If An Ex Pokes You on Facebook and You Don’t Respond, Did Anything Actually Happen?

FBPokeThe following is an excerpt from my new book Beautiful Uncertainty, in stores now.

Those of you who are regular readers of my blog have introduced to my long-suffering, on-again, off-again ex, Mr. E. And I’m sure you likely have your own long-suffering, on-again, off-again ex, like Carrie’s “Mr. Big” in Sex & the City. This is what happened when mine reappeared in my life again after two years of silence.

Even though I hesitate to give him one more keystroke or one more dot of ink on the pages of my life…it is a story that needs to be told. The past year of my life is a story that needs to be told. It’s one I have stayed uncharacteristically silent on and held close to my heart, in order to give myself time to process and to heal and to fully understand. Then I remembered today that I really never understand things until I write about them. So here goes.

As you may recall, at the end of my book Never Been to Vegas, I hadn’t spoken to Mr. E in six months. That six months stretched into a year, and then almost another year, until…

He came back into my life on a Monday.

Being as that it had been one year, ten months, and 18 days since we had spoken a word to one another, and given his penchant for grand gestures, you’re probably thinking he swept back into my life with great pomp and circumstance…right?

Yeah. No. It was in the form of (drumroll, please)…

A Facebook poke.

Are you kidding me?!?

Let me take a moment to say here and now that I have never understood Facebook pokes. They are weird. They seem antiquated, like something better suited for Myspace. And they’re completely arbitrary and random. What does a “poke” mean, exactly? That you want to talk? Then why not just send me a message? Call me crazy, but I just think there are a lot better ways to communicate than through a Facebook poke.

Then again…this was Mr. E. He wasn’t exactly known for his communication skills.

But I digress. Back to November 18, 2013, when I suddenly found myself Facebook to Facebook with Mr. E.

I was so caught off guard by the poke. Why now? Why after almost two years was this great, epic character from my past choosing to reemerge into my present?

And what was I supposed to do about it? Ignore him? Or, dare I…poke back?

I remember asking my Twitter friends what it all meant. I actually tweeted “If an ex pokes you on Facebook and you don’t respond, did anything actually happen?” Someone responded back jokingly: “That’s a great title for a book!” (It kind of is. Or at least a chapter IN a book.) After much debate, the general consensus seemed to be that Facebook poking was sometimes a way for someone you hadn’t spoken to in awhile to reestablish communication. A safety net, in a manner of speaking. Reaching out and indicating interest in talking without putting much on the line (well, that part sounded familiar). So there it was. This was clearly Mr. E’s way of letting me know he was back on the grid of my life, if I wanted him there.

But did I want him there? That was the real question, all kidding aside. Perhaps my reaction to the poke was less confusion about what a Facebook poke meant and more so about what a Facebook poke from Mr. E meant.

The funny thing is, before the Poke Heard Round the World, he had been on my heart and mind non-stop for almost two weeks. My “Mr. E antenna” must have been picking up on his frequency or something. I knew…I just KNEW…that he was going to pop back up in my life in true Whack-a-Mole fashion. And soon. Like he had a few years prior in the form of a Facebook friend request. (Why did all of the key moments in our relationship seem to begin on Facebook? I don’t even want to attempt to psychoanalyze that one.)

God had told me almost two years prior, on Christmas Day 2011, after the last time I spoke with Mr. E that I was not to contact him anymore. That I was to completely walk away and let him go and do nothing whatsoever except pray for him. That was the only action I felt freed to take on behalf of this giant question mark of a relationship.

So I did. Night after night, for almost two years, I prayed for him. From the darkness of my front steps on cold winter nights. From beneath the shade of my favorite tree at the park on warm spring days. From my table at Starbucks watching the brilliantly hued autumn leaves drift slowly to the ground on crisp fall afternoons. For two years, I cried out to God on Mr. E’s behalf. In the silence, in the quiet, when it seemed absolutely nothing was happening on the surface to move either God OR Mr. E to make any sort of a bold move on behalf of our relationship. I couldn’t see any sign that anything in the heavens or on the earth was being shaken.

Until November 18, 2013. Until the infamous Facebook poke. It was so ridiculous and so hilarious and yet, at the same time, so wildly appropriate that our paths would converge again….on social media. (Hadn’t God made all His really big moves in my life over the past few years via social media?!?)

Taking that into consideration…remembering all the prayers on all the nights over the past two years of silence…remembering the five years of history prior to that…I took a deep breath…

And I poked him back.

The story concludes in my latest book Beautiful Uncertainty, on sale now at any bookstore or anywhere online where books are sold.

 

81 Responses to “ If An Ex Pokes You on Facebook and You Don’t Respond, Did Anything Actually Happen? ”

  1. Cree
    December 18, 2014

    Mandy, I actually think I may FAINT if I do not find out the full story of what happend between you and E…PLEASE don’t make me wait too long LoL

  2. Kerry
    December 18, 2014

    Ugh I can’t wait to read more. Luv ya Mandi

  3. diane y Melton barner
    December 18, 2014

    Your words of wisdom are very inspirational

  4. diane y Melton barner
    December 18, 2014

    I feel you don’t have to respond. Maybe you all broke up on bad terms

  5. Ann
    December 18, 2014

    OMGness… This was like reading the pages of a chapter in my life!!!!

