thoughts and doubts.
    Trying to type this through tears, knowing I’m going to bed alone again tonight.
    I pray that our God holds us close and continues fill our empty souls with His love and fulfillment.
    Thank you for this forum to vent my thoughts.

  188. Alice
    July 16, 2015

    I don’t usually respond, but this hit me where I am at. I’m on the verge of turning 40, and yes single. And I do question whether God has forgotten me. Lately pretty often. I even feel as if I have lost my faith. There are times I compare myself to other woman that have wonderful husbands, and think I have so much more to offer. Why is she married. And not I? My brother that is 10 years younger and his wife is having a baby girl any day now. When I was young I wanted to have 4 children, and had the names picked out. Now I realize as I am getting older with no husband in sight, I may never have children. This breaks my heart. I don’t share this with anyone. I am that single
    woman that always has the I am happy just was I am face. Thanks for letting me let these feelings out.

  189. Jasmine Q.
    July 16, 2015

    Thanks so much for the transparency Mandy! I believe when we let the truth out it helps is feel so much better in end. As women we tend to feel like we have to have it all together but we don’t! Keep doing what you are doing Mandy! Your story, quotes, positivity, realness anything you share can help someone. I feel the same way somedays I’m single and loving it, content in my season other days I’m thinking it unrealistic to think a guy will just find me. I’m going to continue enjoying life and believing for the best!

  190. Judy
    July 16, 2015

    Dear Single women, please enjoy your singleness. Even married women feel lonely too. Enjoy your freedom, time to spend with God, on hobbies, reading, etc etc.

    • Sophie
      December 8, 2015

      Judy, do you realize that without even meaning to, you’ve slapped all of us single women by what you just said? If something was enjoyable, it would not require any effort or someone’s prompting to enjoy it. And you have the nerve to compare the loneliness of married women to women who are single involuntarily?
      It appalls me to think you are giving that kind of advice to single women who are pouring their hearts out and in deep pain.

  191. Jacinda
    July 16, 2015

    Mandy thank you for sharing..as I’m walking my journey as a single woman at 44 I am also coming to terms with the reality of the balance between rain and sunshine..I’m learning to love them both. And especially not lending any value to an outsiders perception of me, facing my reality, however messy or tidy it appears.

  192. Kimberley
    July 16, 2015

    On the tail of another disappointment by a guy who, although short lived, seemed to have an interest me before turning and running for the hills, you made me see the light at the tunnel. You voiced EVERYTHING I’m feeling. I hate being single. I hate being alone. I hate getting hurt over and over again.
    But I keep trying – I keep putting my heart on the line. I keep trying to find that person I hope will make me complete.
    But you’re right. It won’t make me complete. He’ll just be a piece. And it’s hard to keep working on yourself when you sooooo badly want someone – anyone – to be with you.
    The desperation kicks in and the light at the end of the tunnel dims. It sucks – majorly. And yet we keep going. And we will keep going and eventually it’s gona find us. I know that -and et it doesn’t make it easier.
    Thank you for your words- thank you for saying what I’m feeling and thank you for being you!!!

  193. July 17, 2015

    Your honesty is so refreshing. I can totally relate–I’ve been on the “dark side” where I focused solely on the negative aspects of my single situation. When all that did was drag me further down and alienate me from the people who (reasonably) didn’t want to hear a sob story every day, I took a cheerier approach. Most days I think the positive spin not only makes me more pleasant to be around, but helps my own self-love and happiness as well. Some days though, I’m just not feeling cheery about being single. And hearing that other women struggle with this balance is everything. As long as there are others out there going what we’re going through, we’re never truly along–regardless of our dating status.

    THANK YOU !

  194. July 17, 2015

    I’ve never been the one that can capture all the attention of a room. When I like a guy, he never acknowledges my existence, and when I guy likes me, they’re usually only looking at one aspect of the overall package. I’ve never been in love, and it’s painful to see people find it so young. I wonder what they’re doing differently from me. I wonder what is it about me that makes me hidden from the guys I admire. I decided within the last few years to focus my energy on finding out who I need to be in God. I naively thought that if I did that, a husband would be right around the corner. Not so. I don’t know if I’m called to be single forever (I kind of hope not), but I know it has nothing to do with how well I look to God in the eyes of the world. I’ve always seen myself as a Jo March or Anne Shirley, marching to the beat of my own drum, and getting freaked out when someone actually does declare their feelings for me (I once had a guy email me that he was looking for a mother for his two preteen kids, and I looked to be just the ticket. I didn’t answer, but usually when asking a woman out on a date, start it with, do you like pizza?). I think there is someone out there for me, but it’s not the end of the world, mine or the universe, if he doesn’t come to me when I want him to. God will remember me in his time.

  195. July 17, 2015

    Thank you for this Mandy! We are not alone; we have each other and God. Yes, you can confront these thoughts, bring them to light, take them to God, but do not wallow in them or let them take root they are lies from the Devil.

    “The thief does not come except to steal, and to kill, and to destroy. I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly.”
    John 10:10 NKJV

    Also your faith is just fine. You only need mustard seed faith (Luke 17:6)

    I say these things because I know how you feel I’m 36 and single. I get those feelings and have crying spells sometimes. Turning the Word always comforts me.

  196. Charlotte
    July 17, 2015

    Word. Thanks for this. Usually I’m pretty confident of my life and that the right guy will come at the right time. I know this will happen. Tonight though I felt like crap for a few hours. Lost hope there for a while. It felt good to be like “Jesus I’m at the bottom of my self. I can’t feel any lower”. It’s in that place hope can spring alive once more. Your blog is a good read right now. I’m still at the lowest point. But it feels kinda good knowing Gods big enough and strong enough to love me and hold me even whilst being in this place. Thank you for who you are and for speaking the ugly truth. It feels good to be 100% honest right?!!! Keep being the wonderful, raw, messy you. There’s so much beauty in that. Much love!

  197. Tiffany
    July 17, 2015

    I’ve really been trying so hard not to cry. Its too hard to be strong and positive sll the time. Thank you for reminding me that feeling all of my emotions doesn’t make me weak.

    • David
      January 14, 2016

      I would love to meet any of you Ladies, I am a single Christian man and I know many good Christian men that would love to meet any of you ladies. There seems to be a huge problem though, how do we know that you are single and looking for love and marriage. I’ve talk to so many people and no one will profess what you all are saying. At Church all the Single ladies seem avoid any and all conversations with Godly single Christian men….they make me feel like I am old, ugly, and creepy, and non-datable….their loss, but it’s still hurts when I want the same thing that you ladies want, and so do my good single Christian brothers. My question to all of you is this: “How do we become truly honest with each other and say to the opposite sex that hey your single, I’m single, I’d like to get to know you?”

  198. Nova777
    July 17, 2015

    Wow, it’s not an easy thing 4 us, as a single or philophobia, to confess this. But, i feel blessed to read this article. I hv so many problems within me, which is i couldn’t help myself. I feel so thankful, Mandy. I keep on saying to myself, single n married are a calling. Don’t be shame bec of our age. Yup! It’s easy to say but the struggle within is like the storm. Pray 4 single woman, Gbu all 🙂 During my hopeless moment, i found a song “I can’t save myself” Morgan Harper Nichols 🙂

  199. Brenda
    July 18, 2015

    Thank you Mandy!!

  200. Chris
    July 19, 2015

    Mandy! What a great read, again. I confess this is only the second time I have read your blog (you probably don’t get as many men readers as you do women, minus a few suspicious trolls). Buy I pleased to have read your blog from last week. The nature of my first perusal of The Single Woman was from a blog maybe a year or so ago describing your discovery of the need for God in your life and a newly found reliance upon Him. I had just begun dating a woman who seemed to gravitate toward you. She posted quips from your facebook page routinely. She had just ended a long, terrible, often abusive relationship. She opened up to me, but did not embrace or even outwardly believe in God. As a very devout Christian, I was happy, even borderline ecstatic to read that blog back then. I hoped that she would eventually come to God AND me. I prayed for it very hard and God knows I tried, maybe to my own detriment. But it didn’t happen. Many of her problems continued, mostly not within her control. She relied mostly on a tenacious self, sometimes on an at least somewhat dependable boyfriend, but never on a loving God. I was searching for your old blog when I read this one today. I am again very happy, this time to see you have maintained your faith in God and nurtured a relationship with Jesus. I pray that you have been a tremendous, positive influence on your readers for your honest, caring, faithful approach to life. But my prayers and your blog didn’t keep my girlfriend and I together. They didn’t convert her or even seem to bring her closer to God. I may have tried to thump her on the head with the Bible one too many times. That’s part of the reason why we broke up. The other part is that I want a Christian woman in my life. And I plan to find one. May I be so bold as to offer advice to you and your readers? You and anyone who laments about not being married should do the same. I have come to believe that we are partners with the Holy Spirit. God wants us to be happy. We should ask Him what He wants for us. My advice is work at it as if it all depends on you and pray for it like it all depends on Him. God bless you and all your readers. With His love, Chris

    • July 29, 2015

      Thanks Chris.. May God bless you too

  201. SPL
    July 19, 2015

    WOW….I turned 38 a few weeks ago and have spiraled into this almost major depression. I am still single….I thought it was bad when I turned 30 since of course I planned to be married by then….then another year passes and another year passes and before I know it I’m slowly knocking on the door of 40 watching my parents enter their 70’s without ever witnessing any of their children marry. They have grandchildren by my siblings…..but I’m the odd one out. Single female with no children and no prospects. All the therapists, pills, books and dating websites can’t seem to cure this curse. I can’t even adopt a pet because of my terrible allergies. I have come to determine that perhaps I truly am destined to be alone. Thank you for your article. It made me feel a little bit better knowing that I am not alone.

  202. Deneen
    July 19, 2015

    That was perfection!!!!!

  203. Maudie
    July 19, 2015

    Thank you Mandy for following God’s plan for your life! Every time I read your blog I see my life in words. Your blog is one of God’s special ways of encouraging me and reminding me that I am loved; and I am not alone. Being 43 and single is not easy. It is hard. Especially when you have finally woken up and realized you want someone to share the hard stuff with; someone to have your back; someone who gets angry when you are upset. How do they always know what to say? I didn’t even know what I wanted. He turned out to be a toad. The past year has been filled with shame, embarassment, … Thanks to you and several other special people I made it through. While circumstances are different, the emotions, the doubts, the questions are the same. I am so glad I found you:) learning to trust, relax and go lightly!

  204. Maudie
    July 19, 2015

    Thank you Mandy for following God’s plan for your life! Every time I read your blog I see my life in words. Your blog is one of God’s special ways of encouraging me and reminding me that I am loved; and I am not alone. Being 43 and single is not easy. It is hard. Especially when you have finally woken up and realized you want someone to share the hard stuff with; someone to have your back; someone who gets angry when you are upset. How do they always know what to say? I didn’t even know what I wanted. He turned out to be a toad. The past year has been filled with shame, embarassment, … Thanks to you and several other special people I made it through. While circumstances are different, the emotions, the doubts, the questions are the same. I am so glad I found you:) Every time I read those sentences, God reminds me that He has my back. He is here to help me with the hard stuff (I never have to do any of it alone); and to enjoy the good stuff. He will defend and protect me, defend me, fight for me ; even when I don’t fell I deserve it or have let Him down. Learning to trust, relax and go lightly!

  205. July 20, 2015

    you know what?

    there is more women than man on this planet. so of course some of us will stay alone. of course. but watch a single woman- she is looking good and hard working.
    watch a single man – he is homeless and drunk without teeth.

    my point is that we are not only a stronger than them, but we are also entering the time where we will realy run the world , like in beyonce’s song.

    watch Oprah.
    would it be better if she would serve to some man? no. she is working on her OWN dream.

    she is a shinning star to all of us, single woman.

    I’m perfectly ready to stay single and not have kids.
    Actually I am looking forward.
    I can get up in the morning and go swimming and to the hotel for breakfast (I live nearby a big hotel complex where it is possible to eat even if you are not a hotel guest). This will finish while I will have kids.
    I can lay in the bed all day if I want to.
    I look like I am 22 but I am 30.
    and all thanks to the fact I am single almost all my life (never had a relationship longer than 3 months). so what.
    my life is my time to make what I want to do.

    not that I am a cow who needs to have little cow to be complete person. shut up. this is my life. I will not be a servant to some motherfucker.

    maybe only weak womens, or womens with no idea what to fill they life with, maybe only those will have a relationship and family.

    and dont ever compare your life to the life of your mother.
    she lived in different milenium.
    dot.

  206. Misty
    July 20, 2015

    I can completely relate to this. I feel this way every day. We put on the happy face most days and pretend it doesn’t bother us but it does.

  207. tryingtoliveanhonestlife
    July 22, 2015

    Thanks Mandy. This is awesome.

  208. Jane
    July 22, 2015

    I pray that if not on this earth, that we will become friends in heaven! Thank you for being the vessel that God has called you to be! The journey is not easy, but by someone who is encouraged by your strength and vulnerability, I genuinely thank God for you. God’s many blessings!

  209. Maria
    July 22, 2015

    wow. thank you for this honesty. feeling the same.

  210. TaMara
    July 22, 2015

    I was just a bridesmaid in my younger cousins wedding. I really needed to read this.

  211. Ashley
    July 22, 2015

    Mandy,
    I’ve been following you since [almost] the beginning, and have always wanted to reach out. You have been such an inspiration to me. Your blogs, Tweets & books (yes, I’ve read all of them!) have seriously changed my life. You’ve done some courageous & hard work, and have inspired & taught me how to do the same.

    I feel like we’re friends, and so wish we could be in real life! There have been so many times where I wished I could sit down with you over dinner & chat a certain thought or post out with you, and there never has been a time I wish it more than after this blog post. I’ve often wondered how you manage to be so dang positive (and honestly I’ve thought a few times, “this wouldn’t be so hard if I could be more positive like Mandy!”), and what your thoughts are on the HARD “underbelly of singleness” as you so aptly put it. And here it is! Here you are. Thank you so much for showing this other side of singleness & yourself. I know I certainly needed it. I feel like God has me on a similar journey of being determined to figure out how to walk through the “loneliness, self doubt and fear” victoriously, and a heart to inspire & help others do the same.

    I’ve noticed you’ve been a bit quiet lately, so this post was so welcome for so many reasons. Keep on rockin’ it girl! I love every word you write, and I’m stoked to see things turning in a genuine direction. Thank you for everything. I hope we get to meet one day!
    : )
    Ashley

  212. Eloisa
    July 22, 2015

    Definitely my life at this moment. I am 34 and my life has not gone as planned. I wanted to start a family at 24 with my then boyfriend but didn’t happened. I am still single, no kids and my hopes are about gone at this moment. My life has been mistake after mistake and sometimes I also think that that’s the reason why I don’t deserve to be happy nor good enough for a good man. After reading this blog I felt empowered to know that I am not alone. Thank you for sharing.

  213. modupy
    July 23, 2015

    I needed to read this today. Really needed to. Wow!!!!

  214. Dere
    July 23, 2015

    Thank you for sharing that. I really agree with some of the things you said and I think we have to be honest with our self, maybe I have something to work on me and not only blame the guys. But I also think that being single shouldn’t be treated like illness. I am 24 and for the past I used to wonder what is wrong with me and like you said I used to do that fake talk “This man don’t deserve me” and all that stuff. But, I am learning now maybe God made me single because I have to really enjoy this phase learn somethings about me and what I really am looking for. Because sometimes we rush to relationship just to feel the void and once we are in the relationship we are actually more lonely. So even though I feel sometimes ughh why? I am starting to take time and just be grateful for this phase.

  215. July 23, 2015

    Mandy, I’m also old, wrinkles and eye bags are showing and white hair are popping….and if I thought of good things though, like I’m still pretty, but guys would always look to a woman who is better looking and younger. I can still swooped guy’s heart, but when they found out my age, I’m 38, by the way, I became invincible to him. I am much empowered today than 5 years ago, but that made the guys intimidated. I can put a sad face here.
    Sadness and joy should come together. It is normal to think of these negative things and ugly truths. But this should cover up what you have become because of the joy you have found. I’m sure it’s already in your heart else you will not be an inspiration to many single women by now. Thank you.

  216. Meli
    July 23, 2015

    Thank you! Thank you! I’m 36 and single after a 7 year relationship!! thank you Mandy! God is so good!

  217. Lynden
    July 27, 2015

    Such true words, Mandy. I’ve 51 (41 in my mind lol). My husband left when I was newly 41…his reasons being ‘we never should have got married’, ‘he only got married to get out of the dating game’, ‘never loved me’ etc, etc. He was verbally abusive. I’ve been raising my three girls alone (now 21, 19, 13) and I’ve been up and down about being alone. Happy one minute to focus on my children, sad the next as I want a husband, happy the next as I seek only God’s love…up/down/up/down. Now with my youngest only at home a few more years the years ahead are stretching out very scarily to me. I so relate to what you have written; have felt the same feelings. I think your honesty is great – it’s easy to be upbeat and brave at times, but it’s REAL to be honest about how hard things can be too. Thanks for being vulnerable in that.

