Not Gonna Happen

yoursTruth came to me recently in the form of a fortune-telling bath bomb.

WHAT? You’re probably asking. Mandy has definitely lost it this time. What even is a “fortune-telling bath bomb”?

We’ll get to that in a minute. But first: Here’s the thing. Truth can come to us at any time, any place, in any form or fashion, if we have eyes to see and ears to hear. Truth can arrive on a regular Tuesday morning. It can arrive in the mail. It can arrive via a phone call. It can arrive when we’re not even looking for it at all. If you’re open, and you’re willing to recognize it when it arrives…it can find you anywhere.

Yes, even through a fortune-telling bath bomb.

Now to explain that part. The bath bomb arrived as an item in my Singles Swag box a couple of months ago. I should say that I don’t put much stock in fortune-telling anything. I read horoscopes occasionally for fun but it’s not something I put a lot of weight in. But the day that box arrived, I was at something of a crossroads with a relationship in my life and searching for clarity.

And sometimes clarity comes to us in funny ways.

“Will _____ and I ever really date?” I asked, then tossed the bath bomb into the water.

notgonnahappenA few minutes into my bubble bath, the bath bomb dissolved and the answer came.

And as I read the three words, I realized I had known the answer in my gut long before a fortune-telling bath bomb gave it to me.

NOT GONNA HAPPEN.

When you have a text-only relationship with a guy…it’s probably not gonna happen.

When a guy is completely and admittedly emotionally unavailable…it’s probably not gonna happen.

When it’s been years and you’re still just “hanging out” instead of dating…it’s probably not gonna happen.

When you feel like you need to seek the wisdom of a fortune-telling bath bomb about the future of your relationship…it’s probably not gonna happen.

You see, I had known all along it was probably never gonna happen. It just took having it literally spelled out in front of me for me to accept it.

Our gut always knows. Our heart always knows. Our intuition always knows. It’s up to us whether we choose to accept it or not.

After my moment of reckoning with the bath bomb, I still held out hope that perhaps I was wrong. Perhaps I was misreading the signs. I was “reading tea leaves,” as one of my friends says.

But no. I was right. Shortly after that, the relationship ended before it ever really began.

We know. We always know.

You know right now if that almost-relationship you’re in is going to happen or not happen. You already know. You might be banging your head against walls in frustration or praying for a sign or asking every friend you have for advice…but the truth is, you already know. If you’re willing to see and admit the truth, you’ll find that you already know it. With or without a fortune-telling bath bomb.

Love isn’t always black and white, as I once thought. Neither are relationships and dating, for that matter.

But it’s also not a constant struggle. A constant question. Constant angst and turmoil and confusion.

The answer is always a lot more clear than we think, or are willing to admit to ourselves.

Sometimes we need it spelled out for us.

Sometimes something as seemingly insignificant as a fortune-telling bath bomb from a Singles Swag box can help us see the truth that’s been staring us right in the face the entire time.

What is meant to be ours will eventually be ours and what is not, no matter how hard we try…will never be.

There’s a peace in accepting that truth.

(By the way…here’s December’s Singles Swag box. No fortune-telling bath bomb this month, but lots of other awesome goodies! Subscribe now at SinglesSwag.com and make sure you use coupon code MANDY for 10% off! Free shipping anywhere in the U.S.)

decss

 

30 Responses to “ Not Gonna Happen ”

  1. Diana
    December 17, 2016

    Awesome. Thanks for my truth this morning . It came to me a few days ago…However as you wrote, we think maybe… Happy Holidays

  2. Jackie
    December 18, 2016

    Sometimes it’s takes time to see if you’re wrong. Or one is willing to be wrong that it won’t happen. But when you’re right, moving on is the best thing to do.