  6. December 18, 2014

    Mandy have read both of your books and it’s amazing how similar our stories are. I think we all have our Mr. E’s. My story vet simalar to yours but I’m just older and divorced, (4 years), and I have a Mr E or Carrie’s Mr. Big. Can’t wait to here the “rest of the story”. Thank you so much for the stories and showing that we are all human and fall out of touch with God and our faith. You have opened up a new light in my eyes. Keep up the work girl.. You are doing wonders for a lot of people.

  7. Leah
    December 18, 2014

    NOOOOOOOOO why did you poke him back? Why why why! He’s so bad for you!!!!

  8. Jamie
    December 18, 2014

    I love it! Not the hurt, pain or confusion that he has caused you over the years, but just how common some of these events are with all of us and the men we’ve been interested in, date and have dated. It’s nice to know that we are not alone in all of this! :0)

    They all seem to have the same problem, one that we all have to a greater or lesser degree, and that is “afraid of getting hurt”. They don’t want to get too close, because they might get hurt, but by being avoidant, playing tag, hide and seek etc they are hurting themselves more!

    I’m not sure how your other blog posts will go or what exactly you prayed for, but maybe the prayer should be to ask God to heal his pain or hurt (as well as yours) and only then allow him to come back into your life when he can be fully present and all in!

    If only I could or would taking my own advice…..

    Have you read the book Attached?

    • Jennifer
      January 15, 2015

      Me too! Same timing as well. So amazing how “stuck” on one person we get. Damn!

    • Cleecy
      February 5, 2016

      How did you pray for him for those two years?

    • Mandy Hale
      February 7, 2016

      Read Beautiful Uncertainty, it has the whole story! 🙂 bitly.com/BeautifulUncertainty
      xo,
      Mandy

  9. Pikirangi
    December 18, 2014

    Omg!!!!this has intrigued me enough that I can fully relate,as I’m sureothers also.can’t wait to read what’s coming up next 🙂

  10. December 18, 2014

    Isn’t it weird how God places things on your heart?
    I usually feel incredibly stupid after I find out the reasons why I’ve been instructed to pray for someone. My childhood crush, , was always in the back of my mind from the time we were in high school, until married someone else my senior year of college. We’d been good friends for years, but I respect him and his wife too much to give him too much thought anymore. But he was constantly in my mind, and I couldn’t figure out why, until about five years later, a local scandal broke out involving him (he was a victim of sexual abuse from a family friend, and had been since high school), and it suddenly occurred to me that God had wanted me to cry out for him, because he was too ashamed to do it, himself (his wife told me). It broke my heart into so many pieces, and I felt like I failed him as a friend. He and his family are healing, thank God, and doing very well. I still feel like I was a terrible Christian sister, though.
    Now, whenever I think about someone from my past, who hasn’t been in my head in ages, I say a prayer for them, that God shows Himself.

  11. Lucy
    December 18, 2014

    I always love your posts and save all of the photos you post on Facebook and I’ve never disagreed with anything you have to say or felt the need to comment because I wholeheartedly agree with everything you say. But this post has me incredulous..not only has god told you to let go and not bother with the guy anymore and just pray for the lost soul but he messes you about and you’ve spent half your life pining after him and you decide to poke him back??!?!?! The guy continues to think he can mess you about and you’ll always take him back no matter what?! Perhaps you should focus on your self worth and your self esteem and keep praying for him. Because you’re just inviting yourself to further heartbreak here. I really hope you finally put an end to it because no one is worth re-opening yourself to being hurt time and time again. Be True to your posts and move on.

    • Mandy Hale
      January 3, 2015

      I am true to my posts. And my heart. And God. I hope when you find yourself in a similar situation someday, someone will show you the grace that your comment here is lacking. I surrendered him and he came back. For two years, I did nothing in the way of communicating with him. And he came back. So I followed my heart. You can judge me if you’d like, but until you are in my shoes, you can’t possibly understand my decisions. Best wishes.

    • Lauren
      January 7, 2015

      It’s not like though he wrote message or something asking for your forgiveness, he just sent a poke. Don’t you think you deserve more than a “poke” first, some kind of message? I have been in this exact same situation and I did not respond and he then sent an apology message. There is nothing brave or trustworthy in a poke, I’m sorry, there just isn’t.
      I don’t think that the comment here is lacking any kind of grace, just because it’s something that you may not want to hear.

