Three Lies Single People Need to Stop Telling Ourselves

SingleBcSomeone asked me the other day what I think are the biggest challenges that single people face. And in my opinion, the answer is simple: It’s the lies we tell ourselves (yes, I’m talking to myself here, too. See this for the proof). The constant broken record we have on repeat in our minds, all day long, as we search for a reasonable explanation for our seemingly endless singleness. Here are three lies we tell ourselves that are particularly hurtful and damaging to our spirits, our peace of mind, and our self-esteem:

  • Thinking there’s something wrong with us because we’re still single. 
    There’s nothing wrong with us because we are still single. It is what it is. There’s no deep explanation here or hidden secret. We’re not concealing a hump on our backs or cloven hooves or a third eye (okay, well, hopefully we’re not. But even if we are, dang it, we’re still worthy of love!) Singleness is not a curse thrust upon us. It’s not something to be ashamed of. It’s not an insult or a weapon to be hurled at us, as our society unfortunately often does (particularly when it comes to social media. You wouldn’t believe how many times people have disagreed with something I’ve tweeted or posted and have retaliated with “Oh, so THAT’S why you’re still single!” – in an effort to hurt me by using the area of my life in which they think I am the most vulnerable.) And you know what? Singleness IS an area of my life where I am vulnerable, because I don’t understand it. Not being coupled up at age 36 makes no sense to me, and sometimes it causes me great distress and worry and anxiety to consider the fact that I might never be coupled up. BUT…not being coupled up doesn’t mean that I am lacking, or deficient, or romantically challenged. It simply means that I haven’t found my person. (Or my “lobster,” as Phoebe Buffay would say.) We have to stop blaming ourselves and carrying around the weight of feeling broken and screwed up simply because we haven’t yet found love. It’s simply not true. Certainly we all have room for growth and are all flawed and imperfect in our own unique ways, but that is true for everyone who walks this planet…not just us single folks.
  • Thinking that our lives don’t serve a purpose unless we’re in a relationship.
    We matter. We MATTER. We have precious gifts to offer to the world that have nothing whatsoever to do with our relationship status. We might be SINGLE but we are NOT “singular” in any way. We are multi-dimensional, unique, talented, purposeful, meaningful people with hugely important lives and destinies. A relationship can certainly bring us great happiness and fulfillment and even new purpose and meaning…but we are here to bring those very things to the world around us, just as we are. And sometimes our unattached, unencumbered single lives can have even MORE purpose than our future married lives, because we are able to wholeheartedly and without distraction pursue our passions, our calling, our dreams. Our greater purpose. A relationship can someday ADD to that, but it cannot and will not ever define or replace your greater purpose. There is something you and only you are meant to do with your life that isn’t dependent upon a relationship to make it happen. Like I always say: You don’t need a significant other to lead a significant life.
  • Thinking that we have to wait around for a relationship to realize our destiny.
    It’s time to stop waiting and start LIVING. Yes, two people coming together is a beautiful thing…but so is one person standing boldly in their purpose. You don’t have to merely sit idly by and wait for the day that a prince comes riding up on his white horse and the two of you gallop off into the sunset of your destiny. Your destiny is in the here and NOW. God wants to do something powerful with you and for you and through you NOW. Today. This moment. Right now. I don’t know what it is, I can’t possibly tell you what your destiny on this planet is, but I CAN tell you that had I not made the choice to follow my passion and chase my dreams and pour my heart and soul into making the world around me a better place right where I was…you wouldn’t be reading this blog right now. I had to get past my singleness and decide that I had things to do with my life and I didn’t have time to wait around on a man to come along for me to do them. I hope with all my heart that someday someone will come along and join me in my journey, but I’m not going to hit the Pause button on my life until that happens. And you shouldn’t either. Do all the things you want to do with your life RIGHT NOW. Stop waiting. Because the truth is, a woman who creates a full, joyful, meaningful life for herself is a lot more appealing than a woman who waits around on a man to do it for her.

septpetitessAnnnnnnd a bonus lie that we need to stop telling ourselves is that we should have to wait for marriage or babies to celebrate ourselves! Our wild and beautiful journey should be celebrated NOW, in this moment. One of my favorite ways to honor myself and my single spirit is my monthly subscription to Singles Swag. What is Singles Swag? It’s a monthly box of goodies tailor-made for the single and fabulous woman. The items are full-sized and can be anything from jewelry to makeup to books to fun bath products to yummy snacks. PLUS there’s even a Petite Box that’s half the products at half the cost for us boss babes on a budget! Here’s a look at this month’s Petite Box that included:

  • Kitsch earring/necklace set
  • Fruit Chews
  • Lip Balm
  • Demi Lovato’s “Staying Strong” Journal

Coming up in October’s box is one of my favorite things ever: This adorable Banded scarf! There are a few different styles so it willmescarf be a surprise when you open your box to see which one you get. You can still receive October’s box if you subscribe now so hurry over to SinglesSwag.com to sign up! And make sure you use coupon code MANDY for 10% off.

