You Are Not Invisible

unnamedSometimes I feel particularly invisible to the opposite sex. Kind of like Harry Potter tossed his magical Cloak of Invisibility around me when I wasn’t looking and then darted off to go do whatever it is Harry Potter is doing these days. (Of course, old Harry is a male so he probably didn’t see me in the first place!) But seriously…as much as the idea of having a super power appeals to me, I could do without the ability to dart largely unseen amongst the male population. And before I start getting people asking me: “What’s up with you lately? Are you depressed?” (yes, my mom actually called me after reading my last blog to ask me that) – the emphatic answer is no. Not in the least. I’m just in a season of grappling with my singleness and questions about singleness in general that calls for new layers of TRUTH and realness and authenticity. And the truth is, lately I’ve been looking around asking “Why everyone else BUT me?” As happy as I am when I hear from friends who have gone through painful divorces or break-ups and managed to find love again (and often, very quickly)…I can’t help but look at them and look at me and make an obvious comparison, wondering what it is that they’re doing right that I’m doing wrong. And as encouraging as it is to see couples pop up on my Instagram or Facebook feed who are barely older than me yet have been married for 20 years…there’s always that moment where I catch my breath and reflect on the past 20 years of my life and ask God how in the world they could be so far ahead in the game of life when I haven’t even gotten started.

So today during a moment of prayer and meditation, I asked God to show me that I’m NOT, in fact, invisible. “Please God, please just send me a sign…an obvious sign…to let me know that I’m not invisible.”

No sooner had the words left my mouth than my cat, Prince Hairy, appeared from nowhere, leapt up on my chest, and started simultaneously purring louder than the engine of a 747 and staring at me like I was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen in his life. I should explain that this is not a regular occurrence for this little cantankerous ball of fluff. Those of you who follow his antics on Twitter know that Prince Hairy is notoriously eccentric and a little grumpy and very much marches to the beat of his own feline drummer. Every time I try and pick him up to snuggle with him or love on him, he shoots across the room in the opposite direction like someone set his tail on fire, disappearing for hours into the dark crevices of my apartment. So for him to instantly appear from nowhere and perch on my chest for a full 15 minutes while attempting over and over to give me cat kisses was unexpected, to say the least.

Except not really that unexpected at all…because that’s the God that we serve. A God who is delightfully unexpected and tangible and even a bit of an oddball. I even laughed and said out loud to Him as PH pranced around on my chest: “God, You’re so weird.” And we had this beautiful moment of giggles and tears and intimacy and long after PH had departed to go stalk a bug on the other side of the room, I was reminded that though it might take awhile for the right person, the right man, to see me…no, I am not, in fact, as I feared…invisible.

And neither are you.

89 Responses to “ You Are Not Invisible ”

  1. Shannon
    July 17, 2015

    Mandy, I tell my {handsome male} cat all the time that he is the only boy that sees me, understands me, and loves me. Lucky for me, he lets me know on a daily basis that he appreciates me and loves me. I too go through good seasons and bad seasons in dealing with my singleness. With each passing year (or sometimes 6 months–I’m exactly 6 months from turning 30), I get sad and wonder “when will it be my turn?” In fact a forever single friend of mine just texted me a few hours ago to share her wonderful news of no longer being single anymore. She of course was so excited to share the news with me, that she shared EVERY detail of how she is no longer single, the conversation they had, the plans for their future as a couple, etc. Smile, nod, give hugs, and encouragement. That’s my job. But for how much longer? When will I get to share happy news?

    • Mona Lisa
      August 1, 2016

      Dear Shannon, I have six at home to remind me that I am not invisible and that I have something to offer at the grand old age of 56! Every day we are bombarded with all these miracle “cures” for the “disease” of aging, so we are kept alive and are healthier and sharper than ever, yet no man wants us, no employ wants to employ us because we have the audacity to keep breathing! I cried when I saw this blog before reading a single word. Tons of degrees and experience and long past the age of running off with some guy or getting pregnant with enforced job security, never calling in sick or complaining about overtime. Add that to no kids and no partner and a lot of cats for many = no value to society whatsoever, I thank God my boss is 75 and in excellent health and he values me for exactly what I have to offer. Just pray for his health every day to make sure I do not wind up poor as well as alone. Men have been useless, a car accident took ten of my prime working years away while I recovered (mentally ill man committing suicide by running into my car on purpose), and I had a terrific career which I decided to go for and thus forsook the family and child route. But no one wants us around unless we can stay 25 forever and never eat. Men can look like Jim Belushi or Steve Buscemi and never get punished for not being slim and perfect. I am exhausted but just grateful that my parents and my boss and my cats, and other single women can still see me. I am going to cry now! I cannot wait feel I am not alone and I am not invisible though this blog <3

  2. July 17, 2015

    Great, Mandy!
    God is with us always! I actually prayed to be invisible (except to my future husband) to guys so I’d stop getting noticed by the crummies. Lol.