    • Jennifer
      January 15, 2015

      I let him back time over time. Mine is a selfish, childish, free spirit who wants what he wants and I wish he was a grown up, but he’s not. I’m not going to teach him a thing. I wish I could. I want love, and the 5 A’s: attention , affection, affluence, appreciation, and availability. I honestly get very little from my Mr. E. He does not love me the way I want to be loved. But when he calls I pick up-hoping today be the day it wl be different. The heartache sucks. The love does not. It’s all me. It’s not him. I don’t WANT to let him go even if in reality he has really never been there for me. Sucky relationship from the start-7 years past 🙂 I don’t know-I blame narcissism and trauma bonding and my own perceptions and reactions. Someday I’ll let him stay gone. But I don’t think it is today- today might be the day 😉

    • becca
      March 7, 2015

      Lucy you have stated some useful points at the same time it could be a matter of timing God has not said indefinately that mr E is not the one as God directed Mandy to pray for him it could be preparation for him to grow mature in christ and yes at the same time it is apossibility that mr E is not the one we don’t know for certain non of us do and so it comes down to praying for each other and trusting God with our lives which I am learning in mine is not easy at all, it is hard when you have feelings for someone I have dealt with rejection from tow people I thought were friends and had to let go of someone I knew was a player God confirmed it when he told me ”No” to marrying him. I literally told God ”I know youhave given really sweet scriptures to me urging me to let him go but please tell me plainly I can take it God I promise”; was my prayer I remember it all. He then told me no as I openedmy eyes and looked out the kitchen window I saw my moms bin in the back garden with the word NO on it as clear as day the 20 had faded leaving only NO on it, God saved me from future hearache. Not that the mr E story is exactly the same as mine but this is and ENCOURAGEMENT to trust God even when the future seems unclear (this post is not meant to offend, if only one person is encouraged you MANDY thats good enouch for me and so if you post it you post it if you dont that ok also)

      Godbless 🙂 Becca x

  12. Stuck in Freezeframe
    December 18, 2014

    I completely understand this. It’s so weird when ur ex, a person that you have a toxic past together tries to contact you in a weird way. Mine was when my ex noticed that I like mark Wahlberg and his family came out with a show via text. Now first, we both have kids together and we talk for the kids but this was different. This was something that pertains to me. So like I said I completely get you!

  13. Diann
    December 18, 2014

    sure hope is name isn’t eric d callahan aka mr e

    • Mandy Hale
      January 3, 2015

      It’s not 🙂

  14. Kath
    December 18, 2014

    omg now i am so intrigued on what actually happens next!!! Ahh this scenario is so familiar

  15. Penny
    December 18, 2014

    Thanks for sharing and looking forward to the rest of the story!

  16. Lee35
    December 18, 2014

    I found you on Twitter and so thankful I did! Your tweets really help me in my current situation and I thank God for you! How do I subscribe to your blog? I’m so technologically challenged.

    • Mandy Hale
      January 3, 2015

      Hot the “Subscribe” button on the homepage! Top righthand corner 🙂 xoxo

  17. Regina
    December 18, 2014

    I am dealing with my own “Mr. E” at the moment. Oh the stories I could tell about his one would probably fill a book! However, I won’t bore anyone with the details but I understand this blog all to well. I am still dealing with my “Mr. E”, and he is getting married next year and feels the need to call me and text me because as he would say “we have a connection that no one understands”. I have prayed for him, wished him happiness, love and peace and from what I can tell, he is getting all of this but still feels the need to call ME! I’m trying hard everyday to not give in and to continuously pray for him and myself to keep my strength and stay on my own path, but I will admit I still get butterflies when I see a missed call from him or a text. It is just a split second that I have these emotions but it’s there. I love it and I hate it all at the same time. I can’t wait to see how this story plays out, hopefully your strength and wisdom will help me deal with my crazy blast from the past….I shall call him “Mr. C”!

    • Wondering
      January 11, 2015

      Hi. I hope you don’t mind me replying to this. Quite candidly, I feel it is very unfair for this Mr. C. to continue to call you when he is getting married! I have been learning much over the past several years of crying out to God about my singleness and the “phenomenon” (for lack of a better word) through which we as single gals go in terms of that “heart flutter” or “butterflies” feeling. It’s the desire to be WITH someone…to be cared for…attended to…made to feel special…even covered (“head covering”) by a man (that IS how God created us, I believe)…and so sometimes being in contact with ANY man can, even if he is not the right one, produce those instinctual reactions. But the fact that it sounds like you HAVE had a type of relationship with this man in which maybe you thought he was going to be the right one…the coverer…the provider/protector…and now he is getting married to someone else…OF COURSE it’s going to spark those feelings when you see a missed call, etc. I have for some years now been captivated by the fact that in the Song of Solomon, THREE times it states that “love should not be awaken before its time” (paraphrase), and so any time that a man comes into our lives who is NOT the correct partner, often that love (desire to be loved…desire to love) is awakened at the WRONG time (and then needs to be put back to sleep again – a VERY painful process at times). All that said is to say, it sounds like “Mr. C” may be unknowingly keeping that love (which may not be meant for him – especially if he is getting married) alive…which is no good for you. I think one thing that HE needs to understand about “that connection” you have is that if he is getting married, he needs to start focusing his “connecting” on his soon-to-be-wife, or he is being unfair to you AND to his fiancée. Blessings. I hope this doesn’t sound harsh…just caring.

