Single > Settling

Today I had one of those experiences that reminded me of just how much being single can sometimes feel like a series of poop emojis. (No, it’s not chocolate ice cream, people. It’s poop. Albeit, smiling poop.)

I stepped out to take out the garbage and for some reason, twisted the lock on my doorknob as I headed out, so when I got back to my apartment to let myself back in, I was greeted by a great, big, locked door. Which might night be such a big deal if it wasn’t one of those days that I’ve been running crazy in a t-shirt, cut-off sweatpants, glasses, no makeup, and crazy hair. And now, no apartment and no keys and no phone. (Thank God I had the wherewithal to actually put on a bra today. Don’t judge me. I work from home).

So…anyway…there I was, peering mournfully inside my window at my two cats, who were staring back at me with bored expressions. Like, they had absolutely zero time for my shenanigans. Thankfully I was able to flag down one of my neighbors at the mailboxes and he kindly lent me his phone to call my apartment office. I should insert here that it was a flip phone and I (true story) had actually forgotten how to operate a flip phone so he had to give me a quick tutorial. Once I got the lady at my apartment office on the phone, she gave me an intense five-minute sermon about how “letting residents back into their apartments was not a service they provided.” She even referred to me as “young lady” in a  rather harsh tone…which I actually didn’t mind so much, because it made me feel girlish and youthful to be called “young lady” (LOL!) After her disconnecting the call to ask The Powers That Be if they could help me, calling me back to impart another ten-minute sermon about how I could come pick up a key but she was going to have to work past her cutoff time of 5:00 in order for me to do so, and me making a quick phone call to my dad to hitch a ride to my apartment office (which is actually across town from my actual apartments because what would be the logic in an office located at the ACTUAL apartments), I was finally on my way to pick up the new key and get back to regularly scheduled programming. And my poor dad once again had to dust off his white horse and come save the day.

My point to this long, drawn-out story is this: I need a husband, y’all. I need a partner to annoy with my dingy mishaps and call when I’m in need and to gallop in and save the day when Comcast tries to get me to agree to sign over my firstborn child in order to get cable or when I go in for an oil change and the guy tells me I need to have every part on my car replaced or when the lady at the apartment office yells at me for locking myself out of my apartment. I can handle these things myself, certainly…but I’m tired of handling them myself. I want a helpmate. A partner in crime. My PERSON.

But he’s not here yet. And so, for now, at least…I will balance all the many plates of single life with my own two hands and I will take care of business myself and when I’m really, really stuck I will call my dad to come bail me out because that’s what dads are for and I’m blessed to have an extra amazing one.

For now…I will do life alone. And that makes me sad sometimes. And it’s challenging sometimes. And it’s scary sometimes. And it’s lonely sometimes.

But you know what else is lonely? Even lonelier than standing outside your own apartment willing the door to magically unlock itself as your cats stare at you disdainfully from the other side of the glass?

Being with the wrong person.

You know what else is scary?

Settling for the wrong person out of fear, before the right person had a chance to come along.

And you know what else is challenging?

Trying to navigate a marriage with someone who wasn’t a choice, but a lack of options.

I might be alone, and you might be alone…BUT AT LEAST WE ARE NOT WITH THE WRONG PERSON.

“Better alone than badly accompanied.” ~Candace Bushnell (creator of Sex & the City)

We live in a culture of settling. Of fast-food love. Of convenience. Of instant gratification. Of people who are so terrified of being alone that they treat relationships like life preservers and then wonder why they keep sinking. And you know what sets us apart, my fierce, fabulous friends? Our refusal to settle. Our willingness to face the unknowns and the uncertainties of
single life in order to wait for the real thing instead of giving in and compromising for half-baked “love.” Standing boldly in our singleness and not apologizing for it, even when the world looks at us as disdainfully as my cats did today for our life choices.

So, yes, my friends…even in the midst of my most hectic days, I am reminded that Single is indeed > Settling.

I think tangible reminders are important too, though…so once a month I treat myself to Singles Swag, my very favorite way to celebrate my singleness. Pictured here are just a few of my favorite items from recent boxes. From books to soaps to jewelry to makeup, each monthly box is packed with 6-8 full-sized and super awesome items curated just for the single and fabulous woman. And they have free shipping anywhere in the U.S.! AND I just happen to have a special discount for my ladies who sign up before the end of the month. Simply go to www.SinglesSwag.com to subscribe now (and receive your first box in March) and use coupon code MANDYHALE at checkout for 15% off your order!

Comment below with your own reasons why you think Single > Settling…

 

92 Responses to “ Single > Settling ”

  1. Donna
    May 16, 2016

    Well said

    • Ida
      May 16, 2016

      I needed this article today because I feel lonely after letting the wrong person go last week. The funny thing is, he didn’t help me with my full plate just added to it! I’m so ordering a shirt!!

    • mogg
      May 17, 2016

      mogg

      after 34 years of good companionship ended by death, I have now been single again for over a decade. Being single and older is the pits at times. I was offered two chances of remarriage, and I know a number of women in my situation have jumped at the first chance to re-partner – none of whom is happy as often as I am, despite all the barriers and slingshots of fortune, be single until you get a better offer, ladies!