What are the things you tell yourself about your singleness that are holding you back from being the person you were created to be? Sound off in the comments below…

75 Responses to “ Three Lies Single People Need to Stop Telling Ourselves ”

  1. Rachel
    October 27, 2015

    This is so good! You’ve combined 10 books into one article and it is total truth. I am 39 and single after a divorce 5 years ago due to his infidelity. I am sitting on a beach in florida by myself enjoying every second and doing everything I want to do regardless of having a companion or not. I travel a couple times a year by myself when I want to do something and have the best time. My other single girlfriends think I am nuts. I am choosing to live my life to the fullest no matter what my relationship status is and it is the most empowering thing in the world. To sit at a bar stool and say I’m here on my own on vacation and smIle impresses people every time. God bless!!

    • Lydia
      November 2, 2015

      You absolutely ROCK!

    • Mandy V
      November 11, 2015

      I admire you very much. Thanks for writing that, it definitely helped me breathe better.

    • cheryl
      November 29, 2015

      How wonderful Rachel! I am also 39 and divorced for 5 years due to his infidelity (and drinking). Enjoy your life! I wish I could do more than I’m doing… I need to find a way!

    • Stacy
      August 11, 2016

      This is so me Rachel. I do it all the time. And yes friends think I’m nuts too!!
      But I’m so loving life!!

    • Rachel
      August 23, 2016

      Rachel you are so right. I just booked my first vacation in Florida in February for myself. If my one friend can go, then great but otherwise it will just be me. I have been single off and on for 17 years and although I have dated, nothing was long term. I have wonderful friends and do everything I want to do. I raised two successful daughters by myself and now that they are gone I am looking forward to me time. I have a wonderful ex who helps me with my house and I just will not settle. I have had the most wonderful summer hanging with my girlfriends that are also single. We didn’t wait for a man to complete our summer. People were envious of all the fun things we did. I am also considering moving away in a few years and pursuing a dream of traveling while working in the resort industry. All things are possible once you realize you don’t need a significant other to do what you want and have fun!

    • September 25, 2016

      Good for you Rachel! Go catch your awesome life! God wants us to enjoy us where we are!

    • Susie
      September 25, 2016

      I have been single since 2014 after my 20 year marriage ended due to his infidelity. I have a precious 4 year old son and we travel together, I hang out with friends, and I will be completing my third triathlon next weekend. Do I miss someone to share life with? Yes. Would I like to one day find the love of my life? Yes. But who knows if it will happen? All I know is I will continue to cross items off my bucket list, enjoy my life, my time with my loved ones, and continue to learn about myself. I am so blessed!

    • Katie
      September 25, 2016

      My friends tell me all the time how crazy I am to just go to a movie and lunch alone but I seriously have a great time! I’m still saving up to go on a fabulous vacation solo, cheers to you!

    • Carleen
      September 26, 2016

      <3

  2. Liz
    October 27, 2015

    This is so true. I’ve had it in my head I had to be perfect person before I can meet somebody. Some days I believe the lie that God doesn’t want me to have anybody else in my life and the day will never come when I meet my husband, but I hate that lie the most, because it makes me feel so lonely.

  3. October 27, 2015

    This is beautiful. I remind myself everyday that I’m single because I’m not in a relationship, not because I’m ugly, thick, weird, or strange. It just is what it is. However, my life is not on pause until that person comes along. If anything I have more of freedom to do anything I want without feeling like I’m tied to someone and have to keep them in mind when making my goals.

  4. October 27, 2015

    You dear have (and still are) fulfilled the purpose.

    I won’t lie, I am just 24 and so I don’t really know how it feels to be in your shoes for I can only imagine. One thing I want to tell you is, there is a great man of God waiting for you and He is going to find you!

    I can’t wait to read your blog one day and find it is you sharing with us your finding the Man God has in store for you testimony. And that day is coming as a peak of the purpose you have saved and you are still on, for God Almighty is and is going to use your testimony to raise and give life back to the hearts and soul of hundreds of women reading your books and this blog.