  218. July 28, 2015

    I came across this post late however it still has so much meanung to me. When I feel like there’s no hope regarding my single status I come here for inspiration. You’re truly God sent. I’m 24, single, I think I know why im still single. I feel like I won’t settle fir someone who denies me the joys if being in love, being pampered, reading together, lol my friends say I expect too much from the guys I come across. I believe we all should let our worth be known, loneliness still prevails in my life, I’ve joined a yoga class last month, it helps cos in my eyes im alone, no one to spend my extra time with, in a nutshell im fed up however I won’t give up on a chance of a healthy relationship just yet. I write pieces of opinions on my note page on my cell when I feel overwhelmed I’m gonna share one.

  219. Audrey
    July 28, 2015

    Thanks … same here girl… same here

  220. July 29, 2015

    I just want to give you a big hug. I have to tell you this is a beautiful raw post and I respect and love you very much for this. I think that rawness whether it is raw hurt and pain or raw joy is beautiful and a rare treasure in this world. This my dear was brave and courageous so even though you may feel down or insecure or even weak DO NOT let that evil voice win-there is no argument-you are brave and beautiful. I look up to you and I barely know you. I believe that when you air your true, real and raw insecurities, fears and doubts that’s when you provide God with an opening to intervene to come more fully and deeply into your life and begin to heal these hurts. You have opened your heart not just to God but to so many women who feel or have felt this exact way, including myself, and you are in store for a beautiful healing that can only come from the Healer of all wounds. I hope that God puts some Jesus band aids on your heart and the hearts of all those who hurt and feel less than. Please know that you too are not alone!

  221. Elizabeth
    July 30, 2015

    I’m grateful I came across this piece. This is the second time I’m reading I’m 34 years never had a serious relationship and its been almost a decade (noone has ever referred to me to as his girlfriend). Single life is so so hard, lonely, yeah and ugly. My circle of friends think I’m not trying enough. I feel its like constantly applying for a job . I’m human of course I would want somebody to love me back, and the package that comes with relationship. It’s even harder when you love the guys who don’t love you back or smitten by those who don’t don’t even know you exist. Rejecting some guys means I’ll be in the single arena for a longer time.
    Is it wrong to want to be loved in a certain way, to have a right to chose the one you want? My good friend asked me, “are you still choosy?”. .. of course I have personal preference .funny part is how can I be choosy if I don’t have even one dude in hot pursuit. The other day another one saw this cute guy and pointed out to me, then as he walked away, she made reference to how he walked and decided he wasnt good enough. oh boy! when did I reach that point where people can use their personal preference to decide which guy is suitable for me.
    I’ve tried online dating it’s exhausting to say the least not earned me a date, which is the same story for most guys I meet in the real world.
    Rejection is a bitter pill to swallow but a big reality to being single, hard to embrace or take positively, at times it makes me doubt myself.
    If finding that person was easy as ordering pizza, then we would all be married.
    In the meantime I’ll continue coming to terms with my status and embrace the positivity and those sad moments that come with being alone.

  222. MARIAH
    August 3, 2015

    THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THIS! My loneliness has me saying the same things. I’ve even started giving up on my self worth. Getting with men that I know are np good for me just to feel loved. I’m sick of it and I’m sick of me putting myself in those positions. I’ve decided from this day forward to do it God’s way!

  223. […] Mandy Hale aka The Single Woman: Why I’m Still Single: The Ugly Truth. […]

  224. Jesse Hamlett
    August 6, 2015

    OK, I am a man and now I am scared crazy. Listen to you ladies make me look back on my marriage (40) yes forty years of it and hanging on for a break through but not looking that good. I have thought about the single life thinking I could have this have that were now she keeps telling me I cant have much of anything and I have got were I believe it. We never kiss, sex, etc. It is always separate life’s. Being a cop, is that my problem? Nope because I do not bring the job home. I have tried over and over to break this flesh eatting decease but my heart gets were is is getting harder and harder. What would u do, thank u

  225. Nathalie
    August 10, 2015

    I’ve come across your blog for the first time and I love it. Still single at 43 and never having had a serious relationship, I know how you feel. After years of struggling with lots of over weight I now have a thigh gap – but that honestly doesn’t change anyting :o) The only thing that changed is that I like what I see in the mirror and I get mor attention from guys.
    The last guy I fell in love with and still am in love with told me that the only woman he would want a relationship with at this time is me, but that he’s not ready after his divorce (3 years ago)!!!! What’s up with that????
    I’m trying to decide if I should just get a friend with benefits or something – at least I’d get some and could enjoy the perks of my new body – not sure yet if that’s the way to go for me at this time. Maybe I’ll just have to give it a try. Guy’s do it, so why shouldn’t we?
    Anyway, I know exactly how you feel and reading your blog makes me want to meet you and talk all night long, Thanks for sharing!

  226. Audra
    August 13, 2015

    Raw, honest and beautiful. Loved every word.

  227. August 18, 2015

    Firstly, let me state this…fantastic blog! So many wonderful comments and amazing feedback you receive. I love the way you dig deep. I am a relationship/life coach and work primarily with these types of obstacles with every day. I am certified in NLP and Hypnosis and take my work very seriously. Mandy, I would like to work with you and have some ideas on how we can work with each other. Care to take a leap of faith??? Check out my website http://www.lesliejsaul.com And if it resonates with you, set up a free consultation on the website. Nothing ventured, nothing gained…Regards, Leslie

  228. Juliette
    August 23, 2015

    I’m sorry girl but — you’re beautiful, attractive — clearly smart and outgoing — you have influence among people — you’re a business woman – you’re modern — you’ve carved your own path — The only reason you’re single is because all you do is talk about — being single and the hardships surrounding it, etc — Don’t you think?

    My two cents …

    • Mandy Hale
      August 29, 2015

      If you actually think the hardships of single life are all I talk about, you don’t know me or follow my message very well. Actually, you don’t know me personally at all…so to make such a snap judgment about someone you don’t know is unfortunate. There’s nothing wrong with being honest and vulnerable about the ups and downs of single life. For years I have focused pretty much solely on the silver lining and positive side of single life and after awhile, that gets old and feels fake. I’m about honesty and authenticity…the good and the bad. If that’s something you find offensive, please stop following me and reading my blog.

  229. Katie
    September 5, 2015

    I could’ve written this article using the same words and positivity and hurt and despair, and EVERYTHING you said….the only difference is that I’m 41…and I’m not sure I’ve ever been in a real relationship. Ever. I’m deeply hurting because of it. I cry myself to sleep all the time wondering what it is I did. I pray to God whenever I remember to (and to any other God who will listen) that I want love and to be able to give love to someone (romantically). For 41 years, my one prayer — the one prayer I had as a little girl, a young lady, a teen, a college student, etc…is not being answered. I never in my life thought I’d be single at 41. Not just single…but alone. No dates, no boyfriend, no children….the only real things I ever wanted are so far from my grasp. It breaks my heart every day. And yet, like you, I TRY to remain POSITIVE and have FAITH and HOPE and I try not to dwell. I practice GRATITUDE. And my friends ALWAYS say they will set me up — sometimes they get close — but it never happens. Ever. 41 years. I feel like I’m being punished. I feel the punishment so much I volunteer my time so much — SO MUCH — so maybe one day my one prayer will be answered. I’m not even asking for a husband. I’m asking for a MAN TO BE INTERESTED in me. I’m not ugly. I’m quite pretty. I may be slightly overweight, but I see MANY overweight women (or bigger) with lovely men/boyfriends/husband. I don’t get it. Sorry to be a downer. It’s Labor Day weekend, and I’m alone. Really, really alone tonight. But thank you for your article and your story. You’re right…you’re not alone.

  230. September 6, 2015

    Mandy, you are such an inspiration to me! Your post really spoke to me today. A year ago, I met the man I just knew I was going to marry. I knew God had sent him to me. Six months ago (after talking extensively about marriage, kids, etc.) we broke up, when suddenly he decided I would not make a good wife, nor was I a “good enough” Christian for him. I was (and still am) devastated by his hurtful words. I’ve been through several breakups, but none in which my character was attacked like that. I turned 30 a month after we broke up. I live in a small town where there are no suitable single men (and my expectations are not *that* high). I feel like I’m just in a downward spiral of nothingness. I feel so defective, to the point that it hurts me to even spend time with my friends (all married with children, of course). And this makes me feel selfish and guilty because I am blessed in other ways, but I’d give it all up in a heartbeat just to be loved! Thank you for sharing this– it makes me feel like I’m not completely alone.

  231. Toni
    September 6, 2015

    I was just thinking yesterday that I’m tired of everyone trying to put a spin on being single like its brave and empowering and a time to “grow”. I think it’s all bullshit. It’s hard and lonely and disheartening. Be picking myself apart, I’ve lost faith in men in general. This really is the reality and it’s sad as shit. I’m 46 and wasted the past 12 years on the wrong guy. Been single over a year now and wish I’d just stayed with him because it would be better than this.

  232. Christine
    September 11, 2015

    Thanks for sharing! I am just about to turn 39 and I am experiencing everything that you have described. As a recovering alcoholic I never knew I had these feelings of insecurity and self doubt. I always tried to drink my feelings and emotions away. Now I am learning how to accept and love myself and for me and it is very difficult! I take a look back at my life and it’s sometimes depressing to think about the amazing men that I had relationships with and ruined them because of my ego. I suffer from a classic case of “an egomaniac with an inferiority complex”. I know that I am blessed and other areas of my life and sometimes I feel guilty for throwing myself a pity party! Thank you for reminding me that I am not alone.

  233. Anamika
    September 14, 2015

    I’m so happy you walked into my life today. Thank you, Mandy.

    – A single woman who just turned 30 in India and has dated very sporadically

  234. Monique
    September 15, 2015

    Thank you for sharing this. This really touched me. I am 41 coming to grips that the person I am, may be the only person I share the rest of my life with. Ironically it’s not that I don’t ever or have never wanted to be married. For as long as I can remember, I have always wanted to be part of a loving relationship that meant lifelong commitment. As I’ve matured into the woman I am today, I think I am FINALLY capable of being that loving wife I’ve always dreamed of. I’m leaving it entirely up to God. Whatever way it works out will be for the best.

  235. Crystal
    September 18, 2015

    Awesome read! I just turned 32 years old and I’m still single. Actually, I’ve never dated. I’ve never had a boyfriend nor kissed a guy!
    I often have these same doubts and fears that you mentioned above.
    Lately, being single has just been flat out….HARD! I even had a good cry over it just yesterday. I’m so glad to know I”m not alone. Thank you for this post!

    • Sophie
      December 7, 2015

      I wish I could be in my early thirties again if not in my twenties but I’m almost 40 so don’t feel too bad!

  236. Kelley
    September 27, 2015

    This was helpful. It’s good to know I’m not alone in this. I just feel like I keep getting left. While I was in my 20’s I lost my brother and both of my parents. Then recently my husband cheated on me and left me. My oldest goes to school out of state and my youngest moved out. So I’m very by myself. Having trouble dealing and trying not to camp out in my defeatism called life. I’m tired. I’m old now. Starting over..having to go back to school. Cry every day.

  237. September 27, 2015

    Once again I failed miserably today. I dated another guy for a few times and the self doubt and mistrust reared its ugly head again. I feel as though I am not worthy to be with anyone. I am destined to be alone although I do walk with God. I am going on my sixth year single and I think I need to just chalk up this whole relationship thing. I am just way too damaged. I tried and failed but this something I don’t want to try anymore. I am the hundred first dates girl and it’s exhausting. God bless girls. Oh and I am 50 so I really feel old and dried up when in reality I am in the best shape of my life and no one thinks I am 50.

  238. Crystal
    October 8, 2015

    It’s so good to know what I’m not alone in this “single” life. My plan was to be married by 30 and last month I turned 31…(go figure). A friend of mine shared one of your blogs on FB and it was very enlightening and helpful. So thank you for being brave enough to say what some of us are afraid to so, especially in an open forum as this one is. Be blessed!

  239. Hannah
    October 10, 2015

    This is a great read. I’m still young, but everyone around me is getting married or having babies. I think it’s easy to think everything is wrong with “us”, that’s why I’m single. Contrary to that belief for whatever reason, God hasn’t sent us the right guy. I have been single for three years almost four. I’ve never had a good relationship. My fear is that I never find anyone and I grown old alone. I want a husband and children. I have to accept that it may never happen. I think we have to put it in God’s hands and let it be. Easier said than done. I hope that one day I get these things. If not, I hope I am happy and content with what God does give me.

  240. October 15, 2015

    Hello Mandy, I have been following you on twitter for quite some time now and I love your posts but I can say that this one is different. I appreciate your honesty and I love you even more. You are an inspiration. God bless you!

  241. Dee
    October 15, 2015

    This is a great read. Something that I can relate to. I’m in my early 30s and so much had happened this year that I’ve began learning more about myself and how I feel about things. I have very limited experience being in love because I have no problems being alone and certain things like dating and getting to know another are rather awkward for me.
    I am in the journey of self-discovery, perhaps a little bit to see where I can improve but mainly is to find out who I am, to be true to myself and accept me for who I am. I learnt that I need to love me first before wanting to be loved so that I will not let others define me and be affected negatively by it.
    I fear that I will end up alone for the rest of my life because deep inside I am a hopeless romantic but I don’t want to just settle for just anything.
    Thank you.

  242. Jennifer
    October 18, 2015

    I really needed this article. Thank you. Over the past year I have greatly struggled with being single and not having the prospect of marriage or children, as I watch all of my friends engaged, married, and watching their children grow up. I will be 39 tomorrow and this past year I have struggled thinking that God hates me, that there is something completely wrong with me, even though I think I’m a rather great person and who wouldn’t want to be in a relationship with me? I was passed over, as I was told by a boyfriend 15 years ago that he had to marry someone else. And it’s been extremely painful to watch them be what seems, happy and have now had a child of their own. I have spent a great deal of my past year being depressed and sad. Thinking I will never ever find someone who will want to live their life out with me. I try very hard to mask how I feel from my family and friends and handle the… “why are you still single” questions or the “you just haven’t met the right person, it will happen when you stop looking.” I don’t believe any of it and I have even tried the online dating. It has been a hard pill to swallow and I have grown to hate being single and waking up alone and coming home to a dark apartment. So thank you, because I really needed this.

    • Sophie
      December 7, 2015

      I hate those comments too. There were quite a few years I wasn’t looking and nothing ever happened so to tell someone that it will happen most likely when they stop trying is just terrible terrible advice. I’ll be 40 sometime next year too and I dread that I will be exactly in the same place I am then as I am in now, both in my love life and work life (which right now is underemployment and/or not making enough to have a decent quality of life).

  243. vani
    October 19, 2015

    hi mandy

    i read your article and felt like u were telling my story….atleast my feelings about my life. i am 31 and i am from India. I don’t know where you all people are but here in India if you won’t get married before 28 then people certify you as defective piece literally… no matter how good you r in your job how much u earn, even how pretty u may look , no family prefers to marry an older girl here ( here almost all are arranged marriages where family selects the groom for you and you talk for 15-30 mins and get to know about him, if u r lucky). i had relationships in my life which didn’t work out and left me with bitterness… now i want peace of mind and want to go higher in my career… but my family (due to the pressure from society and relatives along with the fear that i may end up living my life alone) want me to get married to someone i don’t like… they feel i wont get any matches for me as i get older…. this even frightens me but i don’t want to just compromise for society’s sake. i am financially secure…i can live my life on my own…… i want my life to be peaceful…….. just because people think someone is good for me i don’t want to get married…. this is all so frustrating .

    I try all the positive thinking stuff but when i am to face reality… i feel terrible…. i even want to run away from here to some other country where people don’t care about my marital status.

    • Amanda
      November 4, 2015

      Vani,

      Stay strong! Believe in yourself! Sometimes being different is a wonderful thing! Do not settle for less. Never depend on someone else to make you happy! Only you can do that. I hope you find your peace of mind within yourself. Good Luck to you. From one single woman to another… -Amanda

  244. Marivel
    October 20, 2015

    THANK YOU!

  245. Ingrid
    October 23, 2015

    Thank you so much for this!!! I ask myself those questions every single day, it never ends, the first thing that comes to my mind in the morning is, Will I ever get married? Will I ever find some one to love me?
    I´ve been waiting for God´s answer and I know He can make it happen but its getting hard for me to keep the hopes up. Everyone around me is gettng married or going on dates and I just feel like the lonliest woman in the world.
    I love my job, my friends, my family, my church, I pretty much love my life except from the fact that I´m still single. It hurts so much but reading what you wrote is so inspiring because now I know I´m not alone in this, I´m not wierd or anything, but that´s just the way it has been for me so far.
    Thank you again !!!

  246. Maggie
    October 28, 2015

    Thank you for voicing out for the single souls. This is a very honest blog post and you got everything right on spot! THANK YOU MANDY!

  247. Huey
    November 17, 2015

    I am 30 years old and been single ever since. No one likes me. No guys are interested in me. People might think I’m an alien or I’m not from this world. I do a lot of negative self talk too. “You’re ugly, your teeth is ugly, your clothes suck, and more and more.” I already lose count on how many times I said those to myself. Sometimes I just accept the fact that everyone likes pretty girls/ladies/women so I don’t stand a chance at all. I’m also starting to think that I might be alone forever until I’m old. It hurts when I see pretty happy people out dating, get married, have children and everything seems good to them.

