Five Signs You’re Dating a Dud & Not a Stud
This morning I was on Nashville’s “More at Midday” to talk about #BeautifulUncertainty and since all of you guys don’t live here in Nashville and didn’t get to see the segment, I wanted to share with you what we discussed, cause it’s tons of fun.
I get emails from you lovely humans quite often, asking me “How do I know if this guy I’m dating is really a good guy?” or “How do I know if he’s in this for REAL?” And I like to think there are a few pretty clear signs to look for in the early stages of a relationship to know if it’s going places.
So, without further adieu, here are my top five signs you might be dating a dud and not a stud (HAHA! After watching Grease Live this past weekend ‘Tell me about it, STUD’…I couldn’t help myself).
- You have to make all the effort. If you’re constantly the one calling, pursuing, making plans, initiating contact…chances are, he’s not that invested in the relationship. Here’s the thing: This isn’t some archaic, old-fashioned “I need him to chase me around while I sniff my Scarlett O’Hara smelling salts and wave my handkerchief around” mentality. It’s a “a man will always go after what he really wants ” reality. With any relationship, friendship or otherwise…if the effort is unbalanced, it has nowhere to go but down.
- He only texts, never calls. No, millennials…you don’t get a pass here. I know that texting is the most awesome thing ever invented, but you can’t possibly create a solid foundation for a relationship based solely upon text messages. It just won’t work. Part of the fun and magic of a new relationship is talking on the phone til 2:00 and 3:00am when you have to be up early the next morning…and that requires actual time and energy and emotion…not just endless emoticons.
- His idea of a great date is “Netflix and chill.” This one speaks for itself. You can tell a lot about a guy’s feelings for you by the time of day he contacts you: at 2pm in the middle of the day when he’s busy but wants you to know he’s thinking about you…or at 2am when he’s been out partying with his buddies and wants you to come over. If it’s always the latter, chances are he’s admiring your booty and not your beauty.
- He doesn’t at least OFFER to pick up the tab on the first date. Even if you’re a girl power, feminist, ‘I got this’ kinda girl…I still think it’s the gentlemanly thing for the man to pay the first few times you go out. Or at least make the offer, then you can decide if you want to let him or not.
- You only hear from him sporadically. If the only way he’s consistent is in his inconsistency…chances are he’s got you on “rotation” with several other ladies. If you’re okay with that, by all means, stick it out and see if things change or if communication gets better. But also be prepared for the fact that you might invest in the situation in the short term only to wind up being played in the long run. If he’s completely erratic and A.D.D. and his attention is being pulled in 27 different directions from Day One of Dating…it’s probably best to give him ‘one less problem without you’ and hit the road before you get any more attached.
Have you ever found yourself dating a DUD? Sound off in the comments below!