    • Megan
      May 17, 2016

      You could not have done a better or more accurate job describing the loneliness and frustrations of being a single woman! Thank you for bringing it full circle though and reiterating that even the loneliness and frustration we feel are better than being in a bad relationship. Thank you!!

    • Julie
      May 17, 2016

      I have been single now, after divorcing, for 6 years. I have found dating to he a tremendous source of disappointment and discouragement, but I refuse to settle for less than God’s best for me. God’s best doesn’t live at home with mom, he is self sustaining, he doesn’t have issues with toxicity, and he isn’t a porn addict. He enhances my life and adds value to it, he doesn’t detract or tear down. I would rather feel lonely and alone in the knowledge that I am upholding my worth and waiting.

    • May 17, 2016

      Thank you for this article…I too am lonely but not lonely to settle for just any man. I’ve done that before and all it left me was dazed and confused….and angry…and even lonlier!

    • May 17, 2016

      First article for singles I’ve read in a long time that actually makes me feel better at the end! Couldn’t agree more…as much as I want my “person” for all those same reasons, being single is better than I felt at the end of my last relationship! Just wish friends & family would see it that way…

    • May 24, 2016

      After being with Mr Wrong over and over and wasting all those years, I’ve finally learned my lesson – I’d rather be alone than in a miserable relationship if that’s even what you call it. So I got a dog and its been two years and I’m still working on me but I’m happy with my furbabies

    • Deborah
      May 24, 2016

      Thank you. Its good to know its not just me feeling this way. The difference is my Dad passed away, so I don’t even have anyone to call on with a white horse to save the day, at least without a price to pay. And sometimes they don’t want monetary payment! So I have to figure it out on my own, which is pretty cool sometimes(superwoman powers). Thanks again.

    • Sokoki
      May 24, 2016

      This was a very honest piece about how hard it can be to be on your own- thank you for writing it. After 38 years of marriage, I found myself very much alone and on my own after my ex left me for someone else. It was a grueling and devastating time in my life, and I don’t know how I survived it. But I did, and I began to take great pride in solving my own problems and getting myself out of tons of disasters! Washing machine flowing over and flooding my apartment, breaking down on the highway on New Year’s Eve (Could there be a worse day to break down on?) losing my entire set of keys somewhere on a beach in Florida; I could go on and on. But I figured out a solution for every problem, and take great pride in that. Perhaps it’s because I’m older and never lived on my own that I am actually enjoying so much about being single. But I know it gets old, and even though there so many nights I crawl in to my cozy bed and fall asleep just fine, there are other nights when I feel like there is a knife in my heart as I ask myself “Will I sleep all alone for the rest of my life?” That huge, vast, overwhelming sense of loneliness washes over me. So my answer is to try and live as joyfully as I can and seek out and create authentic and meaningful relationships so that I am connected to this world. If I do meet someone some day, great – but in the meantime, I am my own answer! Good luck to all here~

    • Beth
      May 24, 2016

      I couldn’t have put this better myself. I was just explaining this concept to some relatives of mine recently at my sister’s wedding (where I served as maid of honor and am proud to say I did NOT feel sorry for myself, not even once). I’m in my mid thirties and haven’t met the one – and that does make me sad, and I do get lonely sometimes. But I would much rather be lonely by myself than be with someone who isn’t the love of my life. I’ve witnessed enough disastrous first (and second) marriages to know the risks I would run by settling. Not worth the risk, ladies. A lonely heart is better than a broken heart any day.

    • Mable
      May 24, 2016

      I so needed this right now. I am letting the wrong person to. He may be the father of my daughters but he is not my husband. I realize after reading this I am God’s daughter and he has a helpmate just for me. I believe I am going to wait on His mate for me instead of being with the wrong mate.

    • Wanda
      May 25, 2016

      After finding out I was sick and needed chemo….my now ex-husband told me he “didn’t sign up for a sick wife”…so he left me and my two kids. The first few years after our divorce I was devastated…now k am thankful I am no longer with someone who doesn’t value my life. I’ve been single for 6 years now. Went through several rounds of chemo and suffered 2 strokes which really, really sucked going through alone. These days I am in better health and looking at all I’ve overcome…all I fought through alone Single > Settling because I deserve to be treated like the gem I am! Single life is lonely and difficult at times but it’s oh so much better than settling!

    • Laurie
      May 25, 2016

      After 17 years of matting to someone who was not the best match for me, but only settled for out of what I believed were rapidly dwindling options – and who was terrified of being alone – I remain single by choice, 3 years after marriage finally flamed out. Yes, it’s often scary.. and hard…and lonely…. but I won’t settle again. If the right one appears, great! If not… well, that’s fine, too.

  2. May 16, 2016

    I totally agree with you on this one. it’s scary to be alone, ut we have to find the right person to be with us.