    • Tina
      April 23, 2016

      Huey, one of the things I have really learned is that if you do not love yourself, you will not allow another person to love you. Feelings of inadequacy tend to overshadow a relationship when one person does not love their own self. When someone gets close you may push them away because you do not feel loveable, and may not believe that they could love you. I think it would be healthy for you to find things you do like about yourself, and own your worth. What do you like about yourself? You can’t tell me you have no positive qualities. Everyone is attracted to something different. Not everyone goes after, falls in love with, or marries the person with model looks. If you are self-conscious about how you look, what can you do to improve this in a way that is natural? Maybe a haircut that you find flattering? Maybe finding colors you think you look good in and wearing them? Maybe dressing more in a style you find pretty? I’m 35, single and a caretaker to an elderly and medically frail parent. I’m usually going to Church, or doing unglamorous tasks like running errands, and going to the grocery store. I’ve let myself go. My hair is up at almost all times in a bun, I dress frumpy and hope no one recognizes me while I’m out. I’ve developed the conviction recently to try to put a little more effort to work on my appearance in a way that I find beautiful. Whether that is wearing my hair in a style I like, painting my nails (something I never do), or wearing a pretty dress, I’ve realized it doesn’t take much time to do some of these little things and it makes me feel prettier regardless if other people think so or not. Money is not there to buy clothes at a normal store, but I’ve found nice clothes at thrift shops and garage sales. Haha nothing like spending $7-20 and walking out with a bag of clothes instead of one shirt! It’s difficult being single, I know. In the back of my mind I’ve hoped I will get married one day. At the same time, I think it’s important for us to embrace our lives whether we are single or married and find things to be happy about anyway.
      Saying a prayer for you. I know being single can be difficult at times.
      Much love,
      Tina
      —-
      Acts 2:38-41: “38 And Peter said to them, “Repent and be baptized every one of you in the name of Jesus Christ for the forgiveness of your sins, and you will receive the gift of the Holy Spirit. 39 For the promise is for you and for your children and for all who are far off, everyone whom the Lord our God calls to himself.” 40 And with many other words he bore witness and continued to exhort them, saying, “Save yourselves from this crooked generation.” 41 So those who received his word were baptized, and there were added that day about three thousand souls.”
      Churchzip.com

  248. Laura
    November 21, 2015

    Wow it’s sad but helpful to read comments from so many other single women feeling the same way. I am 33, never married and still a virgin. Online dating has not gone well for me, I’ve been on dates and had sort-of boyfriends but not the kind of love I am looking for. I am shy and sometimes feel it is my looks that are the problem – I know I’m not ugly, but I wonder why men don’t seem to find me more attractive. I dread going to family gatherings because I am the oldest cousin and the only one who’s still single (2 are in relationships, and the rest are married). I, too, get tired of friends saying “have faith, it will happen” or trying to give me tips on how to meet people. Or suggesting I get a makeover. I feel like with all I have to offer I’m still somehow inadequate because I don’t have the kind of physical beauty that fits society’s standard. But then I see other women who are plain looking like myself and they have great husbands, so I figure they must have something else I don’t. I get so lonely and tired of meeting men who just want one thing, men who are not Christians, men with so much baggage. I just want someone whose beliefs, passions and stage in life somewhat line up with my own, though it seems impossible at this age. I’ve always been a Christian and believed God “had” the right person for me…it’s getting harder some days to trust…

  249. Erica
    November 24, 2015

    Thank you so much for your words. Reading this post today is quite timely. Being single has been a struggle for me lately. I’ve been dating, but it seems that I can’t quite find ‘the one.’ It’s almost as if I’m picking the wrong guys. I live in a relatively small town, so dating can be a bit challenging. I feel frustrated like I’m never going to find someone. This post made me feel for sure that I’m not alone in this and that there is still hope. Thank you for this!

  250. Dandy
    November 27, 2015

    same here, 38 and single. Been a single mom since my early 20’s. Been on a handful of blind dates in that time that have gone nowhere, in the past 10 yrs the only male to show any interest in me was my grandfather’s age. I’ve found the men my age to be very nasty, rude and immature. At least 10 yrs since anyone has asked about my love life. I know everyone thinks I am going to be alone the rest of my life, I’ve expressed interest occasiionally in being set up, etc, instead of people being excited and helpful I get looked at like I have 3 heads. The thought of growing old and frail alone scares me a lot.

  251. iRa
    November 30, 2015

    I actually typed on Google; being single at 36. Because I am 36 and divorced now and have one child. But the lonely feeling is still the same. The thing is; being married wasn’t great either. I was lonely in my marriage too. There was hardly any love. So is it the love factor that we are all looking for? Or just companionship? Or just to blend in with society? But yes, I agree with you Mandy. We have to acknowledge our own feelings and not just sweep it under the rug. Thanks for your post and everyone else for sharing.

  252. Genevieve
    December 6, 2015

    I’m 33 and recently been feeling very single and alone. I found out that my ex-boyfriend is engaged and kinda made me feel like what was wrong with me that I wasn’t the one he proposed to? I feel far behind for my age due to my upbringing I’m just now in university and working in a restaurant which to me seems more like something I should have done in my twenties. I guess I just feel so far behind. Everyone my age is married with kids and all the guys my age seem to be so too. I don’t know I feel like no one is interested in me

  253. Karensa
    December 11, 2015

    Hi Mandy, thank you for this post, and for your blog. The fact that this post got 342 comments (343 as of this one!) goes to show that there are many, many women out there who are in almost identical situations. It’s a comfort to know that I’m not alone in being alone. I’m not a Christian – lately I’ve just been looking up articles and comments and blogs and everything I can find on the subject, and most of it has been so depressing. I was delighted to stumble across this post. Your blog is a beacon of solidarity and community, and I felt so happy to read the stories posted by other women here, even if my heart breaks for all of us, but the happiness comes from finding a network of strength, support, love and positivity. It helps me to read story after story like my own, to know that it can’t possibly be that all the women here (or on the Steve Harvey show, or a million other places) are defective. If this phenomenon of singledom and divorce is so common that it warrants TONS of articles, advice columns, blogs, forums, dating coaches and help sites, though, I was thinking: isn’t it weird that many commenters are like myself – single and never married, no kids at 37 (my birthday was a month ago), but yet I DON’T MEET MANY OTHER WOMEN IN THE SAME BOAT.

    Here’s my deal: I’m 37, tall and redheaded and, I have been told over and over, beautiful. I look and act a lot younger than I am. I’m smart, I’m creative, talented, kind, compassionate, and I want to do good in the world. I have an undergraduate degree, I come from a lower-middle-class family in Canada. I ended up moving out of my parents’ house at 21 and took serving jobs to pay the rent while trying to go to university AND to date. My home life was toxic, although my family loves each other, we are just a dysfunctional bunch. I fell into the support work field at age 26, then got a job as an educational assistant after I finally got my degree at 31, and now I’m teaching ESL. I got two cats when I was 21, and one died of cancer 6 years ago, so I still have my baby who is 16 and 1/2. Guess what this makes me in the eyes of the world? A spinster teacher cat lady. Doesn’t matter that plenty of people I know, other women, single guys, couples, have cats. If you’re a single woman over 30 and own a cat, the media and the world stigmatises you.

    I thought that my problem with finding the right guy could be all kinds of things: that I’m a feminist, I’m tall, I’m opinionated, I’m an atheist, I have small breasts for my height (kind of built like Allyson Janney), that I’m “unfeminine,” that my standards were too high, or that I have MANY problems from my childhood that I’ve been working on for years. I have ADD – found that out at 27. Accompanying that I’ve got anxiety and depression. But I got on medication and educated myself and sought therapy and work on adjusting my life to my condition. Since I was 18, I’ve been in 4 “serious” relationships (the longest one was a year and 4 months). I have wanted to find the right man and get married and have kids since I can remember. But being pretty or thin or sexy or whatever has very little to do with whether or not you settle down. Most of my friends – women AND men – didn’t settle down until late 20s, early 30s, even mid-30s. At least 5 of my friends got divorced at least once before age 30, no kids, and remarried someone much more suitable. Others were in long-term cohabitating situations that ended, then moved on to their current partners. Because my social circle did their settling down quite late (early-to-mid 30s), I didn’t used to feel so left out. I thought being 30 and single was weird, but I thought, “I’ll meet the right guy in the next couple of years.” It didn’t happen. I’ve been involved in extensive social circles and volunteer groups and I go out to events and I flirt and I’ve dated more guys than I could even remember. But only a handful of them produced a spark, and the guys I was interested in just weren’t that interested in me, or something got in the way.

    As of this moment, the only other woman I’m close to who is in the single/never-married/no-kids situation is a long-time friends of mine, who has 4 degrees, one is a Master’s, and she is beautiful, smart, fit (SUPER fit), Christian, nice, decent, hardworking, and she’s had only 3 relationships, 6 months at most, in all her 37 years. She’s tried everything from speed dating to mixers to being set up through friends to online dating to church groups to extracurricular hobbies. At least she has a great job now, and can travel and save up for a house. My line of work is not what I want to be doing, and I’ve never made more than $30,000 a year. I’m “poor” compared to my friends, who are lawyers, engineers, PhD grads, teachers, nurses, vets, doctors, air traffic controllers, government workers, museum curators, architects, graphic designers – professionals. Yupsters. If I had a great job and a great social life, I’d probably be less upset at the “single” part. But I can hardly pay my student loans, I can’t travel, and I live in an apartment. I get upset when I think how much easier it could be if I was partnered up, if I had a husband and we had two incomes and half the bills. It’s not like I put aside searching for a relationship to work on my career. I have neither career nor relationship.

    My friends moved away or settled down one by one, and while I used to have a whirlwind social life of what I thought were close friends up to age 31-ish, after people got into couples, I got ditched. My male and female friends ditched me equally. I understand my guy friends’ new gfs maybe not wanting their guys hanging out with a single female friend, but they hardly even hung out with me AS A COUPLE. And I don’t understand why my female friends suddenly renounce their independence and do EVERYTHING with their bfs/husbands. And all the couples hang out with other couples. A still-single woman at my age is somehow scary to them, like I’m going to bring bad juju into their lives with my singleness. To be honest, I sometimes avoid my couple friends because I’m always the only one at the New Year’s party with no one to kiss at midnight, but I never stopped wanting to spend time with them. My friends used to set me up, but that was when we all still hung out. Now they’re paired off and nesting, and I’m not invited to their couples-only dinner parties and cabin getaways. I’d be perfectly willing to go over to their houses and hang out as a 3rd wheel in their domestic bliss, but they rarely invite me. Oh, and because I’m single, I’m expected to work around the COUPLE’S schedule. I have no “wingwomen” to go out with and have girls’ nights, not even the attached girls. I see my long-time friends, if I’m lucky, on birthdays and holidays (not MY birthday, though, no one acknowledges that anymore except with Facebook posts or a text). They’re busy with their husbands, houses, kids, and they just stopped calling me. I wanted to be a part of my friends’ lives when they finally fell in love and settled down, but I feel like I was only important to them when they DIDN’T have a partner. They had destination weddings I couldn’t afford to go to. I text them to say we should catch up. I TRY to call. I suggest Skype dates. I get no reply, or a short reply and then no follow-up. I say, “Send me photos of your baby! Tell me what’s going on!” And I get a few photos, and then months of silence.

    I’m lonely, and I have to work extra just to get by, and do everything myself. I have none of the luxuries of my couple friends. Yeah, they’re busy, but so am I. I don’t get to come home to an already-cooked dinner, EVER. I go to sleep alone, wake up alone, eat alone, grocery shop alone, clean alone, watch TV and movies alone, do laundry alone, take care of repairs alone, take walks alone, and go out to events alone. And my friends, who used to be in communication with me almost DAILY since elementary or high school or university, gradually went from calling once a week to calling every 3 months to now just texting once in awhile. In the past 3 years, I’ve even been left out of things we used to do together traditionally: birthdays, Christmas, New Year’s, Hallowe’en, Thanksgiving, Canada Day. If my friends start calling and wanting to hang out again, it’s often because they’re having problems with their husbands, or better yet, they’re getting divorced. Suddenly I’m important again. I know from talking to other single people that I’m not alone in experiencing this.

    I started dating again in January 2015 after a 2-year hiatus. I had a bad breakup where I really realised that I’ve been dating guys like my father, trying to resolve my unhappy childhood. I’ve been in therapy for 10 years, but after my last excuse for a relationship (with a guy 8 years younger who didn’t even really LIKE me, let alone LOVE me), I read a crapload of books on self-esteem and resolving family of origin stuff. I thought I had figured out the issues and I’m really trying to focus on loving myself and creating the life I want, partner or no. But by the time I felt ready to date again, I had turned 36. My 30th birthday as a still-singleton was bad, then so was my 35th. Now I’m 37, and when I tell guys my age, it’s like Kryptonite. Doesn’t matter if the guy is my age or older. I’m still very attractive, I’m still fertile. I’ve gained the insight I need to be in a serious, mature partnership. But eww, I’m OLD (in their view).

    By the time you’re in your 30s, all the “good” guys are taken. The guys I meet either want just sex but don’t want to “lower” themselves to Tinder, or they’re dating with and sleeping with multiple women and lying to all of us. Guys are critical of my life despite the fact that I’ve worked hard to overcome obstacles that others don’t have to deal with, and I’m still working on things. I’m afraid of telling them too much, so they tell me I’ve got walls up. ANYONE would be hesitant to reveal too much at first after having guys criticise you for things you had no control over, like your terrible childhood. I’ve had boyfriends act superior about THEIR (also dysfunctional) families. Guys I meet online who are all, “Wow, you’re beautiful, you’re amazing, I can’t believe you’re single” turn out to be picky as hell and don’t pursue me because I’m not into kayaking and rockclimbing (i.e. I’m not a carbon copy of them with a vagina). I meet guys who are divorced, or have never been married because they have MAJOR issues that they haven’t even BEGUN to address. I meet players. I meet commitment-phobes. I meet guys who are hardcore winter-biking vegan activists, who dislike me because although I’m quite an activist myself, I (gasp!) own a car and don’t chew kelp all day. I meet guys who are desperate and needy and controlling and even scary. I meet guys who don’t want kids. I meet guys who already have kids and are pretty much done with that whole thing. Mostly, I meet guys who lie, who are lazy, who won’t put in much effort but then expect sex on the 2nd or 3rd date. They get pissed off at me for putting limits because I am waiting to see if they want to get to know ME, and if they’d be interested in an eventual commitment. The NERVE of me. I’m willing to accept guys with flaws – I’m nowhere NEAR perfect. But guys don’t seem to be willing to accept flaws in women.

    I know I absolutely was not ready for a serious relationship in my 20s, even though I wanted one. I’ve only been with one guy who wanted to marry me and have kids, but I didn’t love him back. Now, I see guys I once dated or rejected, and they’re coupled up. I cry at night and think, “Should I have just married my ex, had a child with him, and gotten divorced, so at least I’d have had the chance to have children?” Then I think, “NO.” My child would have an awful life, and I wouldn’t have gotten my degree and made the personal strides I made.

    If I feel down about my life, I think of EVERYTHING I’ve ever been told, or seen my friends go through. Divorces because the husband cheated when the woman was 8 months pregnant, or because he was addicted to porn, or because he was a selfish asshole. I’ve watched my (former) best guy friend, who is ostensibly a nice, progressive guy, waste 5 years of his gf’s life because SHE thought they were headed for marriage, but my guy friend was just passing the time and didn’t love her. Then he dumped her in the middle of her Master’s degree, kicked her out of the house HE bought, and she had to live on a friend’s couch at age 33 while he started dating a co-worker 5 days later and eventually married the co-worker (I really don’t talk to him anymore). I see my female friends doing all the work in the relationship, even in the “good” ones. It’s not that I think all men are monsters. I just think women get the shit end of the stick in most situations. Everyone is making compromises. The “perfect” couple you are friends with might be covering up some SERIOUS marital discord. Marriage is hard work, so are children. I would only get into that with a man if I felt VERY certain that he was prepared to go the distance. And the guys I meet on OKCupid or Match can’t even commit to buying me dinner because they “want to see if I’m worth investing in.” These are the ones who act like THEY’RE interviewing ME for a job, yet they’re not exactly prizes. Other guys take me to the symphony or a play or for dinner on a first date, don’t look in my eyes, don’t ask me much about myself, try to kiss me with TERRIBLE breath, and then get visibly angry with me when I won’t have sex with them after they spent $80 on me (or kiss them because they can’t be arsed to chew a piece of gum before lunging at me). In their minds, if they’ve spent money, they’re ENTITLED to sex. WTF!

    I’m not giving up hope, I’m just adjusting my view of my single self. Like someone said upthread, there’s freedom in singledom. I can do what I want – sleep in, work out, talk on the phone for hours, eat dinner at 10 pm. Right now I’m finally working on fulfilling my dream to develop my creative work. All I want is my own happiness, and – if it happens for me – a good, caring man who loves me and vice versa, all the good and the bad parts of both of us. Someone who makes me laugh, who makes me feel special, who doesn’t play games or string me along because he might meet someone better.

