Day 15: Narrate a Conversation Between You and Someone Who You Never Had Closure With

Day15picIt’s been almost exactly a year since I posted my last #30DayBloggingChallenge blog.  I actually wrote this a year ago and wasn’t brave enough to post it. Since I wrote this blog, I have actually had this final conversation of closure with this person, who many of you will recognize from my latest book I’ve Never Been to Vegas but My Luggage Has. I’ll save that final conversation for another day…but for now, here’s what I imagined I would say to him after two years of silence.

Narrate a conversation between you and someone in your life who you never had closure with (a friend, an ex, a family member, etc.) What would you say? What would they say? What outcome would you hope for?

I obviously know the person I feel like I never had true closure with, and anyone who has been following my blog for any amount of time probably also knows: My Mr. E. i.e. “Mr. Elusive,” i.e. “Mystery,” i.e. my real-life “Mr. Big.” But what I don’t know is his part of the conversation. What his responses would be to any of my questions. If I did know, I guess his nickname wouldn’t be “Mr. E,” now would it? That’s why I’ve decided to rephrase this question to read: “What would you say to the person you feel like you never had closure with?” (Feel free to answer this question whichever way you choose, in whatever way feels most natural and beneficial to you and your journey and creative and growth process.)

Why have I been avoiding this question? I think for the same reason I try and avoid all thoughts of Mr. E whenever possible: Because I’m not over him. Because I still think about him all the time. Because I have to block his Facebook updates so they don’t come to my newsfeed because when and if the day comes that something pops up telling me he’s engaged or getting married or even just “in a relationship,” I’m not sure my heart will be able to handle it. Do I or have I put my life on hold for him? No.  I haven’t. I live fully and I live big and I try to be as open as I possibly can to new love finding me. But at night, once I’ve taken off my makeup and my defenses are down and my mind starts to wander…it seems rather than new love sitting down at the table of my life to join me, old love finds its way back in…and I’m back there again. Back in the middle of the moment when I last saw him…standing at a crowded train station in Queens…clinging to him for dear life, never wanting to let go…because I knew the moment I did, he would disappear down the street and out of my life with the same haste that a New York City taxi speeds away from the curb. Close my eyes even a little and I’m back in that moment, wondering what I could do or say differently to change the way the story would go. To change the fact that more than two years would pass before I’d see him or talk to him or even hear a word of any kind from him at all. I can taste the tears and hear the sounds of the train speeding down the track and smell his clean, fresh linen shirt as I rest my head on his shoulder for perhaps the last time. In my mind, I can almost rewind every moment since that one and close my eyes tight enough to feel like, for a second, I’m back there with him and we’re still “Us” and there’s still a chance to find and mend the errant thread of our “almost-relationship” before it unravels and leaves us spiraling off in separate directions, on separate coasts, living separate lives.

But I’m not there. I’m here. And I can’t change the story. I guess I’m probably not meant to.

But if by some miracle or wrinkle in time or wiggle of the nose or dash of fairy dust or clicking together of my heels three times, I could turn back the clock and go back to that moment, standing at that train station in Queens…here’s what I would say.

“Did you ever really love me? Did you and I ever really become an ‘us’ in your mind, or were we always ‘you’ and ‘I’? Did you really plan on putting a ring on my finger that day? Or any day? Was it all a mirage that I saw because I wanted to see it and needed to see it…or did those moments that felt so magical to me happen for you, too? Was I a “safe settle” or a “conscious choice”? Have you missed me at all? Do you think about me when I’m not around? Do you have any idea how much I think about you? Did you know that you feel like an extension of me, and that I can’t imagine my life without you in it? Are you really ready to let me walk away without a fight? If you knew in your heart that this was the last time you’d see me…that this was our last shot…would you do anything differently?”

And the questions that haunt me most of all…

“Did I imagine that this entire relationship meant more than it did? Was it all one-sided?  Did I write and produce and star in a movie of my own making? Or were you in it with me, feeling and loving and trying and hurting and risking and soaring and losing and falling?

Was I always your option…while you were my choice?”

I suppose part of getting the answers we seek is being bold enough to ask the questions…and brave enough to face whatever is on the other side of those questions. Or maybe some answers simply aren’t meant to be known…because they would hurt too much, or set us on a course where we don’t belong, or change our story all together. Maybe sometimes the not knowing is better than the knowing because in the not knowing, we can write our own ending. Find our own closure. Tell our own story, in the way we think it should be told. In the way we wished it would be told. Or maybe it doesn’t matter what questions we ask or don’t ask, or what things we say or don’t say…because things are going to turn out the way they’re going to turn out, regardless. Maybe no matter which way it would have gone that day, Mr. E and I still would have wound up as supporting actors in each other’s stories rather than leads.

I don’t know. I may never know. I can’t go back in time, I can’t rewrite the past, I can’t change the choices I made or the things I did or didn’t say.

All I can do is hope that at future train stations, with future guys, at future times…the memory of not saying what I needed to say in the past will give me the courage to say everything I need to say in the present.

 

***Join my 30-Day Blogging Challenge at any time either by commenting below, or responding to the challenges each day on your own personal blog and sharing the link below or on social media.  All the details HERE!  Make sure to hashtag all posts on Twitter and Facebook #TheSW30.

ALSO: If you want to read the full story about my “Mr. E” (and if you’ve ever had an on-again, off-again love, I highly recommend it) you can get your copy of my latest book and New York Times Bestseller, I’ve Never Been to Vegas But My Luggage Has, an any bookstore.

103 Responses to “ Day 15: Narrate a Conversation Between You and Someone Who You Never Had Closure With ”

  1. Ricki
    October 7, 2014

    Wow. This really got to me. There is so many question i have for my Mr. E. But i suppose, maybe your right, maybe not knowing is for the best sometimes…and I really dont think I want to know some of the answers to those burning questions. Thanks for sharing your heart as always. Always in my prayers..:)

  2. October 7, 2014

    thank you for posting this question. I have been blogging for 3 years after my relationship ended and have always been afraid to actually answer this question. I don’t think I ever really had true closure. & I think I have dreamt about it and I have acted it out many times. Its time to put it on paper. Thank you

  3. ntombi
    October 7, 2014

    Wow I really need to get this book I love it!

  4. Carly
    October 7, 2014

    So relatable! Crying as I read your post…in an on-again/off-again relationship now and I HAVE asked those questions. By asking, I find us once again “on” because the love IS real (though that doesn’t mean it’s permanent or right for us). I envision us having the closure conversation again some day maybe…and I also think he needs to have the same talk with his ex. What DO you do with the answers? You are most right when you said maybe it doesn’t matter because it will all work out the way it’s supposed to, despite knowing or not knowing the answers….I’m babbling. Great post 🙂

  5. October 7, 2014

    Wow!!!! I thought I was the only one that thought those things? Was it only onesided did you ever feel those feelings I did? It is so nice to know other people feel and think those things!!! Thanks Mandy you are great!!!

  6. Tracey Ollier
    October 7, 2014

    Intrigued.

