Dash of Sass: Stop Justifying Bad Behavior

JustifyingHow often do we justify things and people and behaviors in our lives that diminish us? I am passionate about this topic because I did it for 8 years: Justified over and over and over again the behavior of someone who claimed to love me but wasn’t acting loving toward me. I’d venture a guess that the #1 thing we justify is people’s actions so as to keep them in our life even though their expiration date in our life has long passed. If you blew out the dusty corners of your heart and stopped justifying today…what and who might be driven away by the light of reality? DO IT. Don’t waste one more moment on someone who is claiming a position of friendship or love in your life but is really holding a position of hurt and rejection and neglect and disappointment. You don’t need that. You think you do because you fear nothing better will come along, but that is a lie. Being alone is better than halfhearted, lukewarm or undecided! And there are people on the fringes of your life and people who you have yet to meet who can’t wait to show up for you as soon as you clear space and make room for them to!

It’s spring. A new season. A time for change. No more justifying for anyone for any reason. You don’t need people in your life who don’t need or want you! It will be scary to release them, but then it will be a freedom like nothing you’ve ever known. When you remove the weight of constantly justifying bad behavior from your shoulders, you might just fly higher and smile bigger and dance wilder than you ever have before. That’s what happens when pain is removed from your life. You soar. You grow. You heal. And you remember that true friendship and love doesn’t have to be justified because it simply IS. Boldly. Without room for doubt or questions.

31 Responses to “ Dash of Sass: Stop Justifying Bad Behavior ”

  1. Elba
    March 23, 2015

    READ!!!

    • radha
      March 24, 2015

      Thanks so much for sharing your insight. I am in a dead end relationship with a widower of 4 years. Our relationship is 3 years old. I keep on catching him chatting with other women. Ranging from prostitutes to most recent, a lady who looked just like his wife. He can be most loving. But he terrorises me, keeps comparing me to his late wife. He thinks nothing of swearing me, gets violent with me. He does get physical with me at times. But still I keep on giving him the benefit of the doubt. He feels because I am fat, he is too good for me. But I keep justifying his actions.

    • March 25, 2015

      Amen. Some men and women have issues. I have enough of my own, I refuse to deal with someone else’s. So, I’ll b single for a long time. Working on 2 years now. Oh well. I am in a relationship with GOD. That’s all I need.

  2. Hattye
    March 23, 2015

    i want to thank you for that, I have been dealing with some issues of letting go. I know I need to, because he only gives me some of what I need and want. And just recently told me that he has a lot of things going on and I deserve better than what he can give me. It only hurts because he can give me more. It’s just because he does not want to. I have been having a difficult day but your post has helped me. Thank you

  3. maria
    March 23, 2015

    You dont even imagine how this article has helped me to figure out what i have to do now…. But ir is so hard to stop justifying someone you like behaviour! 🙁 I feel i dont know how escape from myself and my tendency of do anything to avoid being alone.

  4. Maria
    March 23, 2015

    Thanks!

  5. Janet
    March 23, 2015

    Your words of wisdom inspire me. Every quote I read relates to my life in so many ways. Thank you for sharing these intimate details of your personal life to lift up and inspire other single women.

  6. M.J.
    March 23, 2015

    This is so true and you don’t even realize you are in the situation you are in until you’ve been in it so long you don’t know how to live any other way… you literally hit rock bottom before realizing… before I met you, was involved with you, I had a life, I had confidence, I was special and you took that from me! I am getting it back no matter what I have to do. I am done with your lies, bs, and every degrading thing you’ve said I was. I am none of those things.. you are.

    • Shai
      March 24, 2015

      Blessing to you MJ

  7. Christine
    March 23, 2015

    Thank you for this! It came at the perfect time for me and what I’m going through. It rang so true and I know I can do it!

  8. March 23, 2015

    You say all the words I need to hear – and you say it as many times as you can! Thank you soooo much and please keep continuing your blog!!!!

  9. melissa
    March 23, 2015

    I love this. Mandy you spoke to my heart and you touched it. I am going through this situation and I needed that. I do feel I’m becoming happier now that I have removed the weight off my shoulder. Thank you

  10. Missy
    March 23, 2015

    I’ve read and re-read this a thousand times and I will keep reading it. Its so true and I’ve been hanging on for months holding on to hope looking at things with my heart and the love I have for this man rather than the eyes of reality. Thank you, THANK YOU, Thank you!

  11. Angie
    March 23, 2015

    My beautiful daughter Rose posted this on facebook after a really long heart to heart talk on the phone..I LOVE MY DAUGHTER SO MUCH..For her to share this with me knows she is the Woman of Wisdom ive been praying she would be..Ive tried to hold on to people who have hurt me cause i thought the more friends the better id be..but like this said..let them go and make room for real kind loving people that wont test you as a friend..Thank GOD FOR MY DAUGHTER AND WHOEVER WROTE THIS…THEY ARE AMAZING!!!

    • Mandy Hale
      March 23, 2015

      It’s me, Mandy. Thank you for your kind words. 🙂 xoxo

  12. Terri
    March 23, 2015

    Thank you. I have been struggling to let go. Scared to let him slip out of my life when once we meant so much to each other. But he keeps treating me badly. No more justification. This door is now closed.

  13. Cindy
    March 23, 2015

    going through something and this couldn’t come at a better time
    Thanks!

