Women Always Know

intuitionIt’s kind of funny…the things guys think we don’t know.

Like when they fall off. Stop texting as much. Stop calling as much. Slowly begin to pull back. Even if it’s ever so slowly…a little at a time. We know. Even if we don’t want to admit it to ourselves, we know what it means.

It can be even a slight withdrawal of time and attention, and we feel it. As women, nothing gets by us. We’ve been around this block a few times before. We know that you’re not just “having a busy day.” We know that you didn’t leave your phone at home. We know it’s not just simply that you have your mind on other things. We KNOW.

We know there’s someone else now on the receiving end of those texts and calls. We know your time and attention is going somewhere, just not to us. We know when we’re being juggled. We know when we’re being ghosted on. We know when the energy shifts from us to someone else, no matter how subtly. We know when you’ve lost interest. We KNOW.

It’s kind of funny…the things guys think we don’t know.

We know. We always know. And we might let you slide out of our DM’s as easily as you slid in. We might look the other way or let it go or choose not to let you know that we know.

We might even let you off the hook for choosing to disappear instead of just telling us you were going.

But we know. Trust that.

We’re women. Nothing gets by us.

Especially a man on his way out the door.

45 Responses to “ Women Always Know ”

  1. Heart broken
    October 25, 2016

    I am not single…..Although sometimes i wish i was. I love this man so very much and he doesn’t seem to love me back. I left someone who loved me and showed it for him cause i couldn’t bring myself to do anything with the other guy. This guy i love treats me like I’m a thorn in his eye. Its been ten months now and i still don’t know what to do. Its pathetic really and i know it. We had broken up before and when i went back to him he said he wanted to be with me. Now i dont want to be with any other guy except him but he just doesnt even care. How do i even start to love someone when my heart is stuck on this one…I’ve tried to be alone to get over him. Took a year off dating but still couldn’t stop loving him. It hurts when you See other girls with their men when yours tells you he is busy and doesn’t have time for you. This article explains my situation perfectly. I truly wish i was a #singlelady…..

    • Lori
      October 25, 2016

      I feel your pain sister. I am going through the same thing. However I told him I didn’t want to see him anymore earlier this year. You have to find the strength to let go. I still love this man but the pain gets less and less. Move on because you deserve better! You can do this!

    • October 25, 2016

      You are a single lady. You are a toy to him. It is never going to change.

    • ImLostToo
      October 25, 2016

      Wow. You just wrote the story of my life and I don’t even know you. I’m struggling with the same exact thing. Drawn out over 6 years. I feel like I die a little every day. Just can’t get over him. I’m so sorry you are going through this…I can truly relate to the misery.

    • Tamesha Hill
      October 25, 2016

      Do not wish, do it. Secure your happiness in the Lord. The Lord has many roles in our live. He is our friend, love, husband, savior, our everything. Allow him to be your everything. I have been celibate for almost 4 years. It hasnt been the easiest journey but the most rewarded. I feel so powerful! God is good!!!

    • Jay
      October 26, 2016

      He knows that you love him too much and he’s taking advantage of that. I think you should find something that will keep you busy and do things differently.

    • Caroline
      October 26, 2016

      I’ve been there. I realized I loved the feelings he gave me more than him. I loved the thoughts of us more than I loved his behaviors. I realized I didn’t really love him, I loved the possibility of more with him. I realized who he is, and I was in love with someone who didn’t feel the same as I did, and that was my reality. I took time to love myself as much as I loved him. That feels more real.

    • Queen
      October 26, 2016

      Baby gal ( Heart broken) Take your gifts & blessings away from this man , he can’t face his life alone , you are an ego boost to him. You make him feel like someone . Go out there live your own life do’nt edit his miserable life . Someone out there is praying for you & everything that you can offer . Love yourself enough to walk away from anything that is not for you . he will never be for you , he will leave you once he finds another supply. Do this for yourself , don’t throw your life away honey please.
      We love you & wish you all the best .

    • buz kralicesi
      October 26, 2016

      What goes around comes a long way around. Obe day he will meet someone who doesnt want him as much as he wanted her.