  3. Wondering
    December 18, 2016

    This is profound, Mandy. I like how you emphasize the “you know”…the “we know”….when a relationship is not going to happen. Also what you said about there really shouldn’t be ongoing angst, questioning, etc. Over the past 11 years in a relationship that illustrates how important it is to take seriously these pearls of wisdom you have presented, I have learned how devastating it is to yourself, but also to the other person, if you hang on to a relationship even though “you know” it’s not working (or may never work). I think the MOST devastating part is, though, not being honest about it. I think as single women, at least most of us are acquainted with (or know on a very intimate level) that “ache” of not wanting “to be alone”. And here it is the holidays, which can exacerbate that (and don’t do what I am doing, which is watching sometimes hours of those darn Christmas movies where woman meets man of her dreams – never expecting it to happen – but voila!…I’m a sucker for punishment I guess). But what is far worse than that ache is the constant disappointment of keeping one’s self (and another human being) in a relationship in which you are having to battle that “I know” (it doesn’t seem to be working) feeling. But I did it. We will do it (hopefully not too many of you will do it). Just for the sake of not having to go to church or parties or whatever and know that you are that lone single woman. One will hold on for the sake of knowing that you are meeting that “special person” after work, even if it’s just for a cup of coffee; but also to share the day’s events. Will hold on because, let’s face it, at least for me it’s “easier” to wake up in the morning and know that there is that “special person”/intimate out there with whom you will be sharing the day, checking in with each other, knowing more deeply than other folks what is going on in one anothers’ lives. But then there is that terrible nagging “thing” in the back of your head seeing/feeling though that there are certain things that “just aren’t right”. But you keep holding on, hoping that “it” will go away: the darn “you know”! And even AFTER trying one more time to separate for both peoples’ sakes, you are still having that ache which makes it oh so tempting to get back in touch. So thank you, Mandy, for this. Now this post, plus a few other “memories” are helping me not to go back. But for now, I am still hoping that maybe a miracle will occur…and if GOD decides to bring it back together…then finally I will be able to “know” that this time it is right. But for now, I have to let it go (and realize that that hope might just be a way to cope right now). Thanks for letting me share on your blog. I hope this helps someone else as well. God bless you all and truly happy holidays!

    • Sabrina Young
      December 22, 2016

      Thanks for sharing it helped me indeed. It’s hard to let go your right. It’s also hard to watch every one else coupled up and you’re alone. Praying for strength. I’ve been single for awhile and I must admit I don’t like it. But anyway thanks again.

    • Natacha
      December 28, 2016

      Dear Wondering,

      Although not not on the exact same way, I can relate to your post. Thank you so much for it. I hope that 2017 opens for you new doors 🙂

      Cheers

  4. December 18, 2016

    Thank you for sharing this it was exactly what I needed to hear….especially the comment about text relationship with a guy. It’s not gonna happen. So hard as you become so easily emotionally attached even through texting before you know it. He never acts on anything but always responds to messages. As you say you already know in your heart not gonna happen but so desperately want something to happen you make excuses. Thank you for highlighting this for me. Love your blog…charliegirl from South Africa

  5. Turf
    December 19, 2016

    This is perfect timing, Mandy! I recently started Tinder and Nimble. Met a guy for coffee once, and after he would text and send selfies often. To confuse matters, he would hint around, but then never ask me out on a real date. It was so confusing and frustrating that I kinda freaked out on him. Oops. Now he is no longer texting me, whereas this was occurring multiple times daily… weird.

  6. December 19, 2016

    This post really hit home with me. I constantly feel like I’m finding myself with the gut feeling of “it’s not gonna happen”. And you’re totally right, Mandy! You just know, but sometimes it needs to be spelled out for you. I remember after a really rough breakup, I felt like it was necessary to ask a Magic 8 ball if we would ever get back together. The answer was just, “NO”. But the fact that I had to ask an inanimate object to give me some kind of hope that the relationship would work made it clear he wasn’t the right guy for me. Your blog is always inspiring!

  7. Melissa
    December 19, 2016

    Love this Mandy and I can relate 110 percent. Keep doing what you’re doing and hold your head up high! You deserve a wonderful man to share your life with and when he appears the bath bomb, fortune cookie and horoscope will all align!

    • Ela
      December 22, 2016

      “..and when he appears the bath bomb, fortune cookie and horoscope will all align.” This is what I needed to see today. Thanks, Melissa!

  8. Chloe
    December 21, 2016

    Mandy, I love your outlook on life as this article about the fortune tell bath bomb is really helping me with my own relationship problems right now as I would be self criticising myself over decsions that are okay to make as a woman. Also, I am reading your book The SIngle Woman at the moment as I have to say that it really makes me feel bubbly snd warm inside and it gives me a lovely sense of confidence and I hope that you are gainig wondefurful things by being so generous with your positive views and your expereinces. You used them well and thank you! 🙂

  9. jeany
    December 21, 2016

    Oh my this is really sure for me now. How i know its not gonna happen i can feel it but i try hard always more and more to make its gonna happen. And it is not work for me.. poor of me.
    Thankyou mandy for sharing..

  10. Newbie
    December 21, 2016

    I have had the same revealing experience earlier this year. It came to me that I had always known the answer but refused to accept it. I kept seeking views, guidance from my friends. It does hurt to acknowledge the truth we hold already but it what’s best for us so we can move on with our life.