  18. December 18, 2014

    Mandy, I can’t wait for part 2!

    Mr. E sounds like my ex who earlier this year sent me his faculty picture for the yearbook at the school he’s teaching. No hello, no how have you been, no how are you…just a headshot in an email. I deleted it. If he wants resestablish communication then he needs to communicate like a grown man.

  19. Anonymous
    December 18, 2014

    You’re a beacon of light. This entire blog is everything. So glad to know that someone TRULY understands what it is like.

  20. Kimberley Ramsay
    December 18, 2014

    Hi Mandy
    I have subscribed to your blog 3 times but never get them emailed. I don’t have filters on my email. I’ve read both of your books! The first one multiple times and I was apart of your smaller group who got the advanced copy of never been to Vegas and pre read it and left a review.
    I really want to receive your blog so I can make sure I don’t miss any blogs I haven’t seen on twitter/Facebook or Instagram.
    Can someone help out?
    Thanks and Merry Christmas !!

    Kimberley

    • Mandy Hale
      January 3, 2015

      I will look into this and let you know!

  21. Angelina
    December 19, 2014

    I usually don’t read blogs and even though I am new to having one my self it is still a strange world. But was captured by this. Propably because I am still not over my ex, even though it’s been 3-4 years now and he has a new woman (married and all) since 1 year ago.

    I am not overly religious, and don’t actually pray for him. But I still feel a lot of love, thinking about him every day, dreaming and only wishing him well. But I also have had a few odd things happening. Now you can’t see people visiting your facebook.. but not too long ago I got a mail that he had popped in and looked at my LinkedIn… I blocked him…. then a week ago his wife looked in on my LinkedIn…. WTF!? I blocked her too… but what is up with that? No contact at all, by his choice, so why bother looking me up and snooping aroung?

    So your blog rings true to me. Not that I would ever dare to hope to get him back. He is too happy now. Perfect woman and all. …. I might just follow this as well 🙂 And very well written.

  22. Jackie
    December 19, 2014

    He is playing games. E is a waste of time.

    • December 19, 2014

      I agree. And I add: I wouldn’t keep my ex on Facebook…

  23. MATTIE
    December 19, 2014

    I am with the other ladies ,he is playing head games and YOU ,like ME keep buying into the game ,in the famous words of “FROZEN” LET IT GO ,LET IT GO !!!!!!!!!!!! let him gooooooooooooooooooo gilr. NO poke backs ,No ,No, No .I finaly told my Mr.E to think of me No more .not that he really did anyway .but you have to burn that bridge .dont just cross it .BURN IT .BYE BYE .New Year is coming .New Beginnings . dont look behind you ,YOU ARE NOT GOING THAT WAY 🙂 he is just waiting to see if you will feed into his little game .I have been on dating sites where MOST of the men want “date/friendship/compainionship ,NO COMMITMENT ,is what they put as profile .they want their cake and eat it too. it has to STOP !!!!!!! just my two cents

    • Trey
      December 19, 2014

      Agree 100%, however as someone who has a Mr. Big in/out/in/out it’s a lot easier said than done. In fact, it’s just damn hard.
      But then…… what doesn’t kill you, right? 🙂

  24. Vicki
    December 19, 2014

    Love! Anxiously waiting for part 2!

  25. Casey
    December 20, 2014

    I have a friend who has put me to a lot of hard times over the past few years. Recently God has told me to stop having contact with him and just pray for him. I still don’t understand why but I have been. I know God is at work even if I can’t see it!
    Thanks for sharing!

  26. Kim
    December 20, 2014

    The answer to that is no, nothing happened. It is their way of “going in” without any claiming in it. I don’t know how many times my ex did that to get me back. We always got back together because of some kind of “on the side” connection. Never him owning up and just calling me. I fell for it so many times. I just could never get closer. Now i have a child with him, while he is engaged to someone else and wants his son to be part of his new family. He knows he messed up but he uses me to put all his problems on and when he is mad, depressed etc… uses access/time with his son as ways to argue with me so that he can hide his depression from his new life. I have decided once and for all… if he came in and out of our lives before he always will. But.. that is not what i want and if a man is right for me,, he will not do that. So i made my mistakes,,, God is helping me with them and helping me just accept that he will take care of this over time and i just need to trust him. That my happiness in that way will come one day. He wants me to love myself again. And expect that from my soulmate too. Amen

  27. KK
    December 22, 2014

    Let no one else determine what you do in the course of a relationship with this man. Keep listening to God. My fiance broke up with me. Broke my heart. I prayed. I sought God. He worked on ME….while working on HIM. I wasn’t where I needed to be either. I was actually the one to make first contact after the break up….after much prayer. We are now married and we pray together each night and love each other very much. God works things out…..in HIS time…..not ours…..and not strangers on a blog. 🙂

  28. AL
    December 22, 2014

    This is a place I really needed to express my total frustration over my, Mr. E! I have loved him from high school, we were good friends, went our separate ways, but his mind frame is still on high school mode! What the Hell! No growth, no maturity at all! I can’t deal with anymore immature grown folks at work or in my family, especially in my love life! No thank you, l’m allergic to drama & BS, I’ll pass! Then again, why when I make up in my mind that I’m moving on, to forget him that my heart won’t let me! I don’t like to be stringed along and played like a fool, and I pray that you won’t allow yourself to be stringed along to any type of mess! The struggle is real and I pray that we will come out victorous!