    God bless you Miss Mandy Hale . (you better start forgetting to be called miss, for this isn’t your designated title )

    That day is on the way and is going to pass in Jesus mighty name. Amen

  5. Tyesha
    October 27, 2015

    I no longer tell myself this but, I have in the past and that was that I’m going to be single for the rest of my days here on earth. I’m just not meant to be in a loving relationship with a great guy. Also, that every guy I do give some time to; will always be the same (unavailable in one way or another).
    I no longer tell myself any of those things anymore but, that doesn’t mean that they don’t creep in my line of thinking on a night I wish to be held and talked to – because they do. I have this time to work on ME and to prepare myself for that special man who’ll be lucky to fall in love with me. This is the time to give to my Lord & Savior so, that when I am blessed with that special man – I’ll be more than prepared for him. The truth is, I’m not ready and that’s why I’ve been a magnet for these unavailable men and working on me needs to be done before a full, good man comes into my life. I know he’s wondering when I’ll come into his life too. To him I say: GOD is preparing us for each other! Hold on! I never use to look at it that way because I was so engulfed with the thinking that it was me – I had some ailment that made me attractive to guys that had no intention of being in my life long term. Then I came to realize that the devil don’t like GODS work; especially when it’s under construction; the devil will do everything in his power to ensure that masterpiece doesn’t come to fruition. The key for me was to not allow any spectators until I’m open for business. GOD is working here!!!

  6. Em
    October 27, 2015

    I’m a 33-year-old single mother of a delightful 5-year old boy. I’ve been waiting to buy a home (for more reasons than one) and take super vacations because I’ve wanted to do those things with a partner. A grown, man partner to be exact. Well, after the most recent break-up-devastation-my hair is fallingout, I’ve decided to go for it. I am taking steps towards buying a home for me and my kiddo. I have a new savings account “Disney or Bust,” and an even better attitude. I have been single since I was 4 months pregnant with him, and thought I had finally met “the one.” But I discovered something in this recent heart-ache (PS I didn’t date for 4.5 years)….I AM “the one.” I have “the one” (my son). But even more importantly…I KNOW “the one.” My Lord and Savior, who withholds nothing good from his children. #seeyouatDisney #savingfordownpayment

    • Mandy V
      November 11, 2015

      Amen sister friend! Sounds like my life story. Glad to know that it’s not something wrong with me it’s just life.

  7. Gretchen
    October 27, 2015

    I also feel like sometimes I’m not good enough. That no matter how nice, womanly, smart, pretty, etc that I may be I’m still not good enough for a man to love.

    • October 1, 2016

      You are probably too good for them. I used to tell myself the same things you’re saying to yourself sometimes then decided to continue seeking self betterment just for me. I’m Deaf and have spent years feeling like my “womanly value” could never be high enough, but my deafness actually increases the value of the man I’ll eventually find and has made me stronger. Too many men leave if their wives change physically or mentally or they turn out to not be able to handle “hard stuff”. When I started trying to build myself for me, I changed careers from teaching (which was making me feel even more worthless, teachers go through a lot and I’ll respect and appreciate them forever) and became a web content writer for people on a budget. Today, I’m in my 30s, with 3 college degrees, my own business, and I love it!

  8. October 27, 2015

    Hey, Like I was reading about myself… I love it!!! Its been over 4 years now since I’m single! just feel that my life started only when I broke up with my ex. Evey single daiy I discovering myself and world around me and love it!!!
    I will keep reading.
    Kasia xxx

  9. Mandy
    October 27, 2015

    Thank you! I just had a breakdown over being single because everyone I know is coupled up. I’m 38 and I always feel like people immediately think something is wrong with me because I’m still single. With the holidays coming up, it’s even more difficult to answer all those “why are you single” questions without starting to doubt yourself. Thank you for a great post, it helps knowing I’m not alone!

  10. Kaia
    October 27, 2015

    I think I am being more and more honest with myself the older I get. Part of it comes from having more courage to be honest, and part of it comes from feeling more and more comfortable in who I am. However, I watched the movie “French Kiss” the other night and a quote stuck out to me…related to how I sometimes act when a “potential someone” enters my life or even a whiff of a potential someone is on the horizon. I all of the sudden go in to “play it safe” mode–by not keeping my expectations high, by over-valuing him and under-valuing me, and doing whatever it is that I think I should do to keep this “someone” in the picture for as long as possible. Anyway, the female lead pretty much called out this habit some women (and men) fall in to when reflecting on being dumped by her boyfriend: “I’ve spent most of my adult life trying to protect myself from exactly this situation. And you can’t do it ! There’s no home safe enough, there’s no country nice enough, there’s no relationship secure enough; you’re just setting yourself up for an even bigger fall and having an incredibly boring time in the process.”

    Going in to this “play-it-safe” mode is definitely a barrier to developing a more meaningful relationship with someone. If I spend all of my time worrying and wondering about where a relationship is headed, then I am not really experiencing what it is like to be with this person and if I am getting my relationship needs met. I guess, my message is to be more selfish! I need to keep the focus on what I truly want and need from a relationship.