    • Jeannie
      July 22, 2015

      Yes im not invisible too! #keepingmyfaith

    • Lisa
      August 1, 2016

      Dear Shannon, I have six at home to remind me that I am not invisible and that I have something to offer at the grand old age of 56! Every day we are bombarded with all these miracle “cures” for the “disease” of aging, so we are kept alive and are healthier and sharper than ever, yet no man wants us, no employ wants to employ us because we have the audacity to keep breathing! I cried when I saw this blog before reading a single word. Tons of degrees and experience and long past the age of running off with some guy or getting pregnant with enforced job security, never calling in sick or complaining about overtime. Add that to no kids and no partner and a lot of cats for many = no value to society whatsoever, I thank God my boss is 75 and in excellent health and he values me for exactly what I have to offer. Just pray for his health every day to make sure I do not wind up poor as well as alone. Men have been useless, a car accident took ten of my prime working years away while I recovered (mentally ill man committing suicide by running into my car on purpose), and I had a terrific career which I decided to go for and thus forsook the family and child route. But no one wants us around unless we can stay 25 forever and never eat. Men can look like Jim Belushi or Steve Buscemi and never get punished for not being slim and perfect. I am exhausted but just grateful that my parents and my boss and my cats, and other single women can still see me. I am going to cry now! I cannot wait feel I am not alone and I am not invisible though this blog <3

  3. July 17, 2015

    As Warsan Shire says “If you exist then he exists”. That’s what keeps me going.

  4. Shannon
    July 17, 2015

    Mandy, this brought tears to my eyes as I so can relate. In this day and age of social media, I too have found myself looking at others and thinking, “How can they just seamlessly and easily go from guy to guy yet my dating life comes and goes in blips.” Once again, thank you for your beautiful and inspiring words.

    • Dee
      July 22, 2015

      Thanks for the encouragement. I can so relate.

    • Marie
      August 15, 2015

      I was crying this morning after seeing pictures of friends, their spouses and growing families… I wondered the same exact thing. I came across your blog and can’t stop reading. Thank you for blessing me today Mandy. I can’t wait to read your book!

  5. Ashley
    July 17, 2015

    This is so absolutely perfect. You said almost exactly what I’ve been thinking lately. I’ll be 30 soon, and the feeling of being forgotten and overlooked has loomed more recently than ever before. Thank you for being real and honest about it.

  6. Jenel
    July 17, 2015

    Mandy,
    This was an on time word/ message for me! Let me tell you!! GOD is so good, isn’t He?!?! He knows our inner most thoughts and desires . He hears us when we call. The weekend is a difficult time for me as a single woman. But one day soon this will be a thing of the past. Until then, I will wait until the Lord sends me His best. Thank you for your inspiration!

  7. Stephami
    July 17, 2015

    Excellent! I soooo needed this!!! Thank you for being so inspiring!

  8. sue
    July 17, 2015

    Your words of encouragement are always right on time. I often ask myself why no man has come into my life since my husband left me 2+ years ago. Then I read this! God is always with me teaching me patience, humility and grace. I am not invisible. I am merely growing and perfecting who I am meant to be! Thanks again Mandy!

  9. Beth
    July 17, 2015

    I found your site as part of a blogging class I’m taking. Now I’m a follower. This post was so encouraging to me. I’ve asked the same questions over and over and each time God gives me the answer that I need and well, I’ve been known to tell God He’s weird a time or two. Thanks for the reminder to put my focus in the right place. To God, I’m never invisible.

  10. Monique
    July 17, 2015

    Love love this! I felt the same way in my 3 years of being single. I also call that time the time Jesus romanced me. I’ve been married now for 7 months and it was all Gods timing. Hey also have a fur baby, Nugget;)

  11. Tamara
    July 17, 2015

    Mandy you always know what to say that strikes at so many of who have felt the same way. Thank you because I often feel it’s just me and I am constantly asking God what is it. Your articles always makes me further reflect and dig deep to see is it me with a problem or am I being tested for whatever reason.

  12. TURKESSHIA MOORE
    July 17, 2015

    ALL OF THIS… ALL. OF. THIS. I am this very place tonight. There’s a feeling of never being good enough, smiling enough, being pretty enough, skinny enough to be the one…to be the one he picks. I have a good life woth good friends and a loving family. I don’t think a man will complete me but I do want to experiece companionship and love kn another level. With married friends saying “It will happen. You’re too impatient.” Lord help us to know that you see us. God help us!