  29. December 23, 2014

    I am reading the book inspired by this blog and I must say I have a Mr E! Reading this book for me felt like someone was writing on my behalf. He is present continuous head ache and I keep praying for clarity. If you do not have a Mr E then it is easy to say “how could you respond”. it is annoying that I keep wondering why a bright girl like me is still having E in my life? I look forward to reading more on Mr E and facebook poke. What is it with E’s and pokes!!!!! I am praying for clarity on how to handle him and let go in 2015 and seek God’s will be done.

  30. Beth
    December 23, 2014

    I also have a “Mr. E” though I’m currently at the point where I feel it’s best for me to cut communication. He has reached out to me a few times in the past month through text, Email, Facebook… But the timing doesn’t feel right. I’ll know, I think, if I’m meant to communicate back… it’s Very hard… He’s been a solid part of my life through some very very hard times over the past 7 years but he won’t decide what he wants from us. To protect my heart I had to walk away…

  31. Kristi
    December 25, 2014

    I’ve had a Mr. E myself. He wasn’t an ex, but someone I really liked for a long time. He used to poke me and text me sporadically to stay “relevant”. But since then, I’ve released that to God and let him go. I decided to wait for God’s best, and to stop entertaining guys that wanna waste my time with games. I agree that if you wanna communicate with me to do so as a grown man. We as women need to know we have the power to make wise, godly decisions when it comes to relationships. I had to learn that I dont have to allow another man’s decision put me in a holding pattern. Sometimes it takes putting your foot down and moving on for a man to realize what he lost and get himself together.

  32. pumpkin
    December 25, 2014

    Cut mr e off cold turkey all contact and any sites we were connected on. It hurt so bad but the game had been played long enough. He was still married and it was apparent that even if the divorce was finalized that Gods hand was and would never be in that affair. We women need to regain our self worth and respect before we try to ask God for a man that will love us like He,God, does. Take some time for u. You are more than worth it.

  33. Linds
    December 28, 2014

    I’ve been following you, Mandy, on Instagram, Twitter, and Facebook since this summer–when I was right smack in the middle of my own “Mr. E” experience.

    After having an amazing whirlwind, 6 month romance, the entire situation blew up horribly on a fateful day in June. I had to choose to walk away from a man I loved because, though he seemed perfect in so many ways, we weren’t on the same page spiritually. He had absolutely no interest in seeking God in any way whatsoever. We’ started out as friends, and though I knew better I let him get much closer to my heart than I ever initially intended. After dealing with months of conflicting feelings, I made the decision to walk away. What broke my heart even more, is that he let me. He expressed remorse, and “Oh how I wish things were different,” but he had no intention of ever being the man I needed him to be.

    All of that being said, after a couple of weeks he tried to reconnect with me. A month later, another attempt. Finally, I agreed to see him. We had the perfect evening planned. An amazing 7 course meal, the works. It’d been planned before our untimely breakup, so I stupidly agreed to still go. Unfortunately, it was the perfect date with the completely wrong person. That night, we had our final “come to Jesus meeting,” and I told him I couldn’t handle him being a part of my life anymore. I had no ill feelings toward him; I just couldn’t handle the hurt of having him “around,” but not in the permanent, consistent way I’d imagined.

    It has finally dawned on me that sometimes we allow our own drama. I blocked his number, blocked him on social media, and moved on. And I told him the steps I was taking to start fresh. He said he was hurt, but that he understood. I didn’t give him the option of still “showing up” and being involved in my life. And obviously he wasn’t meant to be “the One,” because he wasn’t willing to make the changes and commitments necessary for a long-term, godly relationship.

    While it makes me said and it has been a tough year emotionally, I feel like I have more control. By removing him from my life, I’ve allowed myself the space and room to participate in the healing process.

    Every person’s situation is different. I just wonder if sometimes Mr. E’s are a “test” to see if we’re willing to completely walk away and say “no, it’s never going to happen. It’s the wrong situation, will never be right, and I’m going to move on and wait for God to move in my life.”

    I love and pray for you Mandy–you are a godly, beautiful, intelligent woman. Don’t ever settle. and don’t buy into Mr. E., or anyone else, who attempts to play games.