  11. Alexis
    December 22, 2016

    Wow amazing, I completely believe in signs. I’m not good a how the whole dating goes.. but I’ve recently started dating a man that seems to be just what i want. Seems like he’s very into me and rushing things that I’m starting to have feelings for him. But there’s one thing that quite doesn’t add up. He turns off his phone at night every two weeks or so.. he says he works or he’s stressed that he has to just turn it off. Anyone that reads this please advice.. he seems very caring and loving but him turning off his phone doesn’t add up.

  12. Ann
    December 27, 2016

    Iv had a thing with a guy for 5 years now dated for a year and since we broke up we have been talking on and off for the other 4 years literally talk for 2 months then completely ignore each other for 5 then start speaking again and every time we start speaking I hope and pray for it to eventually go somewhere but it never happens , he was my first love so I guess I just compare everyone to him witch I really should stop doing and I also need to stop speaking to him when he starts speaking to me again in a couple of months as the routine gose , I guess I do just need to face the fact that it’s never going to happen

  13. Anneke
    December 28, 2016

    Hello mandy i like reading your blogs. I’m from Holland and my phone keeps correcting my words because it’s english. But still trying to react on this blog. In my heart i knew it wasn”t him. But sometimes i Just have strong hope find a man that’s mine. I don’t understand why i m not strong enough to resist a guy this summer from who i knew he was going to break my heart. I was in love But also prayed to God. Even with him. Still it was after all a dissapointment. I really don’t understand and i am confused. And afraight to stay alone now im 35. I thank You for sharing your story and encouragments. Love it.

  14. Natacha
    December 28, 2016

    HI Mandy,

    Your message seem to always come to me at the right time – when I am in need of some guidance.

    I came online this morning to google some stuff on moving on when you’re the only one investing in a relationship which is not even close to dating. By chance your name came to mind as I had previously read your FB posts… then voila….

    It is amazing how it makes total sense in your saying “we always know”.. and indeed we do… it is just a matter of accepting. Accepting, for me especially has proven to be easier said than done., but as I think of where I am and where I want to be I realise that in order to move forward, I must first “move on” – let go of the unrequited love and learn to love myself instead.

    It will take alot of work as I struggle with my loneliness that finds a way yo creep in every-time I think I’m doing great.

    Thank You.

  15. Kim
    December 29, 2016

    Thank you! I just walked away from something that I knew wasn’t going to last. It hurts. It sucks. But knowing I’m not alone and I did the right thing is just what I needed to hear. Thank you for being so open and honest.

  16. January 2, 2017

    Hi Mandy,

    I too have been done that painful road. I knew deep down that it wasn’t a match but yet I kept on hoping and hoping and holding on dearly to every “sign” that he was THE ONE and would one day approach me for sure, beyond the flirting here and there. Then, one morning I prayed for God to have his way for sure and before the end of the day, I learned from his aunt that he was engaged!

    I’ve learned so much from that situation. If you’re wondering and hoping and hoping and wondering that a man is the one that God wants for you, then it is highly likely that he is not. God’s God-sent will not play games with your emotions.

    Be blessed!

  17. Honey A Brown
    January 6, 2017

    I am new to your blog Mandy and this was the first blog of yours I read. Like you, I too knew the relationship was not going to happen/work but I kept telling myself it will in time…for 4 1/2 years! I wish I would have had that bath bomb a long time ago to tell me “Not gonna happen”. Thank you for this blog as it just reiterated everything I know deep inside and was a fresh reminder that I always knew.

    Happy New Year!

  18. D
    January 17, 2017

    Wooooooooooow your post is SPOT-ON! I think I went around that mountain a few times, even recently last year coupled with several other failures; it kind of made for a nearly devastating end to 2016 to be honest. I went over this with the Lord while I was praying on my way to work: I usually know that it’s wrong but I get this weird idea in my head that I can change their minds (which is never the case). I’ve battled with this for quite some time but I hope by now I’ve learned my lesson because it’s not worth going through it again (my heart hurts too much lol). I don’t know what to do anymore except shut everybody out lol. Love is a good thing but the risk of trying isn’t worth it to me anymore. It all just adds up to the fear that’s been building up inside for years. One moment I think it’s gone and then in an instant it comes back up and then it’s my fault. It usually is anyways.

    Thank you for this post, I’m glad that you wrote it! Keep sharing that truth! Have a great day!

    -D

    • She
      January 24, 2017

      Wow! I can totally relate to your response.

  19. Nora
    January 23, 2017

    Your post hit home and ohbot did it hit. Truer words have never been spoken. I know my relationship isn’t going anywhere fast but I can’t seem to let go and yet I know time is passing me by and I will never get it back. I can’t let go because the fear of being alone hurts like no other pain I’ve ever felt before and the pain and fear combined are so much greater than the disheartening true.