    It’s not us, ladies. It’s a shift in social values, communications, and demographics. I hate to say it, but there’s a lot of misogyny for women to deal with, and now that we can support ourselves and be choosier about who we commit to, we’re not tolerant of bullshit from men. And sure, lots of good men suffer, too. But men as a group are not adapting as quickly to the changes. They’ve lived with entitlement for too long, and their expectations of women have become superficial and impossible. Don’t get fat? Don’t expect fidelity? Do all the work AND have a job AND manage the finances AND look like a porn star AND be their mom AND stop having expectations of them AND stay physically 24 years old forever AND have sex with them when they want it no matter what jerks they’re being? Women are STILL putting up with too much shit from men, even the “good” men. From what I hear from married or divorced women, it’s not exactly a picnic to be part of a couple. But I’m not a lesbian, and there’s no third gender. My options are heterosexual guys or spinsterhood. I’ve always wanted to be with someone. I’ve stopped being as picky about things like height and income and looks, but the one thing I won’t compromise on is how I expect to be treated. Is it too much to ask that a man be honest, be a gentleman, respect my expectations to get to know him before being intimate, communicate consistently and not just by text, progress the relationship at a typical pace, integrate our friends, introduce each other to family, be there for me when I’m having problems, be interested in my life and past and dreams? This is how I treat the men I’M interested in. I’d make a GREAT boyfriend.

    If single women are so INDIVIDUALLY defective, there wouldn’t be such a high rate of divorce, or serial monogamy, or a HUGE population of single-parent or single-person households in the Census stats. I would NEVER want society to go back to what it was before all the rights that have been won for women, but the current state of relationships makes me sad.

    I wish the best for all of you, and thank you again, Mandy, for bringing us together where we can share.

    • Jacybay
      February 9, 2016

      This post perfectly articulated the observations I’ve made about the dating world since my divorce five years ago. Thank you for writing this.

  254. R
    December 12, 2015

    Thank you Mandy for your comforting post. While it was a long time ago now, and there are so many supportive responses, I’m not sure whether to be inspired or feel even more hopeless. I am 50 years old, told that I look mid 30s, have good friends, a successful career, work with several charities and community organizations, dog rescue, and frequently told how funny and clever I am, but have never had a long-term boyfriend.
    Most of my friends are on their second or third marriage. I don’t have many single friends, and while I like my alone time, find that I am always alone on weekends because everyone is with their spouse or significant other. I’m very happy for them and I’m glad that they have found their own happiness, but sometimes it really hurts. I have given up. For the last 25 years, I have been on dating sites from Yahoo personals to great expectations, to match.com and all of the similar online profiles. I would have a few dates here and there, mostly first dates sometimes a second one, but the men have been often married but cheating, narcissistic, unemployed or hiding a substance-abuse problem, or some other major emotional issue. Dating sites also groom them to continue fishing: they are always looking for the next best thing… I don’t find many quality men.
    I am not a commitment phobic. I would love to have a partner to walk through life with. I missed the opportunity to have kids, but definitely are in the lives of my friends children. I hide my sadness, and I’m always happy for everyone and all of their couple news and family news. I have been to 100 weddings, and I’ve never had a date to bring. It is somewhat embarrassing and a group of people when they talk about their families and when they learn that I’ve always been single they look at me as though I’m a leper. ” you mean you have never been married? You’ve never even been engaged?”
    I often laugh it off, but want to respond with “no, I have never even had a long-term boyfriend. Clearly no one wants to love me. I must be hideously unattractive and unlovable.”
    I try not to think about it often, and fill my life with work and other community focus so I don’t have time to wallow in my own feelings. But at night when I lay in bed and it’s quiet… My mind goes to self-pity. I do live in gratitude for the basic things I have, a good job, a roof over my head, friends who like me, healthy pets and the ability to be self reliant. I’m not sure if I ever want to try again. Sometimes the pain of sadness and loneliness is a lot easier to bear then the possibility of pain from future betrayal. . …

  255. Julie
    December 18, 2015

    I feel uncomfortable and feel bad why im still single at age of 29. Is it correct to blame myself? Honestly at my age, all I want to happen it to have my won family and kids. All my relationships keep failing, I don’t know why. Is it my fault? am I not deserve to have a better life? Im really disappointed right now. what should I do to get what I want? 🙁 Please I need anyone’s advice.

  256. HELLEN SABUKA
    December 30, 2015

    OHH THX MANDY.ITS TRUE .BEING SINGLE IS NOT FUN ALL THE TIME.BUT I LOVE THE FREEDOM AND ABILTY TO CHOOSE AND SAY NO.BUT WE ARE NOT PREPARED TO HAVE THIS FREEDOM.IM 41 WITH A DAUGHTER AGED 5.NOT MARRIED AND NOT COMMITED IN ANY RELATIONSHIP.I TRY TO BE FULLY HAPPY AND NOT FEEL GUILTY FOR BEING FABOULOUS AND SINGLE.AFTER ALL LIFE HAS JUST BEGAN.I REALLY FEEL HAPPY INSIDE.THANK YOU FOR THIS ARTICLE.SURE IM NOT ALONE….

  257. TM
    December 30, 2015

    “Why am I still Single?” Because GOD has not yet answered the prayers of some wonderful guy. See ladies, it’s not always “us”

    • Dorene
      January 3, 2016

      There are many nights such as this one when I cry myself to sleep wondering, “What did I do so wrong to be alone for almost 4 years?” My last relationship ended almost 4 years ago because my ex decided that another woman could give him what I couldn’t (whatever that was). I was always by his side and made sure that he wasn’t left out in the cold. I was such a good woman to him, but it seems like every man I’ve met after that was a failure. It’s like I’ve been cursed. I’m 28 and am at the stage of life where everyone is getting married, having babies, maintaining a career, etc. I’m working and in the process of getting my master’s degree, but it hurts that 2016 is here, and I still find myself single. I never want to be disobedient to my Lord and savior, but the pain and confusion makes me want to be. The only men attracted to me are the ones who have absolutely nothing going for themselves. I’m tired of the dead end cycle. I pray everyday for God to send me my husband, but all I hear is silence. I try not to dwell on it, but it hurts when I do.

  258. Kyle
    January 5, 2016

    The way I see it as a single 31 year old man, I really wanted a committed relationship up until recently. Many women who previously overlooked me now want me to commit since their best years are behind them. I feel like my best years are ahead of me, so why should I settle for someone who I’m barely attracted to? Just to not be alone? If they had wanted me when I really needed a girlfriend, I would’ve stayed with them out of loyalty and commitment. Too many women wasted their best years chasing the bad boys and now want a good guy to commit and take on a 22+ year risk of having children with them. I do feel bad for many women that it’s too late to change their past decisions. We all have our issues and have made poor decisions. Anyway I wish you all luck and hope you find peace in your lives.

    • Dee Jay
      February 21, 2016

      Kyle, it is REALLY warped for you to generalize the entire female population for being impossible to deal with for the sole reason that you haven’t found someone compatible.

      SO WHAT that women have kids with a man she is no longer with! Divorces happen and breakups occur. It appears that you are wholly that judgemental towards single moms and most likely the same to women who went to a sperm bank to have a child or adopted one or more kids and isn’t with a significant other.

      Many single moms constantly make sure her kid(s) are well taken care of and loved immensely. They didn’t let their previous bad relationships/marriages effect her personal life to date for her happiness and not looking for a father figure for her child(ren).

      Should a single a woman without children and women with child be blessed with a good man just because she procreated with a guy she thought was wonderful who turned out to be a jerk and wisely left him? Heck yes!

      You didn’t get any single women pregnant thus you have ZERO JURISDICTION to even talk so rudely about single moms. PERIOD. You’re not taking care of her and her kids so you need keep silent on that subject because you seriously don’t know what the (f-bomb) you’re talking about.

      Perhaps the women you’ve dealt with were at a different mental milestone in their lives to where they won’t commit, or they didn’t like you because they just DON’T, that something in her past keeps her from committing to you.

      I doubt you sat these women down; instead of outright assuming things. If you had and regardless of your verbal tone (forceful, kind, impatient, patience) to inquire – you dumped those women when you didn’t get a satisfactory answer. Seems like it by your megalomaniac wording alone.

      Honestly you’re no better than the trashy, womanizing bad boys who you claim is the ONLY kind of guys women want or chase. You are sadly mistaken in regards to that aspect – many women would love nothing more than a deserving great man of her calibre and vice versa.

      Women have to be more cautious about who we date – especially single moms because dude could be a stalker, abuser, pedophile or rapist. While that’s not the majority of men – again women have to be extra careful.

      The kinds of men that women wanna be with are:
      1. already taken and she will not overstep her boundaries becoming a homewrecker
      2. her refusal to be a mistress/side woman to a man in a monogamous marriage/relationship
      3. gay

      Women break up with their exes because later down the line for she finds out that he only wanted her to use her for his gain. When he grows tired of taking advantage of her love and kindness he tosses her away like garbage. I abhor that behavior with a passion because too many of guys have that mindset.

      Being a nice guy that speaks about the lack of quality women is minutely understandable but in a broader sense utterly backwards. No respectable and educated woman in her right mind will even deal with that kind of selfish attitude you portray. And you wonder why you were not acknowledged – look at of how you speak on here!

      Had you really “needed” a girlfriend, you would go find one and for darn sure wouldn’t be indirectly insinuating that women are not approachable because they don’t fit your mold of Twilight Zone perceived perfection or refusing change herself to accommodate your self inflated ego.

      Yeah some women aren’t taught or just don’t know HOW to value a good man because all they were/are exposed to is manipulative guys in their environments growing up/as an adult – most women don’t act or think that way.

      Nobody is telling you to settle for less but judging ALL women which stemmed from your bad experiences dealing with a few non committal females is extremely narrow minded.

      Thinking that women owe you an explanation, obligated to freely give you their mind, body and soul for the reason that you claim to be a good man is asinine and you’re doing it all wrong dude.

      In conclusion: you keep up that bitter attitude you have going on and expecting women you’re interested in to change herself to make YOU feel good whilst ignoring her feelings and goals – then you’ll continue attract toxic females.

      Good luck and get mental health therapy while you’re at it because you seriously need both.

  259. Lynette
    January 12, 2016

    Oh wow…you hit the nail right on the head! There is so many similarities between what you wrote & what I’ve been through & how I feel. The only part you haven’t mentioned, is on top of that: “Because I’m still single @ 35, if/when I eventually get married, will it be too late to start a family”?! *Sad Smile*

  260. Hanee
    January 18, 2016

    I am like 38 this coming May. No husband and not even a potential boyfriend. I don’t go out much since 2 years ago because I got dumped by a 13 years younger BOY and therefore ever since then I really do feel as if I am such a complete LOSER. I hate the fact that people love to ask such silly questions like, “Don’t you wanna get married finally?’ “Don’t you wanna have your own children?” “What so great of being single?”. I am like, ‘Hellllllooooo!!!!! I don’t wanna be single. I don’t think being single is great. And yes, I would love to have my own children. But, is it like my fault if I kept on meeting and dating the wrong kinda guy? Am I to know that I am going to get dumped by the end of the day? So please people, just let me be and give me a break. I despise the fact that I am still single but it does not give you any right to judge me in whatever way possible. Never judge me as being choosy, demanding and oh-so-great-diva because I am definitely not. It is just that, I have yet to find myself ‘the man’ and why not ‘the right man’ ? Because it is not just ‘a man’ but ‘ the man’ therefore that would be enough for me. I am not giving up but I am not so positive anymore lately. I am tired of telling myself that ‘he’ would come one day and that ‘he’ would be perfect for me and just me. So, here I am reaching out to you all single ladies because I am soooooo TIRED…..

    • Dee Jay
      February 21, 2016

      Hanee, you’re not a loser sweetie! Most guys regardless of age can be real jerks. There’s nothing wrong with being cautious and guarding your heart. You’re doing the right thing. It’s painful to see happy couples and I’ve been interested in men to only have them tell me they’re taken by another woman (or man). You have every right to be upset and not lower your standards to settle for less than what you truly deserve.

      I totally understand where you’re coming from because I’ve received the same exact cliched words spoken to me. It bothers me to no end. I believe that bearing or adopting children has no age limit. Since you have the loving maternal instinct to raise a child I say go for it!

      It’s horrible that the guy who is 13 years younger than you ditched you in such a selfish manner. You were too good and mature for his immaturity. Karma will eventually bite him in the long run.

      Even though I have kids, I am divorced because of domestic violence and adultery on my ex-husband’s part. I’m 32 and dating is super tough.

      I have to be thrice as cautious with what kind of guy I bring around my kids. I refuse to bring my kids around a man I know I’m not gonna have a serious relationship with.

      Even then when I decide to continuously date s guy for a year, I still won’t bring my kids around a him unless I know in my gut and heart that he won’t hurt me or my daughters in any shape or form. Their safety is more important.

      Try speed dating or joining a singles social group when you have the time. Politely tell people who are prodding about your personal life off nbecause it’s really none of their businesses to ask you uncomfortable questions about your life. You and I will be blessed with a man that will see us for everything we are and stand for.

  261. Magsie
    February 12, 2016

    Feeling so lonely at 35 and don’t know why I haven’t met someone yet. So lonely that I don’t feel like going to church because it makes me depressed carrying this loneliness in my heart.

    • Dee Jay
      February 21, 2016

      Do what I do: worship God at home. There is no rule for saying you can’t. God is a loving, understanding one and doesn’t care where you worship – He knows your lovely heart and positive intentions.

      Take some time to yourself and when you’re ready to go back to church – it’ll still be there, you’ll enjoy and learn from the sermons with a clear head. If your current church is not a place where you feel you’re comfortable in for personal reasons, by all means please find another church where they’re very supportive as well as spiritual. There are many! God is everywhere!

      I’m turning 33 this year and I’m still single. It’s awesome to an extent but sucks; while I don’t mind being single, I just hate being lonely. I didn’t sign up for loneliness aspect of singledom – most single women don’t. Loneliness is a hard pill to swallow – I cannot deny that myself.

      Having great friends, pets and kids are awesome but I miss having a companion at times. So many coupled/married women take advantage of having a good man and would rather complain than be grateful they’re with a great man who loves them.

      Me being a survivor of domestic/sexual violence as a child, teen and adult – I’m so wary of men and dating. Dudes cat call and harass women makes me and countless women even more leery. Some go as far as assaulting or killing a woman for turning down his forceful advances. That saddens and vexes me so. Violence against women is too darn high.

      I know there’s wonderful, God fearing men out there but the pickings are rather slim; a number of guys are gay, married, married AND gay, or commitment phobes. What’s left? Superficial men who are players that want 10s (raking looks from 1 to being hideous to 10 being stunningly gorgeous).

      America’s ridiculous and impossible to attain physical beauty standards as well as happy couples famous or not is shoved in both single men and women’s faces every day. I can’t stand it.

      According to lots of fabulously good women have frustratingly attested to being turned down for a female resembling the dense, untalented yet filthy rich Kartrashians Klan or a Victoria Secret model.

      Most women aren’t built like them and have gorgeous varying shapes, sizes and ethnicities – yet we are that are taught unconsciously through subliminal messages that we don’t measure up just because we do not look like Kim Kartrashian or Hedi Klum.

      A few men’s fantasy shouldn’t be the premise on what women HAVE to aspire to be – it is a load of poo. NO woman should ever have to change her awesomeness to appease to shallow guys that will only date her for what she looks like but not in her heart or positive accomplishments.

      Physical beauty shouldn’t be the only standard that makes a woman beautiful but societal pressures damages otherwise healthy self esteem. Being a woman is more than what we look like externally.

      It’s rare foreign men are difficult to date. I’ve dated foreign men and before we could establish a relationship, but they had to move back to France, Africa, U.K., Canada, Italy because their work/college visas ran out.

      I grew up Muslim (which I’m not anymore for personal reasons) but all of my friends are Christian, Jewish or of a non-Abrahamic religion. I hate seeing great women no matter their religion feeling sad.

      My stepdad teaches about Islam but taught me to always listen and be there for others when they’re hurting, be positive for them regardless of their religion or beliefs. My stepdad also taught us that Jesus was a divine man with positive messages of love, peace, prayer, virtue, patience and people should follow Jesus’s example.

      God will always be #1, then my daughters, and myself last. It didn’t help the fact that there is a mad scramble to get married and reproduce quickly or a woman is less of than that for divorcing/not being married – I find that occurs worldwide and has been for centuries.

      When you feel lonely think about all of your beautiful attributes about yourself. Volunteer and join social groups of single people, speed date or do a trial run on dating websites and have fun with it. Although I am single and lose hope and faith sometimes (because after all we are only human) – I know a great man is out there for me, you, and other single women. Our time will come and when it does it’ll be glorious.