  7. Dawni
    October 7, 2014

    In the same boat.

  8. October 7, 2014

    Hi! I so understand and have also been thru everything above concerning “Mr. E”. I can relate to everything just like it was a page out of my own book. Still have a “Mr. E” in my life too.

    I just wanted to make a comment. Not interested in blogging (because I don’t know how).

    Good Luck and I plan on purchasing your book.

    Lynn Owen

  9. Julie Richardson
    October 7, 2014

    I feel like I could have written this. I’m sitting at my desk fighting back the tears. Barely an hour goes by that I don’t think of “him.” The one who I thought I was destined to meet and marry. It’s been one month and nine days since he walked out of my life. Just a few emails have passed between us, and every day I wonder if he thinks about me half as much as I think of him. I finally got him to agree to meet me. He wants a clean break, because this was the hardest thing he has ever done. I need closure and answers to the multitude of questions that swim through my head on a daily basis. As soon as I saw the title of this blog post, I knew it was meant for me. Thank you Mandy for always being so honest and open. It really helps to know that I’m not alone.

  10. Nicole
    October 7, 2014

    Your latest blog speaks to me so deeply. I have a former that strung me along even after we had broken up on Valentines Day 2013. Through facebook posts I saw he was dating a new women in August and he couldn’t even tell me the truth about that. It was only when his back was up against the wall that he told me December 23rd that they were expecting and getting married did it really come to an end. He and his wife blocked me on facebook even though I had unfriended him the moment he changed his profile pic to the two of them and I don’t even know who she is. Just last week I had the pleasure of seeing through the magic of facebook that they had in fact married the last weekend in Sept. I had no sadness or tears and I realized how far I have come and his wedded bliss was just the exclamation point at the end of that chapter. I do truly never feel I had the proper closure and I do have thoughts of what I would say to him. Reading this particular blog made me realize that I was just an option and he was always my choice. Thank you so much!

  11. natasha
    October 7, 2014

    I haven’t read it and it’s sounds so emotional in my mind.

  12. Angie
    October 7, 2014

    I feel like you nail it every single time you write a post. I’m feeling a lot of the same things that you have written about even though my relationship wasn’t quite as serious as yours. I want to ask the questions as well but don’t have the courage to do so…sometimes writing your own ending is truly better. Thanks for being open and honest and for putting into words what the rest of us can’t but are feeling.

  13. Vonnie
    October 7, 2014

    thank you for your honesty. You’re saying what we all think. I’ve learned to my have regrets….say what you need to say, do what you need to do, make every effort and try with every inch of your being so that even if it doesn’t work out in the end, at least you know you have it your all!

  14. Maria Katigbak
    October 7, 2014

    I feel you, it’s almost 6 months when I decided to broke up with him.. it’s hard, it’s like I’m going to be crazy, I cried a lot of tears, i always want to stay in my room, alone. I even quit to my job because i can’t handle it.. thinking of him and it hurts me.. every night or even in a day if I’m doing something and it’s always reminds me of him.. He’s my first boyfriend and since we are in a long distance relationship for 2 years because i moved here in US, but we used to be together when I was still in the Philippines for 3 years so all in all, we’ve been in a relationship for 5 years.. my friends and family always telling me that they always see my ex bf with different girls, but I didn’t believe in them.. I believe in what my ex telling me.. until one day, maybe God wants to end the pain and suffering that I am going through with him, I , myself.. saw it with my eyes.. and all these years, he’s lying to me. The hardest part is, I gave him my all.. I trust him, he used to be my life, my everything. . But I know, whatever I do.. or even if I begged him a lot of times to change for me.. he’s not gonna tdo that that’s why I finally broke up with him…we ddon’t have a proper closure. . But I think, not having a closure is the best closure sometimes, here in my heart.. I’m trying to be strong.. and I forgave him for everything he did to me.I know, it’s out of the box from you’re blog but I hope.. you will read this. Thankyou! You’re a big help to me.. 🙂

  15. October 7, 2014

    wow!! I need to sit down and write a letter to my ex with all of my unanswered questions. I just cried my eyes out reading this post. There are so many things left unanswered. So many questions still remain. I won’t ever send the letter, so I won’t get the answers, and even if I did send it and he did answer it would probably be lies.

    I’m not a religious person, or even all that spiritual, however since reading your book (never been to Vegas) I’ve been silently thanking God for removing my ex from my life. He knew I wasn’t able to do it on my own, so he took care of it for me. Even though my ex was a jerk, and an alcoholic, I still miss him. It’s been getting easier, the more time that passes, but I’m crying as I type this. Some days I miss him so much that every part of my body physically hurts.

    Thank you for your book, and your posts. They have been a true source of comfort for me in this difficult time. I know God must have a plan for me, and will reveal it when the time is right. I just hope that time is sooner rather than later.

  16. Kari
    October 7, 2014

    Wow. That whole paragraph of questioning is exactly what I am feeling. Wish I had the courage to ask those questions but almost think it would make things worse. Maybe the moving on is truly in the not caring anymore. I love the supporting actors comment. I think that was all I was…. and after all this time, I think I’m ok with that. Thank you for always knowing just what to say.

  17. Becky
    October 7, 2014

    As I read your words I felt my heart was being opened in front of me. I am not sure I am ready to face the truth, hear what could have been different, or that I was truly loved. It seems easier to believe my own story and that he didn’t truly love me. It hurts too much to think a true love let me go so easily, true love would have fought and not treated me like a new toy.
    Thank you for your blog!!!

  18. Kat
    October 7, 2014

    My heart stopped beating for a second when I read this article because it seemed as though you read my thoughts and feelings of the person I still love and cannot stop thinking of. Like you, I try to live my life and find new love even as he is still present every day in my head and heart!

  19. christine stenson
    October 7, 2014

    Omg, reading this is like looking into a mirror pointed directly at my heart and my current (as in I’m not ready to let go but more and more am realizing I must) relationship. How do I? How can I? I won’t survive it. Its not because either one of us has done anything wrong. He is an amazing man. I just think our timing was wrong. And what makes it even more painful to imagine – we own homes next door to each other and I will see him every single day. It’ll be like the wound reopening over and over again. I am not strong enough for this.

  20. Naledi
    October 7, 2014

    Oh Mandy…I’m lost for words!!

    Its been two months since I broke up with the love of my life…my Mr E…my mystery man and its hard. I think about going back everyday but deep down I know it would never serve me to go back to a man not willing to love me.I tried everything to break down his walls but in the end I was not enough for him to open up…to make an effort and to just love me…yet for me…the earth moved,I’ve never felt emotions so strong for any man.And so I wonder..was I a rebound for all those years..did he ever love me,were we real or was it all in my head?

    I know I’ll never get the answers I seek and for my sanity I’m trying to get my own closure…answer my own questions…go back and really just look at the relationship and realise….I was alone in my own movie…him? He never was there with me.That hurts,it tears me up inside but its a reality I must accept and move on with no regrets on my leaving him…because had I not..nothing would have changed..I’ve also accepted that I will probably love him all my life but I’m going to find someone who will love me and I will look back at this and realise that at times my soulmate doesn’t neccessarily mean that I’m his.