  14. Christine
    March 23, 2015

    I’ve been doing this until I came up to a realization that the person I love was no longer the person I once knew.
    I keep telling myself even other people that He might having a problem or something that’s why He acts like that.
    I made myself believe that He really still love me..until the day I got tired of fooling myself. Now it’s time to have the most
    of time for myself first before I can love again. =)

  15. Tanya Erdeg
    March 23, 2015

    This is true and to the point. Thanks

  16. Carla
    March 23, 2015

    I get it. I really do. Now if I could convince my heart what my head already knows.

  17. indhu
    March 23, 2015

    Omg.. I really need this. I’ve been justifying for the past couple of years too. I feel choked with tears reading your article. I’m letting go slowly now.. it’s so painful, but yes, it’s better than a half hearted relationships. Tks Mandy

  18. Denise
    March 24, 2015

    How much time have we all wasted ” wishing” things would be different with the ” wrong” people. We create stories in our head how we think we want things to be. However, we lie to ourselves. We get ” stuck ” on people and do not let go ” mentally” … Our patterns and loops we create in our heads go round and round…. I got off the ” merry go round” a few months ago. It felt exhilarating… There is absolutely no growth for new space in your life, if you carry the burden of misery along with you. Letting go is so scary at first, but after that…………… Wow…. Amazing… A mother bird lets go of her young from the nest, and the baby bird starts to fly on the way down….. We need to fly…. Love you Mandy. You put your self out there and so many people follow you and your journey. You are not afraid. You win !! Love ya.

  19. Amy
    March 24, 2015

    I totally understand what you are saying. It’s hard to get your head & heart in line. I have been going through this the last year & it’s been a very bumpy road. I always trying to justify if he is truly done playing the field & actually wants to be with me like he claims. I know actions speak louder than words. I also know he will probably never change. I have even told him if you don’t like how I look or what I have their is the door & he stays. It’s those mixed signals that make it duffucult to walk away but if I truly want to find the right one I know I need to find the strength to do this. Thanks !!!

  20. March 24, 2015

    I had to leave a guy after 2 years of dating & living together. I packed my things & moved out…but kept going back & forth for the next year. A relationship like that is like an addiction. It can make you feel so good but often you overlook the damage it is doing. you keep going back, and keep going back & don’t know how to get yourself out of the vicious cycle. I called it love but nothing about love is damaging or hurtful. There are always hard days but when the bad outweighs the good you have to ask yourself is this love or am I just addicted to “feeling’.. feeling something.. anything… over being lonely.

    Then one day, something opens your eyes & see yourself and your value and that you are worthy of REAL LOVE, true love, love that’s equal on both ends and reciprocated. There’s nothing like being freed of that addiction and having it replaced with joy! Not from another man, but the kind of joy that makes you smile from ear to ear & because your heart is happy and it is well with your soul.

    I hope we all find this contentedness and freedom!

  21. Jackie
    March 25, 2015

    People who have serious self sabotage behaviors may really want to be a certain way but do the opposite despite knowing the consequences. Lack of self respect and self love gets projected outwards.

  22. March 25, 2015

    Amen. Some men and women have issues. I have enough of my own, I refuse to deal with someone else’s. So, I’ll b single for a long time. Working on 2 years now. Oh well. I am in a relationship with GOD. That’s all I need.

  23. March 25, 2015

    This is what I’m going through right now and I’m continuously justifying everything I do, everything he does. I feel like I’m doing this all for nothing and he’s living the best of both world’s. I’m starting to have doubts about letting him back into my life, having a bond with the kids is fine but saying that I need to be apart of that bond so the kids can see we’re happy makes me feel used and abused emotionally, because I’m just babies mama and nothing more. Well, that’s my opinion anyway.

  24. rasheela reyes
    April 3, 2015

    thanks for this post.. im deeply in a situation, wherein, i dont know what will happen next. Maybe because it;s only a one sided emotion. most of my friends, keep saying that i need to let go, but on my part i’m still hoping for WHAT IF’s…i’m still emotionally attached to that special guy. this insights of yours was a big help to think harder and love my self more.

  25. Lynn
    April 12, 2015

    I have been justifying for him for almost 5 years now and even though I know it only causes me hurt and disappointment, I still have trouble leaving him behind, partly because I think its better than nothing. But my thoughts of him are constant and I keep hoping he’ll change but it hasn’t happened yet and I know it never will. I keep going back and forth between ignoring his contact but then later I lap it up. I am really trying but it is SOOO hard. I love all your articles & quotes and I keep going back to them. Hopefully I will find the strength to end this once & for all. Thank you for all your support.

  26. Nale
    May 13, 2015

    Thanks you so much for this..I love the part where you say true friendship and real love don’t need to be justified. That is so true. Thank you for being an inspiration to so many. I’ve bought both your and completely love them. They’ve helped me see things from different perspectives. .. and I’ve grown alot! Still growing
    🙂
    .God bless you

  27. MS
    May 20, 2015

    Thank you for this! I just discovered your blog after a dear friend gifted me your first book. I’ve been going through a lot this past year and struggling to let go of my 11+ year relationship (9 of which we’ve been married). It’s a pretty clear sign your husband is out when he moves in with the other woman, but I’ve been holding onto hope that he would somehow change his mind. But he won’t. And I need to let go and be the best I can be and the best mom I can be to my daughter. He is no longer kind to me, no longer puts me or our child first, has completely left the marriage even if no divorce has been finalized yet. Why would I even want the person he has turned into in my life anymore? He’s not the sweet guy I fell in love with when I was 22 years old. That guy is gone, his replacement doesn’t treat me right, and it’s time to let go.

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