Love At First Swipe: Finding Love in 2016

LoveAtFirstSwipeWe’ve been talking all about goals and Vision Boards in my 31-Day Challenge, and one of my BIGGEST goals this year is to be more open to finding love. One way I’m planning to do this is by…dum da da dum…trying online dating for the first time. Since I’m more clueless than Cher Horowitz when it comes to online dating, I turned to my friend and resident dating expert (and co-host of the new hit show “Love At First Swipe”) Devyn Simone to help break down the basics of swiping and typing your way to true love.

What am I doing wrong? What could I be doing differently? God, do you want me to be single forever? These are just some of the questions I found myself asking throughout my ten-plus years of online dating. I’ll admit the first few years were more about fun, followed by a few years of “investigative research.” But when I finally found myself ready to commit to a long-term relationship I just couldn’t understand why in a sea of options and a lot of great first dates I still hadn’t met Mr.Right. That was a couple of years ago. Now I’m happily engaged to a wonderful man who I met on a dating app. I made it through the murky waters of online dating and have reached my goal of finding true love. Although I appreciate my online dating journey, I’ll be honest with you: there were times that it was very disappointing. It’s easy to get overwhelmed and discouraged by the many apps, the swiping, and what seems to be a lack of genuine connection. But having been through all of that and more I’m here to tell you what I wish someone would have told me: you can find love online. You CAN meet the man of your dreams. You can have the relationship you want from a dating app but you MUST have a strategy.  Using information from academic studies on dating, my own personal experiences, and stories shared with me by clients and women on my tv show I’ve developed a game plan for your love life that will help you get the most out of your dating profile. Here are the first 3 steps:

Step 1. Identify your dream guy.
This step is crucial to online dating because you can’t move forward in your love life if you don’t have a clear idea of where you want to go.  What does your dream guy look like? What is his occupation? What are his hobbies? Does he have kids? The more detailed you are, the better. Now please understand that no guy is going to have 100% of the things you write in this description. If you write that your dream guy is named Tom and you happen to meet a great guy names James don’t rule him out. This description is just part of  the foundation for step 3.

Step 2. Identify your own best qualities.
What do you like most about yourself? What about you makes you a good partner? Do you have a hidden talent? Do you have a creative side? Think about the qualities you can bring to a relationship. Sometimes we get so caught up in finding the perfect partner to give us what we want, we forget that we have to bring something to the table, too! Write down a list of the things you like about yourself. If you get stuck you can ask close friends and family to help. While you probably won’t use everything you write on the list for your profile, go ahead and keep the list anyway. It’ll be good to have on hand in the event that one day you forget just how awesome you are and you need a little reminder.

Step 3. Put Steps 1 & 2 together.
Anyone in marketing, sales, or media will tell you that the first step to being successful is knowing your audience and then marketing your product with them in mind. Translation: create a profile that highlights your best qualities (aka product) with your audience (aka dream guy) in mind. The hardest lesson for people to learn when it comes to dating apps is that you can’t be everything to everyone. I know there are a million guys online and they’re not all going to like you. That’s okay. That’s great actually, because dating a million people would be exhausting! The athlete will have different interests than a stockbroker who will have different interests than an artist. All of those are great options but creating a profile to capture the attention of all three of those personality types would send mixed messages and would end up ultimately leaving you with fewer options. Pick three qualities about yourself that you think your dream guy would appreciate and create your profile around that.

A recent study found that 35% new relationships started online. That number is growing everyday. That means you’re not alone in your journey. You certainly can have the relationship that you want, when you’re ready. I am so grateful for the online dating app that led me to the love of my life but I’m even more thankful for the wisdom to ask God for guidance so that I could finally stop dating in circles (aka dating morons!) Asking for clarity helped me create my strategy. Now I’m sharing my strategy and tips with you. Finding love online is like anything else you achieve in life: it takes a bit of effort and clear direction. Now you no longer have to navigate it alone! #IGotYourBack

Watch Devyn Simone and her co-host Clinton Kelly makeover the style and dating profiles of single women on their new show Love At First Swipe every Friday night at 10:30ET/9:30CT on TLC.