    One other thought that popped in to my head as I was reading this post (as a single 37-year-old), was the question: If I died tomorrow, would I be “ok” with leaving this world? In other words, have I done enough of what I feel I was put on this earth to do, have I experienced enough, have I been enough? And, honestly, I would have to say yes. I may not have accomplished a life goal of having a committed relationship and starting a family, but it hasn’t been for lack of effort. I’ve tried to find someone through real life, online-dating, being set up, blind dates. I have met a ton of great guys, and dated a handful. But there just hasn’t been the colliding of synchronicities that almost needs to happen when the stars suddenly align and the right guy comes along at the right place at the right time. Don’t get me wrong, I still have a lot of hope, even faith, that this will happen. But if for some reason it doesn’t, I guess I’m at the point where I feel like I will be ok. I’ve made it this many years living a pretty great life. I’ve done a lot and accomplished a lot. And I want to keep living and seeing what tomorrow brings. But, I am also ok with who I am and where I’m at. I just don’t feel like I need a relationship to make me feel fulfilled anymore (this has not always been the case). And I am truly grateful for this.

    • Marife de villa
      October 27, 2015

      Love moves in mysterious ways

    • Janina
      October 28, 2015

      LOVE this! Kind of feel the same way about my life (as a single 32-year-old). It took a long time, but I’m finally getting to the point were I can say that I love my life, even without someone to share it with. Thank you for putting it into words so beautifully.

    • jayson
      September 29, 2016

      nice

  11. Jodi
    October 27, 2015

    As always your writing goes straight to the heart of the matter. The waiting game is as interesting, exciting, and adventurous as we make it. Thank you for your transparency.

    • cha caoile
      October 28, 2015

      While waiting for your special someone you can do a alot of things, travel with friends, career advancement, or putting up a small business. God hears us, and Hewants us to be patient. As what He said in Matthew 7:7-8 “Ask and it will be given to you;seek and you will find;knock and the door willbe opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened” We just have to keep on praying to be with our God given partner.

  12. Ruvimbo
    October 28, 2015

    This is a great post and very honest. I think many times we try to look for ourselves in other people, so that they can complete us but we do not realize that it is best to meet someone when we are complete. That is a greater blessing for our better half.

  13. Georgina
    October 28, 2015

    I think I badly needed to hear this today. 36 and single is something I’m struggling with a lot lately and I’ve been telling myself EVERYTHING here. My one dream is to have a family of my own and watching all my friends living their lives and having what I desperately want (through social media highlights) I’m feeling panicked that’s it’s now to late for me to have those things. Jealously creeps in, I start to feel miserable, question what’s wrong with me?. It’s a horrid spiral into a depression not everyone can understand. But reading this today has reminded me… I need to continue to hope… And live. If I died tomorrow I wouldn’t be happy with the gap I’ve left…. I need to start living more! Thank you x

    • Tony
      August 20, 2016

      Because we finding ourselves doesn’t mean we re completely lost.

  14. Angel
    October 28, 2015

    I was married for 25 years, dated him for 5 years.. first love and now widowed for nearly 9 years, so I find myself single. I so desire a husband.. a godly husband. But I agree, I have a life and a purpose ( need God to let me know what that is … not sure ) Im encouraged to live my life, pursue my dreams, and some of them have been met . My faith and trust remains in God to get me thtru this life and help me finish well, on my won or with someone !

  15. October 28, 2015

    These points and more about my singleness really came into focus around my last birthday. It felt like I let go of a huge weight of expectation that I had been carrying about myself. I am no longer giving reasoning or excuses as to why I am single. I won’t let someone make me feel defensive about letting God write my love story or waiting for His timing. I am putting my energy into new passions and accomplishing goals that I had been afraid to try. Thank you for writing so beautifully the things that I have been trying to explain!

  16. October 28, 2015

    You think being late-thirity-something and single is bad. Try being 54 and single. Ok I was married and I have a 22 year old daughter, but still, it’s the same feeling. I have been single for 20 years now. People have even more ammunition to say “So that’s why your single”, because I have a failed marriage in my past and I haven’t re-married in 20 years. I go back and forth between being happy single and sad single. I have moments when I love it and moments when I don’t like it so much. I suppose it’s that way in marriage too.

    Thanks for the post. It’s always good to know I’m not alone in telling myself these lies.

    • Annie Ginsik
      August 9, 2016

      So agree with you Katie, i am in the same situation as yours

  17. Brooke
    October 28, 2015

    Bravo Mandy. I’ve been saying the same thing for years. I have been living my life and doing what I want – alone, or fun with friends and going after my professional goals. If I someone amazing who wants to join my life and make it BETTER and fill it with love, commitment and adventure – together – it would be a wonderful blessing. Until then as you say “it is what it is.”
    Is it easy being single? No. But this is my life and I’m not going to apologize for what I want across the board with everything! Your 2 books got me to the other side of my dark days of hopelesness. Made me realize to never settle in any area of my life as it is MY life. Wonderful post. Thank you for sharing, again. Bravo.