    • Wondering
      January 11, 2015

      How does one know when it is “the one”? I mean, I do think God gives His daughters discernment (unless we put on blinders) about who “not the one” is….but what about “the one”? This post about “not the one” versus “the one” made me think about this again. Sometimes I am not certain if I am pushing someone away because of fear (due to the past) or a healthy fear because he is not “the one” (and God is trying to alert me to that). I am so tired of “not the ones” because they just awaken that desire for “the one”!!! ( :

  34. Giigi
    December 30, 2014

    Reading this reminds me so much of a very similar event that happened to me xmas night. I can’t even say it’s from an ex because he never respected me enough to give me a title, he just danced around the whole topic of commitment with a million excuses of why he just couldn’t, at one point he wanted us to be both single people but dating exclusively, I don’t even know what that is. Anyways, after pretty much quitting on the idea of “us”, proceeding to date someone new… all unknown to me, he wishes me the best of luck in life and tells me to go on my merry way. So ya know what, I finally realized I was free and went on my way. Now I hear through our last remaining mutual friend that he was asking after me and then on xmas night a half dead one liner email turns up wishing me a merry xmas and hoping I enjoy the rest of my night. All I can say is after how badly he treated me and his first communication after pretty much kicking me to the curb and telling me good luck wasn’t an apology I just ignored it. He’s still the same, waiting for me to come 90% when he’s only giving 10%. Not even in a bitter way but I’m happy to be free, I don’t want to engage or return to that horrible spiral of unhappy where I try but the other person just blames and abuses me. We all cope differently but at some point we have to cease engagement if the effort put in is not equal to the value you’re worth. I finally realized I was worth a whole lot more than I was taking. Until someone is willing to put in the effort equal to my worth I just can’t engage. This feeling sits right with me and I know it’s part of God’s plans for my life.

    • Sophie
      January 13, 2015

      It seem Mr E is a present phenomenon, glad you were able to avoid responding and moved on. it is hard.

    • February 6, 2016

      This brought a tear to my eyes because I am in sort of a similar situation. We are not even dating yet I feel I put on 90% of the communication and he 10% if he deigns to at all. The thing is I like him so, much and when I distance myself from him he seeks me out and I give in.

  35. December 30, 2014

    Hello, Mr. E sounds like my last relationship. However after two months of leaving that relarionship. My Mr. E found his way to add me as a friend on Facebook. I accepted his request but 2 months later I deleted him. (Some may say well, why did you accept him in the first place) well I wanted to prove to myself that yes HE’S FORGIVING for all the pain that he caused me. And even though true enough I forgave him. I didn’t allow myself to deal with the internal pain I had from this toxic relationship. so I found myself on a “lurking ramp page” looking at all his pictures and some he had left on his page of us, along with his new girl friend. Than found myself deleting him. I truly believe God would is such a keeper and he let us know all the time what we are ready for and what we are not ready for. Even if we make the decision to prove that we are ready. God continues to keep us.

    Not everyone is ready to Poke there Mr. E back or become friends with their Mr. E. I know just yet I’m not ready but some day right ?

    I’m so excited to ready about Part 2. I know it’s going to surely help me.

  36. Judy61
    January 6, 2015

    Men do this frequently. It is called keeping all their options open. You have a fairy tale, happily ever after thing going on. His is a back up for when I’m lonely thing. He is your ex for a reason. If you keep expecting more, you will continue to be disappointed. I had a stupid boyfriend like this in my younger days. Saw him a couple of decades later, after I had been married for a good while, and he acted like I was a stranger. Yech, what a waste of time he was.

  37. Candice
    January 9, 2015

    Whyd you POKE!!!????

  38. Malena monias
    January 14, 2015

    What made u poke back?

  39. rose p
    January 14, 2015

    can someone tell me how you heard God tell you.. what you heard? i’ve been praying for years to have the man i loved (i too can’t really say ex because he basically used me as an option) then i prayed for him to open his heart, to be ok, for me to move on, for me to forget, for me to hear from him – many scenarios. i just don’t know. and like others i would hear from him when he was i guess bored but i’ve refrained now for 1 year 4 months found out he chnaged his # and he blocked me from any way of contacthing him but saw he looked at my linked in. I need to know if i’m missing God’s sign..

  40. Stephanie
    January 15, 2015

    I’m living this right now–following Gods direction & guidance to say “let go.” Like your Mr E…mine reemerges just when I feel like I’m going to be ok. This time, I really feel it’s real and it’s over. These great loves …maybe it’s timing? Maybe it’s part of the bigger plan? Maybe it’ really is over. I have no idea what the future holds but I finally feel strong enough to remove myself. Your posts & messages have been more than helpful & awlwsys appear just when I need them! Maybe it’s all about timing…I hope you have found love, peace & happiness wherever your heart is! Thank you! ❤️

  41. Mia Mayers
    January 15, 2015

    Ugh, sounds like a replay of the last 2 years n 8 months of my life. After a lot of time, thought, healing and a fantastic psychotherapist, I was able to shut the door, lock it and build a brick wall around it. My ex has done the same thing a few times in that period…and there continues to be zero communication on my part over the past 10 months. I’m just done with it. He’s in my past for a reason and that is where he will forever stay. For me, there is just no feelings at all left…not even pity. It’s like a faded memory from so long ago, a person I knew from ages ago from my past…and I’m good with that.
    Don’t continue to knock on a door that’s been closed. It’s closed for a reason, what’s behind it is not meant for you. Until you completely close that door, other doors with amazing things waiting behind for you… won’t open.