  13. Annette
    July 18, 2015

    Hi Mandy,
    That is a great story you shared about your cat jumping on you and showing you affection.
    You are not invisible. You are beautiful! God’s timing is not always our timing, but we can trust His timing. He is a loving Father and we can trust Him with the future. He has good plans for you!
    Thank you for writing the book, The Single Woman. It is very encouraging!
    Have a blessed weekend!
    Annette

  14. Lana
    July 18, 2015

    I have found that the second you focus on what you love doing and just being yourself love just comes up. It’s important to be confidant and know yourself before you go looking for love. Love is always there we just aren’t ready to see it sometimes

  15. Edm
    July 18, 2015

    Omg I’ve been feeling this way for years!!!!

  16. Suzanne
    July 18, 2015

    As always, this blog came at the perfect time for me, having seen more than a couple engagement announcements this week and having received yet another wedding invitation for “Suzanne”, not even “Suzsnne & guest” because there’s not even a “guest” in my life… Talk about feeling invisible! Thank you… ❤️

    • hersha
      August 9, 2015

      i totally agree…. would it kill them just to write “name & guest”…. tho? especially when they know you won’t know anyone at the event besides the bride & groom!

  17. Stephanie
    July 18, 2015

    I love your transparency and honesty…after going through a painful divorce 3 yrs ago, I can definitely echo your sentiments! Thank you for the words…sometimes it’s just good to know I’m not alone in my feelings:) have a blessed day!

  18. Meg
    July 18, 2015

    Try being over 55 and single. Talk about invisible …

  19. Brittany
    July 18, 2015

    Do you know Lisa Harper? I think she would be a good person for you to look into – a great woman of God who like you really wants to be married but is 50 and single. She recently became a mother of an awesome Haitian girl named Missy. You can follow her adventures on instagram and Ive linked her testimony below. Bless you Mandy!

  20. Debbie
    July 18, 2015

    I know exactly how you feel 🙁

  21. Wondering
    July 18, 2015

    Wow. Mandy, your “realness” is so helpful and refreshing. To be honest with you (and I wanted to add this in the post to the last amazing blog), I also think that not-so-great things are happening to the male population too as the world continues to grow darker and more self-focused. So it’s not so much not being noticed and loved, it’s that I have noticed that many men (even those claiming to be Believers) are struggling with their own issues. If it’s a married man – well – he shouldn’t even be “looking” anyway…and many single men who are our age, even those who are Believers (unless they are divorced and have had experience with living with/marrying a woman; and then there is that whole question that sometimes plagues me about the “ok-ness” of remarriage), do not really know or are not being properly equipped to know HOW to “look at” (treat) a woman. I know…it HURTS when you keep getting the wedding/engagement notices from others, the baby showers…etc., etc., etc…and man DOES it feel like “looking in from the outside” or worse, being “passed by” by God. OUCH! But He isn’t passing us by (or making us more invisible than others); He is just preparing us for WHATEVER beautiful place He wants us — with or without a man. Love you all, Terri

    • August 2, 2015

      That is what I’m talking about! The Lord knows and lights the way. He knows all of his children and their wants and needs. We have to learn that just because it (marriage and etc), hasn’t happened yet or been sucessful yet does not mean he has forgotten or overlooked us. He knows MORE about what we NEED and want than we do. I get lost in the doubt too sometimes. I do know that I would rather be single, loving the Lord and my life, and appreciating the people and things in it, than being married to someone I don’t enjoy, love and want to be with and grow with.

  22. Montanagal
    July 18, 2015

    Mandy ….
    I have to say I’ve been silently reading you post and wanted to say
    Thanks …..
    You been writing about how I feel lately and it nice to hear I’m not the only one
    I just turned 31 this year and I having a really hard time
    I have good days and bad days
    I want to be happy being single but like you said even In today’s post I feel like I’m invisible a lot of the time
    This is hard to say but I’ve never been out on a date in my life
    And the few that have asked me out have been in there 60s and only one guy close to my age ask me out
    So thanks for being willing to share how you feel so people like me know where not Alone
    M

  23. Laura
    July 19, 2015

    Mandy, I can’t tell you how much your posts have helped me….THANK YOU! You reassure me that I’m not alone in similar feelings. Please remember high up in your remember-er, that not only is God our Father and friend, but also our Protector. Our Shepherd. I’ve never commented on any of these posts, but I feel I’m being led to leave this one, and it’s a question. Here goes: If your were bombarded with noticing men notice YOU, do you think you could become oblivious, sortof like taking it for granted, and NOT notice ‘THE ONE’ that God sends your way? ((hugs & smiles!))