  18. Sarah
    October 28, 2015

    YES!! To all of this! I read this recently and it went off like a bomb in my soul. It seems to fit. “what may happen when the redeemed soul, beyond all hope and nearly beyond belief, learns at last that she has pleased Him whom she was created to please. There will be no room for vanity then. She will be free from the miserable illusion that it is her doing. With no taint of what we should now call self-approval she will most innocently rejoice in the thing that God has made her to be, and the moment which heals her old inferiority complex for ever will also drown her pride deeper than Prospero’s book. Perfect humility dispenses with modesty. If God is satisfied with the work, the work may be satisfied with itself; “it is not for her to bandy compliments with her Sovereign.” CS Lewis Weight of Glory

    • Wondering
      November 1, 2015

      Wow, Sarah, this is beautiful! Excellent application.

  19. October 28, 2015

    I’ve been divorced for 11 years. I was married at 35 with a man with many issues including addictions. The topic of being single as a Christian women has become such a complicated one, when the opposite should be the case. Christ came to set us free; true romantic love, finding a mate, and relationships are a gift of God and should also be a simple experience. I speak for myself… what kept me single before my marriage and has kept me until now was my OC mindset, my fears, my double minded self-concept, and my isolation from being fully engaged in all of life and with others in a more authentic way- especially with men. I feel being balanced is …not obsessing about your status, but still looking honestly at ourselves and taking some responsibility for our present; God’s Spirit can help us with that. Thank God I’m not where I used to, so I feel my status is ready to change soon:) Love you ladies. Giselle from Miami

  20. Monica Coello
    October 29, 2015

    I thoroughly enjoyed reading your post and I’m currently reading your 2nd book. I’m a 36 year old Christian single and at times I struggle with not meeting my guy yet but I know that God must be preparing him for me and the right time just hasn’t come yet for us to meet. I believe that love is out there and I remain hopeful. I pray a lot for comfort when lonely feelings come upon me. I pray that that the Holy Spirit would come down and comfort me in those times, I’m thankful to have come across your blog. You’re such an encouraging writer. Thank you for your candid posts.

  21. Sue
    October 30, 2015

    Yup. You got it. As always. It’s like you read my mind and put all my thoughts down “on paper”… albeit, in a way much more pleading to your readers than I could ever do…. Thank you for sharing your fm gift of writing with us! And thank you for sharing your faith and encouragement and AUTHENTICITY!! You are such a gift to this world!

  22. Pam
    October 31, 2015

    Amen to this post! I am 49 today and single the whole way there. I’ve gone through the depression and doubt in my 20s and 30s. One turning point for me was when my sister told me she realized she shouldn’t pity me, but enjoy that I can just take off and do my thing like come visit her and my nieces, go shopping, go on a trip without asking anyone. In recent years, God and a friend helped me find a website called Meetup.com. When I went there, I found a local group called Christian Single Women who do things together. I have made some amazing women friends who are more there for me than any from my past. If you don’t have something like this, go create one! It’s worth it. Just do your meet ups in public places and don’t be disappointed if sometimes many don’t show. Now, I’m starting to date a true Chrisitan man. He wasn’t in my life years ago because his wife needed him before going to heaven. I’m not nearly perfect and neither is he, but I feel God put him in my life even if it’s not for marriage. Considering I’ve only had two relationships and a handful of other dates in my life, I’m glad now to have been single all of this time seeing the pain so many other women around me have experienced. It’s ok to be single. Look at the things you can do for God and yourself without having to answer to anyone else. Life is too short to feel that self pity. When you truly give it to God, he will give you your deepest desires. It took a long time, but God is totally controlling my relationships.

  23. Michelle
    October 31, 2015

    Thank you. I’m 48 years old. I have already accepted my lot as a single person. Through Buddhism and my ancestral religion teaching, I am a valuable person. My martial status, my physicality, my race, my ethnicity, my age, my education status and my job are important. It’s about spiritually, emotionally, intellectually and mentally growing and elevating and evolving. My situation isn’t good right now to “GET THE PURPOSE DRIVEN LIFE” or “LIFE NOW or something”. I am broken, trapped, stuck, angry, bitter and resentful. I don’t want to live this way. It’s just not good for me. Currently, I am working on myself, planning changes, and learning my spiritual rituals in the midst of my situation. I don’t blame my problems on my singlehood. I just want to do and live my purpose and meaning, whatever they are, and do great things for better quality of life for people.