  42. Pat
    January 15, 2015

    Mandy, you’re in the driver’s seat now. Play him like he played you. Take your time, string him along, make him sweat for a long time. He made you miserable, so if it’s possible, make him wonder what’s up with you? Maybe you found someone else and just want to keep your “involvement” with him strictly casual – no face to face, just social media contact. Leave it like that and see what happens. Remember, you’re in the driver’s seat, not him.

    • Pat
      February 6, 2016

      My sentiments exactly. Great Pats think alike. I’d react in the same way. Keep it casual and let him know you don’t need/want him anymore, being just friends is fine. He’s probably between relationships and looking for another fill-in. Mandy’s definitely in the driver’s seat.

  43. January 16, 2015

    I have a mr E in my life to. He’s remarried. We keep in contact per our son we had together. I just hope his wife isn’t making any trouble cause I do not know her. My mr e is on his 3rd marriage our son is the only child out of the the three marriages. He says he’s a reformed Christian but I believe whether or not Christian or not, you need to practice what you preach. Walk the talk. Since 2015 has started, I’ve been tellin him EXACTLY how I feel and I tell him that I don’t care what he feels cause I stand for what I believe in.

  44. Strong In Him
    January 19, 2015

    THANK YOU SO MUCH for sharing! I’ve been going through something similar and all these posts help me try & keep moving. It’s hard and sometimes I stumble but I’m going to keep moving forward & leave my Mr. M in the past.

  45. Mushroom
    January 27, 2015

    Only you can understand what YOU are going through. Stand by your decision poking him back doesn’t mean you’ve let him into your life as yet!

  46. Becca
    February 16, 2015

    I agree with this : NOOOOOOOOO why did you poke him back? Why why why! He’s so bad for you!!!!
    It always happens that when God is doing a good work in us we get tested and tried, ex’s pop up when things are going great it tends to happen sometimes not always but sometimes, I just wonder if he would have sent you the messege you deserved if you didnt respond. I know what its like to have had feelings for someone and then they emerge you want to be in contact but remember what God told you Mandy try to be strong I understand temptation is hard but allow Mr E to see that he cannot get what he wants every time he pops in and out of your life its not fair to you.

  47. Gie
    February 21, 2015

    I’ve recently come across your Twitter post and decided to purchase your books. I haven’t received them yet. First I must say that I enjoy your encouragement. I am currently in limbo with a Mr E if you will. I will go a week or 2 without contact and feel wonderful. When I do reach out God reminds me that I’m supposed to be leaving him alone by keeping me up at night. I understand how you may have felt when you saw that poke. Regardless of his motives, just to know that he was thinking of you…BUT if I were able to go that long without him I would not give him ANY of my attention besides when I go to God in prayer about him. You’re an inspiration to girls like me, struggling to move on. What message are you sending if you subject yourself to that person again? Not judging, trust me I have no room to.

  48. becca
    March 7, 2015

    Mandy I just read some of the comments and so I realise maybe this is why you didnt approve of my post a lot of people are saying the same thing but I want you to know I did not mean it in a graceless or judgmental way that is not who I am although I’m far from perfect I am not unsympathetic, at least that was most certainly not my intetion. I may just read your blog posts and not comment anymore as I can be quite honest maybe I was to honest about what I thought or worded it wrong text can be verrry tricky Mandy you cannot hear the tone of your readers voices so it makes it hard to really hear thier TRUE intentions sometimes,puls I’mscared of saying something worng or that may offend you unintentionally. Being insensitive is no excuse and so if you have recived comments like that I understand that is unfair. The thing about all forms of media is you open your life up people will have opinions and so its hard but continue to lean on the spirit and resist the urge to bite back I KNOW its hard as I have made that mistake more times than I can count lol but with God we can do all things.

    I know how hard it is to let someone go especially when feelings are involved, I pray that God continues to guide you in making wise decisions and decisions that are right for you whatever those choices are. I have no doubt you may not approve of this but this messege and the last one was never for public eyes it was ONLY FOR YOU to encourage you.

    Godbles take care

    • Mandy Hale
      March 18, 2015

      Just so you know – I didn’t not approve your comment. I have to go through every single comment left here and make sure no spam or crazy or hate gets through and sometimes it takes me awhile and comments get backlogged. Just be patient with me 🙂 I approve 99% of comments!

  49. Memmz
    April 1, 2015

    So, seems a lot of us have our Mr E, feels good to know um not alone. I so cherish the moment i found the very tweet leading me to this site. Okay, so my Mr E left for someone else after 8 years and 11months if being together(dating). I dint believe it and still don’t. Just like Mandy, I do pray for him ,not as much as I used to, bcos I feel so betrayed by him. He tries to stay in touch, but I blow him off. What’s the point. I’m struggling to unlove him, why punish myself. I pray and trust God more everyday, even though sometimes it seems like I’m sinking, but ultimately, I know God has a greater gift and I look forward to it. When it comes, I ll surely share with my sisters.

