You Are Not Invisible
Sometimes I feel particularly invisible to the opposite sex. Kind of like Harry Potter tossed his magical Cloak of Invisibility around me when I wasn’t looking and then darted off to go do whatever it is Harry Potter is doing these days. (Of course, old Harry is a male so he probably didn’t see me in the first place!) But seriously…as much as the idea of having a super power appeals to me, I could do without the ability to dart largely unseen amongst the male population. And before I start getting people asking me: “What’s up with you lately? Are you depressed?” (yes, my mom actually called me after reading my last blog to ask me that) – the emphatic answer is no. Not in the least. I’m just in a season of grappling with my singleness and questions about singleness in general that calls for new layers of TRUTH and realness and authenticity. And the truth is, lately I’ve been looking around asking “Why everyone else BUT me?” As happy as I am when I hear from friends who have gone through painful divorces or break-ups and managed to find love again (and often, very quickly)…I can’t help but look at them and look at me and make an obvious comparison, wondering what it is that they’re doing right that I’m doing wrong. And as encouraging as it is to see couples pop up on my Instagram or Facebook feed who are barely older than me yet have been married for 20 years…there’s always that moment where I catch my breath and reflect on the past 20 years of my life and ask God how in the world they could be so far ahead in the game of life when I haven’t even gotten started.
So today during a moment of prayer and meditation, I asked God to show me that I’m NOT, in fact, invisible. “Please God, please just send me a sign…an obvious sign…to let me know that I’m not invisible.”
No sooner had the words left my mouth than my cat, Prince Hairy, appeared from nowhere, leapt up on my chest, and started simultaneously purring louder than the engine of a 747 and staring at me like I was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen in his life. I should explain that this is not a regular occurrence for this little cantankerous ball of fluff. Those of you who follow his antics on Twitter know that Prince Hairy is notoriously eccentric and a little grumpy and very much marches to the beat of his own feline drummer. Every time I try and pick him up to snuggle with him or love on him, he shoots across the room in the opposite direction like someone set his tail on fire, disappearing for hours into the dark crevices of my apartment. So for him to instantly appear from nowhere and perch on my chest for a full 15 minutes while attempting over and over to give me cat kisses was unexpected, to say the least.
Except not really that unexpected at all…because that’s the God that we serve. A God who is delightfully unexpected and tangible and even a bit of an oddball. I even laughed and said out loud to Him as PH pranced around on my chest: “God, You’re so weird.” And we had this beautiful moment of giggles and tears and intimacy and long after PH had departed to go stalk a bug on the other side of the room, I was reminded that though it might take awhile for the right person, the right man, to see me…no, I am not, in fact, as I feared…invisible.
And neither are you.