    • October 26, 2016

      You are much stronger than you think. Take it day by day. The envy you get when you see other girls with their men shall remain but with time, dissipate.
      Do what you feel is right for you.

    • Molly
      October 26, 2016

      I left something similar behind 3 years ago. I struggled with all of it for so long before I just woke up one day and said “Enough”. I’ve looked back a million times and felt all kinds of emotions, but I wouldn’t trade where I am now for anything in the world. I am fine, and you will be too. I can promise you that. There truly is something amazing waiting for you on the other side.

    • Rhonda
      November 1, 2016

      I was you. Took me 6 years alone and him being with someone else. He’d come back but always go back to her. They werent married. He gave me every reason to hate him but I didn’t. He almost broke me. I hope you are in a better place! I wasted 6 years! 6 years that I can’t get back. Those two .. they are together still and they deserve each other.

    • MARY CHAMBERLIN
      November 25, 2016

      You have to open the door to that cage and let him go free from your heart. Its like stealing a lamb from another man’s pasture. Its not yours and will try to go back to its owner as soon as the chance arises. You are worth more than getting crumbs of affection and let me tell you, you will be respected more to just let that man go. Don’t grovel over him. If he doesn’t return your love, he does not love you. He’s and selfish. Its pitiful to see a woman pine after a man that doesn’t want to be in a relationship. I know. You will respect yourself more when you find true contentment outside of a romantic relationship, then be able to bring much when the right one truly comes.

    • Mise
      November 28, 2016

      Hey sister,I have been in your place for 3 years and can tell you this with alot of certainity….IT WILL GET BETTER IN TIME!.Maybe not now,maybe not tommorow…but that day willl come.And you when they say that something better is waiting for….trust me…it is.Maybe its not a guy…But that freedom that comes with you being able to be at peace and to let go…cannot be traded for anything in this world.
      If you are a believer…this is the time to find your GOD.
      Face your fears…Trust me..they are not big as they seem.
      Own your pain and let it make you a better person…
      Forgive.Forget.Let go.Be still.Do not be afraid.
      Let go of the negative self talk,negative thought.Be thankful.Stay active .Be flexible.
      You are stronger than you feel.
      And one day…you will come out from the other side…
      Bigger.Better.Bolder.Brave.more beautiful.
      IT TAKES TIME THOUGH,(Quality things aren’t rushed),BUT IT WILL BE WORTH IT,EVERY SINGLE SECOND.

  2. RLP
    October 25, 2016

    Wow. I was just having this conversation. We think it’s us overreacting but deep down “we know”.

  3. B.
    October 25, 2016

    “We might even let you off the hook for choosing to disappear instead of just telling us you were going.”

    That line brought me to tears all over again. Things recently ended with someone I had been seeing with him simply disappearing. There was no ill feelings, not one fight, no exchange of hurt feelings, nothing. I wouldn’t say it ended badly.. Our time spent was a mirror that reflected how much better my relationship with men had gotten and most of all how I had finally learned to love myself- even the flawed parts. We ended after another one of our spontaneous adventures and a long kiss that lead wth “see you soon.” I never heard from him after that and I didn’t chase after him.. I couldn’t. I knew. I had felt the shift about a month prior before he disappeared. It was brief, but familiar and it scared me so much. Of course we always ask about it. We give them the chance to tell us the truth when we say “just tell me if you want out.” We tell ourselves we’re just overreacting. He’s just busy. They reassure us yet even then.. we just know. The twisting knot in our gut gets tighter the more time passes in between texts. . You’re post is so spot on and it was just what I needed to read tonight. I felt a slight ache in my heart for him and what was, but it also brought comfort. It made me realize that Ny feelings are justified. They are real. Most importantly I’ve realized that’s i owe it to myself to trust my intuition. It is after all..our greatest superpower.

    • October 26, 2016

      I was where you are at the beginning of 2015. He popped in and out without so much as a by your leave. I felt like asking him why? But let it go. Knowing wasn’t going to change the situation.

  4. Aaa
    October 25, 2016

    So true. I am living this now . I used to feel so loved -he paid attention to every details of my life.. we broke up and he got somebody else even then i knew he loved me but now she just had his baby and i feel as if the attention is gone and so is the love… i keep trying to leave but he refuses to let me go but yet i keep comparing with the way things were before with now … but i know i deserve so much better but it is very difficult for me to let go..