  262. pauline
    February 14, 2016

    Thank you so much Mandy for saying it like it is.I’m 42 now and still single.I went through a really heartbreakingly sad 2015 when the man I had deep feelings of love for married someone else and then told me to never contact him again.Because I have been so insecure,and trying so desperately hard to change,I never had the guts to tell him I loved him.And so we were sort of friends but nothing much else.I also say those really negative things to myself and since this happened all of that just got worse and more painful.But I am on a path to healing.But it still hurts.And I am finding I can trust Jesus in this.But it still hurts.And I am growing in my Christian faith.And it still hurts.But I know that it didn’t kill me.And I know I deserve better than to be discarded like a big black bag of rubbish.Something I didn’t know before.I believed I deserved rejection and then when I was rejected I realised I didn’t deserve it after all.So thank you so much for your blog and books and for being so honest in a time when people are too quick to rush into marriage just to be paired off.I don’t believe it is my job to go out and find myself a husband although this is the advice everyone seems to like to give me.But I will wait and trust God for what He desires for me.And when the time comes I will rather ask God for His guidance,direction and opinion about the man He intends for me.So may we all find our God intended man .But may he find us confident,assured of how loved we are in Jesus.Knowing we truly are very special.A prize worth pursuing.A jewel of great price.may we KNOW and be confident of Who’s we are XOXO Oh and today is Valentines day 2016.

  263. Sowmya
    February 27, 2016

    Never been in a relationship, let’s see where life takes me. But while reading your post, I got many goose flashes because I could totally relate to it. Thanks for the empowering. 🙂

  264. In silent soliloquy
    February 28, 2016

    I appreciate you writing this and expressing your feelings on the subject. It seems nowadays most women feel this way and are put to this horrible experience more and more. I’m 49 this year. Never been married, no children, 3 very long and detrimental relationships that ended very badly. I seem to make monsters, monster a**holes, insane people or they just run the other way. I’ve had faith in God for a long time thinking all this was for a good purpose and now, I do not believe anymore. My faith is gone. All my childhood friends have been married and have had children. I have put up with being bridesmaid, aunt and 3rd wheel at parties, weddings and anniversaries. I have been told from everyone in my life that they have used me for their own gain, long term friends included and family is very vacant. I have heard all the proverbial BS from people : ‘don’t give up/just hang in there’, ‘God has a special plan for you’, ‘bless your heart’, ‘it’s okay to be alone’, and it has made me feel like a freak and that something is really wrong with me. I have finally decided that God is a concept by which we measure our pain and either loves everyone the same which makes no one special or doesn’t love anyone as it/he/she doesn’t exist. The universe is impartial, it doesn’t care if you are loved or not, healthy or ill, a just person or a murderer, intelligent or insane, it doesn’t hand out karma or luck… it just is. It is said that God is love and love is the answer to all things. If this is so, it is not in my experience. Love is useless when all you get is pain, lies, humiliation, all types of abuse, rejection and disgust in return. Don’t say you’ll pray for me because all this praying hasn’t helped the starving, the decrepit, the ill, the wars, the killing, the poisoning of people and this planet. Look around. It’s just gotten worse. Where is God during all this? Absent. Because it simply does not exist.

    • Happy Alone
      April 27, 2016

      Dear Silent Soliloquy-
      Interesting commnet. what occurred to me and the reason i am still single –people, they can be a pain in that arse, really to have relationships with them is like splitting the atom. i just do my best to love them all. although i’m very thankful for my quiet house where i can relax. Did you ever notice everyone is just super stressed with their kids, their spouses, their endless commitments to everything –i use to think i was suppose to be doing all that, then i realized people are not happy doing all those things; from my observation the happiest people are those that know themselves and take responsibility for everything in their life, so i work on modelling that behaviour.

    • B
      March 19, 2017

      Well said.

  265. Ann
    March 6, 2016

    Thank you for this post. I’m 32 and single, never had a relationship and am starting to see that it’s not going to happen. I was in an accident at 17 that left my right eye not aligned with my left, and since no one can make eye contact let alone get to know me, I’m starting to give up. The worst part is the accident wasn’t my fault, but now I have to live with the social consequences. I’m not all the pretty, just plain, and about equally as intelligent. It makes me feel insecure in my job. I feel so alone and hopeless. I’m trying to see the positive of living my life for me and my own interests, but it’s hard when society and everything we learned growing up tells us that a relationship is the answer. I was that kind loving person that all the guys passed over for prettier ones, but now at 32 I feel angry and bitter towards men for all those years. Don’t you just hate Disney princesses? They’re doing better these days with the happily ever after marriage, but their beauty is not natural or fair to little girls.

    • Lynn
      April 23, 2016

      Hi Ann,
      Please don’t give up! I know that having this obstacle makes things more difficult and it is true that people will screen you out because you don’t live up to a certain image. You don’t want those guys any way!! I am willing to bet you have other things that are wonderful and cool! Write those down and focus on those.

    • michelle
      April 27, 2016

      Hi Ann-
      Check out NLP by Richard Bandler and John Grinder –they have great tools to help with hopelessness. Or maybe check out http://www.holotropicbreathwork.com —this work was created by Stanislav Grof, great at helping to break through a hopeless state. A great read is Power of Myth by Joseph Campbell or check out Where did you go bernadetter —its funny! Big hugs to you, such feeling down —thanks for sharing so honestly.

  266. Carl
    March 11, 2016

    Even for many of us Good men looking to find love is very extremely difficult these days since many of us are Not single by choice.

    • ruth
      April 7, 2016

      Carl I don’t think it’s as difficult 4 d guys as it is 4 d ladies…to a large extent d guys choose 2 b

  267. Joanna
    March 13, 2016

    I needed this, at 36 I thought I was the only one out there feeling this way. Recently let my guard down only to have my heart crush . It was my fault for “falling ” so quickly but I couldn’t help it. It is hard everyday to put on a brave mask “look” happy when all you what to do it cry

    • michelle
      April 27, 2016

      i say cry joanna until there are no more tears, it may turn in to a laugh:) you are not along by a long shot!

  268. Anonymous
    March 14, 2016

    I could relate to this article, to some degree…I’m 38 and ‘still single.’ I say ‘still single’ because most women my age are expected to already be married and have children and I’m nowhere neither either of those things. I’ve never been engaged or close to being married. I don’t think I’m inherently flawed, undeserving, or unlovable…but I do wonder why it seems so much easier for other women to find love and a lasting relationship than it is for me. Sometimes I feel that it is harder to meet available guys after a certain age…I agree that being single IS hard at times, although I try not to focus on that. Sometimes I wonder what is in store for me in the future…Am I meant to remain single after I hit my 40’s? The thought fills me with dread. Being married at a certain point in a woman’s life is part of her identity, I think. If not married at a certain point, I think a woman has to re-consider her identity based on societal expectations. It’s not exactly the norm, although it does happen. I think your relationship of 8 years really did a number on you if it left you doubting yourself to that degree…I think it left some scars that still haven’t healed if that is how you view yourself. How your ex viewed you is ONE person’s opinion of you, not a universal opinion or truth.

  269. March 17, 2016

    Mandy, thank you SO much. This hits exactly what I’ve been feeling, and for some reason it helps just to know that other people feel the same way. Thank you for being so brutally honest.

  270. Anonimous
    March 24, 2016

    I am 34, single. Days in and out and I don’t suceed in having one date. Last time I had a boyfriend was 11 years ago. Since 2005 I met many different men, went on few dates, none turned into a relationship. What is to be loved? I do not know. Someone asking for my number, waiting to go on a date – do not have a clue about it. The little experiences I have it was always me who asked them out. I tried waiting, being hit, and it is really like I do not existe. Honestly, I see no Light. And it does not happen. I have fallen in love sometimes, got enthusiastic and was always dismissed. As I grow older it gets harder and harder. And about sex, wow, even that is difficult. For the past 11 years I can literally count how many times I have had sex. I feel lonelier when it comes to companionship. To sum up it is conforting the line ‘you are going to meet sb, black blah’ I do not see it. At times I am very sad and pretend it is all fine.

    • May 4, 2016

      i dnt want harting woman.im single and i like to meet single women im 28years old

  271. Flower
    April 4, 2016

    This is exactly how I feel.

  272. TheTruthReallyKnowsWhy
    April 9, 2016

    Well with many Career women today that are so very high maintenance, independent, selfish, spoiled, greedy, picky, and so very money hungry is a very excellent reason why many of us Good men are now Single since so many of the women of today really want the Best and will Never Ever settle for Less.

    • Mias
      April 25, 2016

      You – and “boys” like you – are the very reason why so many lovely women are single. You – and “boys” like you – take every opportunity to insult, verbally bash, blame and belittle women. You “good men” get bald, fat and expect women to be shapely, and thin well into their 40’s; you think women should expect little and get less, and then call women selfish when they ask to be treated well and have high standards (goodness, call the Sherriff, a woman has standards! and you get bitter because you fall short); you and yours take women on dates but expect them to pay their way, because – God forbid – you show a women courtesy, care and generosity. You and yours date many women expecting perfection and end up serial dating (taking women on 1-2 dates then dumping them for the next shiny opportunity) and if they somehow don’t meet your expectations. You call yourself “good” and say stupid things like “nice guys finish last” – the problem with such comments is that sense of entitlement, like somehow you don’t need to earn a women’s affection or attention, you just somehow deserve it with little to no effort. And that’s why you fall short your neanderthal, because you behave like a moron — you treat women badly, insult them, you are bitter and my guess your’e probably out of shape and destitute and then you say to a woman “I have don’t have high standards for myself, but how dare you expect high standards of a potential mate.” Shape up, lose the attitude and actually learn how to be a gentleman – hint: stop insulting women.

  273. Misti
    April 11, 2016

    Went to bed alone and woke up alone; story of my life the last 8 years. I’m divorced and 43 years old with five almost all grown children. Will this loneliness ever end? I don’t get out much and have anxiety about meeting new people – wow

    • Ron
      July 7, 2016

      Being very thankful that you have children since many of us are Not even married yet, especially for many of us men that really hate being Single And Alone.

  274. michelle
    April 27, 2016

    so i’ve been alone for many years and occasionally lonely …i’ve traveled and lived all over the world. i’ve got a great job, very lucky to have financial well being. i suppose not being paired up can feel odd, although most of the time i feel lucky in my life. the other side of the coin is all that comes with a relationship –really a relationship with another human being can be super challenging. i’ve used my alone time to find out more about myself and what it is to be human. i’ve noticed i have less stress than others that have mates and children. spoiled really to just be me. i get it though, there is something about the idea of having a partner to share life with …..and certainly its more common to be paired up than single, i am conscious of this …blessings to everyone and may your heart’s desire burst through

  275. Cynthia
    May 6, 2016

    All you single ladies ……you lucky ducks no old miserable farts and no kids…..marriage is way over rated, dark cloud. That takes away your liberty and leisure…. I am 54_ single and could pass for 34….not lonely at all…..their are people every where…..

    • Steve
      August 17, 2016

      Billions of people on this Planet which many of us Good Single Men still Can’t find Love today which you would really think that the Odds should be in our favor but it is Not since the Times today have really Changed unfortunately unlike years ago when it was much Easier finding Love which really came very Easy for our Family members.

  276. Jody
    May 22, 2016

    I was married once before, but I was lost and selfish, I rejected her and broke our family apart. I was saved by the grace of my Lord Jesus Christ and he brought healing in my life. As for my second marriage, I completely devoted myself to my family. As my wife struggled with addiction, I put aside my selfish pride and stuck with her, in deepest love and devotion. After 13 years, with 3 boys 17, 8, and 2, she demanded a divorce. With no remorse or greatfullness, she completely rejected me. Now, 42 years old, raising 3 boys, and completely heartbroken, the only thing I know is that I never wanted to be alone. I have no idea what God is doing. I can’t fathom a way forward. The thought of dating makes me physically ill and I wouldn’t have a clue how to meet a Godly woman if I wanted to date. I have no choice but to trust Jesus, but many nights my lonliness overwhelms me.

  277. Lost
    May 24, 2016

    I was just telling myself how in my mid thirties if I ever wanted to find someone I needed to do anything I could to look better…lose weight, plastic surgery etc. and I really needed to read this. I still feel awful, ugly, unloveable but I’m hoping this message will sink in and I won’t dislike myself so much.

  278. Jasmine
    May 30, 2016

    Hi Mandy,
    Thank you so much for your blog! I am 23 years old, never been kissed or had an actual boyfriend. I did have a guy I talked to for a couple of weeks last year, I kept on finding shady stuff about him bit by bit. I knew he was not the match for me. I decided to cut ties from him, which I am so glad I did. He started dating and married another girl recently. But I can’t help but feel sometimes that I missed out on a chance of getting married. I honestly felt that if I let him go, I would meet Mr. Right shortly after. That sadly hasn’t happened yet. I feel like such an oddball at get togethers..Some of my friends are dating or married and I am not. You are right..being single is not easy..it can be very hard. You feel like you are not pretty enough or you are too picky over what guys you like and that is one of the reasons why you are still single. Thanks & prayers!
    -Jasmine

  279. Beena
    June 7, 2016

    Mandy, you took the exact thoughts straight out of my head. This is how I have lived my life for the past five years. I’ve never had a real long-term relationship. But I felt like I at least got hit on. As I got older, I have felt increasingly invisible to men. I’m only in my 30s, but I fear that I will never be married or have a bf in my lifetime. I’m not getting any younger and therefore will be overlooked by younger women. Which is crazy I admit, but thank you for sharing the fears and stresses real single women face. I’m glad that I’m not alone and hope that you and everyone else commenting finds love

  280. Thandi
    June 14, 2016

    Mandy, thank you so so much. today i learnt that the elders from our church confronted my closest friends husband ( I have been friends with this couple individually before they even decided to date) asking him why he allows his wife of 4 years to hang around an unmarried women. They further told him that it is not write that we are friends as l am in the dating seen and can influence the both negetivly. this woke up demons in me that i thought were gone and buried. i found my self crying and feeling as if i am not a complete person, ugly and some what abnormal. l am shattered at the thought that such shallowness still exists and that marriage is the somewhat ultimate achievement for a person. l am not loose and i will not be made to feel that way. I will not marry JUST for acceptance. God is still God and God will lead me through it all.

  281. Jessica
    June 16, 2016

    Thank you for this post. This is me exactly. At soon to be 39 years old I can honestly say that I have never been asked out on a date. I was never asked to a dance when I was in school. I have never been kissed… Actually, my list of never is incredibly long. You can begin to imagine what that does to my psyche. Every negative thought you might have had, multiply it by 1000.

    There doesn’t seem to be any kind of support for women like us because we are either afraid to talk about it or people don’t know what to say. I wanted a dozen children. At this point I would settle for one.

    The only way I can function is to not think about it… Until loneliness starts creeping in or until a married friend bemoans their husband being away for a
    Few days. Or until a high school friend celebrates their child’s 18th birthday… Or until my 23 year old brother starts talking about his girlfriend and how much fun they have. It is like some cruel, cruel joke and it is Not funny at all.

  282. Tinskie
    June 25, 2016

    Beautiful, bold & honest reflection of a single woman. Worth the read. Im 28yrs old and never had a boyfriend or dated. Every word you wrote mirrors mine. Thank you for this post. I am learning to embrace every season of life – be good, bad, difficult, ugly or single. There are things that no matter how I much i wanted & plead it to God were (maybe) not meant for me. And I’m letting it go simply because l’m not God. Not everything I desired is what I really needed. This is not finding silver lining but learning to accept things we cannot change. God bless you.

  283. Paul
    June 26, 2016

    Well the way i look at it for a Good man like me that really wanted to get married to have a family but is having a very Difficult Time finding Love which i really do feel that God is Punishing me since he Punishes us in all different ways. But why this? That i will Never Ever understand at all since being Single and all Alone is certainly No fun at all when i Should really have a Good Wife And Family to share my life with. What makes it even more sad is that many women today do Prefer men with Mega Bucks which many of us Good men Don’t really make a lot of Money at all but Enough to get by. Billions of people on this Planet and you really would think that finding Love should really be very Easy since the odds would be in our favor but it is Not since i do have friends that are having the same problem Unfortunately which does make it very sad for many of us since many of us are Not Single by choice when it does really take two to tangle.

  284. Amanda
    June 27, 2016

    I’m 32yrs old & I’ve been single for 8 long long yrs…I was in love once for 4yrs before that I dated a shit load of assholes “excuse my language” before I got in that 4yr relationship I was a bit of a wild child I was seeking for some kind of male attention I was very permiscuious & loved to party…the man I dated before that 4yr relationship was 11yrs my senior. He seen me grow up from 11yrs old & seen that I came from a broken home & used that to his advantage & basically brained washed me into thinking he was the only one that loves me…this man that supposedly loved me introduced me to stripping, escort, etc I started making money for this guy…”I gave money to him” thinking we would build something together…after afew yrs I started realizing “WTF” why em I giving him money after awhile I would hide my money on me and we would end up fighting because he would just take it off me…after 8 long yrs of hell we drifted apart it was hard. Eventually
    I met the guy that I was in a relationship with for 4yrs I was still working doing escort,etc he didn’t agree with it but it was to late at that time it became my bread & butter… he ended up going to jail and well he was in there I ended up getting addicted to drugs i hid it for awhile & eventually he found out so we parted ways…he startd dating someone else. Eventually I got clean, I’ve been on a program called methadone for 8yrs within them 8yrs I started to develop some health issues one health issue is PCOS which effects your hormones, fertility,unwanted facial hair,etc because of that I don’t wanna do absolutely nothing I have very low self-esteem and get nervous in socialenvironments…I feel broken & damaged. I’ve created this bubble that I’m comfortable in…really I don know how to pick myself back up again.