  3. Jessica
    May 16, 2016

    I have yet to settle. I saw my ex (I ended it as he cheated on me) today and it still stings to see him; even three years later. Part of it is he remarried…..but I know he settled. We both didn’t want kids, he now has three step kids. He’s admitted he doesn’t want to be alone, so he goes from relationship to relationship. The man has never been single. As much as it hurts, I know I was supposed to let him go. And now, I’m glad I’m single, that I don’t have to ask permission to go somewhere, that I can go on vacation on a whim if I want. I refuse to settle, and I know that when God has the one for me, he will send him.

    • Kelly
      May 16, 2016

      I feel like you took the words right out of my head. My situation is exactly the same except we do have children. This means I have to interact with him every few days. It’s still hard after 3 years, but I will not settle this time. I will accept nothing less than a man that has respect for a healthy, real relationship. Thank you for helping me feel I’m not alone.

  4. Leslie Dean
    May 16, 2016

    I live in fear of doing exactly what you did. I actually live in a condo complex set up similarly to an apartment complex. I however; don’t have any relatives nearby to help in case of this. I actually take my keys and my cell phone every time I leave my condo, even if it’s just to run to the mailbox, dumpster or whatever. And I have left an extra key at my office and with a coworker who doesn’t live far away. Besides no relatives, my only friends (kind of) are my coworkers. With all of that being said, I still think single is greater than settling as I have done that before, but never again.

    • Michelle
      May 16, 2016

      I’m in a very similar place I moved to Salem Ma almost 5 years ago and although I can honestly say it is the best decision I have ever made; I am alone here with the exception of a few coworkers who are slowly becoming like family. I order furniture to be delivered and I have to wait for my wonderful coworker Doug to stop by and help me drag it up the stairs to my condo. I decide to paint and I’m dragging rollers paints drop cloths and cursing under my breath how much I need a husband; the washing machine dies and I melt down another unexpected bill…yes being single sucks sometimes and yes it would be nice to have a husband but not if I settle out of fear or loneliness…..hang in there my single ladies xoxoxo

    • Annmarie Shields
      May 16, 2016

      I do exactly the same thing…phone and keys always with me…walking the dog,taking out garbage….ALWAYS! I also keep a key at my job (just in case):/
      I settled once before…single for 9 yrs now…NEVER again!!

    • Susan Thomas
      May 17, 2016

      Rock on girl! God has this love 🙂

  5. Diana Loy
    May 16, 2016

    Good morning from Malaysia. This is the first article that pop out on my Facebook newsfeed and I must say..What A Read! Thanks for actually writing/saying it out! I can relate to all of your ‘problems’ and it’s comforting to know that I’m not the only one here. Keep up the good work gal! SINGLE > SETTLING!

    • Iva johnson
      May 26, 2016

      Love love love this message! This message is what’s been in my head but you said it out loud! Thank you!

  6. Tiffany
    May 16, 2016

    Balling!!! And laughing! Especially when you talk about calling dad!! Thank you for speaking openly about how you truly feel. I’ve spent nearly a decade telling myself that I didn’t need anyone, that I had my kids, my family and Jesus…. I tried to convince myself that was all needed. It worked for a little while and then my sister died…. I had raised 5 kids alone for 7 years! I had financially provided for them by myself, disceined them, mowed grass, cooked, cleaned, had nervous breakdowns, breakthroughs all by myself! But, the day of her funeral I broke down and cried out to God, screaming at him in the car… “There are some things I can’t do on my own, Lord!!” A calming feeling came over me and it was like he was glad I finally admitted it…. Out loud!! And then he whispered that I wasn’t meant to ever be alone…. He created Eve for Adam. From that moment on I’ve not been afraid to admit that I WANT someone…. But, not just someone…. I want a husband! I want my father to walk me down the isle… And it was hard to admit that. Looking back I think I thought because I had 5 kids that I’d never find it…. I didn’t think anyone would ever want to love ME, so it was easier to tell myself I didn’t want it than to admit that I did and never get it. Now my kids are older and instead of being shamed of being single with 5 kids, I’m proud of it! I’m proud of who I am and I think any man would be lucky to have me…. And my kids!! Thank you for helping me to feel “normal” in a world that makes me feel like being single is weird and being single still dreaming of marriage is more weird!! 🙂

  7. Ruth DeJausserand
    May 16, 2016

    Single for way to long! Tons of bad choices & some nights just settling for guys like the emoji poop face!

  8. Debbie Yelverton
    May 16, 2016

    I decided that after going through a painful divorce after being married for almost 31 years that I just couldn’t take a chance on settling with a mistake again and have put myself in with the VALUABLES!

    • karen
      May 16, 2016

      I have decided Im going to spend the rest of my life being happy with ME. My heart has been shattered and Im not ever going to go throught that again.

  9. Pamela
    May 16, 2016

    I only recently discovered your books but have already fallen in love with revert thing you say. I just turned 30 and have never been in a steady/serious relationship with a guy, because I am waiting for Mr Right. I recently texted with a guy for just over 2 months, but he was not all he seemed in the beginning. It was after this your book The Single Woman was recommended and I bought all 3! I am more content and established in who I am today than ever before! Thank you so much for your testimony and encouragement to us Single Women!!