  5. Songul
    October 25, 2016

    I’ve always said that my intuition is a powerful thing. Exactly how you’ve described the above, we simply know when something is wrong. It’s only now I appreciate the power we have. Because no matter how much we try to deny it and sugar coat it with excuses, the inner voice always wins. The truth always hurt us. Guess that’s just how it is. Acceptance will always cause us heart ache because we’re always never quiet ready to hear I how it really is…
    I’ve not been in many relationships- but the few I have been in have taught me so much. I don’t even be tripping anymore. Like – he wanna walk out, I’ll be like hey go ahead – the hell, I’ll hold the door open for you….. #thanksmandyx

  6. Michele
    October 25, 2016

    I agree. Was getting a vibe days before my breakup but I thought I was overthinking. I wasn’t. It’s been a month now and my heart is still breaking. It doesn’t get any easier when you get older. But you find the strength to put one foot in front of the other and live for you.

  7. KJB
    October 25, 2016

    We always know but our heart breaks the moment we know that we know. The routine of loving him has become what you have built your life around. It’s just the routine, regular, unfulling and the same every time. If they think we don’t know, it shows that what they say they feel ain’t real. Because if they really knew you they would know and feel what you feel. This has been my situation for 10 years. And no it’s not as romantic as the Big and Carrie story. Now the next step is on me….

  8. Single35
    October 25, 2016

    And then once the tiny shift happens, if you are even slightly interested in the guy, insecurity sets in. Which for most women causes the needy/crazy side to come out or at the least to act differently knowing something has changed. So then the guy can you use as the reason for him pulling away when really you are just reacting to his inaction. Now you’re left feeling crazy and pathetic for a guy you weren’t even that interested in. Oh to the joys of dating games. Hang in there 🙂

    • Sabrina
      October 26, 2016

      Yes, I thought it was just me. Hate the crazy, needy me that I become. It’s like a dance u draw close they back away, then you back away, they draw closer. Omg!!

  9. ADB
    October 25, 2016

    Yes I agree….and when you walk away and let them be then they later decide they made a mistake and want you back then you Say it’s too late!

    • Sabrina
      October 26, 2016

      It’s hard to move on. But I agree one day at a time.

  10. Cutie Pie
    October 25, 2016

    Hell yeah, we KNOW!

  11. Adrienne
    October 25, 2016

    Once again girl- we are on the same page. The guy who “I know” my friends and I like to call Mr. Flashy. Flashy is the emotionally unavailable type who leeches onto me from time to time to validate his ego. Once he gets that validation– through words only– he ghosts off.
    Wash- rinse -repeat. When he goes from being overly flirty to one word responses to my texts– I know.
    And what’s really comical is when I call him on his bad behavior and he denies it!
    Your tone above mirrors my exact response this last time. I’m over it. Adios Flashy. Women know.

  12. Gotye
    October 26, 2016

    More than once I’ve had this happen in relationships – long distance relationships. The first one, I knew immediately, and asked him about it, regularly, and for months he insisted that nothing was different – and then I learned that he had called me from her bed after she fell asleep. Or he’d sneak into another room and tell her he didn’t want to wake her with his snoring – so he could call me and lie to me about how his day was. I was in the midst of personal crisis (a terminal diagnosis for a parent) and in the final days before I quit talking to him, after most of the “truth” was out there – he told me that he lied to me to protect me, that he didn’t want to be another burden through an already difficult time (but it was totally okay for him to regularly listen to me cry and ask what had changed in our relationship, begging him to just fucking tell me already. That’s not a burden at all, no.) When I did finally quit talking to him, he freaked out and cried that I should have told him that I wasn’t going to talk to him anymore, because it’s not fair to be shitty like that. Boo hoo.

  13. Jackie
    October 26, 2016

    People that have a short attention like this, are not in anything for the long haul. And don’t know a good thing ever.