  21. karena tolfors
    October 7, 2014

    I argue in my head about all the things I would say very often. When I had the chance to say one thing I said something else, but maybe that’s what I was meant to say and I trust Jesus to interpret the words to how I meant them, because He is capable of doing that. I always try to distract my mind, tell myself this is my story, it’s what’s best and how it’s suppose to turn out. I would not have met Jesus otherwise and if I didn’t this way, then maybe something worse would have happened. That’s a lot easier said than done at times, but I also pray for Jesus to give me the closure I need.

  22. October 7, 2014

    I read it and i like it…some of it had happen to me…

  23. Babs
    October 7, 2014

    I recently found myself backed into a corner with the guy I had been with for the last 6 months. It was either end it or keep going along on the roller coaster ride, that would eventually come crashing down. This past Sunday, after being treated as an “option” for the last time, I decided to call it quits. It hurt like hell, but I knew it would hurt more if I continued to dishonor myself in this relationship where I was no longer being treated as a priority to the man I’d drop everything for. I should mention that it was a long distance relationship to begin with, not super long distance, just 2 hours away, but still a distance. I did end it via text message, which I know is uncool, but given the circumstances, that is just what it came down to. He never responded, nor called. I am left wondering “Did I mean anything at all to you”?, “Did I imagine all of the good times we had”?, “Was the chemistry I felt we had live or Memorex”?

  24. melissa martin
    October 7, 2014

    My ex is my Mr e we need closure and I ask myself the exact same questions you do I also just recently have an in counter with my first love for some reason after 20 yrs we are in each others lives again don’t know where that’s going to lead but I do believe I need to live in the moment

  25. alfred bobby
    October 7, 2014

    Well that’s an intresting story, I love it nd hope to read more of dis book or any other book with de best interest

  26. October 7, 2014

    I think I just read my story .no wait I did read my story just now.. It’s like all my thoughts that I wrote down in my journals yes I have 9 complete journals were staring me in the face.. It’s amazing ….

  27. Linda
    October 7, 2014

    I too had an on again off again relationship of 12 years so I can relate to all that has been said. I too wrote a book regarding my relationship but I don’t know how to publish it, can you give me any info on how to do this?

    I guess you have to give your life to God and tell him only to take care of you, forgive the person who hurt you so bad, forget what he has done, but never forget the lesson it taught you. When that happens all is mute and you will be healed to be able to love another person again.

    Hope you will get there someday…bless u

    Linda

  28. M
    October 7, 2014

    I recently ended something that was on and off for a while. The attachment was intense. I recognised that my needs were not bring met, so, I did the unthinkable and ended it. I told him everything, that my heart was breaking and that it felt as if my soul was being pulled out of my chest. Initially I felt depleted. I cried until there was nothing left. I thought I’d given him ever ounce of power I had. And then, something wonderful happened. I felt lighter. So much lighter. I felt as though I was exactly where I was supposed to be. And I made a resolution. I would never allow myself to be anyone’s option again. I would treat myself with the same love and respect I invested on others. I am free. Having exposed every feeling I have no safety net, no chance of resolution. But I can now invest in me. Find a way to have the closure conversation if you can. Act on what serves you and delete what doesn’t at all cost. You are worth it and you will feel better for it. Blessings. M xxx

  29. May
    October 7, 2014

    Yes these are the questions Left an unswered but I am too afraid to ask.

  30. October 7, 2014

    I was feeling this way a few weeks ago. I just got of a relationship and I feel like I wasn’t able to say all of the things I wanted say during it. I felt as if I needed to tell him how I felt this past year and the type of person he is. I needed him to know how angry and hurt I was. I began to write an email to him and when I was done, I felt so relieved. I didn’t even send it yet. I think I needed to say how I felt no matter if he heard it or not. I may be able to speak those words to him or I may not but I know I will be okay. I will be okay if we speak again in the future or if we never talk to each other past that day when my life was turned around. Thank you for this blog! It’s helping me get back focused on myself and to move on.

  31. October 7, 2014

    Two years have also passed for me and the one that I chose. He didn’t choose me. I was an option. I saw him the other weekend. He stayed around me all nite. We danced, even kissed goodnite. He called but I didn’t answer, I know how the story ends. I had my answer that evening. He had forgotten all about me. I don’t believe I meant anything to him. He is gone again now. I doubt I ever run into him again. It hurt badly the first week after. I still think of him everyday but I guess I have learned to survive without him. Badly, but I’m doing it.

  32. October 7, 2014

    I’m in!! Looking forward to this new venture and challenge. This subject has been something that’s been haunting me for about two years now. No closure! Still single! And the dating game has changed significantly. Maybe this will help me to heal.

  33. Kerri Baker
    October 7, 2014

    Oh my heart is overflowing and the tears are streaming. While the last moment with my soul mate didn’t happen in a train station, the feelings and the unanswered questions are the same. Was I in it alone even though “L” was telling me something totally different? So many unanswered questions and continued heart ache more than 2 years later.

  34. Kasandrah
    October 7, 2014

    Your post came to enlighten me at the right moment in it’s time. I feel grateful to that moment. You gave me closure…bless you. K*

  35. October 7, 2014

    Hi,

    This was an incredible blog. Loved the description of your feelings and questions about your personal experiences.
    I guess the “what if’s” will always be around us no matter where we go. But there is a good way to get past this. You can think and trust that this was the best way things could have happened, for your own good. I know it’s hard and things may be impossible to accept because we wanted to change something we were so sure it could have worked. But we don’t understand the present and why certain things don’t happen. Getting certain answers could have helped you to move on quicker, but now that you don’t have the answers, the only thing left to do is to accept and expect that the best is yet to come your way. Later in life you will understand why things turned out differently and you will learn that things we think are good for us, probably would not be that good as we think, and well, you never know… if it’s meant to be, let it be true to you and let it come to you, but for now, leave it in God’s hands (apologies if you don’t share the same view) but just leave it in nature’s hands and whatever it’s meant to be in your life, let the right door open for you! Blessings

  36. Nikki
    October 7, 2014

    Wow this is how I felt so glad I’m not alone …..

  37. Mary Bennick
    October 7, 2014

    I needed to read this today and Thank you .

  38. Christina
    October 7, 2014

    At the end of a long day, it’s nice to come here and read the thoughts of someone that could be my own, almost verbatim. It makes my world feel a little less lonely. Thank you.

    • Mandy Hale
      October 23, 2014

      HUGS!

  39. vivian
    October 7, 2014

    you put things so perfectly into perspective every time.Flawlessly, eloquently, but also have guts over fear ( quoting Eminem) way about your writing.

    i went on here today cause my Mr. is in a exclusive relationship now and im feeling low. i found out last night and it hit me hard this morning. Thanks for always saying the right things.