  10. Jana Stevenson
    May 16, 2016

    Mandy,
    I loved reading this post because it made me identify with my life when I was single. The story you described is was what seemed like a daily happening in my life. One time I moved to a new city and lost my only set of car keys (underneath my bed) and had to pay for taxis to take me to work until I was able to get a new set made. I didn’t know very many people there and was too embarrassed to ask anyone else for a ride. After enduring hundreds of these stories, I was getting quite bitter that I didn’t have a rescuer. Years later, in my thirties, I finally meant my godly prince. He saves me time and time again, he is always there to back me up and he never complains. I am so happy, I never settled. He is so wonderful, it makes up for every second those awful experiences I had to go through alone. The right man is most definitely worth the wait! When he comes, you will be doubly blessed and so appreciative when he gives you the princess treatment you deserve.

  11. Stacie
    May 16, 2016

    Wow very well timed article. I just broke up with someone because I realized that I was settling to avoid being lonely.

    Great job.

    PS I locked myself out of my apartment in my pj’s and no bra. Had to have my neighbor get a ladder and climb through the window to let me in (because the boyfriend with the extra key wasn’t answering). Dad’s are AWESOME!

  12. Alecia
    May 16, 2016

    I had an awesome time reading your article. Its refreshing to know that there’s people who are celebrating singledom in a world that primarily celebrates being in relationships. The dating game in 2016 is hard enough without society shoving its ideals down our throats. Right on sista 🙂 #single #notsettling

  13. Christian Joy Wisner
    May 16, 2016

    Glad I still have my dad to call. Love what you said.

  14. Felicitas
    May 16, 2016

    I had single for 15 years now yes it’s lonely and depressing its so hard to find someone who I could trust

  15. Single Mother of 3
    May 16, 2016

    Perfect read for today, although my experience was more about physical strength. Spring cleaning all my windows, except one. One super stubborn , dare you to budge, window. All I needed was a brief moment of man muscles, so I could actually clean both halves. Realizing in these moments how nice it would be to have that someone for help like that … Yes, Sometimes its tiring doing it all on your own, but much better to be alone than with someone and be lonely.

  16. Ashley
    May 16, 2016

    This one has definitely hit home for me. This entire article are my thoughts everyday.

  17. Jessica
    May 16, 2016

    I hear THAT! I’ve locked myself out of my apartment once, in a robe (after getting our of the shower of course) and there was snow on the ground. I “unlocked” the outside door to get my phone charger. But the door never unlocked! Needless to say, an hour later, using 2 screw drivers broke into my first floor (thank God!) Window!! I climbed in and was worried for the rest of my time living in an apt on the 1st floor. If I can break in, a real burglar can too! Lol
    But I have been single over 2 years now (single mom for over 5) and sometimes feel sad about not having “my other half,” but I also feel that I’m not ready for him. I work full time, have 2 wonderful children, and just started school. It’s time for me and my minions to be right where we should be and I will take pride in knowing that I did it on my own for them.
    It encouraging to know that I am not alone. And I can feel sad sometimes too. But I will NOT SETTLE!

  18. Ashley
    May 16, 2016

    Single > settling because being lonely alone is far easier than being lonely beside someone you shouldn’t be with.

  19. April
    May 16, 2016

    Mandy this is so true… How many times have I had to call my dad to come to my rescue? My dad is getting older and has had crazy health stuff lately and I haven’t been able to call me… Then there comes my tears. I have been single for 13 years. I have prayed for my Boaz but he hasn’t appeared. But I will settle for single and pray that one day just maybe.

  20. May 16, 2016

    this was the best thing I could read at this point in my singleness. I am single and have a 7 year old and I feel this way a lot. I don’t really havexpect anyone to save me I often have to save myself. and that means being everything for my daugh terms and myself. I am my on hero on the white horse because I have to be and I’m not gonna just settle for the first man that shows up. I deserve better than settling…and so does my little girl. thanks for writing this and making me smile!

  21. CHRISTINE GALATI
    May 16, 2016

    This sums up my life. Thank you for writing this and for letting others in the world know they are not alone. I both cried and laughed when I read this. I won’t settle even when being single can be lonely and a bit scary sometimes. I am strong and independent and still hopeful for love, even in the darkest days.

  22. May 16, 2016

    I been single for a few years and it does get tough at times. Single does not mean you’re crazy, weird, or desperate. I won’t settle for less than I deserve. Thanks for the encouragement!

  23. Annette
    May 16, 2016

    Needed to have you share this with me tonight. I’m really feeling the “tired of doing it all” even though it’s lonely I won’t settle. The Lord has a plan for me, and I will continue to wait patiently.

  24. Hope
    May 16, 2016

    How are you always right on time Mandy. I’m 4 years in… Left my daughters father who abused me for years. I had the idea that when you leave a bad situation you suddenly get blessed with “Prince Charming.” Too many Disney movies I guess. Everyone around me from my youngest cousins to my random gym buddy is engaged. I’m trying to fight the feeling of misery and defeat daily.