  285. Saleemah
    July 5, 2016

    In this very moment reading the words “you are not alone” was exactly what i needed to hear. Thank u

  286. Esi
    July 10, 2016

    I love myself. It is true. I have no doubt about it. But I know how it feels like being loved by the one you love is so beautiful that I am addicted to it. I used to be so loved by the one I love but they usually end up leaving me alone. That feeling being love by someone special, the love and caring acts is so addictive that my single times is noticeably painful. I hate being single that itself make me single till date I guess.

  287. CA
    July 13, 2016

    I know this is an old post of yours & you probably won’t read it but, here is my comment/story. I’ll be 37 soon.. Never married but I have 1 child from a previous relationship that failed. His father & many others told me no man would want me because I have a child. What seems to be the case is that the men I meet just want to shag me. They could care less that I love Brit coms, make a mean batch of vegetarian greens & have a nutty sense of humour. Heck, one time I thought I was in a relationship & actually wasnt. I dont have any hope in being loved by others. I can actually say that I have never been loved. Now you may say yes because of family, my son & God but no.. I have not been loved by someone of their own choosing. I have never been chosen.. And the way it looks, I never will be. Since Ive been single for a very long time, it has taken its toll on me emotionally. I literally get jealous of others in relationships & marriages because I long for true companionship. I started making myself distant from people because it hurt so much… My pastor stresses covenant marriages & when you attend a church where 95% of the population are married, you dont feel like you fit in. I cry alone, I sleep alone. I do a lot of things alone. Ive caught myself shopping seeing something nice & wishing I had someone to share it with.. In every failed relationship/affair, I am the common denominator. Guys dont form emotional attachments to me. They dont care. I’m very much cellophane. I know it sounds like a pity party but this is my horrid life. I love me but it would be nice to be loved by someone not me or my mom & son. My son is a teenager & well has his own life. I know Im not enough. Not skinny enough, not pretty enough, not feminine enough.. Just not enough. I have just accepted that i will be alone & such. The majority of those I might call friends are married or have significant others. I have nothing to discuss with them. They tend to bring up their spouse and then my face gets sour. I stay away from people for that reason. I literally walk around with headphones/blinders on so I dont burst into a crying fit in public. Hearing, “God will send you someone in his time,” is painful. Why? Because God works in the now & obviously there isnt a man for me… Or he likes seeing me sad by sending men who dont really want me into my life. But again, common denominator. I get it now.. I get it to the point where suicide has entered my thoughts. I get it to the point where i feel physical pain from being lonely.. And no one gets it. I wasnt made for this.. But i digress. I liked your post because it reminds me of me & my nightly convos with God. Blessings to you.

    • Mandy Hale
      August 3, 2016

      I read all my comments. I see you. God sees you. There is so much love and life and hope and joy to be found outside a relationship. Please don’t forget that. It’s okay to have bad days but if you are truly feeling suicidal, please reach out to a friend or counselor or call the Nat’l Suicide Prevention Hotline at 1-800-273-8255. They are available to talk 24/7. Love, Mandy

  288. July 15, 2016

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  289. Margret
    July 15, 2016

    Your post continues to resonate with single Christian womend everywhere. I am now 36 and single. Haven’t had any serious relationships in my lifexperience because my church was strict about dating and always emphasised the need to only date and marry Christians and “date to marry”. While I understood and accepted that then my now 36 year old self feels resentment at what a stoic stronghold the church held on this issue of dating and marriage. I believe that Goday is able and everything to possible to Him. I have drifted from Him because of my prolonged singleness and I’m working on going back to Him however slow that process may be.

  290. Brad
    July 22, 2016

    It’s not any easier being single as a man. I am expected to put all doubts aside and be the so called confident one that can take numerous rejections for maybe years to get even one woman to accept a date with me. When you don’t look or act the part , women won’t even talk to you in a hi what is your name , conversation……

    • Mandy Hale
      August 3, 2016

      I agree with you, Brad. It’s not easy for any of us. But I can only write from the perspective of a woman, since I am one 🙂

  291. Natalie Woods
    July 31, 2016

    I’m scared that I’ll always only be attracted to the wrong guy that will never look after my heart which is so vulnerable and unsure. The more I get knocked back, the more I hate myself but it just happens time and time again. Yet if I don’t fancy someone I’m so calm and in control. When will I accept the nice guy that doesn’t use my vulnerability to their advantage because they too are equally as broken?!

    • Julia
      September 9, 2016

      Hi Natalie,
      I do exactly the same thing. It’s so painful and such a dreadful cycle. I identify with so many people on this site. I’m 35 and seem to only attract men who seem like a dream come true at first and then become so mean and abusive given enough time. And I’m so sensitive and loving that it hurts me, but makes me angry with them. Sometimes I feel that I wasn’t cut out for this type of life. I love others so naturally, and yet I keep being abused. I think we need to build strength and assurance in ourselves… Cultivate a good life on our own and a strong sense of self. And once you know that a guy has a mean streak he’s willing to use on you, walk away. Easier said than done, but I have to believe that my life can change after 19 years of this hell. Thanks for sharing… Let’s be strong. Good luck to you.

  292. Miranda
    August 6, 2016

    What a great blog post!
    This is what women like us need to hear instead of hiding the truth with corny phrases or cheering ourselves up with empty illusions and dreams that will never come true.
    And it’s not about being negative it’s about being realistic.

  293. felicia
    August 7, 2016

    I am 56, never married and no, being single is not ideal. Nor is it always a choice. Over the years, I have tortured myself with self-doubt and self-loathing over what is apparently “wrong” with me but those of us living in this state know better than to whine and complain to outsiders. In a world where racism, sexism, and bullying are serious problems, there is little room for the issue of “unmarried, childless, single, older women” and the way society excludes us. We lead our daily lives, mostly keeping our sorrows close to the heart, revealing little or nothing, hoping at least that nobody will notice the fact that we don’t fit the stereotype of standard womanhood. It is a lonely path and one most of us would probably do just about anything to change…

  294. Spinster
    August 8, 2016

    I like your post. I’m 39 and have only ever been used for sex by men. I’m short, at 5 foot 1, and know of so many other short women in Australia and England (I lived and worked in London for a few years while travelling Europe) who have never been able to get married – a few of them are single mothers, too. Women are status objects to men, and in my view, short is viewed as ugly. Tall, or ‘leggy’, is viewed as beautiful. Height trumps faces, and short women are last to be picked for marriage – or not picked at all. Also, too many men aren’t interested in getting married to ANYONE until they’re at least 30. They’re vile, I can’t stand men any more, and they actually make me physically nauseous at times. I don’t let anyone know that I’m single now after having men be downright vicious towards me including in the workplace. I have an imaginary boyfriend because my surname hasn’t changed, who will later become my imaginary husband, as I refuse to be treated poorly by people and looked down upon by them when I am a victim of men who pretended that they liked me only to use me like a free prostitute until someone better looking came along. I gave any man a chance including using online dating – how naive I was to do that! They are not parented properly, and are deeply immoral. Any man who is single over the age of 30 is utterly repulsive to me. Men look at me with cold, dead eyes. Yes, I’m ugly, and I have freckles instead of pure skin, but I just can’t believe the way that I’m treated. I’m slim, trendy (a hipster with designer glasses), well-groomed, and wear a full-face of discreet make-up. No man has ever looked at me in the street, even when I was young, although when I had white hair it did catch the light so they looked my way. I work with men, and find them to be puffed up, deluded creatures – I can only suppose it’s because their wives have to tell them that they’re extraordinary for money to buy clothes and shoes with because they’re financially dependent on them. I had a breakdown at 34 because I was bullied by men at work because I’m ugly and single so possibly assumed to be a slut thanks to the revolting pornification of culture and have never had any man love me (I lost my looks completely but I didn’t realise it – I have since come to understand that some women lose their looks and other women just get older looking. I became even uglier!) I’m quiet, kind to everyone, and treat everyone as though they’re attractive. I try never to let anyone know that they’re ugly to me. I don’t believe in being cruel to people because they’re not genetically blessed. I actually like my ‘looks’ – I love my classic fringed bob, my clothing, playing with style, and so on. I’m a big believer in makeovers, never cosmetic surgery, and will always enjoy having my hair dyed, my fingernails painted and keeping up to date with the latest adult hipster fashions. I’ve retrained as a social worker, but the pay is dismal, so as a single woman I work for as much money as I can and lie to everyone that I work for charities. I really envy stay at home mothers who never work from the time their child is 0-21 (or dole bludgers as I privately call them) as I’d love to be able to do nothing like they do all day. I’d paint, write, go to galleries, read classics, and watch arthouse DVDs. I’d also learn how to play the guitar. In fact, I’m going to do just that. I’m going to work for the evil banks, buy a modest house in a lower-socioeconomic area, and drop out – according to my budget I’ll own my terrible home within 7 years. I’ll polish the floorboards, put in a new kitchen, new bathroom, create an English cottage garden, and a large vegetable garden. I’ll still have enough money to back-pack twice a year staying in hostels (I look young, and don’t tell anyone that I stay in the dives filled with alcoholic youth – I’ve been to 24 countries that way.) I’ll never get over not having children; I actually couldn’t care less any more about not meeting a man. They’re awful, awful creatures. I’ve been hate-fucked by an insane, ridiculously attractive man that I met online who wanted to use me for sex as he lived nearby – I’ve also been stalked by an insane, attractive man who even shouldered me in the street one day. In my youth I was around very attractive women and I’ve seen how much better they’re treated than I am. I don’t like sex, but then no man has ever made love to me, obviously my imaginary husband does with lots of snuggling and gentle kisses. I’m looking forward to getting two little dogs, who will be my babies, but I’ll never get over not having children. I nearly literally pass out if I think about not having children and before my breakdown I collapsed in the street and ended up in hospital after my cousin’s son’s 3rd birthday party. I won’t bring them into this world by myself – I actually hate people now but all anyone else can see is sweetness and light as I try very hard to hide my feelings. When I move to the country I plan on telling people that I’m a widower with two grown children not that I plan on being around anyone as I’ll be catching the train to the major city where I live each week for art gallery openings and so on. I won’t be abused by people when I’ve been a victim of vomit-worthy men my entire life simply because I’m not genetically blessed. I’ve worked in childcare (as well as trained as a kindergarten assistant) so that I could feel a tiny sense of mastery with babies and little ones, have planned my wedding in detail that I accept will never happen, have planned my two non-existent children’s futures (how they will dress, what their interests and hobbies will be, which private schools they will go to, which instruments they will learn, which universities they will go to, what careers they will have, and so on.) I really enjoyed planning their lives. I do lots of so-called family things, and will be going to a few school open days so that I’m up-to-date. I’ve read many pregnancy and baby books, Steiner books, parenting a teenager books, and children’s craft and activity books, as well as child development books. I’ve been to the mother and baby sessions at my local library and observed them. I’ve read about premature babies, too, as well as child development and adolescent psychology. This is all just so that I can feel a little less like I’m missing out entirely on being a mother which of course I know that I am. I loved planning my wedding, and have put together a gift registry, which I’m purchasing everything off myself. I love to look at it as it helps me to feel like a normal woman. All of this has been very helpful to me. I don’t talk to anyone about being single and certainly not childless, as everyone invalidates me. It’s not so much being single as not having children – I’ve never had the love of a man so I don’t know what I’m missing. I don’t find men physically attractive, their hardness and coldness is just so awful. I don’t like the way they always look at me. Bizarrely, stunning men are kind towards me, and every other man lets me know that I’m worthless. I like to look at attractive youth like every other woman but I’ve always known my place and have never expected to be with an attractive man. I was bullied by attractive popular boys in high school for being ugly but then became oddly popular with a few counterculture kids at school presumably because I was so depressed that I stopped eating so went down to a size 6 from a size 10 and had a cool black pixie haircut. My daughter who I will never have would never have been allowed to cut her hair short and would instead have waist-length hair with a classic heavy fringe at high school. I wasn’t made attractive by my mother as a teenager. Some men are deranged – on three occasions they’ve let me know that they find me ugly with their eyes and then relentlessly tried to pressure me into sex. I was always prepared to be a good wife to any man, no matter what he looked like. I take comfort from knowing that I’d be just that, and a good mother – and I was unlucky in being neither. I currently lie and tell everyone including my family that I’m infertile. Obviously I am socially. I’m now very much looking forward to moving to the nearby country in the next year so that I can finally stop working in seven long year’s time. I’ll be 47 then and I’m going to dye my fringed bob very light pastel pink and launch myself as an artist. I’m looking forward to making garden sculptures, as well as painting. Every man has paid off his house by 50, and I will have too. I never cared about my career. I’m good and kind to everyone, even though I hate them, and it helps to think of myself as a different class to attractive women – which I am. I try never to be around men even at work, as they make me so ill, I simply cannot fathom why they have had to let me know all of my life that I am ugly and worthless to them with their words and their looks. I won’t go near stay-at-home mothers, they are beyond privileged to have food, warmth, safety and shelter paid for while being able to pursue every creative interest they desire over their entire life while their horrible man slaves away for them – even Princess Kate does royal engagements. I’m very excited about creating a blog filled with my patisserie baking. I also love to see my life reflected back to me on Instagram. I feel that it helps to make myself appear to be what I always wanted to be. I like myself, even if men don’t. They’re the equivalent of racists, every single one of them. My imaginary husband is lovely – I’m a stay at home mother and artist, we live in the bush far away from the maddening crowd, he does fire-twirling and plays the guitar badly, and we both love our two very happy children immensely. We talk about literature and philosophy and love to travel on a shoestring once a year. Our daughter loved Morocco and India (which I also did when I travelled to them solo.) He used to have pink hair as a boy, but now has white. Being counterculture (my hair was dyed every colour of the rainbow in my youth) has also led to my being single I suspect. I knew boys like him in my youth, and of course, they are a minority. I’ve always hated football, night-clubbing, and celebrity culture. In hindsight, I had to embrace it all, which I never will. A man is worthless to me if he won’t let me have children I can stay at home with. Most women of our generation trapped their men; it seems to me, by getting accidentally pregnant on purpose after a number of years of being with them. Appallingly, some of them were made to work by the men, even though they had children under 5. The men wouldn’t buy them anything. I can only suspect that they were using the women for sex until someone better looking came along. Sex before marriage has destroyed so many women; otherwise everyone would be married with children like their mother’s generation were. There’s nothing wrong with any single woman, we’re all victims of the times.

  295. Spinster
    August 8, 2016

    Oh, also, I’ve been celibate now for seven years – I absolutely will be for the rest of my life. I’ve rarely ever had sex, it’s no problem for me at all. I’ll never trust another man after being hate-fucked by one. He pretended he liked me, and turned entirely on me, when he had gotten me into bed. I had gently dumped him, after only six weeks, and he had come over with flowers. He then sneered at me with contempt after walking me to my bed with glaring eyes and I knew I had to just let him do what he was going to do. He sneered in my face while he slept with me and kissed me then ripped away in very obvious disgust again, and again. I didn’t say no when he walked me to my bed because I feared what he would do to me if I did. He was extremely attractive, I was a fool to believe that he liked me when all he wanted was to use me for sex. I’ve come to terms with what he did now. What vile scum. I hate men (but I never let them know that, of course.)

  296. Torri
    August 8, 2016

    Great blog post! I am single and 35. I also have some fears about it, but I also have some fears about settling for the wrong man just so that I can be “married.”

  297. Ann Sams
    August 10, 2016

    I came across this blog today while trying to understand what is wrong with me…why does no one want me or love me?
    I’m 50 years old and single for 4 years since my divorce and no one even looks at me. The dating sites make me feel even worse because, even on there, no one wants me. I never thought I would be here at this stage in life and most days…I just cry! So much self hatred and I don’t know how to change it. I miss having companionship with someone that loves me!
    Thanks for sharing this beautiful blog and pouring out your heart. All the things you say are the exact things that play over and over constantly in my head. Hugs!

  298. Johnny
    August 14, 2016

    I am a man who is pushing 60. [Some friends say I look more like I’m dragging it.] I’m just now learning to be friends with women and have encountered one who is in her 50’s, never been married and childless. I’ve been friends with her for about 3 years and helped her with work-related issues. Knowing her this long, our conversations sometimes float into her personal life. She is cute, smart and creative and is very, very Catholic and doesn’t “get out much”. She recently went on an online Catholic dating site and met someone who she likes and says that the first date went well, but languished and fretted over not being called back after a couple of days. I suspect that some event happened in her life that made relationships difficult for her in that she seems a trite immature about dating and what she expects out of the process.
    Here’s my question: Does the attitude on dating change at this age, or does the same protocol apply as in our 20’s and/or 30’s? More specifically; Is there more pressure on women, in her similar circumstance, with regards to dating and finding “the one?

  299. Lyne
    August 14, 2016

    It’s nearly 5am in the morning here. I was had a great talk with my colleague who recently married 2 hours ago. About her adjustment in her marriage life, how was the love story begin with her beau. It’s all started in a dating site – tinder. She advice me to include in the prayer and be very specific for praying about what kind of partner do I want. They are from different ethnicity. It reflects to her face how happy and fulfilled she is in the current status of her relationship with her husband. I feel envy to her. She’s 25 and I’m 34 turning 35 by December. I’m losing my hope really. Although I tried to be a optimistic. Sometimes I can’t help but cried. Reading the comments here feels like I am not alone in this fight. I wish US everyone who are still single, to be happy and contended. And soon find and be ready for the partner that God intend and send for us.