    • Tony
      August 20, 2016

      Relationship shouldn’t be an excuse for not achieving purpose .. Personal fulfillment is key to healthy relationship

  24. Wondering
    November 1, 2015

    Unfortunately it’s also the lies that others/the world “tells” us (but typically not on purpose). For example on some Christian radio stations to which I listen, it is actually implied (or directly put out there), that being single is “for a season” (implying that hopefully that “season” will pass) and that we should be preparing for our future partner. So what if that “future partner” does not happen? Are we just then “borrowing time” forever (not). Does that then mean that we are somehow “less than”? (Of course not). I heard one spokesperson for singles state that she until she was able to just look at it as that she was “single for today,” she found it very hard to cope with the idea of being single. Well, what if being single is NOT just for “the day”? Is there something awful about that (which is what some of these catch phrases imply)? Some of my single women friends and I talk a lot about this dilemma, and I have even tried doing something about it (like suggesting radio programming that actually uplifts singlehood….makes it seem meaningful like you do here, Mandy…and yes, discusses its struggles). It’s just such a shame that those both subtle and blatant messages are out there. I don’t think we would be struggling as much with this topic (and telling ourselves these lies) if we heard more positive things from “the outside” about being single. ( : In God’s Love, Terri

  25. Lisa
    November 1, 2015

    There with you Mandy! Mostly from the first one, wondering why and what’s wrong with me. I just turned 42 a few weeks ago and as much as I wish I were coupled up and had children, I do have to be realistic and know it may or may not happen. I don’t know why. I don’t know why I’ve been single for a very long time. Like you said, I haven’t met my person or there simply isn’t one. Either way, I go about my life and work on building it to look and feel the way that I want. I refuse to sit around and wait for a man to save me. I can save myself 🙂

  26. November 2, 2015

    I’m single because I haven’t met the man that I want to sleep with for the rest of my life. He needs to be smart, kind and sexy and that is a hard combo to find, so I’m happily single until I meet that man! I’ve been celibate for the last 2 years….

  27. Lydia
    November 2, 2015

    I am soooo glad I came across this blog, I was starting to think I was the only single female on the planet! I’m 31 and have been single for 8 years. I really don’t know where the time has gone. I suppose it’s really only in the last 12 months I’ve really started to think about the reason why I might still be single. But I really don’t dwell on it too much because deep down, all I really want is for someone to build a time machine so I can go back and live the last 8 years all over again!:) They were the best in my life so far and I achieved so much. So really if I had the choice to settle down now and have the man, the kids etc or to go back in time re-live my 20’s, I’d do the latter. So until I stop daydreaming about the past and how much I miss it, I might be able to take a look around and bother with potential partners- who I’m probably not even noticing right now!

  28. Cindy
    November 2, 2015

    For years I’ve wanted to move back “home” to Nashville, and for years God has told me to sell EVERYTHING and “go”. I’m finally doing it. I’m not letting singleness and loneliness hold me back anymore, and God’s blessing it. My house sold in 31 hours of listing, and that’s just the beginning. I move home to Nashville next week ON MY BIRTHDAY. Happy birthday to me! Jesus is my man.

  29. Neeka
    November 5, 2015

    I agree totally. I have always told myself that something is wrong with me and that is why I am still single. Maybe my standards are too high and what I am looking for does not exist. I am not looking for perfection, just someone I can love for the long-term and of course, he has to love me back. I do believe that I have a purpose even without being married or having kids. And I do not think I need a husband or kids to realize my destiny. My day career (PhD) is going really well and my dream of becoming an actor is on its way. So I am grateful to God for those things, at least, and for truly learning more about myself and learning how to love myself in this time alone. I have made numerous mistakes just to be with someone (in some cases, guys I would never be with if I had been happy with being single) in trying to mask the pain of loneliness. Now I am realizing that there is nothing wrong with me, I can accomplish so much being on my own, and I am still fulfilling my purpose, even in this time of being single.

  30. MR Rodillas
    November 5, 2015

    And I agree… We’re single because we are single! As easy as that!

  31. Seyi
    November 11, 2015

    Thank you for such an inspiring piece. I live everyday of my singleness knowing that have got a purpose and calling in my life which is not defined by my relationship status. However, the lie I do tell myself is that maybe God didn’t destiny everyone to get married. . . Lol

  32. Brittany P.
    November 11, 2015

    Wow!! I was feeling down, but this hit me right in my face because that’s where I’m at right now being happy, single and truly loving myself!! Jesus is the ultimate fulfillment and most of us don’t even know it, but as of today I do!! I gave myself to Christ at a very young age, and over the years growing up I’m beginning to realize what God truly wants from me, and it’s a awesome feeling!! He just wants us to trust in Him, fulfill our purpose, and He will provide the rest….

  33. Ajay
    November 11, 2015

    On the brink of 40 (in a month), I have sometimes wondered what was wrong with ME, why I was still single. I could never put a finger to it. I have a good job, own my.own home, I am.well educated, and look food. I just never understand why I stayed single. But now I do, being single is not a disease people so thoughtlessly make it out to be. You find your self in these lonely times, u figure out what you want and when that time comes, there is no need to think twice about whether you’re ready or not. Be happy you are being saved from all the drama and bunch of bad relationships right now, love yourself.and keep living.