  24. Pat
    July 19, 2015

    Loved this message, Mandy. Very timely. I have a newly adopted kitten who is the polar opposite of Prince Hairy. Every night at bedtime, Smoki, a girl, nuzzles me, licks the crook of my arm and purrs like a tractor. I have had one serious relationship in my life which all by itself is pretty unusual. I hope for another which will be permanent but am not one to sign on to dating sites. How did people meet each other prior to dating sites? By chance, that’s how I met mine. The relationship was fairly long but didn’t result in marriage, but we parted friends and still are though out of touch for many years. I believe there’s a reason for everything and God knows what’s best for us even if we don’t. I continue to live my life and know that someday, out of the blue……………………………………………….

  25. July 20, 2015

    Hi Mandy, I just found your blog and books, read this article and I have to tell you, I feel the same.
    every single word you wrote resonates with me A LOT.

    Thank you for this support.

  26. Pewa
    July 20, 2015

    “That awkward moment when you find a passage that seems to just be based on your life” 🙂

  27. Michelle
    July 20, 2015

    I feel this way all the time, especially when I see friends going on their third and even fourth child (not that I want that many) I just can’t believe how ahead of the game they seem to be. I continue to remind myself that while I’m ready to settle down, I’m not going to “settle” and I feel a lot of women do, hence the quickly finding someone after a divorce or break-up. In order to have a healthy and long lasting relationship you have to have standards and values and make sure he meets those which in this day and age can be very hard to find. I truly believe though that if I continue to ask for guidance God will bless with me with a wonderful husband someday! Thanks for your blog, it’s always nice knowing that I’m not alone in this battle.

  28. Jen
    July 20, 2015

    Another great post. I love reading your blogs as they are very inspirational and uplifting. I sometimes too feel invisible and wonder why guys don’t notice me. I feel better knowing that not only am I not invisible, but I am not alone in feeling this way.

    God is good.

  29. Kaila
    July 20, 2015

    Thank you so much for this. There are countless days (more lately) that these exact same thoughts come to my mind. Why can all of my friends be living their happy family lives and I am here alone with my cat thinking “am I becoming a crazy cat lady?” “Am I going to be alone forever?” “Why don’t people see me?”. But then I read things like your blog and I realize I am not alone, plus God is on my side, ALWAYS, and he sees me and will take care of me. Again, thank you for your blog. I love getting that notification in my inbox when your creativity strikes, I wish I had your courage!

  30. July 20, 2015

    YES. I’ve been divorced for five years and have yet to have a new relationship. I’m in an okay place about it at this moment, but many times I’ve wanted to throw something when I’ve heard about yet another person divorced and remarried in less time than it’s taken me to get one date. It helps to know a lot of us are in this boat.

  31. cherie
    July 20, 2015
  32. cherie
    July 20, 2015
  33. Michie
    July 21, 2015

    Mandy it’s official that you live inside of my head going by last week’s post and now this! Thanks for being soooo real.My current prayer is, ” God I’ve really been patient (and whiny sometimes) so could you send me someone with skin on already 🙂

  34. Mary
    July 22, 2015

    LOVE!! So timely!!

  35. Kate
    July 22, 2015

    Thank you for this blog entry. I’ve been feeling invisible for a few years, dealing with a couple of health issues that I’ve turned into stumbling blocks. I’m stumbling over them, at least I’ve got the strength to do that. I’m not invisible. I’m coming out from underneath the rock I have been hiding under. I just needed the time to recover myself and become honest within myself. I’m fine. My body might have changed a tiny bit, but dammit. I’m stronger than before.
    There, but for the grace of God, go I.

  36. Jen
    July 22, 2015

    I’ve been feeling invisible for some time. Still awaiting patiently. Your posts help! Thanks

  37. Amy
    July 22, 2015

    Oh, how I needed to hear this today! Thanks, Mandy, for keeping it real. It lets the rest of us know we’re not alone in these struggles!

  38. Penny
    July 22, 2015

    I thought it and you wrote it. But I’ve finally just given up. I think I may have wasted my chances on the wrong ones.

  39. Millie
    July 22, 2015

    I also feel this way at times. Been single for a long time. And yes I want someone soon. Feel like my window is getting smaller and smaller. .lol.
    Thanks for sharing how you really feel.

  40. Katie
    July 22, 2015

    Thank you. I have been struggling and I really needed to read this today.

  41. Linda
    July 22, 2015

    Oh lord feels like you read my mind

  42. Terri
    July 22, 2015

    I love this, it just shows how God is always there ready to give us the validation, love, acceptance (whatever it is we need at the time). You can’t always count on that in a relationship (no matter how good), but God is ALWAYS there, and ALWAYS attentive. I remember something you said in a previous blog that really touched me, you said that you had a realization of how much God loved you and loved your devotion to him. And that just maybe, he didn’t want to give up that level of devotion from one of his treasured daughters just yet. That really made me think……..God Bless you Mandy! You are an awesome sister in Christ!!

