Not Gonna Happen

yoursTruth came to me recently in the form of a fortune-telling bath bomb.

WHAT? You’re probably asking. Mandy has definitely lost it this time. What even is a “fortune-telling bath bomb”?

We’ll get to that in a minute. But first: Here’s the thing. Truth can come to us at any time, any place, in any form or fashion, if we have eyes to see and ears to hear. Truth can arrive on a regular Tuesday morning. It can arrive in the mail. It can arrive via a phone call. It can arrive when we’re not even looking for it at all. If you’re open, and you’re willing to recognize it when it arrives…it can find you anywhere.

Yes, even through a fortune-telling bath bomb.

Now to explain that part. The bath bomb arrived as an item in my Singles Swag box a couple of months ago. I should say that I don’t put much stock in fortune-telling anything. I read horoscopes occasionally for fun but it’s not something I put a lot of weight in. But the day that box arrived, I was at something of a crossroads with a relationship in my life and searching for clarity.

And sometimes clarity comes to us in funny ways.

“Will _____ and I ever really date?” I asked, then tossed the bath bomb into the water.

notgonnahappenA few minutes into my bubble bath, the bath bomb dissolved and the answer came.

And as I read the three words, I realized I had known the answer in my gut long before a fortune-telling bath bomb gave it to me.

NOT GONNA HAPPEN.

When you have a text-only relationship with a guy…it’s probably not gonna happen.

When a guy is completely and admittedly emotionally unavailable…it’s probably not gonna happen.

When it’s been years and you’re still just “hanging out” instead of dating…it’s probably not gonna happen.

When you feel like you need to seek the wisdom of a fortune-telling bath bomb about the future of your relationship…it’s probably not gonna happen.

You see, I had known all along it was probably never gonna happen. It just took having it literally spelled out in front of me for me to accept it.

Our gut always knows. Our heart always knows. Our intuition always knows. It’s up to us whether we choose to accept it or not.

After my moment of reckoning with the bath bomb, I still held out hope that perhaps I was wrong. Perhaps I was misreading the signs. I was “reading tea leaves,” as one of my friends says.

But no. I was right. Shortly after that, the relationship ended before it ever really began.

We know. We always know.

You know right now if that almost-relationship you’re in is going to happen or not happen. You already know. You might be banging your head against walls in frustration or praying for a sign or asking every friend you have for advice…but the truth is, you already know. If you’re willing to see and admit the truth, you’ll find that you already know it. With or without a fortune-telling bath bomb.

Love isn’t always black and white, as I once thought. Neither are relationships and dating, for that matter.

But it’s also not a constant struggle. A constant question. Constant angst and turmoil and confusion.

The answer is always a lot more clear than we think, or are willing to admit to ourselves.

Sometimes we need it spelled out for us.

Sometimes something as seemingly insignificant as a fortune-telling bath bomb from a Singles Swag box can help us see the truth that’s been staring us right in the face the entire time.

What is meant to be ours will eventually be ours and what is not, no matter how hard we try…will never be.

There’s a peace in accepting that truth.

(By the way…here’s December’s Singles Swag box. No fortune-telling bath bomb this month, but lots of other awesome goodies! Subscribe now at SinglesSwag.com and make sure you use coupon code MANDY for 10% off! Free shipping anywhere in the U.S.)

decss

 

6 Responses to “ Not Gonna Happen ”

  1. Jackie
    December 18, 2016

    Sometimes it’s takes time to see if you’re wrong. Or one is willing to be wrong that it won’t happen. But when you’re right, moving on is the best thing to do.