  34. Lina
    November 12, 2015

    Thank you, Mandy, for your courage to share. Your blog is a huge encouragement to me just knowing you and so many others are going what I am going through because in my every-day world there are fewer and fewer people like me. Virtually no coworkers, fewer and fewer close friends and family. 39 and still holding onto hope of meeting someone which is a healthy thing for me, yet knowing I must also accept there is no guarantee and, therefore, as you and so many others say, live my life. What almost stopped me and sometimes still does is my deeper sorrow of living alone and having to accept that the guy-friend who was absolutely perfect for me does not need me, not even as a friend. Thankfully the Lord has given me a huge calling as a teacher & able to visit less-privileged countries in the summer. The many “children” He has given me and the love He gives me for them stops me dead in my tracks with wonder and constant yearning to not fail in showing them love tomorrow.

  35. Elizabeth
    November 12, 2015

    Thank you or this!! All along I’ve thought I was alone in this battle of finding love and being single! I am 35 years old, 1 month shy of turning 36 and have wondered relentlessly as to why am I still single and never been married?! I’ve had relationships but nothing past that. I’ve finally given up on questioning and wondering why and just realized that I need to just continue living my life and doing “me”. I love to travel and hang out with friends and meeting new people and I’m happy. God knows when and who he’s created just for me (and all of us). I’ll just continue being patient, living and loving myself, my family and life.

  36. Erica
    November 24, 2015

    THANK YOU! I don’t remember how I found you or heard about you, but I’m so glad that I did. You are so inspiring and motivational. Being single and in my thirties is tough and some days I just want to curl up with a blanket on the couch and not leave my apartment. There is someone out there for me and God will present him and bring us together when the time is right. I just have to have faith!

  37. November 24, 2015

    Thank you, I loved this! I’m so glad I found your blog. Good to know I’m not alone. There are so many of us out there (me – I’m 28 and have been single for 8 years. ) No I am not single and ready to mingle. I’m ‘me’ and I’m always mingling.

    I especially love this line you wrote: “we are able to wholeheartedly and without distraction pursue our passions, our calling, our dreams”. After being single for years and not knowing why it had never happened for me, I made a promise to myself that I wouldn’t even allow myself a boyfriend until I’d finished and (self-published) my first book. I know it’s a really silly promise, as I might not necessarily meet anyone after I publish, but the thing is that actually write far better on my own! Once a boy gets in the way my mind switches from ‘creative’ to ‘consumed with another person’. I just want to be a happy, free, dream catching individual with no need for a man to complete me. I’m pretty sure I made it there 🙂

  38. Antoinette
    December 5, 2015

    Thankful for this post. I’m 41, one daughter who’s 19, never married. Almost took the plunge, but decided it was best to let it go. Was involved with this guy 17+ years. I sat and waited on him to step up. When he finally did, couldn’t do it. Relationship was on its last leg, unequally yoked, and I’ve learned that he wasn’t as “all in” as he said. Ultimately, I shut down emotionally. I’m now taking the time to be completely single. I’m in time-out from dating & relationships. Letting God deal with me and my heart.

    • jayson
      September 29, 2016

      sorry you had to go through that.
      i also went through a situation like that.
      i hope you find love.

  39. Monica
    December 8, 2015

    I always wonder will love find me, I have been single for many years I pray for my true mate find and I believe that God is preparing me for my future companion, soulmate and husband whoever he may be only God knows. So I will continue to remain patiently and wait. By far am I am desperate just to be with any man just to say that I have one I have standard and what I am looking for out of a man. I have always say and will say we all come with some form of baggage it’s just what you are willing to accept and unpack.

  40. Michael M.
    December 11, 2015

    If I have a special purpose and a great destiny — why can’t I do twice as much with a marriage partner ? If God wants to do something powerful with me — why can’t I do twice as much with a marriage partner ? If a woman creates a full, joyful, meaningful life for herself — what’s to stop the right man from coming along, seeing her, and saying “She wouldn’t like being married ! I can’t take her away from something she likes !”

  41. Jenns Nwosu
    December 17, 2015

    Mandy, thank you so much for this courageous piece xoxo

    The desire to be loved and to love is probably one of the most powerful of human instincts…….so it can be so sad, painful, when we haven’t found that special someone. I guess in many ways we feel unaccomplished, that we’ve failed….but we really don’t need to think that way. I say this because such thoughts just don’t have much good to offer anyone!
    There are many reasons why our society is less and less inclined to forging solid unions but in the meantime, I think us single women need not feel alone but rather come together like never before! Instead of simply existing, or doing things in isolation, I do think we owe it to ourselves to cultivate rich and wholesome life experiences. By doing so, we are enriched and in turn enrich another and so the circle of love flourishes, xoxo

  42. Sandy
    January 2, 2016

    I am 32 and single for years … This makes me sad and always wonder why I never met the “one”. I am just trying to accept that I am alone and still need to be happy in life . I want to pursue my dreams and have a successful career . Thanks for your inspiring posts . Just found your blog . Happy New Year 🙂

  43. Jackie
    August 10, 2016

    The love and dating coach community is rampant with using lies to make someone think there is something wrong with them so they buy their services. The trick is that they do not have a magic pill. If you happen to be single after buying into any of the numerous programs out there claiming to be the salvation of single life, these coaches often blame you. It’s very sadistic. Unless they are working to introduce you to eligible people with a sincere agenda, it’s kind of a scam.