  50. Memmz
    April 1, 2015

    So, seems a lot of us have our Mr E, feels good to know um not alone. I so cherish the moment i found the very tweet leading me to this site. Okay, so my Mr E left for someone else after 8 years and 11months if being together(dating). I dint believe it and still don’t. Just like Mandy, I do pray for him ,not as much as I used to, bcos I feel so betrayed by him. He tries to stay in touch, but I blow him off. What’s the point. I’m struggling to unlove him, why punish myself. I pray and trust God more everyday, even though sometimes it seems like I’m sinking, but ultimately, I know God has a greater gift and I look forward to it. When it comes, I ll surely share with my sisters.

  51. Rachel
    May 17, 2015

    Are you ever going to continue this? 🙂

  52. chiky
    November 26, 2015

    Mandy !!!!!

  53. Lira
    February 5, 2016

    I am looking forward to read the rest of the story.At this very moment i am in deep pain and my way of hope is to pray every day that our time would eventually come.in God’s perfect timing..I will never lose hope..i will continue to believe that we will be together someday..

  54. Sadie
    February 5, 2016

    Dont know why she poked him back when God asked her not to, I don’t get why she put him before God.

    God asked her to walk away and never look back. Just to pray for him., not for them, for him. …Not for the purposes of ever having reconciliation, but in the “pray for those who do wrong by you” sense.

    • Mandy Hale
      February 7, 2016

      “She” is me…and God did ask me to walk away for those two years, which I did. I prayed about what to do after the Facebook poke (if you read the article fully, you would see that) and only proceeded AFTER I felt God’s release to do so. If you know anything about me at all, or if you read any of my books (particularly the one that this post is an excerpt from, Beautiful Uncertainty), you will see that I did not and will never put a man before my relationship with God. God comes first. But just because God asks you to lay a relationship down for a season doesn’t mean it’s for a lifetime. This relationship served a VERY important purpose in my life (again, if you read Beautiful Uncertainty before judging you will see that) and has inspired me to write things that have in turn, inspired literally thousands if not millions of women across the world. So I am at peace with the decision I made.

  55. MyMrBigstory
    February 5, 2016

    Sounds like I’m not alone in this journey. I too have my own Mr. Big. My story has been going on for about 12 yrs. My sister always tells me that i should write a book. Every time I tell her a chapter of my Mr. Big story… She’s either fallen of the bed, remained speechless, cried with me, and much more. It’s comforting to read your posts so I know that I’m not alone. I too was contacted by my Mr. Big recently……2 yrs and 4months of silence after what seemed to be our final break. up. I too went down that reply journey and I’m currently in a state of “I don’t know if too cry, laugh, or scream!”

  56. julianne
    February 6, 2016

    lesson-just because you love someone, this does not mean they will ever make you happy. my Mr E helped me waste 8 years of my life as he dangled me on a piece of string for his connection-when he wanted it, and stonewalled me and ignored me-when he didnt. The problem was my low self worth and belief that love conquers all. But it doesnt. To anyone wh feels their Mr E is their lifeline and soul mate and meant to be partner, have a read of simiar accounts and kow that, despite the temptation and the rush of feeling him back in your life again, the consequence is the same pain and feeling of deja view that you have had before. Know that there is another life out there if thats what you want. Good luck!

    • March 10, 2017

      This is way more helpful than annyihtg else I’ve looked at.

  57. February 6, 2016

    It seems these days everything begins on Facebook especially between two people who haven’t talked to each other. A blast from the past I hadn’t spoken to in more than 5 yrears friended me. To say I was shocked was an understatement.
    And this boy I have a thing for seeks me out on a Facebook page we both belong to just when I am beginning to get over him.
    But, the constant thoughts about a person always bring them back in our lives. That is what I am starting to believe.

  58. Jackie
    February 6, 2016

    I would just block him from poking ever again

  59. Jacqueline
    February 6, 2016

    Oh my!!! Can’t wait to get my book! How is it that some of you already have it? I preordered.

  60. Priscilla
    May 5, 2016

    Wow..I needed to read this at this point and time.

    I have been doing nothing but praying for my Ex and would respond when he calls or texts back. But these days I told myself that I am completely moving on and will never entertain him ever gain. He has been calling and texting me almost everyday and all I do is ignore or end his calls and I don’t respond to his texts. I am not sure what to do with all this, he always comes back and leaves again. But I want to be ok again. And I have been asking God what to do at this point because I am honestly emotionally exhausted and feel like I lost, its ok that he won but I want to be ok again..

  61. Laura Jarvis
    November 15, 2016

    Haha! I’m glad you took the risk, I poked mine back to.
    And then he poked me back again…
    And then I poked him back in the evening to make sure he really meant that poke
    And then he poked me back shortly after.
    I was pleased with the poking procedure..
    Now, that I haven’t poked back, I withhold his poking privileges.
    But one day.. we may poke again.

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