  14. Ashley
    October 26, 2016

    This has literally been the last 2 months of my life, and you addressed it in the most perfect way! You’re right. As women, we ALWAYS know when his behavior shifts. I didn’t like the thought of it or even admitting that this is indeed the truth… I still have a hard time accepting it, but because it was the truth, I have to accept it for what it is and move on. I have so many qualities within myself that should never go wasted on a “man”/boy who doesn’t ever appreciate them in the slightest. It isn’t fair to me! Not at all. Us women, we deserve the best!

    Also, thank you for always posting such relatable material over the years because I am forever grateful 🙂 keep up the great work!!

  15. Anna
    October 26, 2016

    Wow you just write what happened to me. You were right though. We know. Always. I’m sorry if this is happening to you right now Mandy.

  16. Jasmine Q
    October 26, 2016

    Yes! Mandy We always know! The next step is for us to follow that intuition! Love the realness in your blogs! #easiersaidthandone

  17. Kim
    October 26, 2016

    It just seems easier to be single and alone than dealing with men. Less hurt.

  18. Colleen
    October 26, 2016

    Dating is no fun…
    Why are they this way? I just can not wrap my mind around it! When that starts happening to me I don’t even respond to the call or texts anymore cuz I already know. I’m too old to be playing those stupid little boys games!

  19. Analy
    October 27, 2016

    I went through a similar situation about a year ago. During that time I became aware of your blogs and books. I read something that I should have applied into my life at that time. “Red flags are stop signs waiting to happen” such wise words. Just like this post says I chose to look the other way. I forced it, I chased, perhaps even begged…. 10 months later I said enough of his abuse. Yes, abuse! I wish he would have disappeared completely during the time he was playing hide and seek with me… BUT I’m also happy be didn’t because it made me NEVER want to ignore a red flag and it allowed me to not only KNOW but let the next guy that plays hide and seek KNOW that I’m not up for a game. Mandy you are inspiring and amazing! If someone is playing hide and seek with you let him play on your own perhaps reasoning and intelligence can find him in his hiding spot.

  20. Jay
    October 27, 2016

    Oh yes! Just went through this and last week I asked God for courage to let him know that I noticed the changes and sternly showed him out my home and my life. We dated for a year and a half and he was not mature enough to tell me what U noticed so I ended and I’m ok.

    • Ken
      March 7, 2017

      yes, you are right!

  21. Ninja
    November 1, 2016

    First and foremost, I’m sorry for what you’re going through “Heartbroken.” Imho, the way to overcome your codependency on your ex is to change your perception of your self and of him. You are a daughter of the King and are to be treated as such. You belong to Christ, so please steward your heart and mind well.
    Also, you have a romanticized view of him when you miss and long for him. I would try thinking negatively of him (without ill intent). Like that he has really bad hygiene or you don’t like the way he treats his mom, etc. This is just to retrain your subconscious mind and create new neural pathways (google nueroplasticity)

    Mandy,
    When does I know, become let’s openly address this? The post has a hint of passive aggressiveness.

    I wouldn’t put up with the pulling away excuses. We have to use discernment. If something doesn’t feel right more than once, we’re gonna talk about it. We’ll test perceptions without jumping to conclusions and we’ll soon be on the same page.

    The following paragraphs do not describe my personal experience. It is a general “reply” on behalf of men everywhere. I just had to, Mandy! =)

    It’s kind of funny…the things girls think we don’t know.
    Like when they fall off. Stop texting as much. Stop calling as much. Slowly begin to pull back. Even if it’s ever so slowly…a little at a time. We know. Even if we don’t want to admit it to ourselves, we know what it means.
    It can be even a slight withdrawal of time and attention, and we feel it. As men, some things get by us. We’ve been around this block a few times before. We know that you’re not just “tired from work.” We know that your battery doesn’t die that much. We know it’s not just simply that you have your mind on other things. We KNOW.
    We know there’s someone else now on the receiving end of those texts and calls. We know your time and attention is going somewhere, just not to us. We know when we’re being juggled. We know when we’re being ghosted on. We know when the energy shifts from us to someone else, no matter how subtly. We know when you’ve lost interest. We KNOW.
    It’s kind of funny…the things girls think we don’t know.
    We know. We always know. We might look the other way or let it go or choose not to let you know that we know.
    We might even let you off the hook for choosing to disappear instead of just telling us you were going.
    But we know. Trust that.
    We’re men. Some things get by us.
    Especially a chick I’m relieved to see out the door.