  300. I've never had a boyfriend
    August 20, 2016

    Please, don’t use dating sites. In my experience they’re filled with men who will only try to use you for sex. Men are raised by society to be vile pigs – they only care about a woman’s looks and only value the appearance of young women. Bodies trump faces for men. Honestly, they’re vile. Wives are given so much by a man, single women are given nothing. Don’t let them do that to you! You’re worth more than that! Certainly don’t let them use you as a free prostitute. Men biologically need sex, women certainly don’t – I can always have multiple orgasms by myself whenever I want but I’ve never had one with a man. I think that every woman fakes orgasms with them – a man told me that he could feel the difference between when an orgasm was faked or not and showed me what it feels like when vaginal muscles contract with his hand on my finger. He was just another very attractive male sl*t. Men see women on dating sites instead of going to see prostitutes. I’ve had a man tell me that men will ‘f*ck anything’ – he had slept with more than a hundred women starting at age 13 and he picked them up in front of me by pretending to be their instant best friend. He was young and dressed like a rock star (I was 18 at the time and I now suspect he was around 35 and put his age down as he was 6 foot 1 so fully grown – I’m now 40 and hate all men although I’m very kind to them as I am to everyone and keep my distance from them all. Oh, very attractive young men inexplicably always tried to sleep with me immediately after trendy bands had played between 18 and 35 which is how I know that they’ll f*ck anything and were likely cheating on their girlfriends.) Every married couple in the Western world met when they were children – between the ages of 13 and 25. Boys are completely different to men. By that time men have been told for decades that they’re extraordinary by stay at home mothers of school age children who married pretty much anyone like so many women I know did who obviously wanted children and someone to pay for them. They’re hideous narcissists and abusers of ugly women. Stay away from dating websites. The deluded men don’t want you, they want the most beautiful women on the websites and will use you until they (don’t ever) get them. In the mean time, they won’t give you anything emotionally or financially (I gave ten a chance and they all picked me) and if you’re like me you’ll kindly and gently dump them in disgust. Yes, they’re revolting fools. They make me sick, but then, I’ve always been ugly and short (although very slim.) I don’t let anyone know that I think that I’m ugly like every ugly woman does. Boys and men of all ages even glare at me in the street in a rich suburb where I rent a dump that I love (for 20 years now I’ve lived in elegantly decaying Victorian dwellings in the richest suburbs in Sydney and London – I adore London’s Notting Hill) and in the city where I work on most days when I’m merely minding my own business and looking neutrally at all. All of them are attractive. They’re most likely uneducated chavs who lied their way into corporate jobs, every single one of them. I have no respect for boys or men left. I also hate mothers (they think that they’re better than everyone as they push their prams and even glare at other mothers in the street but of course I’m very kind to them) for being able to spend all day doing their hobbies inside their beautiful homes for 45 YEARS. Men are brain-damaged to pay for them to go to patisseries with their friends and sisters and create art while they do the same work day in and day out with only an hour for lunch surrounded by people who hate them. They should all pay their mortgages off early with their wives paying half (their parents can look after their school age children for an hour every morning and evening) and live off the state. I’ve made my peace, I’m still doing everything that I ever wanted to do, I accept my place outside of society (which I hate – I want to drop out and live in a commune but so far I’ve only tried a monastery in Nepal which was a thoroughly disturbing cult that devolved into a sort of pantomime) and I’m simply working for as much money as I can. I put headphones on at work, so I don’t have to listen to men’s pathetic babble, and I’m going through playlists of every decade of music. I’m learning something that I value each day that way. I also watch one old or new European arthouse movie each day so that I can again learn something of value and not fill my head with useless work knowledge. I love the cinematography and the storytelling. I hate my job. I’d hate any job after 18 years of doing the same thing day in and day out. I would have liked to have been a nurse but so many of them are so disgusting towards the people that they’re supposed to be caring for that they can only be suffering from compassion fatigue despite that they’re so young. I console myself with that. Or perhaps they believe that anyone ugly is working class and so abuse them because they believe that they’re somehow middle-class which is what it appears to me. Maybe they’re just prejudiced against ugly people like everyone else seems to have been raised to be since they were tiny. I was raised not to care about other people’s looks and to treat everyone the same way. I despise every man for having to support myself financially and every woman for being financially supported in entirety. Women do whatever they please all day for 45 years including their creative hobbies! They cost nothing! Libraries are free! Men are brain-damaged. I’m sweetness and light to all and think of myself as belonging to the West’s equivalent of India’s untouchables although of course I accept that I’m obviously much, much luckier than them in every respect except for my complete lack of love and my not having children. I’m an artist, not a career woman, as I tell everyone. I dress as an ageing hipster – designer glasses, a white fringed bob haircut, appalling designer dresses (what has happened to fashion the world over?) and cardigans, brown Chelsea boots – not in disgusting career clothing. Ties are symbolic of nooses and men look hideous in suits. I hate the new, cold, blue-suited hipsters that are everywhere these days. What on earth was with so many of the Rajasthani moustaches? Bring back the long-haired 90s. Short back and sides emphasises men’s ugliness instead of detracting from it. I’ve never met a woman in my life who ever wanted to work after her first two years of it. It was another woman older than me (I was 28 and she was 33) who likened the pair of us to untouchables – she would have loved to have stayed at home with children for 45 years working on her music not having to worry about paying for anything. We met at work when I spotted her with her Louise Brooks bob discreetly smoking a spliff outside work (I don’t partake but hipsters are always of interest to me), we pretended we had a meeting to go to and bonded over a glass of sake in a nearby bar instead, and kept in touch until she moved to France. She married a loser for a visa so that she could live there and he smashed up their flat and was put in a psychiatric ward. His family hated her because she was an ugly hipster. She had to move back to London by herself and return to work. Men are utterly devolved compared to women. I enjoy female friendships. I’d love to be around women all day like all of the fat (every mother in my family eats less and doesn’t take the Pill so that they are slim), lazy, unkempt, badly dressed, ugly, stay at home mothers my age are for 45+ years (I haven’t let myself go and no man has ever asked me out in my life – yes, I’m ugly and short).

  301. I've never had a boyfriend
    August 20, 2016

    It’s taken me nearly a decade to accept that I’m going to be single for the rest of my life – I don’t let any vile man anywhere near me and I never will again. They turn my stomach. I have no positive feelings left for men in any way at all and I believe myself incapable of feeling an emotional or physical attraction to any man ever again. I’ve experienced too much emotional abuse and been too traumatised by them. Boys and men glare at me in the street every single day! How they can be emotionally violent towards a tiny woman just minding her own business and looking neutrally at all is beyond me. Perhaps they beat their girlfriends and wives. I’ve worked with men who I suspect do that, too. They were extremely attractive and of course absolutely awful.

  302. I've never had a boyfriend
    August 20, 2016

    It should be mentioned that I wear a neutral face when boys and men glare at me in the street. Occasionally they oddly start to sneer and stop. They’re always some of the most attractive and I hate them but I don’t let them know in case they become violent with me. I’ve had a man threaten to punch me in a quiet library – he leaped up out of his chair for no reason, balled his fist at me, waved it in my face, and I walked quickly away. He walked after me and glared dramatically at me at the library door lowering his head so that his eyes looked especially mean like they do in movies. I hate men. A homeless man had a rage attack at me for no reason in a trendy street during daylight hours, and I’ve recently experienced a homeless man (who I was raised to feel sorry for and always look at neutrally) threaten to punch me as he walked towards me glaring. I can only think that I’m an easy target for boys and men from all walks of life who are prejudiced and hate short ugly women. I feel like the ugliest woman in the world now although I know that I’m not – I see ugly married women every day. Though they were obviously more attractive than me when they were young and have simply all let themselves go because they can. Their husbands pay for everything for them and perhaps glare at me in the street. I hate men. Now that I’ve lost my youth (for I never had looks) I fear that I’ll be beaten by a man so I won’t ever let one near me again. I was never, ever glared at in the street in my 20s – I can’t remember it even happening once. The mind boggles. I simply accept that every boy or man who glares at me from any walk of life is a badly-bred chav with a hatred of short ugly women that’s somewhat akin to racism (not that I know what that’s like but I’ve seen it in action from men and women and I feel so sorry for anyone who is a victim of it.)

  303. I've never had a boyfriend
    August 20, 2016

    Oops! I meant that boys and men seemingly from all walks of life are sneering at me daily, not glaring (although some do glare.)

  304. Chris
    September 7, 2016

    I just found this post and it SCREAMED me…48 and have moments where I feel strong, but also feel every insecurity known…work in progress…but sometimes I feel like time has passed me by and feel hopeless…it helps to know I am not the only one feeling like this, so THANK YOU

  305. Jinna Evans
    September 8, 2016

    I need this tonight. I am single because I allow people to dictate what right for me. I love hard and I inflict self hurt. I lie to myself about being happy I’m not. I day I pray but I don’t for real. I have abandonment issues that was caused from my child’s father and myself thinking I couldn’t get better than him. My ex-boyfriend and myself making sure he was ok before I was. I put men before myself and never get anything in return. I break my own heart. Single life does hurt especially when reality hit. Thank you

  306. Magdalena Black
    September 11, 2016

    I have (at yes, 36 now, creepy, I know) slowly given up on ever finding someone. Not saying that as a prayer for the “dying”. I am not for the attention. Just, soul-sucked by the endless trying, not-trying, endeavoring, hoping, stopping, ETC. Things that I will not be guilty for: Effort, enthusiasm, self-sacrifice, soul-searching, soul-torment, soul-repair. I’ve been thru so many shades of punishment that I’m pretty sure that I do not deserve to pay penance for. All the same, I pay the price, weather I deserve it or not. For such an “age of enlightenment”, I can’t help but feel that no matter how well adjusted I am ( regardless of how strong I’ve been thru all of the abuse I’ve been thru) thru my “trials”, I has not gotten better. I spend most of my life feeling like the “dumb girl, who just doesn’t get it”. Even thou, I know that I am on a stable, sound point when it comes to being honest with myself and who I am. As long as women, are seen as unattractive cause of superficial reasoning and perspective, we will always pay the price of being to “weird” or “unorthodox”, and treated like the women in “Grey Gardens”. While, men who live the lives like us, are praised for being “mysterious”, “unabtainable” or “playboy”. Like it’s something to celebrate like a [email protected]#king pagan festival. Either way, us women will always be punished for being true, honest and unbecoming for our resistance for giving into a sexist based society. Why the [email protected]#k can’t we EVER learn from our history. Us women have always paid the price. They only difference now, is that we can’t be tried for witchcraft legally. But, think about it, what they paid the price for (personality wise), is still being punished for today. Only, less fictional character’s to blame.

  307. Phil
    September 12, 2016

    I’m 37 and I haven’t had a girlfriend in so long I don’t know what a date is….For the reason maybe is because I’m fat, ugly, on disability, still live with my folks and don’t drive. I’ve got a medical condition that will stay with me until I die, I’ve tried every diet under the sun and nothing has worked. I tried the exercises on t.v. and those didn’t seem to help. I think in today’s world people look at others and judge them for what they look like, what they wear, what type of car they drive, if they have money and maybe even if they live in a nice house/apt/loft or whatever. They don’t care about what’s on the inside; all they do is see some of us as losers or a failure to society because we don’t fit into their quote on quote “Clique” or “group.”

    It hurts when you smile a pretty girl and all they do is shoot you the finger or just out right ignore you. It’s even harder not to tell them off, to me there is no what you wear or what you do. How much money you make or even if you drive or live with your parents, to me it’s all about what’s on the inside of a person, but again, as I said before. Our society doesn’t see that anymore, they want to judge on what they see on t.v. or in magazines. Some guy wants a woman who’s 5’9″, blonde/brunette or redhead, a nice rack and backside, drives a Range Rover and works as a lawyer’s office, that’s the type a person that needs a reality check. There’s an old saying. “Don’t judge a book by it’s cover until you’ve read the first few pages.”

    For me I don’t care about looks because I’m not the sexiest man. Age? It’s just a number, do you drive? If you do then awesome, because I don’t, you’ve got something wrong with you? I’m not perfect, I’ve got my medical issues as well. People now of days need to stop being so judgemental; use common sense, talk to that person for awhile. See what they are about, don’t judge them by appearance or their height, weight or whatever.

    Sorry for ranting but…. This is getting tiresome and mundane, here I thought we all or maybe some of us graduated from junior high or high school, now it’s like high school over again. Either you’re in with the cool kids or you’re the nerdy girl or guy with the big rimmed glasses, braces or buck teeth, who is fat and has acne. Maybe they’re short or not the right height. I don’t any of you but I understand your pain and suffering, because I go through it everyday and I cry at night, I say to myself. “Why can’t that be me?” Just like the song from Three Doors Down. “Nothing seems to fill this place I need this every time, Take your lies get off my case Someday I will find a love That flows through me like this.” But the thing is I haven’t found love and probably never will….All some of us have are broken dreams, broken promises and broken hearts.

    • Mandy Hale
      September 12, 2016

      I think there’s someone out there for everyone, Phil. Don’t lose heart just yet.

  308. Phil
    September 12, 2016

    It hurts when you smile at* a pretty girl (Sorry forgot a word. See not perfect.)

  309. Mel
    September 25, 2016

    This is the 2nd time in read this post, Mandy. Thank you for referencing it in your latest. I needed to see it again. You are so right. There is a dark, ugly side to being single….I’ve been single my whole 50 years of life. I had my 1st boyfriend in my mid-40s for a short time. It wasn’t as long as yours…A short time….but he managed to do a ton of damage to my psychologically. Lying, mysoginistic, insecure little men who disguise themselves as perfect gentlemen are the worst. I was in a relationship with someone simliar yet opposite next. Now.. I’m convinced I’m supposed to be single forever. I don’t believe anything a man tells me. And the dark side of single hood, the ugly side, one words are what I hear in my head on a daily basis. My mouth doesn’t say them. My mouth tells people I’m happy. I love my life. I’m content. But my head tells me something totally different. And at 50, I constantly have people ask me why I’m still single. Why do people feel the need to ask us that one simple, horrific, hurtful, moronic question? If they hit me in just the right (wrong ?) frame of mind, my reply is, “Because I’m tired of all of the lying SOBs …and just don’t want to spend time figuring out when/if a guy is being honest and true…they just aren’t worth the time they make me waste.” Other times I just smile and shrug.

  310. March Madness
    September 28, 2016

    I’m 32 years old and my last relationship ended 9 years ago. I don’t think I have a “Mr. Right” out there for me. The last 4 guys I met were crappy. 2 stole money from me, 1 just wanted to do the “Netflix and chill” thing and the 4th didn’t want to continue because he couldn’t accept my size (even though he claimed he’s into big women). The thing is, they’ve all said they love my personality, humor and looks so I don’t know what the problem is. I’m tired of wasting time getting to know someone, developing a bond and wasting feelings. The 2 excuses I hear are something is “wrong” with me but can’t seem to tell me what it is or they leave to be with another woman. In the small office group I work in, I’m the ONLY single person. Everyone is married except one who is engaged. Why isn’t it happening for me? I wonder did I do something to make God mad and He’s punishing me by keeping me single and deal with jerks??? I just want someone who really means it when he says he likes me for me and won’t be embarrassed to tell/show it. Being lonely sucks.

    • Viv
      October 7, 2016

      I’m 44, divorced and have 2 kids with my ex-husband. I chanced upon this blog because just today I ended my two-year relationship with a great guy who’s 12 years younger than I am, and I was feeling so sad that I turned to the net to find solace from other women who might be in the same boat. Anyway, I knew this guy and I both loved each other, but during the course of our relationship I caught him cheating and he admitted he fell in love with an office mate who’s younger than him but that they were still in the early stage of their relationship when I found out. I was mad and hurt, but when I let him go, he told me he realized that it’s me he still wants and couldn’t afford to lose me. So I gave him another chance. The thing is, they still work together in the same office, and hard as I try, I couldn’t stop feeling insecure and paranoid, especially since I know that the girl is only in her early 20’s, smart, decent and pretty. He kept telling me that he didn’t love her anymore and that I had nothing to fear, but just yesterday I sneaked on his phone and saw that he was still texting the girl. Nothing romantic though, but the girl still seems friendly to him and I still feel that it could lead again to something deeper. I decided to call it quits and told him my decision is final. I feel miserable now because I already miss him and I was wondering if I made the right decision (although I know I did), but on the flip side, I couldn’t help wondering if God would still give me another shot at life–to find someone who would accept. love and marry me, 2 kids and all. I used to feel confident about myself, looks and personality, but with my age and with what happened, suddenly I feel insecure and unlovable. I just know I need healing and restoration. I am so blessed to know through this article that I am not alone. Thanks, Mandy.