  25. Alyssa
    May 16, 2016

    I love this! Thank you so much for your guidance!

  26. Rebecca Moore
    May 16, 2016

    I concur.

  27. Joyce
    May 16, 2016

    It’s almost like you were writing about my life – with a couple changed facts to protect . . . the not so innocent! lol I haven’t locked myself out of the house, but I have multiple reasons to keep road service/lockout coverage on my car.
    After 29 years of being lonely in marriage, I’m thankful that God has been with me every step of the last 10 years of singleness and that He will stay with me even when He blesses me with a husband someday. I know I don’t have to settle for less than His best.

  28. Eunice
    May 16, 2016

    1. Thank you for making this available for your international fans!
    2. This was such a God send reminder! I was just talking to a friend yesterday about finding a life partner and how although I would really want to find one, it is not something that I am going out of my way to find just to fill a “hole” in my life. Your post comes at just the right time to remind me once again that I’m heading in the right direction.
    3. I love you, my friend. We may not always interact but I do, literally, “thank God upon every remembrance of you”!

  29. Samantha
    May 16, 2016

    I dated a guy who told me he loved me then the next day i say him on tinder on his cell phone making plans with 2 other women..,.really hurts!!!!

  30. Samantha Fischer
    May 16, 2016

    I have settled- 3 times.. I also left.. 3 times. I get very tired of doing things alone. I live in a town where folks are expected to be paired off by the time you reach my age (45). It makes others uncomfortable that I can do things by myself. I look forward to the day that I can be happy with a lovely fellow. Right now I am enjoying my kids and my dog.

  31. Beverly
    May 16, 2016

    Thank you for your posts and your books!! I’m a 51 year old woman who has taken care of family, helped raise cousins, nieces, and nephews. My Mom was sick her whole life due to a heart murmur which the doctor never mentioned as he thought she would grow out of it. Mom had open heart surgery at the age of 23 while she was 6 months pregnant with me. I have mild cerebral palsy. My Dad has always been abusive. I lost my Mom in November of 2015 after caring for her since 2002. In 2007 I stopped working as Mom needed more care. I was in Puerto Rico in college when my Uncle died leaving two small children and my Mom needing another open heart surgery; the year was 1986. I had a tough decision to make as I was in a friendship with a guy who wanted more. God told where I needed to be so I came back home. I will never regret taking care of my Mom, she was my rock. I’ve always wanted to be married and have a family… I’ve always had a close relationship with God and every day strive to be the person He wants me to be and keep calling out to Him for guidance. Men are something else and I don’t want to settle.

  32. Lisa
    May 16, 2016

    One does not need a partner, one wishes for a partner. A partner should not be pined for as a “help mate”. If you need help, pay for someone to run errands. Can’t afford that? Ask a friend. Friends say no? Oh well! We all have things we are tired of dealing with, and I would hope it doesn’t cause women to think ” I need a husband.” If it does, one should examine if one is really wanting a husband or a butler.

    • Mandy Hale
      May 17, 2016

      I kind of think you missed the point of the whole blog. I am not “pining” nor have I ever been “pining.” And a butler or an errand runner is hardly the same thing as having a partner in life/support system/safe place to land. I’m 37 and have never been married and I’m pretty sure it doesn’t make me wrong or someone who needs to examine my motives because I hope to find love. This is a big part of what’s wrong with our society today. We want women to believe they can’t be strong and independent and still wish for love and marriage and everything that comes with it. And that’s simply not true.

  33. Naomi Ontong
    May 17, 2016

    Today of all days I needed this article. As I was travelling in the bus on my way to work listening to my country love songs tears started rolling down my cheeks. Beind a divorce almost 36 year old single mom, I felt so lonely. I met someone over interdating and I thought this will go somewhere , because we had 2 coffee dates, even allowed him in my home. But after 3 days of no contact and lame excuse, I have decided to give up on men for now atleast. He wasn’t evertything I wanted in a man, But the fact that I was willing to settle just because I felt lonely. I have no real friends, so I was willing to accept this man in my life just out of fear of ending up alone. Maybe it’s a good thing he ignores my 6 messages that I send , because as you say,it’s better being single than settle for anything but the best. Thank You for these words, I really needed it. I will definetly stay single now, until I know this is the right man that God has put on my path. No more dating sites, no more searching for love, but wait until it comes to me. There’s nothing wrong with being alone and for now making the couch my friend. But one thing for sure , today I feel very very lonely….

  34. May 17, 2016

    Very well said! I read this on a friend’s Facebook this morning having just written about the issue myself, here’s my take: https://lovelaughtertruthblog.com/2016/05/16/down-at-the-end-of-lonely-street/

  35. Kimberly
    May 17, 2016

    Thanks I needed this reminder. There are times like this in my life as well. Like recently I was stranded with my vehicle because of a bad battery. My daddy past away 14 years ago so I had to depend on the kindness of others. I cried and prayed because Jesus is all I have to depend on. I have been single for three years which is new to me after being married for over thirty years. Sometimes I wonder what’s wrong with me because I’m still single. Sometimes I think maybe I set my standards to high. I’ve had some pursuers but none I find worth my time. To be honest sometimes I’m tempted to settle. But then I remind myself how lonely it can be to be married to Mr. Settled.