  22. Myinnerpeace
    November 15, 2016

    Wow… I read all these post while i am sitting in the same boat.

    I was engaged and broke off a 5 year relationship to persu my career. I felt alone in thia New country and became vulnerable to love. Found myself loving the wrong person, staying around even if I know what it is I want.

    When I woke up this morning I texted my sister to tell her how tired I am if this… I’m giving it all to God, trusting that he will send me that man that is minded just for me and in this time of being single to prepare me for him.

    So ladies… I feel you. Let go and let God. Take the time to find you while the right man is navigating himself to you.

  23. Ayanda
    November 16, 2016

    wow this is really at the sometime it’s painful to came across wht happening in yr relationship. I also in a long relationship of 11 years bt nw i hate everything he’s a liar, he drinks to mch n he’s sleeping around. he treats me bad. I don’t know how to separate wth him coz he’s my kids dad….what can I do.

    • Fola
      December 6, 2016

      Ayanda you deserve better and because he is your kid’s father is not enough reason to stay with him. You need to be happy to be a good mother to your child,move on with your life. Don’t let the fear of the unknown hold you back.

  24. Aurelia
    November 25, 2016

    I am writing this when I am not in love with anyone or hurt because someone has left or is ignoring me- so it’s easy for me to write this, but it does not make it less true. We must know our self worth. I am worth loving, I am worth thinking about all day, I am worth Someone’s full attention. . Anything less than that…and it’s not worth my time or heartache.

  25. Bill Mc Cool
    February 11, 2017

    As a man let me just say something about this………….you might think the answer is to find someone that will truly love you, but thats not the case. If you look at these guys as messengers trying to tell you something about yourself, you can see things from another perspective. Life is always reaching out to us and trying to guide us to completion. Most of the times these lessons come in the form of painful situations though. Thats just the way it works. These guys who Ghost you…………I’d bet there are other guys who worship the ground you walk upon but you dont feel anything for them. Its like you dont want the ones that want you and the ones you want dont really want you. That right there is a massive lesson. The common denominator is you. Not in a bad way, like youre inherently flawed or whatever, you’re not. But you do carry a wound and its this wound that seeks to heal itself by attracting the same situations into your life, over and over until you finally learn the lesson. You feel his attention slipping………..this is a good thing. Its painful……….this is a good thing. Stop running from that pain. Stop and sit with it, let it in and feel every bit of it. If you allow it all in, without judgement, it will work itself out. And when it does something will have changed inside of you and you’ll find that you dont attract that situation any longer. That all of a sudden you are attracting different guys into your life. But you also feel not so desperate to be loved. That you can be with someone but its ok if youre not. Youre not hanging on waiting for that call. You’ feel complete inside.

  26. March 6, 2017

    “We’re women. Nothing gets by us.
    Especially a man on his way out the door.”
    That´s phantastic! I´m from Germany and I love your website, please go on this way!

    Best wishes,
    Your Julia

  27. March 15, 2017

    I have read all the comments…and i can understand where all of you ladies are coming from, even the writer,or the person, with the problem….i’m a single mom, for the last 17 years…i begged for my kid’s father attention for over 20 years well…He’s has now passed on, and i still carried the guilt..we seperated exactly ten years before hi passing, and i was always guilty..That devil is a liar….I prayed my way from under the grasp of the enemy..I have now, for more than five years…The Peace That surpaseth all understanding…It comes from God, and it’s real…I can now walk with my head held high, I am now happy..and yes i’m 51 years old…God has truly Blessed me with a gentleman, with whom i’m now dating, and who loves me un conditionaly….throughout my hears aches and pains..God was, and still is there for me..and I took it all one day at a time…I never stopped praying..and im still praying..God is so amazing….he’s seen me through, and I know, he will never leave me. nor forsake me…but, first of all, we must, must love ourselve, and appreciate ourselves, in order to prepare ourselves, for someone else to love us…..

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