  40. Amanda P
    October 7, 2014

    Dear Mandy, I love this piece. Actually asking the questions is one of the hardest things anyone could imagine. I used to feel if I didn’t ask the questions I still had something to hold on to in case I didn’t like the answers. My question to you- I recently have asked the questions and recieved the exact responses Id dreamed of BUT a part of me is doubtful there will be no follow through with actions because of our past. When is enough enough?

  41. Kim
    October 7, 2014

    I will have to write my own closure as well. Sadly, we never said goodbye or anything. I got a call out of the blue after 10 years of knowing and loving this person. Just months prior to thus call he was texting…… I got the dreadful news I am getting married.. And you know the worse part without an ax plantation why I wasn’t good enough he married a Kim with an already made family. All this time I thought it could be I have a child and he wants one. No she has children of her own older than him like me…. Wanted to invite me to the wedding after all he must have forgotten where we had been. I guess you can say I am might not be over this!!!!! My heart has been torn and broken. The pain I felt and anger.. More pain than I can describe. I hope today I can start to heal. Move on and find closure. How to find closure when you were never told why he picked someone else. Another Kim!

  42. Annette
    October 7, 2014

    Thank you for sharing this. I am going through the exact same thing and it is torture. No explanation. None. One day he was here, the next day, a complete stranger. You put words to my thoughts and made them real. I don’t understand what God has planned and even though his leaving me has left me utterly heartbroken, I trust in Him. But it’s hard and it still hurts. The thought of not seeing him or speaking to him for two years made my heart go into my throat. It has only been since May 6 that the deafening silence began for me…and everyday is my living hell.

  43. Grace
    October 7, 2014

    I subscribed to your blog..looking forward to more insight in bringing closure to a relationship that ended abruptly through a text from someone who claimed they hated texting. Although I have no desire to rekindle the relationship I would like closure..I need to understand the real reason why he ended the relationship.

  44. A. H.
    October 7, 2014

    Did you read my mind and copy down the questions I’d like to ask my faux One? I swear it’s the same list. (Which means I’m not the only one that has felt this way, oddly comforting.)
    My memories haunt me, but sometimes they comfort me because I know what actually happened and that I didn’t imagine everything…though perhaps I imagined a happier ending.

  45. euhnny
    October 8, 2014

    Beautifully written. This is exactly what I want to ask to someone I never had closure with. Word for word. So many feels. Brings back longing and heartache. I LOVE IT!!!

  46. monique
    October 8, 2014

    My partner abandoned me, our business, my girls, our life…everything. he texts me occasionally never answering any questions, never letting me know where he is, just plays with my head. This was ten months ago, my world crumbled, I was / still am..shattered. Theres so many questions, no answers…he makes me feel like it was my fault but doesnt tell me what went wrong. Rebuilding my life while down at the lowest ive ever been is so hard. Just started a new job. .scared to find someone else, scared to be hurt again 🙁

    • Mandy Hale
      October 23, 2014

      Praying for you, Monique. Remember that rock bottom is good, solid ground and God can take anything broken and make it beautiful. Keep going, brave one!

  47. Abby
    October 8, 2014

    Hi Mandy! I just read your article and I felt like I was in your shoes a week ago. If you may, I would like to share my story and heartaches. I was engaged with my elementary schoolmate. He was the popular guy in school before and I was the average type of girl that nobody notice. I didn’t like him before because all the girls was into him and I don’t wanna be part of his fans club. But no matter how I wanted to avoid him, I would always bumped into him in a certain unavoidable circumstances.

    To make the story short, we got engaged but it didn’t worked. I didn’t had closure with him. After almost a year, last week I got a call from him. That moment I felt like I did the ice bucket challenge. All the things that I wanted to say to him, questions that I wanted to ask, the lines that I practiced to say to him just went away. I asked him a few but I stopped myself because in the back of my head, it’s over already. I may get the answers from him but it won’t change the fact that we’re done. It won’t change where we are now. I felt like the day we broke up just happened, yesterday. I cried all day the next day and felt depressed.

    It’s been a week now and with the help of your inspirational words, I won’t be here reading your blogs with a smile in my face. I thank God for leading me to see your tweets, books, blogs. I wanted to let you know it helped me a lot to move on. It wasn’t easy but with God’s help I did it.

    I pray that you will be able to touch more lives in your book. May God continue to bless you!

  48. Vel
    October 8, 2014

    This is very powerful & a good read. Let’s see my story begins when I was in a relationship for seven years, we were so in love and always did everything together until when he started having family issues that’s when I felt he was pushing me away and knew something was wrong. My gut told me there was someone else on his mind, I confronted him and denied everything I was feeling. But deep I knew the answer. He ended our relationship in a very evil way. I couldn’t understand the man I loved was treating me in such horrible way. I picked up my head high and walked away. Made some changes so he wouldn’t be able to communicate with me and I wouldn’t be tempted to do so. A year passed and I saw him with the same woman I had accused him of cheating with. My heart dropped, blood dropped my eyes filled with tears and I could no longer continue to eat at the restaurant. I had a nervous stomach and I began shaking. I knew then I was still in love with this Man after all the pain he caused after 1 year of our breakup. For 2 years I cried & cried and wondered what I had done wrong. I blamed myself for everything, living life unhappy, sour, cold hearted, no feelings and I was angry always felt like the victim and picked fights with people. Another year passed (3rd yr) & I had enough and was tired of feeling miserable. That’s when I picked up the phone and hoping he still had the same house number. He picked up and I started shaking and I said hello then I hung up. I then dialed again and he answered and said my name. I said yes it’s me, I’m sorry but I have to do this this is for me I’m tired of crying I’m tired of wondering I’m tired of feeling these toxic feelings, I don’t want to continue to feel this way. I just called to tell you that I forgive you for what you did to me and I want to apologize for anything I did wrong. I’m on a spiritual journey and no longer want to carry this pain. I’m done i just need to know if you forgive me. He said ________ I never stopped thinking about you I think about you and what I did every morning. I will take it to the grave. I said no you don’t have to I forgive you. He said_________ I don’t know what to tell you since I know my actions where out of line and honestly it was not me I don’t know what made me act like that it was like the demon took over me. I said you are forgiven and now I feel much better letting you know how I feel. We talked for about an hour and hung up peacefully. Then I began to start seeing other men but deep I knew I was still in love with that man. So 4 more years passed and got a phone call that his mother had passed away I called him and we cried on the phone and I had to be brave and have the courage to face him and his girlfriend. His mother meant alot to me but I had to also cut her off so I can move on with my life. So I had to pay my respects I showed up to the funeral services and we saw each other and my heart was beating fast. He cried so loud as I watched him walk down the aisle. I cried even harder because I wanted to hug him but the girlfriend was walking behind him. I waited until all the funeral services were over and was the last one to give him my condolences I handed the girlfriend a sympathy card and demanded her to take care of him. He heard my voice and looked up at me, I gave him a kiss on the forehead and hugged him and I told him to stay strong and if he ever needed anything I would always be there. I left right after got In my car, cried but I also felt so much peace in my heart felt like a ton of rocks released off my chest. Next morning I received a text from him. “Thank you for coming I appreciate it” I responded I had to she mean so much you welcome and remember if you ever need I’m here. He said, I know and thank you. And that’s how we ended but from time to time I still text him to ask him how he’s doing. Now I understand that I loved him so much but we were not meant to be. And I can truly say I can now move on after 7 years but he will always have a special place in my heart. Not so long ago I learned that the only way I won’t get hurt is if I keep it true to myself with any relationship if I know in my heart and in my mind there’s no room for pain. I don’t get attached easily anymore and no matter what storm comes along the way I can deal with it. Because I’ve overcame a heart break and it made me a stronger woman. Keep putting love out there and one day love will find you again. Much love 😉