  43. Jasmine
    July 22, 2015

    Hi Mandy, I thank God for your post. I feel exactly the same way as you do. I often look at my friends and wonder why finding a life partner is so simple for them, yet it seems almost impossible for me. I feel that my life is “abnormal” coz at the age of 42 I am still single with no husband and no kids. Well, I still believe God knows what is best for me. I will continue to be still and wait for Him to surprise me one day. ^^

  44. Sarah
    July 22, 2015

    It’s like you took the words right out of my head. For years I have been watching my friends get married (some twice), buy new homes, welcome children, and all along I’ve questioned what it is that I could be doing wrong. So many times I have cried and asked God what I need to do to be blessed with someone to share my life with. On a daily basis I struggle, wondering if He has love in his plan for me. Maybe I’ve been asking all of the wrong questions. At 36 I feel like I’m still waiting for my life to start.

  45. Laura
    July 22, 2015

    I have been feeling this for so long and I needed these words. Thank you!

  46. Kim
    July 22, 2015

    Thank you Mandy, like so many others here have said i feel the exactly the same. As much as i am happy for my friends who have found their partners (and i really am glad for them), it does tend to highlight my “aloneness”. I have been single for a year now and aside from a few first dates, there really have been no connections. Like you, i do not consider myself depressed, i have been using the time to really get comfortable with myself and i focus on “bringing” a fully happy and complete me to the table, so that i will attract a happy and complete partner (rather than looking for someone to make me happy – that is MY job!) I guess it takes time and i don’t want to settle for less than what God really wants for me, but we are all human and it does get discouraging sometimes so it helps so much to know that there are others feeling the exact same way. I love your blog and enjoy reading the comments from the other ladies aa well. We really are not alone!

  47. July 22, 2015

    Oh my gosh–exactly the way I have felt for the last 6 months. Invisible and wondering why not me? Great article.

  48. July 22, 2015

    Timing! Oh my word, this is called timing!
    I’m 34. I’m happily single, waiting for a good ‘rest-of-the-story’. I’ve learned how to design days that I really like, and my friends and community are absolutely amazing!
    I rarely just troll on Facebook, and I rarely have those days that I’m so incredibly aware of my singleness. Or what feels like unwantedness. But that’s today.
    Thank you for sharing this! For being honest, not overly heavy and not annoyingly over-spiritual but still allowing The Lord the freedom to speak to you.
    This is a blessing, and you need to keep doing this!
    ❤️

  49. Catherine Tuohy
    July 22, 2015

    I’m tired of being invisible.

  50. July 22, 2015

    Your article is spot on. I’ve waited all these years for a Godly man in a country where few born-again Christians. Some women have managed to find Godly men but me no. Hard to be proactive when the guys are not living here. I have no family apart from one relation and wonder why God has not come through re husband. He is capable of finding me a man despite the lack of men. And yet no one. Sometimes I get so tired of being invisible. But still I hope but there is sadness in my heart. And from my loss has arisen an empathy towards friends in need.

  51. Brooke McCann
    July 22, 2015

    Thank you again you are a step ahead of me and answer to my prayers! You are such a blessing!

  52. Tami K
    July 22, 2015

    Thank you so much for this today! I have been divorced for 8 years and have had a few serious relationships and several losers since, but have yet to remarry or find the perfect one God has for me. It’s very discouraging to see that “everyone has got someone but me ” all over the place but that I am alone watching Netflix on a Friday night with no prospect in sight. I’ve actually purposely taken a break for over a year and took myself off of all dating sites and prayed for God to actually make me blind to anyone that wouldn’t serve in his plan for me. It’s lonely and I often question myself, but this post reminded me of the bigger picture! Thank you!

  53. Robin Connelly
    July 22, 2015

    Hi Mandy

    Just a little encouragement for you from a guy.

    I’m really amazed that you feel invisible to the guys. Judging by your photos and your personality that I pick up from blogs and so on, I have to say you are a very attractive woman. Do the guys not ask you out? If I wasnt living on the other side of the world, I definitely would.

    Some thoughts that might be helpful. Churches are funny places- sometimes they can be pretty sterile. The hair is always “up”, so to speak. You might have tried these already (and forgive me if you have) but these are things that I notice about single Christian women that might make a difference.

    1) Give eye contact. I notice that Christian women seem to look away all the time and it comes across as if they don’t like the guys, consider themselves superior etc.. If you look at a guy, he’s likely to be friendly. If he gets a hint that you might find him attractive, his confidence will rise.

    2) be a little vulnerable. John Eldridge in his famous book bangs the nail on the head when he says that most men are looking for a “beauty to rescue”. Now, that doesn’t mean being helpless or a washout but just subtly letting the guy know that you need his strength and appreciate that part of him. Sometimes it can be a little thing like “help me, my car won’t start” etc. guys just love to be the knight in shining armour and this sort of thing brings out that side of him.