  36. Lorraine-Marie' Dellbridge
    May 17, 2016

    Thankfully… I have a sister… who has a spare key…and who lives just two minutes walk away… settle for the wrong person… never! Not when anything he can do I can do better… 🙂

    Good read…

  37. May 17, 2016

    I have been single for seven years after my husband of sixteen years left me. I have dated some but haven’t found anyone. In fact I have been treated very badly from the men I’ve dated. I don’t understand it and I am tired of being lonely. At fifty four years old I feel my time is running out and I am scared I will be alone the rest of my life. I am not the pitiful gal that sits at home crying, I am very active and I feel has a nice, good personality. There are days I feel strong and that I can make it through but those days are coming very few and far between. Anyway hoping all you single ladies find that man that is worthy. I have a sliver of hope left.

    • Valerie
      May 17, 2016

      I am 48 and I know what you’re feeling oh too well. I been divorced 20 years. Trying dating after my last child graduated high school but men play too many games. You would think men would be ready to settle down at our age but they want to have multiple women. After being hurt over and over, I decided no more! I’m not settling. God will give us time to love. I trust that our latter will be greater. Take care.

  38. B.M.
    May 17, 2016

    After two marriages and two divorces I can relate to what you say with settling with having no other choices at all.
    It was nice to be married for a while, having a man to take care of things. But when things turn abusive and bad, it is so much better to be by myself. And with 3 kids around, Yo spare them the fights and to see their mom be in peace with herself. Not settling for a bad image of love…
    Just because a man can help with the fixing of things around the house, or the financial situation doesn’t mean we have to mistake companionship with love or take abuse or get married.

  39. May 17, 2016

    Mandy , once again you have nailed it. This is completely 100% true! Because imagine if you were married to the wrong guy who didn’t pick up the phone to help you out in that situation, or made you feel stupid for getting yourself there in the first place and you STILL had to call your dad to come bail you out. That would feel far worse than calling your dad because there isn’t someone else to call. Being single and managing life on your own can be lonely and overwhelming but it is WAY better than partnering with the wrong person out of fear.

  40. Valerie
    May 17, 2016

    I feel the same way Mandy except I have no one to fall back on. My dad is gone and I am an only child. I’ve been doing this single thing a long time now and sometimes I wish I had someone to help me out, to share my burdens with. I know I have God and He’s never let me down but,my load gets heavy. I am a strong woman but I’m getting tired. I refuse to settle. I been divorced 20 years, raised 3 girls on my own ages 20, 21 and 24. Two are in college. It’s been challenging. My life was them for so many years. Now I’m in a season of the unknown, trying to figure out what to do with the rest of my life. I would like to have a mate but…

    • Mandy Hale
      May 17, 2016

      Sending you lots of love, Valerie. I hope you give yourself credit for how brave you are! xo, Mandy

  41. Lexi
    May 17, 2016

    I love your sense of humor!

  42. Tiff
    May 17, 2016

    Great article and totally agree on settling. I’m happily coupled with an amazing man but I once locked myself out of my house and when I called him, he was in a meeting and didn’t answer hahah. Dad still saved the day with our spare key. Single or coupled, there’s always people out there who love you and will come to the rescue at a moment’s notice.

  43. Allie
    May 17, 2016

    I Try to tell myself this daily that Single > Settling . I had been single for 13 years before recently dating one of my closest friends and it…was awful. so many broken promises and we now have a ruined friendship and I still have to deal with him as he’s in my close circle of friends. I know being with him would be settling because I deserve someone who will always show up. But trying to remember that is difficult when you are lonely, have been single most of your adult life and you have to see your ex at least every couple of weeks.

  44. May 17, 2016

    Aren’t Dads just fantastic?! Being single with a father has been a great blessing. He takes care of my medical advocacy needs, talks insurance companies into submission and RESCUES ME FROM THOSE GIGANTIC SPIDERS THAT POP UP OUT OF SEEMINGLY NO WHERE!!! Lol. You also made a good point that single isn’t horrible especially if that means your not gonna settle for half baked guy just cause he’s the last available guy at the moment. So many people I know focus on the singleness of a person and not the smart logic of it! Thank you for being so real with us!!! God bless you.

  45. Cyndi
    May 17, 2016

    So much yes!! I’ve had to hide a key in my garage after this happened one too many times. And I gave a key to my BFF so that she (or HER hubby) can bail me out if still manage to lock myself out! The right man is out there, it just obviously isn’t the right time in God’s economy. And I’m ok with that … most of the time.