  49. Lyne
    October 8, 2014

    I ve waited for my soulmate for 30 years , we re still talking , I m still waiting …

  50. Kylie
    October 8, 2014

    I suppose what you’ve said does make perfect sense and people have told me its better not knowing the answers to those questions cause in all fairness we probably will never get them 🙁 sadly, I myself am in a situation where I dont know where things are going between myself and my person and we live distances apart. The whole hype we had in the beginning and that i got from him seems to have died down and i dont get those things anymore…its hurt me alot cause i wonder where things have gone wrong, what caused the change, was it something i did. I wish there was a magic wand that you could wave about and a fairy godmother could come down and tell you everything will work out for the best, the way it should be, the way its mean to be 🙂

  51. Annelie Mulder
    October 8, 2014

    I would like to join the 30-day blogging challenge.

    Blessings in JESUS

    Annelie Mulder

  52. Odette Povey
    October 8, 2014

    Thank you for your blog. It has such reference to the questions I would always want to have posed but possibly will never pose. The impact of reading the blog has had an immense impact on me as I have always steered away from those thoughts although they have always been underlying in my mind. Your blog has just made it all more realistic to me and realising that I do need to face those questions even if the answers will never be known. Thank you for the imput into my mind..

  53. October 8, 2014

    Please do not feel guilty. It’s clear to me now that the two of us can never get back together the way we used to be even if we had second chances. It just cannot anymore. You are right when you left me. I wished I never got back. But there was this little hope in me that we could be together again. But again, it is gone a long time ago, until now. Do not feel like it is your fault that I am feeling this way. It is just natural right? What are you supposed to feel when the one you love left you? Of course it would be sad and heart broken. But I keep saying to myself, If I truly love you I should not lock you in my heart. I should let you free. I should be more concern in your happiness than on my own. I know I will get through this, and you know I can get through this because you believe that I am strong and I am! Time will heal the wounds. I know these wounds will get better someday.

    If I would be in your place, I do not know what to do also. It hurts to see that the person I once loved, the one that caused my happiness – is now the one who cries and very much in pain because of me.

    Should I still talk to her to ease her pain? 
    Should I ignore her and feel insensitive about it? 
    Should I give myself a chance to love her again?
    Should I just leave her and do nothing at all? 
    Should I hurt her for her to hate me? 
    Should I say that I have a new girlfriend so that she will not keep bugging me anymore? 
    What should I do?

    I know she can only move on with her self. I do not want to hurt her anymore. I want her to be happy. But I just cannot do it anymore. I still love and care for her, but in a different way now, that is why I am going to keep her away from me.

    What had happened to us? </3

  54. October 8, 2014

    Moving On
    I understand everything now. Maybe not everything, but I had a clear vision of the answers I questioned before. It is still hurting. It is been three weeks since our separation. I tried to be stronger and slowly regaining myself. Thank you to my family and friends. Of course, I find myself to God again. I understand him now and what he did. He really loved me. He wants me to be happy. He chose my happiness over his even though  he knew he would hurt me so much in the process. But he knows it would be in the first phase of moving on. He decided to leave me, not because of his personal intentions. I know if he would get a chance to prove himself, to fight for me, to show how much he loves- I know he would do everything and anything he can. I knew him. He gives his all. He is honest. He’s so much respectful, very sweet, and loving. I love him. so much. He’s perfect. He’s enough for me. But I understand him now. He have to do it. Even if he would hurt me. He came to a point in his life that he gave up. That weak moment where he lost hope.

    At first I blame him. I was in denial. Shocked. Surprised. Hatred, Anger. Insanity. Doubt. I don’t know what else emotions I had. The feeling of loneliness, sadness, hopelessness. Unwanted. Rejected. Unloved. I now understand why he have to do it. Because he can’t continue with this kind of relationship anymore. It’s not about he didn’t love me. Not that he loved someone else. It’s the situation we had. It’s unsure. It’s too complicated to say that we keep on loving, hope for the future that we will be together as we planned. As we want it to be. It’s just… it can’t. It’s not possible. It would be so hard. The pain we felt since we broke up will be doubled or maybe tripled pain if we still continue this. I thought he was strong, but he got weak. All the emotions, pressure, problems mixed in. I am sorry too. I will pray everyday for you to God to help you build your faith. To guide you. To protect you. To give you enough strength, hope, and wisdom. I want you to be happy too, don’t worry about me. I am doing good now. I am strong. I am a happy and cheerful girl you know. 🙂

    • Relebohile Seephephe
      November 2, 2014

      Oh wow,i don’t know what to say to this JZ,i think after reading what you have written,this relates to what i’ve gone through,i think i share your sentiments,i think i’m ready to forgive him now,FULLY,I’m getting better with every passing day,i hope you are getting better too.

  55. October 8, 2014

    Why?
    Why did you gave up on me just like that?
    When did you decide to walk away?
    You said you don’t want to lose me?

    What happened?!?
    What did I do wrong?
    What can I do to change your mind?

    Do you love somebody else? Am I too dramatic? Too emotional? Am I immature?
    Did you ever loved me?
    Did you just woke up and realized you don’t want me na? And that you don’t love me anymore?

    Why did you leave me.
    Why can’t you tell me the reason?
    Why???

    You said you love me. You said you will be with me always. You said you will stay as long as you can.

  56. jeannadon
    October 8, 2014

    i fell inlove with a guy once..we’ve made alot of promises but our relationship didn’t work,it ended with BREAK-UP..
    It was me,who decided to end our relationship,he was against it but he never do anything to make me stay.after four months of no communication i finally had the courage to confront him,not for our relationship to be fixed.but for CLOSURE between us.he ask me if we could still bring back what we had before..i made the hardest decision i guess.. i refuse..i told him that it would be better if there will be no commitment between us.I love him,but i love myself more enough to protect it from being pained.did i made the right choice?or am i too selfish?.i miss that guy and when i come back to our place i’d be glad asking him the same question you wanted to ask with Mr.E.

  57. jodee
    October 8, 2014

    He doesn’t have facebook to read his relationship status but my heart was devastated when I got a letter from the Catholic church due to his choice to marry the woman I call my home wrecker

  58. Jeri
    October 8, 2014

    I have my own Mr. E. We were friends for many years before it turned into an “almost relationship” I have had to unfriend him on Facebook. With his silence I felt he didn’t have the right to see what was going on in my life. Plus, it stopped me from creeping on his page seeing what he was doing. Why are you still Facebook friends with Mr. E?