  44. caroline
    August 10, 2016

    I needed to read this. I was told yesterday it’s my fault I am single. And that I don’t take risks. If people only knew what I keep hidden. It caused me yo be upset. I want a loving man, and refuse to settle for less. Being single at 40 is ok, but being single at 40 with people blsming me is not ok.

  45. Jayla
    August 10, 2016

    I love this. So many great points. When people asked me as a woman, “why are you single” my reply would be, “because the right man hasn’t proposed to me yet.” For some reason, people always forget the fact that if your single, it means either nobody ever proposed to you, (and there is nothing wrong with that) or that you were engaged, but never made it to the alter, or to the reception and honeymoon, or you were married, and now your divorced. Either way, it just is what it is. It should never be looked at as something to be ashamed of, or unhappy about. That mentality is perpetuated onto us by society. Dating back to the olden days of the “spinsters” “harlots” and “old maids” and any other negative term used to describe a single woman. Well, gone are those days. It’s ironically funny to me that men are rarely asked by their peers and society in general why they are single. It’s all good for a man to be a “bachelor for life.” Gotta love those double standards….lol.
    Great blog post.

  46. Gina
    August 10, 2016

    This was perfect timing. I’ve been feeling down and letting these things you mentioned get in my head and wonder why I am still single as well. I’m at a point in my life where I so want to find someone who wants to love me and be with me and have a family with and I’m frustrated that I haven’t found that person to share my life with. Thank you for reminding me that there isn’t anything wrong with me and that I do have a purpose without having a husband or family of my own yet. I continue to pray to Jesus that he continue to help me grow myself and that he brings me that special someone to love me and share my life with. Thank you for this post!

  47. Elaine
    August 11, 2016

    My favourite “single” quote: “There IS something worse than being alone … wishing you were!”

    • Denise
      September 26, 2016

      Love the quote..

  48. Rachel
    August 21, 2016

    I’m 38 and single…. I’m trying to do everything I’ve always wanted to do and not torture myself about being single. Mostly what I want to do is take a nice vacation! I think I have good perspective on being single but sometimes I just wish I had someone to go to concerts with and also a date for New Year’s! I think I’m going to try online dating AGAIN (they make a ton off of us single people). It’s really hard being single at this age.

  49. August 22, 2016

    Love this post! The reframe on being single has to start from the inside out – your 3 damaging ‘broken records’ ARE lies, you’re absolutely right. I’m on a mission to promote the idea that single doesn’t suck – I’m 47 and been single most of my life (but wanted to be in a ‘forever relationship’ for decades) Society sees that as a failure when it’s actually pretty rocking. It is now anyway, but it has taken time. Thank you and please keep up the reframing – we’re all in need of a nudge every now and then!

  50. Sofi Rodriguez
    September 25, 2016

    After reading this I got this acrostic for the word single that I wanted to share. Hopefully it encourages someone as it does me 🙂 single: Strong/Intelligent/Nice/Giddy/Lovely/Excellent.
    Sofia Rodriguez.

  51. Renee
    September 27, 2016

    I’m 46 and 8 years single after a 12 year marriage. The first few years were tough, transitioning from being coupled to being alone, but I’m now single and content. Yes, being in a relationship would be nice, but I’m living my life and enjoying my space and freedom. Kudos to you for your wonderful and encouraging articles!

  52. ConfiusedD
    November 8, 2016

    I believe lately that my standards were exactly like where they were supposed to be. Yesterday, My Mr. X told me that the reason I was not the one was because I was another level, a higher level. When I asked him, if he wanted to go higher with me, he said that at the time he was not ready. But, six months later, he was so ready that he married someone else. This make me angry and has brought up some of the hurt that I was over with it. Why is it that men, in general, do not want to fight for love , for commitment, for me? Do I need need to lower my expectations so that someone can love me?

  53. somto
    November 15, 2016

    Its all good and going am Emma from Nigeria 28 man single from Nigeria am just afraid to have a love relationship reason cause am afraid to get hurt cause I might even go crazy I just hope I do meet a perfect lady to love and grow old together with

  54. SingleInDelhi
    February 27, 2017

    Love your blog! Do check out my first post which is a reflection on my single life… would love your viewpoint!

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