  46. sunshinedays
    May 17, 2016

    I’m an only child who cannot call on her dad any longer because he passed away five years ago. I’ve never been married and I don’t have any children, so I don’t have anyone to call when something like that happens. I know I have God, but sometimes I want someone here on earth. My mom is starting to have health issues (and she lives 225 miles away). I have to admit, I don’t want to go through this by myself even though I realize that is what I’m facing. I wonder why if God created Eve so that Adam wouldn’t be alone, why is it OK that I’m alone.

  47. May 17, 2016

    The timing was perfect for me to read this. I keep losing myself to loneliness and settling. I am the single mother of 3 daughters and have lost my dad. I literally have no one who looks out for me the way I would like. Maybe if I would have had sons but I don’t and my live me but have their own lives and don’t want to have a needy mom. I struggle daily with not feeling wanted by the right one. I want trust God is that He knows what’s best for me and to be patient and not settle for the wrong one. Thank you for your encouragement and the reassurance to know that I am not alone in the struggle of being single.

  48. Heather
    May 17, 2016

    After getting married a week out of high school, then divorced after 2 years only to remarry 3 years later, to get divorced again and get into several other relationships, be single for 2 yrs for the 1st time in my life and have a high school crush come swooping in 23 yrs after we met and have a 2 yr relationship with him end on Easter this year, I’ve decided it’s time to stay single. I really thought this last one had a lot of potential, but he had more problems than potential. I’ve “settled” several times and I’m very much over it. I know I’m no angel and have demons of my own, but when I express what I know my strengths and weaknesses are before we get into a relationship and they claim I never did, that’s when I know they weren’t paying attention in the beginning. When I’ve been sharing my story of what I’m doing and where I’m trying to get to in my life all over Facebook for years and they’ve been on my page all that time but never jump on board even though they claim to have the same goals, they never were going to jump on board and we will never be on the same page and a relationship will never work. Yes, single>settling every time!!!

  49. Shaley
    May 17, 2016

    I just broke up with my boyfriend of 1 year last week because he never put me first. He did not make me feel special and he blamed me for the issues in our relationship. I am 23 & he was 21, a very immature 21 year old at that. He put in zero effort and his momma was in every aspect of our relationship, she always said no one was going to be good enough for her baby boy, and no one will be. I am proud of myself for not settling and standing up for what I deserve; it sure isn’t a guy who can’t drive 30 minutes to see me or have a ten minute conversation. I will wait for what I deserve 🙂

  50. Wondering
    May 18, 2016

    Wow. The fact that there are so many responses to this post so quickly just shows what I too have been learning in my “older single woman age” over the past several years: that there are some common struggles we single women have that often get swept under the proverbial carpet or just get stuffed — leading to things like anger spells, nervous breakdowns, and other not-so-healthy responses. Thank you for expressing this so clearly, Mandy. I so wish that more people were sharing this — like on Christian radio or other media. I don’t think the Church knows how to address (very well) these issues you are sharing, but instead continues to “Focus on the Family,” causing us single folks to feel on the periphery as if we don’t have unique issues and also a desire to be counseled into our unique positions in Christ’s Body….and not just counseled but uplifted and also made to feel like singleness could in fact be used as a gift (though often doesn’t FEEL like it) instead of a “temporary malady”. Well again, thank you, and God bless to all who shared and will share here because it really helps to know that one is not alone (and I have spoken with a beautiful handful of other single women – some of whom I have referred to this website – who usually feel the same or similar ways expressed here). Sincerely, Terri

  51. May 19, 2016

    I have had those days, where you feel like “things would be so much easier if I had a husband” But it is what it is. God will bring the right one and until then, your right. Do not settle out of fear.

  52. Clover
    May 20, 2016

    I love the shirt. I am definitely in that same place where Mandy is right now. I just ended a toxic relationship that I was in for 2 and a half years one year ago. I thank God I ended it and now I have peace. I have gone on the journey of healing and I see myself the way God sees me, as a queen (Esther 4:14). I am definitely ordering a shirt.

  53. Suzanne
    May 20, 2016

    Perfect timing for me to read this…after yet another reminder from my male best friend this afternoon that that’s ALL I will ever be, that he doesn’t “look at me that way”…as he drove off for his Friday night date and I drove home alone…. UGH… I don’t think there are any other words in this language that can make a woman feel less attractive or less loved than “I just don’t look at you that way”… . And while it should make me feel grateful that I don’t have to ever worry about settling for this doofus, it really just reminds me that I am STILL single… and MY person STILL hasn’t come along….

  54. Suzanne
    May 20, 2016

    P.s. Mandy, you DO have an amazing dad!!! I so enjoyed meeting him at the book signing!

  55. Jodie
    May 21, 2016

    Love your being so transparent…I could actually visualize myself in your story…except I don’t have an earthly dad to rescue me. It is so hard to wait at times…the desire to share this wonderfully created person with my helpmate is overwhelming…so on a regular basis I remind Papa of His promises…He will give us the desires of our heart as we delight ourselves in Him…and He put this desires in my heart and He created me to be someone’s helpmate because man should not be alone…so bring on!!! Trying to be joyful in the waiting…

  56. Diana
    May 24, 2016

    This post is just lovely, is like my life decription sometimes.I am sure God will give us a great partner of life!!! <3 from Costa Rica, land of volcanoes , central america

  57. Charity
    May 24, 2016

    I came across this waaaaay too late to order a short, but I REALLY needed this bit of encouragement today! Thanks so much for sharing.