  59. Maria
    October 8, 2014

    I’ve been following you on FB but this is the first time that I look at your blog. This particular piece has spoken to me down to my core. Why do we all think like this? Why do fall for Mr. E when we know they are not good for us. What ever happen to the real men in our world now. And as much as I believe and have faith that God has my man’s name written in his book, why is still hiding? All these are my unanswered questions. But you are correct, we are not to know all the answers, that’s what Faith and Hope is… knowing that somewhere this a real Mr. M for Man for me. Thank you for your inspiring words.

  60. mattie
    October 8, 2014

    Mandy .you scare me sometimes ,lol .it is truly like you are living my life and know every thought in my head . what can I say ,but wow!!!!! I have truly thought about this very thing sometimes day and night ,until my mind and body are worn out with the thought of my MB as well. I guess I have come to the conclusion that: I am in the life I was ment to be in, even if I dont think so .G-d sees more and better than I ever could .I try really hard not to look @ the past anymore ,and see the present ,so I can have a future. it only clouds the future when we look back .not all are happy endings like Kerry and her MB .no body comes to Paris to save us and take us back to fancy high rise apts in the city with wine and songand marraige purposels. sometimes we are left alone in the sweet little house G-d has provided for us,with a decent job and great family and friends to love us up and take away the sting of MB leaving us @ the train station. if it was ment to be ,it would 🙂

    • October 8, 2014

      Wow. Thanks for that story Mandy. I love all of your posts. This one really resonated with me, as it makes me feel like I’m not alone and not a psycho girl for having a hard time getting over my ex. It’s been 4 years this month since we broke up. I broke it off. He was not putting effort in to the therapy, but that’s another story. We both had our dysfunctions. Even still, I feel like it was true love and thought he was my soulmate. We were also engaged after being together almost 5 years. After the breakup, he was with someone only a few months later and having a baby with this woman (probably married too) in a year. I was devastated and wanted to talk but was ignored and ignored until finally I was told “to leave in him alone”. I was really hurt, more devastated than I’d ever been (even after going through divorce years before that). Our breakup was so mean and hurtful and almost hateful, it still haunts me to this day. I always think of things I could’ve done differently and wonder if I did, if things would be different. Some days I am perfectly fine and feel so over him and the past and remember why it didn’t work and how unhealthy it was for me. And other days, wonder if I will ever see him again and what would happen. I feel kind of pathetic when I think of him because he’s moved on long ago and has a family and I think he still thinks about me sometimes. Anyways, wanted to put this out there. Thank you everyone for your posts as well.

  61. mattie
    October 8, 2014

    WELL ,I GUESS THE CONVERSATION WOULD GO JUST ABOUT LIKE YOURS .WAS I AN AFTER THOUGHT ? JUST A WARM BODY.WERE YOU ALWAYS THIS BUSY AND NOT HAVE TIME FOR SOMEONE YOU CLAIMED TO CARE ABOUT “ALOT” AND EVEN SAID THE “L” WORD TOO.I HAVE BEEN HONEST AND DEPENDABLE TO YOU AND NOT SURE WHY YOU WERENT TO ME .IT HURTS TO THINK OF WHAT COULD HAVE BEEN, IF ONLY.IF ONLY YOU WOULD HAVE REALLY TOLD ME HOW YOU FELT ,ANSWERED MY CALL OR TEXT ,COMMUNICATED WITH ME , THINGS MAYBE BE TOTALY DIFFERENT TODAY. I DONT KNOW .GUESS I WILL NEVER KNOW .2ND TIME AROUND IN TWO YEARS !!!!!!

  62. sonya
    October 8, 2014

    “was I always your option while you were my choice?” – I think for me I haven’t moved on because we still are such an integral part of the others life. I think he sees me as his best friend even now but its still about him. If it wasn’t why are we still going rounds? I have not hid myfeelings. He is very aware yet he does not seem to get it. He has made changes to accomodate my friendship yet won’t make accomodations for any more. It is a huge struggle. It is causing a lot of heartache.

    • Monica
      October 22, 2014

      Ugh, my EXACT story Sonya. I WANT to stay away and i do but he won’t. He “needs me in his life”, I’m his “best friend”. Sadly, i know i should not Answer his calls or texts but my heart still wants him in my life. It’s a very one sided friendship….i would never treat my friends the way he treats me. He knows how i feel about him but he steers clear of acknowledging it and makes sure i know how much he “cares” about me and how important my friendship is too him. It sucks loving someone who went from being your lover to friend zoning you.

  63. Renee
    October 8, 2014

    Mandy, I cannot thank you enough for sharing your own journey and words of encouragement. I found your blog and twitter at just the right time. I broke up for the second time with my own Mr. Big not too long ago. The questions you would have asked him in this post are some of the same questions I would love to ask my ex, especially if he cared about me in the same way I did for him or whether I just built our relationship up in my head to be more than it was. I think you’re right though that sometimes not knowing his answers is better than knowing because I have a feeling they would only hurt me and yet change nothing about the outcome. Thank you for also recommending the book, “It’s called a breakup because it’s broken.” It has been a true lifesaver to me during this time. I just wanted to thank you so much for reaching out & supporting single women who refuse to settle for anything less than the best. You’re an inspiration! God bless you!

  64. Jacq
    October 8, 2014

    I recently ended a relationship without a real closure. Up until now i still havent got that closure that i deserve. What hurts the most is his acting like a friend like nothing happened. We spent two yrs together and then i woke up and everything changed. What u said Mandy are the exact words that i would like to say. You really inspire me

  65. mayetz13
    October 8, 2014

    Glad I was able to bump into this article. Ive been wondering if I am crazy for feeling like that every night. its a struggle to doze off sleeping. memories of him keeps on haunting me every night, at times I can still feel him. Its been almost 4 months since I decided to walk away bec I knew I was only an option, always the convienient one. the one hell go running after when he needed something. it lasted for two years but at this point he didnt ran after me anymore. i just cant digest and accept that i wasnt good enough to love.

  66. rain
    October 8, 2014

    this is how i want my conversation with him to go:
    (this hurts!…okay here goes)
    me: did it really happen? or was it my imagination playing tricks on me? was i special to you or was i just some random girl you pretended to like cause you were bored? was i just a past time? you will talk to me and take me out and make me feel special when its convinient for you? did you really think that treating me the way you did will not make me fall for you? i don’t even know if i fell for you…im so confused…did you treat every woman you meet the way you treated me or was i an exception? do i ever cross your mind? did you really care about me?
    i hate you but not as much i hate myself for continuosly thinking about you and wondering if you ever think about me too….