    • Tee
      October 12, 2016

      I am 36 years old and alone. I did chase after men. It never ended well. One guy just stopped texting me altogether. I tried texting he back never answered. I let him go., My mother has been married twice and I haven’t been once. In fact only one guy asked me and I am fairly certain he wasn’t serious. I do believe it is time to face facts: I AM UGLY AS HELL!!!! There I said it because I have been thinking it for years. My sisters are always having boyfriends while I have nothing. When a guy is with me it is only for sex, not a meaningful relationship. I would like to be a couple one day it won’t happen. I have to accept that I am going to grow old and die surrounding by cats.

    • January 10, 2017

      @ March Madness no you didn’t make God mad and for the guy he’s just a total loser. Did you ask God for a right man. God said ask and you shall receive. I’ve been single for 20 years and I nearly hit my 40’s. Once I hit 40 that’s it girls will say sorry you too old. I’ll pray to God if he finds me a Christian Australian Gothic girl so I can marry her start a family with 2 boys and 2 wonderful daughters that can be like their mother a Gothic and a good Christian

  311. Crissy
    October 4, 2016

    Okay here’s a bit of a vent I guess. I’m 27 years old. Still young. Apparently this is the ‘right age’ range to get married. I personally don’t want to get married. I’m one of those rare few that /enjoys/ celibacy and being forever single. It’s great-truly. The freedom to have more time and do things I want here and now is a blessing. That’s not to say though.. that I don’t feel moments of loneliness, inadequacy, longing..etc. I feel those too. And they’re strong. But they vanish altogether too. I personally don’t need someone to ‘complete’ me or ‘make me happy’. I’m happy and content with Jesus Christ and my family. I get remarks/questions about why I don’t have a boyfriend as if something is wrong with /me/. And the question seems to imply that. Perhaps they mean it in good jest. Or as a means to joke with me at the same time in bringing up such a topic that I avoid like the plague. I simply am happy and content in being single. ♥

    • January 10, 2017

      @ Tee, don’t think negative about being ugly as hell. To tell you the truth you are beautiful in God’s eyes

  312. Jonitza
    October 9, 2016

    This is such an amazing article, so authentic I tell you the church needs to get real about issues like this I can’t tell you all the super spiritual things I have heard in my 14 years of serving Christ. “Oh God is just preparing your husband he’s just not ready” or “have you visited other churches” or my favorite “you are just not ready yet”. 33 years old, 2 failed Christian relationships in my late twenties and one that just ended a few months ago with a guy that though nice wasn’t what I really wanted. It’s nice to read articles like this because it’s as if I wrote it. It’s amazing to see that I’m not alone in this. Thank you girl! You are a blessing 😉

  313. Danielle
    November 17, 2016

    WOW!!!! Thank you so much for this. I swear you hit every nail on the head. From having no problem getting hit on years ago, to the man crushing your heart to admitting that maintaining this confidence and being positive all the time about being single is SO HARD! I wish I could give you a big hug right now because some days are better than others and you just touched me on more ways then one. Thank you so much. God is good! Just thank you. I am just thankful for your words right now. Thank you.

  314. Meera
    November 27, 2016

    This post made me cry! Exactly how I feel. I have a messed up family, and I’ve been single my whole life. Last Christmas, I ate at a Waffle House alone. I was hoping this year would be different, that perhaps this year would be the year I’d finally meet a partner, someone to share my life with. Nope. At 32, I could be focusing on making friends, but that gets tough when everyone is married off and spend all their free time with their partners or children. I spend most of my time traveling alone, now but it gets tough too now: dining alone, spending days without speaking to another person.

    The lack of intimacy in my life in the form of family relationships has taken a toll as well. I used to be the girl that didn’t go home with guys. Now I find myself in bed with men 5, 6, 7 years younger than me after just an hour of conversation. Sad to say, it feels better to be used for sex after going months without it and then having to spend another night in an empty bed.

    Single life is tough, but what can I do. I just keep taking my tips, taking random strolls through the parks, eating out alone while other people stare at the one table with the lone patron. There is probably something wrong with me, but no one is kind enough to tell me.

    • January 10, 2017

      Meera same here. I’ve seen my friends married and have kids and I get sad that I never had a woman in my life and having 5 wonderful kids to be there. Dating sites I go to are all fake women that played games on me and wasted my life on these jokers. I pray to God for these girls to grow old and lonely and die lonely as a punishment

  315. Dee
    December 2, 2016

    Thank you for this article. I am 36 and divorced. I was with my ex husband for 8 1/2 years and married for 3. We finally purchased out first home after 3 years of searching and four months later he left me saying he had been unhappy the minute out plane landed after our honeymoon. He made his decision on New Year’s Eve as we were on out way to a party. I of course told him to take me home. He refused at first because he’d be embarrassed showing up to the party alone but eventually dropped off. I sat alone in our empty house all night trying to figure our how to save our marriage. I gave him a couple days, stayed with family, and returned to the house unannounced waiting for him to come home from work. He came home and was upset I was there.. Told me he was staying with a friend that night then started grooming himself as I sat on our steps in tears. As a woman, my gut instinct was he was having an affair. I later found out I was right. It all started during Christmastime and it was with a woman I knew and hung out with a few times. I was and still am very devastated. This the second holiday season I am miserably living through and I know I will never be able to enjoy the holidays the same way again and I used to love this time of year.
    After a bitter battle in court and a home foreclosure, nearly two years later, I am sitting on my childhood twin bed in my parents house trying to mentally prepare myself for my sister’s bridal shower tomorrow.. At the same restaurant I had my bridal shower.
    And nearly two years later I am still zapped and trying to understand how someone who vowed to always love and protect me could string me along like that for so many years and ultimately betray me and my family in the worst possible way.
    He is still with the other woman. Has gone on two vacations with her, one while we were still married and broadcasted it on Facebook for my whole family to see.
    I’m broken mentally, physically, emotionally and financially.
    People tell me to get back out there and find love again.
    Really??
    Sorry for the long vent but I wanted to share and reiterate again to everyone that feels all alone.. You are not. So many of us are fighting this battle.

    • Liona Thompson
      December 31, 2016

      Dee, reading your story I almost burst into tears. The pain you are experiencing is all too familiar to me. Our circumstances are difference, but the stench of betrayal, manipulation, and devastation ate the same. My partner of 5 years, the father of my child, began to abuse me during my pregnancy. It came out of nowhere. I soon unearthed so many other issues. Let me encourage you.

      You don’t have any children- I am assuming- that forces you to relive the hurt on a daily basis. Your pain comes truly comes from one main source: a feeling of inadequacy because of he has ‘seemingly’ found happiness with someone else and because he could not find happiness with you. My friend, you are the victor in this situation. Look at her prize. A man that cheats on his wife, has no remorse or regard for his actions, and an egotistical man! Ha. You are no less than her. Energy goes where similar similar spirits flow. You were simply not his type of woman. You emanated too much integrity, too much class, too much self-love. A real woman does not sleep with another woman’s husband.

      How do you claim your victory? Stop the pity-party. I was able to get over the initial hump by focusing on revenge. It sounds terrible but it’s true. Go after the body you always wanted, the career you always dream of, the lifestyle you always envisioned. In the process, you will find, and redefine, yourself. I am still in this process. When the time comes, you will be ready to date.

      I know I am still single because I am just at the beginning of the rebirth process. I finished school. I have my kids. I haven’t found a job. I am not in the best shape. I don’t have time to meet anyone or go anywhere. How can I possibly attract someone? Doesn’t change the fact that I am alone and desire to be loved again. Anyways, start the journey to a new you!!!! I am on this journey with you. Love and light

    • January 10, 2017

      Sorry to hear that Dee. Men like that shouldn’t be allowed to get married in the first place.

    • March 8, 2017

      Hi Mandy really love your thinking and yes im single too wondering if happily ever after exist but hell yeah u said it all and I mean every bit and being of how I feel as a single women thanks alot u just made my day!

  316. Chris
    December 15, 2016

    I am 59, still single, no children and no family-my parents have long passed over, and I have no siblings. Have spent years tearing myself to pieces, trying to find what is wrong with me, why can’t I find someone? What especially hurts is when someone who has been happily married for many years and who has children and grandchildren, is dismissive towards the pain of being completely alone. I can take’ that’s the way life is’ from someone who is alone and unhappy about it too, but when it comes from someone who has everything I long for, it is a different matter. I go out socially and do internet dating, but inside I keep asking God WHY am I so alone in life, are You punishing me?

  317. Summer
    December 28, 2016

    I’m in the same boat too. 40, single, childless. I’m lonely and unhappy and fed up waiting for the life that I what’s wanted to start for me, waiting to find someone to love me. What I find so strange is that there are so many women who have commented to say they are in the same situation. What has gone wrong with our society, this isn’t right to have so many women who are unhappy with their lives? Why isn’t this talked about more? Isn’t there any way we can help each other? Because noone else is helping us; society isn’t working for us right now.

  318. Brenda
    January 2, 2017

    Turning 37 years in two months time, I really needed this thank you very much for not being all superficial and gloomy. Now I know for sure that I’m not alone. Am super tired of men hopping, wish I could Build a sculpture and breath life into it and get it over and done with this loneliness!!!

  319. January 10, 2017

    Wow you read my mind like an open book. I’m a guy 39 yrs old being single since 1997 until now that is 2017. I do get lonely and sad, never had a relationship. When Valentine’s Day comes I get lonely and I feel like I don’t exist. The words that hit me that makes me want to cry is; “It’s so easy for everyone else and so difficult for you.”
    “You’re meant to wander the earth alone forever.”
    “You will always be on the outside, looking in.”

  320. January 10, 2017

    I was alone until I was 51 years old, didn’t even have one date for 21 years. I know every inch of pain you are speaking of. I now am in a beautiful relationship. You know why. because I realized God was waiting for me to do something. I tried a Christian online dating service, and it was okay. But I had to try it many times before it worked. Stop saying it’s Gods will for you to be alone. if you didn’t mind being alone, that is different, but if it makes you sad than it’s not Gods will. God wants to see you enjoying life, not only enduring it. Don’t look for everything to be perfect when you enter into a relationship, instead look to God to reveal His love in the relationship instead. God is not judging you on your choice of a man or woman rather he just wants you to be happy just as you want to be happy deep down. Dare to admit that you want to be loved by someone and realize that God has just been waiting for you to make a move. Remember God loves you and wants to see you filled with joy not sadness.

  321. Cindy Serrano
    January 26, 2017

    I’m so grateful you were unapologetically honest. It’s helped me to remember that I can be content in all things, even when things don’t go the way I think it should. Deep down inside, I do not want to believe that something i want so badly may not occur. I’ve been through some major life events such as marriage and divorce, birthing my first born while also watching him throw his life away to drugs, living financially prosperous to sleeping in my car during unemployment, etc… So yes, life may not turn out exactly the way we envisioned. It doesn’t mean God loves us any less. It’s just the way things pan out. I too has men seemingly blocked from approaching me for about 8 years. It broke about year 1/2 ago and I dated for about a year and it didn’t work out. What I learned was I wasn’t ready. I needed to develop a life plan to focus on my relationship with God and the one I had with myself. The telltale sign was the guy eventually became my primary focus and slowly, I let go of every thing I was doing before I met him. Currently, a girlfriend and I have been working together to develop a life strategy and plan to fulfill dreams again (education, career, health, finances, relationship with God, family/friends, charity). The biggest part of that strategy is a plan to schedule in all of these things into our daily/weekly life. And as we do these things, we are waiting patiently…

  322. LENS
    February 14, 2017

    WELL THE UGLY TRUTH, I’VE FELT UGLY AND UNDERSERVING ALL MY LIFE, SO FOR ME TURNING OLDER STILL SINGLE LET ME THINKING IT’S OK, I DERSEVE IT BACAUSE I’M UNWORTHY.
    MORE ESPECIALLY BECAUSE I BEALIVE IN GOD THAT HAS PUT MORE PRESSURE TO PUT ON A HAPPY PRETENCE FACE SO I CAN UPHOLD “I’M A BEALIVER ALL IS WELL KINDA ACT”. BUT TO TELL YOU THE TRUTH I’M TERRIFIED OF IT ALL AND I FELT LIKE NO ONE CAN REALLY RELATE. INSIDE I’M SCREAMING “OH HELP ME GOD WITH A SMILE”.

  323. Tired of loneliness
    March 3, 2017

    I needed this. I am a fairly attractive woman. I’ve always gotten a lot of attention and I’ve had several marriage proposals. I have some sort of low self esteem where I want a husband and a happy relationship but I’m so afraid of having out that I runfrom every interested party. Then I also have this “go after the shittiest, most worthless and unavailable men I can find” thing going on too. Yet I’m lonely and sometimes really really really sad about the life and relationship everyone but me seems to be able too pull off.

  324. Kay
    March 17, 2017

    31…single…the last guy I really thought I had a connection with went silent after the first date, the one before didnt show up on the day we were supposed to have our engagement party. That really did a number on my self esteem. Its hard, really hard. Im trying to be positive…trying to see God in all this but I have to say I cant. All I have is work and my apartment. I ask whether im not good enough. ..am I not as exiting as the other women these guys meet? This article took the words out of my mouth. Thank you Mandy. Thank you for this

  325. Lydia
    March 21, 2017

    I don’t know if reading all of these comments has uplifted me in hope and camaraderie with everyone, or has made me feel even more sad that this proves that so many goals and dreams of those like me go unfulfilled.
    I am mid 50s. woman, in an area with many bachelors. All of my friends have been married twice or more, and those that are divorced or widowed are dating and in love again for the umpteenth time. I get sad and angry watching them brag about it on social media… And then I realize if I had someone I loved I might do the same.
    I hate being jealous of those that I care about. I don’t like the jealous me. I’m angry and frustrated that while I don’t like to talk about myself, and am uncomfortable when I get a complement, I do know that I provide value on this planet. I have so much more to offer than some of these bimbos… on their third round of husbands… I’m well-educated, very kind and giving, I work with charities, I mentor students, I make people laugh and make them comfortable in uncomfortable situations, I always volunteer to help others, rescue dogs, join volunteer organizations, work with the homeless, donate money every month to several local organizations. I meet new people all the time… Through work I meet professionals, both in and out of my industry, most are married or gay, but some guys are single. They tell me what a great friend I am… No one ever seems to be interested in me romantically. Perhaps I am also judging, but it seems like all the bimbo chicks who go to the gym and worry more about their hair or nails get the guys. They have to play dumb and helpless and act like a sex trinket. I don’t look like a man, and I’m not manly, but I just won’t act weak to try get attention. Some people say that it’s intimidating… But I don’t wear a power suit and speak aggressively… I’m actually very soft-spoken and shy in a way. I did Internet dating for decades, and before that it was the personals, and before that it was great expectations. I’ve never had anyone walk up and ask me for a date. Dates were always organized as a “meet and greet”. If I had a second day or maybe a third that was the end of it. The guy would be onto the next girl… Online dating relationships are disposable. Some guys even refer to it as “catch and release program”. Clearly that’s their problem not mine… But it’s the same result. Eventually have your self-esteem eaten away with self-doubt. The last time I dated someone was for about 5 months and that was five years ago. He was a sociopathic narcissist who kept me in a cycle of desire and devalue. He loved me, so he said, we shopped for rings and a condo together, but it was too good to be true. Only when I caught him with multiple dating profiles and discovered he had been living a dual life, already living with another woman and also with an apartment that I would stay in, did I wake up and start doing the research to find out this was all a game to him. I was someone to manipulate like the others.
    I had let him into my heart, my life, and my soul, and it took several years to cleanse him out and feel healthy again. I told myself that “I’m done “. I have spent more than half my life, more than 25 years, looking for love and never finding it. I don’t want to wake each day and wonder what’s wrong with me… It’s exhausting and painful. You all know exactly what I’m speaking of. In the last year or two I have focused my energy on those around me, and more time with the causes I care about and focusing on doing well at work and growing the business. I don’t tell myself “you’ll be alone forever so deal with it”… I just realize that perhaps I’m not meant to have someone in my life, and I need to make the best of it and do what I can to be of value while I’m on this journey. I don’t ask G-d for a man, or pray that I will find someone, and I don’t have hope that I’ll ever meet someone, but I always seem to wish that for others because it doesn’t seem right to wish others ill because I’m not happy. There’s way too much, karma out there to do anything but share the sun with everyone around you. My best to all of you in your journeys.

  326. Ngoni
    July 15, 2017

    Was reading a lot of these comments and a couple of them had me concerned. If you are thinking about suicide, please contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255 or 1-800-273- TALK. Please don’t trust your feelings. It may seem like loneliness is overwhelming you and you are unlovable, but that is fiction and not based in reality. I am 44 soon to be 45, and while being single has its moments of loneliness, it doesn’t suck, as quoting some here. Use this time to develop your relationship with the only one who truly cares for you: Jesus Christ. Don’t let the adversary take you to a place where there is no hope. Trust me, I have been there. Don’t let suicide be your only solution. It does get better.

  327. Paul
    September 17, 2017

    Well for us good looking straight guys that have trouble meeting women which we never did anything wrong for this to happen to us in the first place since the women of today are nothing at all like the old days when most of the women back then definitely were much Easier To Meet with no trouble at all either. A totally different time today Unfortunately since we really Can’t even blame ourselves at all since the women of today have Really Changed.

  328. Paul
    November 2, 2017

    Why don’t women approach many of us good single men anymore for a change?

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