    • Mandy Hale
      May 24, 2016

      You can still order through Thursday!!! 🙂

  58. Marie
    May 24, 2016

    Totally agree. Sigh.

  59. Elizabeth
    May 24, 2016

    At 57 and having been married and divorced twice, I am not going to do that again. I am not actively seeking a partner. I am not even sure I would agree to a date. I’m actually very content with the way my life is now. I have my children and my Grandchild and a job that keeps me active as well as my own interests. I have learned to do a lot of things since my divorce. I’ve repaired things in my house. I didn’t know where to begin. You can learn a lot from Youtube,lol. I don’t need a man and I certainly don’t want to get married just to have someone to fix things. I know it sounds selfish, but I like not being obligated to do whatever my spouse would expect of me. It seems there is a stigma to being alone. Being alone is not a bad thing. I’m never lonely.

  60. May 25, 2016

    I have been single all my life and the first 24 years were easy but it gets harder by the years but I can never find it in me to setlle even if I feel like I like someone. Deep down in my heart I do believe God is on something even on the harder days I still have faith my day will come. I have learnt to do all house stuff on my own and treasure my time and space but most of all grow in the fear of God that keeps calling back to his peace when I feel like im breaking.Currently Im not good and Im mostly scared and confused an lonely most of the time but I feel like God is watching out for me still.

  61. May 25, 2016

    I have been single all my life and the first 24 years were easy but it gets harder by the years but I can never find it in me to setlle even if I feel like I like someone. Deep down in my heart I do believe God is on something even on the harder days I still have faith my day will come. I have learnt to do all house stuff on my own and treasure my time and space but most of all grow in the fear of God that keeps calling back to his peace when I feel like im breaking.Currently Im not good and Im mostly scared and confused an lonely most of the time but I feel like God is watching out for me still. Thank you

  62. Bianca Schmidt-Hamilton
    May 25, 2016

    A very memorable scenario…loved your story. When you’re in a bind, Dads always jump at the opportunity!

  63. Meg
    May 25, 2016

    I “settled” for 17 years and now I. LOVE. LIFE!!!!! Great article, thanks! 🙂

  64. mercy collison
    May 25, 2016

    OMGGGGG MANDY!! thank you so much for letting God use you in such an amazing, encouraging and wonderful way. My story will fill pages but through the pain, the darkness, the hurt, the anger God has been faithful to me, though i was not faithful to Him. His mercy and grace have not only pulled me out of a life of sin and death, but He has been kind to help me heal from the heartbreak and kept me alive through the darkest moments and He continues to do so day after day. . The fear of being alone kept me in a toxic relationship wayyyyy longer than i needed, but i am so grateful to God because He has my best interest at heart and while seeing wedding announcements and baby pictures on social media can sometimes make me feel forgotten and left behind, i refuse to settle for less than God’s best for me. “Faith in God, includes faith in His timing as well”. Thnak you mandy! God bless you! Keep working for Him!

  65. Koko-eka
    May 25, 2016

    Great article Mandy. You read my mind and sure know that a single girl needs this. An article that settles the single girls’ mind truly. Thanks

  66. Saffie
    May 25, 2016

    I’ve been single for my entire life. Not allowed to have bfs or guy friends. Yesterday I hit rock bottom so I know that the only way to go is up!♥ this really helps. ..

  67. Lori
    May 25, 2016

    This was a really hard blog for me to read because it hit way too close to home. Unfortunately, for the past 14 months, I have been in a relationship where I am most definitely settling. It’s funny, I keep telling myself that I am “believing for him” (you know, because adding Christian lingo somehow makes it okay). And I guess, in honesty, I am believing for him, but I am also settling, and allowing fear to keep me here. So you could say I’m not believing for myself. I have been divorced for 12 years now and I despise my loneliness. But I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, there is more for me. There is better. I serve a faithful God who sees me, even in the midst of my settling, and is encouraging me to love myself enough to break free. So I am praying daily for the strength to do that. Thank you for another reminder that there is joy in a life well-lived, and it’s okay to wait patiently for better.

  68. May 26, 2016

    love! That is all….

  69. Naomi
    May 27, 2016

    I have been single for 5 years after a 10 year marriage. I even stopped after sex for almost 3 years. I decided to started to date again but it was just so frustrating. I get offers but I refuse to settle. I have a great life, children and career. I have no problem staying single for waiting for the one to sweep me off my feet. I feel so bad for my friends (male and females) that are unhappily married, going to sleep at night crying or not able to sleep at all, stalking their partners and just miserable. I don’t want to live that life anymore and pray to God that he will eventually send the right person my way. “I thank God everyday that I woke up feeling this way. And I can’t help loving myself and I don’t need nobody else” …Meghan Trainer.

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