  67. Stacey
    October 9, 2014

    Hmm I never really thought of I might need closure
    I see ladies how they ” got ” their relationship an me I never ever got to tell somebody what I wanted

  68. Tiny
    October 9, 2014

    I really miss the person I thought I knew in that brief time of my life. But what I don’t understand is why, when I left, it was so easy for you to walk away? Time has eased the pain, though the questions still remain. How can someone so easily cheat another of time we can’t get back? It’s such a cold hearted thing to do. I made the choice that you an older, educated, “law enforcing” officer couldn’t even muster up the courage to make… Stop living a lie. Things happen to us for a reason, there’s some lesson to be learned … I finally realized it you could hide behind shadows and a badge, roaming the world wearing a blindfold … You have a damaged empty soul. I believe now that god heard all my prayers answering when I asked not to be lead to temptation and delivered from evil. I hope the best for you in the journey of life you’ve chosen to lead. Goodbye.

  69. Georgie
    October 9, 2014

    1 week into meeting someone new im wondering if his silence, after saying all the good things, is just a script

  70. MissNozy
    October 9, 2014

    I can still remember the last time he ended things , the previous day we were so happy whispering the sweetest words ever but the following day he said he couldn’t do the whole relationship thing anymore. It still hurts because i never really got a closure & just like you Mandy i also have a number of questions but ” maybe some answers simply aren’t meant to be known…because they would hurt too much” so in this case I’ll keep the questions to myself & he can keep the answers.

  71. Belinda
    October 9, 2014

    “…because when and if the day comes that something pops up telling me he’s engaged or getting married or even just “in a relationship,” I’m not sure my heart will be able to handle it.” preaching to the choir. right here.
    and this: “Have you missed me at all? Do you think about me when I’m not around? Do you have any idea how much I think about you?” …it still haunts me. i would LOVE to meet you one day because i think we could exchange awesome stories.

  72. Ngoni
    October 9, 2014

    I think the conversation between us would go more like this:

    Me: Silence
    Him: Silence
    Me: Bye.
    Him: Silence

    I found true closure just this year, and while I wish him the best in life, I have definitely moved on and am looking forward to enjoying my life. I don’t want to hold on to “what could’ve been” anymore because it’s never going to happen. I am not going to dwell on the past because I can’t change it. And I don’t want to remember the “good ole’ days” because if it was REALLY good, he would’ve stayed. One thing I know is that everyone heals in their own time and it doesn’t matter how long that time is. You’ll know when you’ve been set free though. And it is such a good feeling!

  73. timmie aguilos
    October 10, 2014

    ” Was I always your option while You are my choice..” This exact experience happen to me..He was always my choice while for him I was one of those girls that he likes and then when he realizes that things aren’t going smoothly for the two of us he will just let go and then make some irrelevant excuses..That was one of the stupid things I ever decided in my entire life.To fall for him and let him enter into my life..

  74. timmie aguilos
    October 10, 2014

    ” Was I always your option while You are my choice..” This exact experience happen to me..He was always my choice while for him I was one of those girls that he likes and then when he realizes that things aren’t going smoothly for the two of us he will just let go and then make some irrelevant excuses..That was one of the stupid things I ever decided in my entire life.To fall for him and let him enter into my life..

  75. October 10, 2014

    Thank you for your words Mandy! If I look over my journal from the past years all I read is: Why is it taking me so long to get over him? Why is he still there? Why am I still dressing for him, combing my hair for him, writing every word I write for him? He liked me, he even loved me, but he wanted to have fun, while I wanted a relationship. He liked me, was fond of me and he didn’t want to hurt me or himself by being true and saying: all I want is to have fun with you. We tried and tried and talked and tried and I had better skills in expressing my needs and wishes. Wishes that scared the bleep out of him. He just couldn’t, wouldn’t change, work, make an effort. He didn’t see the point. After we broke up for the last time he missed me, he told me. He still loved me, he told me. So I said: why not do something with that knowledge? And that made him close immediately: No, the fact that he missed me and loved me didn’t mean that he wanted to give it another go. He was busy, had a lot of work to do – as always – so no, maybe just have fun together? Fear, huge fear for change, fear for the loss of freedom. It’s not uncommon, we all know the drill… So a few months ago he bumped into another girl. The poor thing. And I am still thinking, hoping, dreaming, even now. I tried everything to forget him, did everything I could. I do my personal work every day, am a happy single, a happy woman, but he is still there in my heart today. I still love him, I still hope for a miracle to happen. I decided all I can do is accept and trust that one day I will be able to look back at this phase of my life without feeling tears well up. For now this is what is. Good luck ladies! Let’s be grateful for what we do have and for the tremendous lessons life offers us to blossom, whether anyone can enjoy it or not! Never give up on love. MJ

  76. LeyLey
    October 10, 2014

    I did ask the questions, I was brave enough to look him in the eyes and ask him, what was it about me that he couldn’t love. What was it about me that made him think I deserved to be treated so badly. Why could he not comitt to me and put that ring on my finger? He never gave me an answer, just looked back at me for what seemed like an eternity, and still no words came from his treacherous mouth. In that instant I knew, like I knew somewhere in the middle of that 7 year relationship, that I would never have my happy ending with him! I would not get my closure. Not then. And not now. I guess sometimes we won’t know the answers to our questions, we won’t have the ‘details’ to what went wrong. But that’s ok. Instead I wrote him an email, which consisted of a one way conversation on my part lol, basically telling him how I felt about him, the way he chose to treat me, and why out of Love for him, I allowed him to treat me so appallingly. I told him that in the end loving him hurt me so deeply it felt torturous and hopeless. I told him that if he truly loved me, we would not be having this conversation. That this time it really was the END. That I was finally loving myself enough to walk away. That I guess was my closure. And guess what? He never replied.

  77. innocentia
    October 12, 2014

    Did you love me at all? Why did you came into my life knowing exactly that you were just into me just for having fun. Using the L-word just to blaff me. Why did you came into my life knowing that you just wanted to hurt me and leave me without even saying good by, without even saying why you leaving me, without even sending me a msg saying why you have to leave. I just wonder sometimes whether did you ever had feelings for me but hey even though it hurt even though I haven’t let go of the feeling I have for you but life must go on can’t hold on to the past life goes on but hoping that one day I will get answers to all the questions that are left open.

  78. Relebohile Seephephe
    October 13, 2014

    Who was i in love with? Did i really ever know you? Did you even ever really love me like you claimed you did? There is so much i want to say to you but i don’t have the strength to,just answer me that,did you really ever love me??

  79. Melanie
    October 14, 2014

    It has been a year after, My break up and a part of me knows that I could not go back. I must move forward. He recently sent a friend request on Facebook and I completely ignored it.
    I have many questions that I may know the questions to. He is at a place right now that there is no peace because he chose the wrong woman and no matter what they could never move forward. I gave that other woman the power because I was not going to fight. I chose to let go knowing she will eventually lose. Their relationship was never God intended because they have gotten back together, gotten engaged and had broken up because he saw her with another man in the car that he bought her. They were also buying a house and never happened. Now, she is in church and wanting everything to work in her favor. At the end, God knows what is Best for his children.

  80. October 14, 2014

    How I long to have a conversation with him. I remember the last time we spoke, we haven’t discussed what happened and why it happened to us.