  20. Skyman
    January 29, 2017

    Loved reading you all! I agree and disagree in some points but, that is why the world is colorful and not gray except for days like we all probably have been through even though the sun is the brightest out that day!
    Love has a beautiful tone to it but very dark when it seems you lost track of what it stands for! A relationship is like a vehicle and its engine it will only take so far as long the engine is running when it starts to stall or finally stops, you can only push it so far! when that day comes and you feel your pushing, its obvious the D day will come when you have no more strength or probably still have a few more pushes in you but you just figure, what the hell I’ve been pushing and haven’t felt a pull!!
    It is true that what ever happens, all happens for a reason we just decide at that point we don’t want to except it because of the pain, the hurt the not being able to sort things out even though we know deep inside things would not work but for some reason, us humans feel like we need to put ourselves through that! We don’t!
    It is true, we pray to god that at some point they’ll see things differently, will start missing “US” and at some point will reflect better and at any moment our phone will just ring or get a text an email something and yes, sometimes it does happen but what didn’t work at first wont the second time around!
    A relationship, love if you so wanna call it, needs patience,honesty, understanding, sharing thoughts, commitment and without a doubt, friendship respect for one another! All of this should not only exist on the best moments of the relationship but on its darkest moments as well or most definite on its darkest moments that’s when you know, the relation stands for the good and bad moments!, when we are on our high glory everyone wants us what about when were on a low? If you’re not with me on my lows, understand me, stay by me or show to care or have empathy then you definitely don’t deserve me on my best!
    We all have fault,s perfection is in the imperfections we all have them but do we accept them?
    Sometimes, we just say, screw it! ill just dedicate myself to me! why risk it again? but, we all know that only lasts for so long!
    I know that myself, i do want to believe that everything happens for a reason and if what we lost, was meant to be lost so we can eventually find what we have been awaiting for and wanting for a long time!
    Most of the time people settle either because of time invested, fear of being alone again, having to once again go through the dating situation getting to know people, opening ourselves up again, family involved, all sort of things but, at the end of the day, its better sooner then later even though most of the time we tend to wanna push that a bit longer knowing that as much as your able to push, it wont matter! Most of the time, our first intuition is the correct one we just decide not to see it or accept it!
    I don’t want to lose hope our shut love out of my life, i believe when time is right the one i have been waiting on, as we all, will show someway, somehow, sometime anywhere!
    The best of luck to you all in finding the one the completes you or being found!! 🙂

  21. Crystal
    February 4, 2017

    I absolutely needed to hear this today. I actually started contemplating what to do yesterday because of a certain situation. I woke up.this morning thinking about it. You have perfect timing. Thank you so much.

  22. KK
    February 8, 2017

    Yes we all have been there at some point in our life. The naked truth keeps banging at our door and we choose to ignore it until it gets louder than the voices in our head. The hardest part is dealing with disappointment that follows after. Sulking over the time and energy wasted in a lost cause just because we kept hoping for things to get better. There is fine line between not giving up and running after a fantasy. That line gets blurry when you are a sucker for love or anything remotely close to it. How does one keep up? All set in search for the answer.

  23. Vwcutie
    February 25, 2017

    And then suddenly it was all confirmed with this one read. Coming to the acceptance that it’s time to let go for good. And stop snooping for evidence that I knew would be there all along pointing to the “he’s just not that into you” facts. I hate being lonely. But I dislike being miserable even more. Time to have a talk with myself and pour my time and energy into something that actually makes me productive. Cuz this thing I’m trying to hold onto, this ain’t it.

  24. February 28, 2017

    So last night, I sat down after reading the introduction and first chapter of Beautiful Uncertainty. I sat there, in my room, in almost absolute silence, with my head bowed and my eyes closed and…. I got my answer. Of course, it’s the same answer God has been giving me for the last two weeks. In a way, it’s not the answer I want to hear, in another it is. It’s the “be patient, in time it will come to be” answer. And, like I’ve known from day one, he – the guy who should not be named – is the one. But I’m not standing around waiting. I’m actually spending my time focusing on Jesus and knowing that, when the time is right, what is already planned will play out.

  25. reen
    April 6, 2017

    Gosh, I feel like Mandy is a personal friend. I have read both books and read all the blog posts. Similar to Mandy, dated a guy, he broke it off, then he keeps popping back in my life. Each time I think he is ready, things will be better and each time he disappears. All I wonder is why he keeps popping up then out. Maybe it is time I decide that he is not allowed to pop into my life and shut, lock, deadbolt or ail that door shut…But then that means I have to be ok with never opening the door again…that is the tougher task.

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