    3) speak to guys with respect, not challenge or critisism. In the same way that your core need as a woman is to be loved, a mans core need is to be respected. If you push that button, you will be amazed at how a guy will rise to the plate. Say good things about men in general. Come across like you think men are cool, you like men, men are great etc. you will be seen as a “a cool gal” and that opens doors.

    4) Be available. After church don’t go straight into that “women’s armadillo” with your friends having those intense conversations with your backs to everyone. Guys just feel unwelcome. A gentleman doesn’t want to barge in. Get some coffee, hang around on your own a bit, glance at a guy you like with a little smile. He will come over.

    5) never say things like “I’m completely content single- I don’t need a man”. As a woman, you would probably find that sort of attitude attractive in a man but men are the opposite. Some neediness in a woman (again not a drain or washout) is attractive.

    6) Try going for a guy that you are not initially attracted to. As a woman you are wired to fall in love slowly. In the words of John Gray, women “warm up like an ovan”. Men are wired to go from 0-100 In 10 sec but if a woman lights up like that it is a bad sign. Give it time with a guy. You might feel nothing to begin with but after a month or so, you might start to have odd feelings of attraction. These grow until you completely fall for him. in the same way, if a guy seems to “give too much too soon” try not to be turned off by that. That is normal for men. They might act a bit goofy and so on around you but it’s just a hormonal thing. If you can ride that for a while, it can turn into something great.

    7) Be humble. It’s a rare trait among women these days and something that a lot of men are really looking for. Someone that he can talk to without being judged. Someone that he can relax with and be himself. It’s a foundation for friendship.

    I could say a lot more but I hope that helps.

    Good luck

    Robin Connelly
    Johannesburg
    South Africa

    • Mandy Hale
      August 20, 2015

      Hi Robin,
      Thank you for this 🙂
      I always appreciate having the male perspective!
      xo,
      Mandy

  54. Kerri
    July 22, 2015

    After divorcing from my husband of 17 years, I realize that I felt invisible for at least that amount of time. Now moved on to feeling like the cook, maid, masseuse, and driver. In essence, I feel more unworthy of love than invisible now. I wonder which is worse.
    Thank you for these words!

  55. K
    July 22, 2015

    I completely needed this!! For the most part in my everyday life I feel invisible and forgotten. I have had people say to my face, oh, I forgot about you. Sometimes when I let go of the self pity that tries to cling to me, I can hear God whispering, I see you and I have not forgotten you. I get the feeling something awesome is going to happen to those of us who feel this way, but don’t give up.

  56. robin
    July 22, 2015

    very cute story.

  57. Jennifer
    July 22, 2015

    Thank you!!! I needed to read that. I’m 43 with no children and never been married. I’ve been single 5 years, and today I had that feeling of being invisible and asking what is wrong with ME?!??? When it comes to relationships or the potential of one in the future I go thru bouts of trusting Gods perfect timing, I trust and then I get impatient, I trust and get impatient, it seems like a never ending cycle of feeling like that. I just want to trust completely and be ok with my singleness. I wish it wasn’t so hard!

    • Karen
      July 22, 2015

      It’s hard because our society is built around The Couple. Our society rewards couples and is tailored around it. It’s status and more. This is unfortunate because single is a state in life and a fulfilling one. Yet it’s more acceptable to be in and out of relationships and marriages. And someone who has been single a long time looks weird. This makes no sense. Better to be wise and selective than insecure.

  58. Karen
    July 22, 2015

    Let’s be honest. Most of the people jumping from divorce to a new relationship aren’t seeking the highest level. Our society rewards couples and people flock to it. No one wants to be left standing as in the game of musical chairs. If we are, as I am, we inevitably begin to think something is wrong with us. However more people should be single…and for longer. Everyone doing it and society rewarding it (every commercial shows a couple!) Creates this frenzy and this illusion that it’s better to be part of a couple than on your own. On your own makes you a better person. There is no doubt about it. You learn who you are and what you can offer. So ladies – hold tight and don’t settle and maybe single will one day be regarded as more than a pityful in-between stage.

  59. Candi
    July 22, 2015

    This is timely as I am struggling once again with my singleness/spinsterhood! My 21 year old nephew got married this weekend. I’m 39 and have not ever been that much cared for by a man. I know that God loves me and He should be all I need, but I experience times like this and it’s hard. I have my dog and he shows me he loves me – usually by barking at me or putting a wet tennis ba in my lap – and I just go day by day.

  60. Marisa
    July 22, 2015

    I actually texted a friend last week “I think I might actually Be invisible.” Except it wasn’t to men, I was on vacation with my family (parents, brother and his girlfriend).
    Interesting timing 🙂

  61. Bliss
    July 23, 2015

    This week has been a particularly difficult one for me. Just two days ago I was crying out to God, asking Him to let me know that I’m not invisible. So thank you…this is a timely post to read for me.