For more helpful dating tips visit DevynSimone.com, or follow Devyn on Twitter/Instagram/Facebook: @DevynSimon.

MeetOnMingleOkay, Mandy here again…while we’re on the topic of online dating, I’m excited to share an AWESOME opportunity with you from my friends at Christian Mingle. They’re looking for the next “cover girl” or “face” of the brand and it could be YOU! Simply click HERE to enter! GOOD LUCK! #MeetMeOnMingle

13 Responses to “ Love At First Swipe: Finding Love in 2016 ”

  1. Jackie
    January 22, 2016

    Online dating and dating apps create an illusion of endless options which may or may not be the actual reality. Sometimes the best thing to do is go offline.

    • Sandra
      January 22, 2016

      I have tried online dating and its like trying to find a needle in a haystack. If you have the time and patience to waft through hundreds of men with no pure, honest intentions then maybe you will be lucky. Not for me!!

  2. Cecily
    January 22, 2016

    My latest attempt was the Tinder App… however, I live so close to our airport that most of my potential matches are just here connecting flights. A lot are what I believe to be fake profiles anyhow. It is pretty defeating. Match, Eharmony, Christian Mingle, Plenty of Fish. You name it, I’ve tried it once.

    • Jackie
      January 25, 2016

      This is a common experience I have heard from people. Doesn’t matter what city of gender, dating websites and apps are like this. It’s not you. It’s the platform. Cyber dating trains us to shop for people and forget they have feelings

  3. January 22, 2016

    I have tried on line dating and honestly have met the nicest men who are now good friends. We may not have had a chemical connection but we did make a friend connection!!

  4. Julie
    January 23, 2016

    I hope you have better luck than me online…I’ve tried it off and on for five years to no avail. The formula seems to be that 90% of the men who message me are clearly not a match, 90% of the men I message don’t respond, and 100% of the men that I end up talking to disappear without a word at some point. It’s been absolutely brutal for my self-esteem, so down come my profiles once again. I hope you’ll be one of the success stories!

    • Lesly
      January 27, 2016

      What is it about men and the disappearing act?? I am so done with it. I agree with your 90/90/100 stats. So discouraging.

  5. Jennifer
    January 24, 2016

    Hey! I wish you luck in your search online. I’ve also had bad experiences from online dating. None ever made it past the first date, and consumed too much of my time. I have been on and off for several years.

  6. TM
    January 25, 2016

    A good friend of mine met her husband from an online dating site. So I wish you luck. Keep us posted. I think I’m one of those that can’t go looking for love–Love has to find me. *sigh*

  7. J
    January 26, 2016

    I have done online dating on and off for awhile. Finding a decent guy on there that really actually loves Jesus first and foremost is super hard! They all start with how much they love Jesus until it gets down to the knitty gritty and Jesus is no where in sight lol I stopped putting that on my profile so that men didn’t use that for their advantage. I will say that I did randomly get on for the last time on Tinder. I was about to get off because I thought it was a waste of time, but I did meet the most amazing man on there…THAT LOVES JESUS FOR REAL! lol We met in november, and it’s been going pretty well since! So you never know how God will work! 🙂

  8. Rachel
    August 21, 2016

    I’ve tried eharmony and match several times….. basically the same guys are on both sites and there seem to be a lot of lifetime members who will date you with no commitment…. but it’s the only way I get any dates! Ugh….

  9. Becky
    September 7, 2016

    Ive tried online dating…almost every site out there. It only caused me stress, anxiety and lots of issues. Ive finally decided to give it up for good! Im enjoying life with Jesus and if he wants to bring someone into that I know he can …even without a dating site! 🙂

  10. Becky
    September 7, 2016

    Ive tried online dating…almost every site out there. It only caused me stress, anxiety and lots of issues. Ive finally decided to give it up for good! Im enjoying life with Jesus and if he wants to bring someone into that I know he can …even without a dating site! 🙂

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