  2. Wondering
    December 18, 2016

    This is profound, Mandy. I like how you emphasize the “you know”…the “we know”….when a relationship is not going to happen. Also what you said about there really shouldn’t be ongoing angst, questioning, etc. Over the past 11 years in a relationship that illustrates how important it is to take seriously these pearls of wisdom you have presented, I have learned how devastating it is to yourself, but also to the other person, if you hang on to a relationship even though “you know” it’s not working (or may never work). I think the MOST devastating part is, though, not being honest about it. I think as single women, at least most of us are acquainted with (or know on a very intimate level) that “ache” of not wanting “to be alone”. And here it is the holidays, which can exacerbate that (and don’t do what I am doing, which is watching sometimes hours of those darn Christmas movies where woman meets man of her dreams – never expecting it to happen – but voila!…I’m a sucker for punishment I guess). But what is far worse than that ache is the constant disappointment of keeping one’s self (and another human being) in a relationship in which you are having to battle that “I know” (it doesn’t seem to be working) feeling. But I did it. We will do it (hopefully not too many of you will do it). Just for the sake of not having to go to church or parties or whatever and know that you are that lone single woman. One will hold on for the sake of knowing that you are meeting that “special person” after work, even if it’s just for a cup of coffee; but also to share the day’s events. Will hold on because, let’s face it, at least for me it’s “easier” to wake up in the morning and know that there is that “special person”/intimate out there with whom you will be sharing the day, checking in with each other, knowing more deeply than other folks what is going on in one anothers’ lives. But then there is that terrible nagging “thing” in the back of your head seeing/feeling though that there are certain things that “just aren’t right”. But you keep holding on, hoping that “it” will go away: the darn “you know”! And even AFTER trying one more time to separate for both peoples’ sakes, you are still having that ache which makes it oh so tempting to get back in touch. So thank you, Mandy, for this. Now this post, plus a few other “memories” are helping me not to go back. But for now, I am still hoping that maybe a miracle will occur…and if GOD decides to bring it back together…then finally I will be able to “know” that this time it is right. But for now, I have to let it go (and realize that that hope might just be a way to cope right now). Thanks for letting me share on your blog. I hope this helps someone else as well. God bless you all and truly happy holidays!

    • Natacha
      December 28, 2016

      Dear Wondering,

      Although not not on the exact same way, I can relate to your post. Thank you so much for it. I hope that 2017 opens for you new doors 🙂

      Cheers

  3. Melissa
    December 19, 2016

    Love this Mandy and I can relate 110 percent. Keep doing what you’re doing and hold your head up high! You deserve a wonderful man to share your life with and when he appears the bath bomb, fortune cookie and horoscope will all align!

  4. Natacha
    December 28, 2016

    HI Mandy,

    Your message seem to always come to me at the right time – when I am in need of some guidance.

    I came online this morning to google some stuff on moving on when you’re the only one investing in a relationship which is not even close to dating. By chance your name came to mind as I had previously read your FB posts… then voila….

    It is amazing how it makes total sense in your saying “we always know”.. and indeed we do… it is just a matter of accepting. Accepting, for me especially has proven to be easier said than done., but as I think of where I am and where I want to be I realise that in order to move forward, I must first “move on” – let go of the unrequited love and learn to love myself instead.

    It will take alot of work as I struggle with my loneliness that finds a way yo creep in every-time I think I’m doing great.

    Thank You.

  5. D
    January 17, 2017

    Wooooooooooow your post is SPOT-ON! I think I went around that mountain a few times, even recently last year coupled with several other failures; it kind of made for a nearly devastating end to 2016 to be honest. I went over this with the Lord while I was praying on my way to work: I usually know that it’s wrong but I get this weird idea in my head that I can change their minds (which is never the case). I’ve battled with this for quite some time but I hope by now I’ve learned my lesson because it’s not worth going through it again (my heart hurts too much lol). I don’t know what to do anymore except shut everybody out lol. Love is a good thing but the risk of trying isn’t worth it to me anymore. It all just adds up to the fear that’s been building up inside for years. One moment I think it’s gone and then in an instant it comes back up and then it’s my fault. It usually is anyways.

    Thank you for this post, I’m glad that you wrote it! Keep sharing that truth! Have a great day!

    -D

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