  62. Michelle Flagg
    July 24, 2015

    Thank you for being open, authentic, and uncompromising in sharing this Mandy! You touched on so many facets of this subject. I can bear witness to them all!!! For those who are ready and choose to cultivate the steps that you’ve outline, I thank you too!!! #TheSingleWomanIsAwesome

  63. Angie
    July 26, 2015

    This is weird. I was just sitting in my dark studio by the window crying and telling God that I feel invisible not only to men but also to Him. I asked him with as much intent as possible to just show me that He’s not ignoring me and to put the right person for me in my path at his earliest convenience. After I was done, I came to bed and got on Twitter. I follow RobHillSr who had just tweeted TheSingleWoman. The title was obviously like a magnet to me, being that I am currently drowning in all my singleness, so I went to check out more of their tweets. And after scrolling past a few, I spotted this article. Do you think this is His sign? It would be too much of a coincidence if it wasn’t. I’m going to try my best to hang in there. I mean, I asked Him to show me He is listening AND to put the right person in my path so maybe that’s next? Soon? 🙂 Anyway, thanks for this.

  64. July 26, 2015

    Mandy-Thank you for this post. I’m reading it a week later but it’s what I needed to see. I’m going through this right now and I’m learning to embrace being invisible as I realize that God is working on me so that when its time for me to meet THE ONE I’ll be ready…and right now I’m not afraid to admit I’m not ready yet. There are old destructive habits that I need to let go of. There is a past relationship that I need to finally let go of. I’m also learning how to be patient and wait on his will. It may take some more time but I know I’m not invisible to the one that matters the most and that’s the one I care about first and foremost right now. Thank you again for this post. It’s humbling to know that I’m not alone.

  65. Lynden Wallis
    July 27, 2015

    Such a timely word. I was writing to my sister just this morning, and telling her that I felt like I was invisible, that I was that “forgettable person”. I was married for 15 years and have been on my own for 10 years now, after my exhusband left. I have definitely felt invisible, not just to men but to all my “married” friends who get together in the weekends and happily tell me about it. It can be heartbreaking at times to be excluded from friend-get-togethers. BUT…It is lovely how God shows us in other ways (like your funny/grumpy cat) how we are NOT invisible to Him. The challenge is to accept and rest in His love.

  66. mattie
    July 27, 2015

    Mandy ,you crack me up .I too have cat(s) and they are funny little creatures with a mind all their own .but I think they since when we really need loving on ,just like Jesus,he wants us to cur up in his lap and tell him all about it ,whatever (it) is .and NO we are NOT invisible to him or the world .sometimes I think we might give off that vibe,that says don’t look @ me, stay clear .sometimes when we have gone thru so much disappointment and heartache we tend to come off as invisible .but you are right ,we are certainly not to G-d who loves us on good and bad days .keep up the good work Mandy. we love you tons and lots .

  67. Stephanie
    July 28, 2015

    Mandy that commentary was beautiful! I am single now about 11/2 years and would love to be in a relationship. I didn’t ask to be here (Pro duct of divorce) but I am here now and embracing singleness. God does have a sense of humor sometimes but laughs at his own jokes because he knows who I am and whom I belong to and will be there to show me what he wants for me. I will try to be as patient as I can.

  68. Stephanie
    July 28, 2015

    I think I might like being single!!

  69. Tangela
    July 30, 2015

    Wow!!! I’m glad seen this because I definitely feel like I have been Invisible not just to the men but invisible from everybody… Please keep me in your prayers I live alone and I go to church but theirs no one my age that can relate. all of my friends are married with children so their is no one for me to really hang with. but I know that God is with me Just Pray that I will gain a closer relationship with him then I know that everything he has for me will fall in place… Thankd

  70. Mindy
    August 1, 2015

    I love your blog posts but this one tugged at my heart strings.. I can relate to every word. I wonder why I’m the only single person in a crowd full of people or why guys seem to look past me. I have many friends that seem to find relationships with ease and feel like I have always struggled in this area, mostly after my divorce 3 years ago. I don’t know how many times I have compared myself to someone else, wondering what they have that I dont. But I do have a God that loves me and wants nothing but good things for me. I know He will put someone in my life when the time is right. My season is full of change and for God to remove those that no longer serve me. I also have 2 cats, and I KNOW they don’t think I’m invisible 🙂

  71. Cindy
    August 3, 2015

    Amen 🙂 Even in this season of questioning, you are still an inspiration. You’re not alone…. There are many of us out here that feel the same way and ask the same questions. And yes, our God is weird sometimes, but He is always faithful and has perfect timing. Thank you for being the blessing you are. Sending you lots of love, all the way from SA.