    Ry dear, it’s no longer important for me if you miss me or not. I just want a closure. It’s already 6 years. I suppose you are happy now. You already have 2 kids; I have none. Then, why are your siblings who are younger than you, are married and yet you aren’t? You once told me, you won’t marry unless I do so. Did you know that I want to already but I just can’t find yet a man whom I can risk to marry? I don’t have bf now and I don’t know why. Really.

    I want to be freed from my thoughts of you. I want to be in a relationship again…

  81. Christina
    October 14, 2014

    Mandy, when I read I’ve never been to Vegas, it’s like you had mirrored my situation! There was a guy I dated last year that was not a healthy relationship for me to be in – he was wishy washy, and he broke up with me every so often then a couple weeks want me back (and I took him back way too many times). He did quite a bit of emotional damage, and started dragging me down spiritually. Thank God I have a praying mother who knew something wasn’t right, and stayed on her knees! Today is exactly a year since that toxic relationship ended for good. If I were given a chance to talk with him, I would ask him if I was really his priority or just a side option, and why he wasn’t just straight up and honest with me. I’d also tell him that I forgive him because God’s love keeps no record of a suffered wrong. I’d actually probably thank him because without all of that stuff, I wouldn’t have learned not to settle. Plus now I have a testimony to share with women younger than me so they don’t experience the same kind of heartbreak.
    Thank you so much for The Single Woman!

  82. Amanda
    October 14, 2014

    It’s amazing so many experienced the same heartaches and wonder the same thoughts . Good to know I am not alone

  83. October 15, 2014

    I’m totally in love with someone who doesn’t feel the same way. He says he wants to give our relationship a go, as we are so compatible. He says he does love me but nowhere near the level that I am on. He is also 14 years younger than me but he says he doesn’t care about that. So, you all might be saying, what are you complaining about?? Well, I don’t think he does love me and I can see how this is going to end. He will decide it’s not going to work and I will be hurting way more than I am already. I wish there was a pill to take to just stop you loving someone. Why don’t I just walk away? Because it’s the age old answer, I simply love him and stay with the tiniest sliver of hope that it will work and he will end up as madly in love with me as I am with him. Truly though, I believe my heart will be broken. I am not a young idealistic woman, I am nearly fifty and should know better but love does not discriminate with age……..and so I wait…….and hope <3

    • Mandy Hale
      October 23, 2014

      Mel…walk away. Now. Don’t wait. Leave. Run. Go. Don’t look back. I’ve been there. It doesn’t end well.

  84. linda barber
    October 15, 2014

    Oh my I stupidly dumped a guy I think about constantly all because I believed calls I was getting all to find out his friend(girl) he told her husband she was having an affair and guess that pissed her off and she told him guess what Im gonna get your girl to leave you;she gave girls my number to tell me he was cheating w/them so I would break up with him, and dumb me did few weeks later I get in horrible wreck and they didnt know if I would make it, so he moved states married his childhood girlfriend, and ohhh my gah that want is killing me

  85. Steph
    October 18, 2014

    Dear Beautiful Mandy,
    I am single, and I enjoy without a doubt, every knack of it! 🙂
    To the person who I believed in completely,
    It’s not so difficult living without you, but I remember you. I remember how your laughter creased the gaps of my seriousness. I also remember how wrong you were to me. You bluntly lied to me, and for that I can never accept you as I did before. I do have a fault in thinking people arrive at my heart in their purest forms, but I guess situations will change that essentially. I miss you a lot, but it is best our friendship moves along this way. 🙂 Hope you learn to avoid lying to the people that matter. When you asked me to be your Valentine, and never showed interest after, that had really hurt me. I am happier now, that I have chosen this path. I cannot forsake myself, to accept you. I am sorry for that, but nothing else I will dare to apologize for. Good bye.

  86. Sarah M
    October 27, 2014

    Spot on! I am going to ask these questions and hope for truly honest responses so I can move on. I am definitely a person that needs closure.

  87. Angela
    October 28, 2014

    those are the questions that I really want to ask my ex-bf..but I am afraid to hear his answers..

  88. erin
    October 29, 2014

    Here I thought I’ve been crazy all these years and I felt like I was reading something right out of my own head lol sadly I still feel this way for someone from 10 years ago, we stopped talking two years ago after he got his gf pregnant, he didn’t tell me that was why, I found out from a mutual friend later that year. I married years after we parted, but he never lost his place in my heart. After my divorce he voiced his discontent in his relationship, we’d discussed meeting for lunch but it never happened due to the dynamics of his relationship changing. I’ll always wonder but I hope someday I’ll find a greater love to replace what’s only a fantasy now.

  89. Heidi
    October 29, 2014

    Beautiful

  90. November 18, 2014

    Woww you are so real and transparent. I love this. It almost made me feel like this was me. Thank you for letting God use you to be a platform for others.

  91. Sunny
    January 15, 2015

    I know the answers for my Mr. E.. he didn’t love me. I was living in my made up script and lied to myself, for 12 years. He was using me, because he has a cruel heart. I feel like a complete fool. But i am free from him, now. He is the one who should be missing me, because I was good to him and treated him like a girlfriend should. I gave him reasons to miss me. I have nothing to miss. But still feel empty with my “addiction” being gone. That phone not ringing anymore, is a cold reminder. But it’s best.. what he did is best described as abusive. Emotional and verbal. I just didn’t want to accept that I was “that girl” in an abusive relationship. Hallelujah, he’s gone! Jesus carries me. ♡

  92. Lori
    January 15, 2015

    Wow! So many that have had basically the same thing happen! Gone and no explanation! No closure! So unfair and yet you are right… Maybe we don’t want to know!

  93. Gemma
    February 8, 2015

    Thanks so much for this blog. I’m trying to get closure tonight, gave her till midnight to come around….Hardest thing in the world and never knew how much this could hurt. I’m asking all these.

  94. Gemma
    February 8, 2015

    Thanks so much for this blog. I’m trying to get closure tonight, gave her till midnight to come around….Hardest thing in the world and never knew how much this could hurt. I’m asking all these.

  95. March 5, 2015

    Why do you keep coming back? Why do you keep walking back into my life with no intention of actually being apart of it? Did you ever imagine yourself being with me? Or was it all for fun? And if it’s all for fun, why aren’t I having fun? Why don’t you have time for me? I always said I was the one before the one for you, and I hope that’s true, but why do you keep coming back if you know I’m not the one?

  96. Lauren
    June 2, 2015

    Closure is a hard thing. I experienced practically the same life… just for 4 1/2 years. It’s almost been a year since I heard the phrase “this isn’t working anymore” that completely shook my world upside down and as I’ve been going backwards and reading your blog, the last year has had a lot of the same emotions you’ve experienced. And when I finally saw “him” again, I had a lot of the same questions you had above to try and gain closure, but they weren’t answered… and maybe that is for the best. But what was answered was a peaceful feeling from God providing me with the closure I needed. And while some days are still hard (when social media pops up), I take a step back and breath knowing…. this may not be the way I thought my life was supposed to be… but there is something better to come… i just have to wait patiently.

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