    P. S. You’re too gorgeous to be invisible…

  72. […] you are not invisible by the single woman […]

  73. Nicole
    August 10, 2015

    I’m late on reading this one but your last couple blogs have been like you are reading my mind! I needed to read this today.

  74. Dami
    August 16, 2015

    This is exactly what I needed, i’ve been feeling invisible, I mean girls tell me I am beautiful and ask me why I am still single, am sometimes ashamed to admit i’ve never had a boyfriend and am 20, a university graduate for that matter. Over here in Nigeria, girls get married soon after university or at least have a serious relationship by the time they are throug and though I am seen as a diehard feminist and I like to think am one, I still want love. So why am I single? Why? When almost everyone says am beautiful both physically and I hope inside too where it counts. Your post has given me some sort of peace that God’s working on my Mr perfect and for those who feel I have high standards, well my God can do far greater and exceedingly than I can ever ask or imagine. Thanks for this post. God’s blessings.

  75. August 31, 2015

    Mandy, I can really relate to your post. I am going to be 31 and I feel so invisible.
    Dear Dami, not all girls in Nigeria get married soon after university, and not all girls are in a serious relationship I must tell you.
    Mandy, thank you for your post, I have decided to love and trust God for my life partner acknowledging that HIS timing is so perfect.

  76. Courtney
    September 27, 2015

    I feel like maybe you are going through this journey so that you can help people. I know that just by reading your first book, it has made me stronger and I really appreciate you for that. I think you are amazing and I am so happy that you have made these books and share these blogs. They have really really helped me and I can’t thank you enough for that. I know that you probably feel discouraged sometimes but I would just like for you to know that you are such a blessing to people like me. Your doing this for girls like me to not slump into a deep depression and cry ourselves to sleep every night. So thank you so much for just being you and doing the things you do!

  77. Karo'Line
    October 29, 2015

    Thanks for this Mandy. I am going through this right now -feeling invisible. I am in my early 30’s and haven;t been in a relationship for over 6 years. I often feel like God has forgotten me, and is very hard for me to live my life with faith and hope.
    I often worry that I have been overlooked and left on the shelf – everybody I know is partnered up or married and I often wonder what it is about me that makes me invisible, or that no man has chosen me. Your blog makes me realise I am not the only one going through these things that I feel, the things that run through my mind on a daily basis as to why I am still single. I know how to make myself happy, live my life, and do things for me and I have for a long time and have enjoyed it all, but it has also made my soul very tired. I was taught when I was younger that God never gives us more than we can bear, but this seems beyond my ability to handle.

  78. noendlovu
    December 2, 2015

    I feel like most of the woman that wrote on this blog as l am 30 something and still single i feel like l`m invisible literally as l sometimes go out and not a single men would notice me. It gets me so down the a cry when a try to pray coz l feel god has forgotten me. The worst part is not having any one to talk to as all my friend a happy married and cant relate to my situation. Thanks tis show me that l`m not only out there.

  79. Oaioldk
    March 28, 2016

    OK, I am a single male (happily divorced) 49 with a wonderful son. My divorce made me re-think everything that I had been conditioned to believe about life in general. But what does that mean? For me, it meant experiencing life based on a new set of rules. I developed my “new rules” by analyzing my daily routine and doing something radically different. Here is part of my journey: 1. Stop watching TV. 2. Take a close look at your current set of friends. You may find that they some of them have never been a “true” friend. 3. Travel to at at least three developing countries. Alone. 4. Take a class (alone) on something you have never done. In my case it was oil painting. 5. Stop going to bars. 6. Read at least 2 non-fiction books a month. 7. Exercise really hard. 8. Learn to meditate. This was by far the biggest surprise in my life. 9. Get to know people way outside your comfort zone. In my case, it was a life changing event that I wish I’d done years earlier. For those that need help with this, here’s a hint. If you’re a white middle class male, introduce yourself to a intercity black lesbian. 10. While traveling (alone) do some crazy things (since there are no witnesses) like shadow boxing in a public park, or wearing two different types of shoes. What ever it is, do something that doesn’t conform to the norm. 11. Smile at everyone!!!! There are many more, but for me rethinking how I lived my life was a serious, yet positive, wake up call on many levels. I will end with a quote from a friend. “There are many fish in the ocean, the problem is most people bottom feed and never experience what is truly available.”

  80. Maria
    January 1, 2017

    I had organized my own 50th birthday party and invited loads of people. In most of the photos that were sent to me of the event, I’m not there. There is one picture of most of them together in a row smiling and looking happy some with babies and I’m not in it. None of them even noticed I wasn’t there. I was the invisible person whose birthday it was. I think of that often as I’ve felt invisible everywhere including in church.

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